Has this story ever turned out well for American man and Russian woman?

[TBoneTX 45,361]

you cant just abandon 2 people in an unknown country with 100$ and live hapily ever after.

This is what others here have been suggesting (minus the $100): abandon them in an unknown country (the U.S.) and live hapPily ever after. Be careful whom you call a monster, please.

[106206 15]

Safeplace women's shelter will take her, if she simply claims to be a victim.

I would not be encouraging her to claim to be a victim of anything. I would take all their belongings and put them on the sidewalk, put a few hundred in the daughter's hand since she is getting screwed, and that's it. How they get home, where they go, etc. is not your issue.

[nane1104 146]

Well, I am glad your girlfriend is helping you getting over your still fiancee (wow, what a set up), but I really don't think it's a good idea to have both women stay in the same house. Why would you get your girlfriend get in the middle of this??

Ok, this is your decision but I still think it's not smart because I can see how your fiancee is going the abuse route and oh, what anguish are you putting her through, inviting another women over into the house where she, as your future wife and her daughter are living!? See my drift?

I think realizing that you have someone else makes it more real for her that it's over but don't even think she is done with you. The war has just begun, I hope you are prepared.

If you don't get her out ASAP, you will be in big trouble.

Get that return ticket, get her out of your house and if she isn't going on that plane, it's not your problem anymore. Forget about the $800 bucks you will lose, that's nothing compared to what you will pay down the road.

[Phil N 4]

Well, I am glad your girlfriend is helping you getting over your still fiancee (wow, what a set up), but I really don't think it's a good idea to have both women stay in the same house. Why would you get your girlfriend get in the middle of this??

Ok, this is your decision but I still think it's not smart because I can see how your fiancee is going the abuse route and oh, what anguish are you putting her through, inviting another women over into the house where she, as your future wife and her daughter are living!? See my drift?

I think realizing that you have someone else makes it more real for her that it's over but don't even think she is done with you. The war has just begun, I hope you are prepared.

If you don't get her out ASAP, you will be in big trouble.

Get that return ticket, get her out of your house and if she isn't going on that plane, it's not your problem anymore. Forget about the $800 bucks you will lose, that's nothing compared to what you will pay down the road.

With another person there, it makes it much more difficult for the ex-fiancee to make bogus "abuse" claims. I'm never alone with her and her daughter.

Also, the girlfriend helps me maintain my sanity and resolve. Being around this woman has messed with my thought processes so much that sometimes I'm not sure which way is up.

Yes, I understand it's an aggressive thing to do, to bring in the re-girlfriend. It does certainly emphasize to my ex-fiancee that it's over.

Last night my ex-fiance was alluringly dolled up, and wearing her sexy short nightie at 10pm, which was obviously to influence me and possibly seduce me, since she doesn't actually go to sleep until 3am or 4 am. And she hasn't been showing off her package for me otherwise except for last night.

So having the girlfriend there nukes that whole seduction angle, including any possibility that the ex-fiancee is trying to set me up for a sexual assault claim.

I cannot tell you what a relief it was to have the re-girlfriend there, just starting to feel like life is going to be getting back to normal, having ordinary thoughts running through my head again, for at least part of the time.

I agree I need to get the ex-fiancee out ASAP by any means necessary.

[Stuart and Thea 95]

This has escalated out of control. I need to find a way, any way, to get her out of my house, and out of my life, and ASAP.

Yes, rather than spend 800$ to rebook the tickets, put the money towards a hotel room and prepay a driver to the airport for the day of her ticket. She can still spend more time with friends, and she will be out of your house, and if she decides not to leave the US at that point, it's her decision, illegal or not, but it is not your concern. Just get her out. I'm not sure what the date on the return ticket is now, but it can't be so far off that you'd spend more on the hotel room than changing the tickets is it? You might even have money left over to give her for meals at this point. Regardless of money, it's still your cheapest option, given that she may cost you a legal battle if you don't get her out of your life immediately.

Put her up in a hotel. You do understand that if she stays in your house longer than 30 days in some states, you will have to legally EVICT her because she will gain tenant rights????? That process alone can take months. She is not your responsibility. Change the airline ticket, put her up in a hotel until the day of the flight, and never talk to her again. Whatever she does is not your problem, from then on. You are not legally responsible for her in any way.

Please, this has been suggested to you before pages ago in this thread, and only now you see the severity of the situation?

I've suggested this to him twice now, not knowing about the legal potentials if she overstays, so it goes double now. Send her to a hotel, it's gentlemanly and safe. Smart thing to do.

im sorry if i offended anyone with my questions about borderline symptoms, but i did it because i have 7 years of human psychology behind me + 4 of psychiatry, mostly for children but that applies to grownups too.

honestly @TBoneTX, i understand she might be a mentally sick person, but only a monster could do what you are suggesting. you are talking about 2 human beings there. you cant just abandon 2 people in an unknown country with 100$ and live hapily ever after. i assure you, he wont be able to sleep at night after that. i think there are legal ways of doing this. if she doesnt leave involve the immigration services. make sure you know where they live so they can be picked up and deported by force.

Hon, he's not really suggesting that, there's a lot of frustration by everyone reading this thread. Phil's been asking for advice for many pages now, and he's gotten a lot of it. Unfortunately, he got a little hung up on the potential to heal this woman, and didn't accept the truth of the matter until just recently, so he's gotten a lot of us frustrated by his inaction and unwillingness to act on any advice. At this point, for Phil, anything he can do to be rid of this woman is in his best interest, and TB is just sending the point home with an outlandish example. Of course we don't want them to be abandoned in another country, but we do want her out of Phil's life by any means necessary.

Phil, I'm personally not fond of the shelter idea. Not only is it very ungentlemanly, as you DID lead this woman into thinking she was moving to another country to be married, but it will only lead to her learning other options to manipulate things in her benefit. Let her and her daughter keep whatever dignity they can muster by going to a hotel, and end this drama once and for all.

As to the GF moving in, I think it's a TERRIBLE idea. You should NOT be bouncing right back into a serious relationship at this point. By all means, stay over at her place a night or two, but do NOT have her in the same house as the ex-fiance. It's mean, and sends a terrible message to the daughter about her mother's value. You are NOT the person that gets to teach her that her mother is worthless, not even worth the respect of someone she was supposed to marry. That's a TERRIBLE message to teach this girl, and she likely has some idea of her mother's problems, but do NOT bring another woman into the house with them there. If you do, I think you have a huge lack of manners and common decency. Your ex fiance, no matter how bad things are between you, deserves more respect than that, and I would hope your mother brought you up better than that.

[nane1104 146]

Yes, rather than spend 800$ to rebook the tickets, put the money towards a hotel room and prepay a driver to the airport for the day of her ticket. She can still spend more time with friends, and she will be out of your house, and if she decides not to leave the US at that point, it's her decision, illegal or not, but it is not your concern. Just get her out. I'm not sure what the date on the return ticket is now, but it can't be so far off that you'd spend more on the hotel room than changing the tickets is it? You might even have money left over to give her for meals at this point. Regardless of money, it's still your cheapest option, given that she may cost you a legal battle if you don't get her out of your life immediately.

I've suggested this to him twice now, not knowing about the legal potentials if she overstays, so it goes double now. Send her to a hotel, it's gentlemanly and safe. Smart thing to do.

Hon, he's not really suggesting that, there's a lot of frustration by everyone reading this thread. Phil's been asking for advice for many pages now, and he's gotten a lot of it. Unfortunately, he got a little hung up on the potential to heal this woman, and didn't accept the truth of the matter until just recently, so he's gotten a lot of us frustrated by his inaction and unwillingness to act on any advice. At this point, for Phil, anything he can do to be rid of this woman is in his best interest, and TB is just sending the point home with an outlandish example. Of course we don't want them to be abandoned in another country, but we do want her out of Phil's life by any means necessary.

Phil, I'm personally not fond of the shelter idea. Not only is it very ungentlemanly, as you DID lead this woman into thinking she was moving to another country to be married, but it will only lead to her learning other options to manipulate things in her benefit. Let her and her daughter keep whatever dignity they can muster by going to a hotel, and end this drama once and for all.

As to the GF moving in, I think it's a TERRIBLE idea. You should NOT be bouncing right back into a serious relationship at this point. By all means, stay over at her place a night or two, but do NOT have her in the same house as the ex-fiance. It's mean, and sends a terrible message to the daughter about her mother's value. You are NOT the person that gets to teach her that her mother is worthless, not even worth the respect of someone she was supposed to marry. That's a TERRIBLE message to teach this girl, and she likely has some idea of her mother's problems, but do NOT bring another woman into the house with them there. If you do, I think you have a huge lack of manners and common decency. Your ex fiance, no matter how bad things are between you, deserves more respect than that, and I would hope your mother brought you up better than that.

100% agreed, specially the part about the new girlfriend. Plus I think it is really unfair to have her put in the middle of this mess...

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

This is what others here have been suggesting (minus the $100): abandon them in an unknown country (the U.S.) and live hapPily ever after. Be careful whom you call a monster, please.

wth is with the "be careful" thing? its a free forum and everyone is allowed to express their opinions. i dont agree with what she's doing and i think she has to go far from him and never hear of him again, but you cant abandon 2 people in an unknown country. plus there was an affidavit signed, in which the petitioner took the responsibilty not to let his (ex)fiancee become a public charge. now you watch your tone because im not allowing any wannabe internet superhero to be a smarta$$ to me, clear?

as for you phil, be careful. that psycho you have there might try to hurt her. cant you request USCIS help to get her deported?

Thea +1. 100% agree about the influence on the teenage girl. that will mark her for life

Edited August 12, 2011 by DeeDee&Sam

[Phil N 4]

wth is with the "be careful" thing? its a free forum and everyone is allowed to express their opinions. i dont agree with what she's doing and i think she has to go far from him and never hear of him again, but you cant abandon 2 people in an unknown country. plus there was an affidavit signed, in which the petitioner took the responsibilty not to let his (ex)fiancee become a public charge. now you watch your tone because im not allowing any wannabe internet superhero to be a smarta$$ to me, clear?

as for you phil, be careful. that psycho you have there might try to hurt her. cant you request USCIS help to get her deported?

Thea +1. 100% agree about the influence on the teenage girl. that will mark her for life

UPDATE: Restraining order obtained. Ex-fiancee removed. Currently residing in nearby hotel for next couple days, while I figure out longer range arrangements.

I think she and her daughter will want to stay awhile with their friends who live 1.5 hours away before they return home, IF they do return.

All this sucks, but she didn't leave me a lot of choices.

About the impact on the daughter:

- This is the SECOND time in the daughter's life she's been marooned in a foreign country with her mother.

- This will be at least the SECOND time in the daughter's life that she and her mother have been removed from their residence by police. The first time it happened is a few years ago when my ex-fiancee's MOTHER had her removed from her apartment.

Are we starting to see a pattern here, in my ex-fiancee's life? This is just the latest in a life of chaos for the daughter.

[cdneh 3,112]

With another person there, it makes it much more difficult for the ex-fiancee to make bogus "abuse" claims. I'm never alone with her and her daughter.

Last night my ex-fiance was alluringly dolled up, and wearing her sexy short nightie at 10pm, which was obviously to influence me and possibly seduce me, since she doesn't actually go to sleep until 3am or 4 am. And she hasn't been showing off her package for me otherwise except for last night.

So having the girlfriend there nukes that whole seduction angle, including any possibility that the ex-fiancee is trying to set me up for a sexual assault claim.

This is totally nuts. Completely. I cannot understand why an adult male needs to drag a third person, and another female to boot, into this mess to hide behind. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

All unnecessary. All you had to do was change the blessed tickets and send her to a hotel. Or go to one yourself.

Take a very close look at your 're' girlfriend. If she agreed to this she's mad.

[TBoneTX 45,361]

wth is with the "be careful" thing? its a free forum and everyone is allowed to express their opinions.

Absolutely, but name-calling treads on the VJ Terms of Service. That's all.

i dont agree with what she's doing and i think she has to go far from him and never hear of him again, but you cant abandon 2 people in an unknown country.

Sure he could, if his life was in danger. There are other options (see the one that he opted for), but this was one.

plus there was an affidavit signed, in which the petitioner took the responsibilty not to let his (ex)fiancee become a public charge.

That's the I-134, which carries no force of law; it's the I-864 (filed with AOS) that technically does. He's not at that stage.

now you watch your tone because im not allowing any wannabe internet superhero to be a smarta$$ to me, clear?

Here, you're saying more about yourself than you are about me. The good news is that the OP has acted, and the hard part seems to be done. This story may have a good ending.

This is totally nuts. Completely. I cannot understand why an adult male needs to drag a third person, and another female to boot, into this mess to hide behind. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

All unnecessary. All you had to do was change the blessed tickets and send her to a hotel. Or go to one yourself.

Take a very close look at your 're' girlfriend. If she agreed to this she's mad.

Your message may have crossed over with the OP's just before. It seems that things have worked well. The re-girlfriend wasn't hurt, and potential claims of abuse by the ex-fiancee were hopefully averted.

Are we starting to see a pattern here, in my ex-fiancee's life? This is just the latest in a life of chaos for the daughter.

Good stuff, OP. (Picture friendly arm around shoulder) Are you going to be more careful to get to know someone thoroughly in the future, before rushing in to things?

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

"Absolutely, but name-calling treads on the VJ Terms of Service. That's all." - far from it, is the truth. as for saying much about myself, yes, i dont let anyone have their way with me, and thank God i'm proud of who i am. at you age, you should be more educated but it seems you're not.

About the impact on the daughter:

- This is the SECOND time in the daughter's life she's been marooned in a foreign country with her mother.

- This will be at least the SECOND time in the daughter's life that she and her mother have been removed from their residence by police. The first time it happened is a few years ago when my ex-fiancee's MOTHER had her removed from her apartment.

Are we starting to see a pattern here, in my ex-fiancee's life? This is just the latest in a life of chaos for the daughter.

that girl was involved in something she shouldnt have had. she will be marked for life by everything that happened around her. her mother will have a huge impact on her later behaviour in life. as we see here, the good part is that you got rid of her and you can live your life the way you want now. the bad part is that a child was a witness

unfortunatelly this type of stories appear more often than you think because of the K1 visa. a lot of people use it to get in USA from interest and they end up in a failed relationship.

i know the story of a romanian guy here, he was 21 (my age), married to an american woman 40 years older than him. after 1 year and a half he managed to get in USA with a CR1 visa and he realised he was living with someone he didnt know at all. his wife (might as well call her his grandma) was mentally sick. he was the 3rd young person she was married to. she beat him up, kick him in the street, didnt let him work, didnt let him have any friends. with the help of her children who knew she was sick, he managed to run away to another city, and met a girl there. now they are togheter and he's there illegal. consider yourself lucky you didnt marry her the same way.

good luck from now on and God bless

[nane1104 146]

Finally some progress on this! Good job, Phil. When is her return flight home? At this point, there shouldn't be any more communication between you all....

I hope this story will end well....

[Phil N 4]

before the interview she should have had a medical certificate stating she doesnt have any mental problems. what you're talking about seems either bipolar or borderline disorder. did she ever try to hurt herself, victimize herself? because that sounds a lot like borderline. people who have borderline disorder, can end up killing themselves if they dont get what they want. in your case theres no child of your own involved so consider yourself lucky. but dude that sounds insane. i didnt read all the pages of this topic, but did you try taking her to a therapist or a psychiatrist to see if she can get a diagnosis and treatment for it? because i think there are treatments for bipolars

Meant to respond to this earlier...

Just FYI, she bribed the doctors for some of the medical tests, to get immunization documents properly completed and signed for her interview.

She did have the required shots, but had her "personal" doctor do them. The doctors at the clinic were willing to take information from her personal doctor, plus a little cash, and complete the required immunization documents. That's just how business gets done there....

USCIS/State Dept didn't require a "crazy report" from authorities in her country, and even if they did, in her country, it would have been bribery to the rescue. I suspect they had records of psychiatric commitment available, and if she wasn't on any of those lists, there were no further requirements. Also, I have no idea of the quality/availability of trained mental health professionals there, and what their diagnostic systems would look like, and if/how they would map to DSM.

Also, to reiterate, this woman refused all my efforts to have her get a qualified professional diagnosis. She did lure the idea she would go AFTER I married her. I decided this promise was simply another trick to get me to marry her quickly, at any cost.

It's been amusing when people say "talk to her", when, very often, her idea of a conversation was cursing at me in Russian and speaking no English. So any/all efforts to get her in for professional diagnosis and help were not well received. I TRIED, OK??!! Repeatedly even...

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

Meant to respond to this earlier...

Just FYI, she bribed the doctors for some of the medical tests, to get immunization documents properly completed and signed for her interview.

She did have the required shots, but had her "personal" doctor do them. The doctors at the clinic were willing to take information from her personal doctor, plus a little cash, and complete the required immunization documents. That's just how business gets done there....

USCIS/State Dept didn't require a "crazy report" from authorities in her country, and even if they did, in her country, it would have been bribery to the rescue. I suspect they had records of psychiatric commitment available, and if she wasn't on any of those lists, there were no further requirements. Also, I have no idea of the quality/availability of trained mental health professionals there, and what their diagnostic systems would look like, and if/how they would map to DSM.

Also, to reiterate, this woman refused all my efforts to have her get a qualified professional diagnosis. She did lure the idea she would go AFTER I married her. I decided this promise was simply another trick to get me to marry her quickly, at any cost.

It's been amusing when people say "talk to her", when, very often, her idea of a conversation was cursing at me in Russian and speaking no English. So any/all efforts to get her in for professional diagnosis and help were not well received. I TRIED, OK??!! Repeatedly even...

i understand. it seems the k1 process is not the same in all countries. in romania they request for a letter from the doctor stating the patient has no mental problems. i myself have been in a dilema, because when i was 16 i was put under treatment for severe depression but my doctor told me recently that was just an episode and doesnt count as a problem for k1. you dont have anything to do with her from now on. live you life and be happy cause everyone deserves it

[Stuart and Thea 95]

Phil, I really hope you listen to some of the advice in this thread with regard to your future. I'm so happy that you did finally get her out of your life, but really, you need to back off the serious relationships for a while. Please don't rush into anything at all with this ex/re-girlfriend, or anyone else for that matter. You said it yourself, she wasn't good enough for you before and had to be fixed before you would date her again, and even though you said she's done a lot of work towards fixing herself, it says a lot that you continually are attracted to women that need some kind of fixing.

You need to examine if you are now settling for what you before considered damaged goods. When you have been in a bad relationship, a previous not great one will seem a lot better in comparison. Don't drop your standards, and while I feel they're pretty high, if you accept now what you wouldn't accept before, you'll find yourself unhappy once the relief wears off and you no longer need the comfort of an exgirlfriend. They're good for a rebound, but not for long term.

Also, stay away from women from other countries, at least for a good long while. You may find yourself once again making excuses for them based on being from a different culture, when they really just aren't a good match.