The Just Under One Year Report

[sarah and hicham 3]

If it's not meant to be, don't keep beating your head against the wall TRYING to make it work. If it's going to work out, it's going to work out.

Everyone in the world talks about how difficult their relationships are... WHY??? There's no reason to have a difficult relationship with anyone. And obviously, what started off as something very nice for the two of you ended up being a very messed-up situation.

It sounds like this girl is action-packed with issues. You don't need that. Have her family send her some money (or pay for it yourself) and send her back home. If you don't know where she is and can't get in touch with her, that's not your problem! Everyone (especially on VJ) is always concerned about love and marriage and breaking up and the hard parts about being in a relationship. People, we are all adults on here, and adults are responsible for their own actions. You are not responsible for the actions of others.

Russ, it sounds like you've been doing what you're supposed to be doing to be a good husband and even went the extra mile of forgiving her for having an affair, and are attempting to do your best to help her stay in this country.

That's all you can do. You can't control what she does, and if you're a good guy.... don't put up with (and waste your time trying so hard to be good guy to) a girl that is doing anything less than being good right back.

Sorry to be so blunt, but to be even more blunt.... there are 48,000 more girls out there right now waiting for your correspondence. Keep that in mind when you're "trying" to be good for her.

Unfortunately for some people everything is not as black and white as what you have stated above. For some people they like to do what is right for them and what makes them feel better with making their decisions. People have feelings!

Your last sentence makes me sick.

To the OP- I am sorry this happened to you and it sucks, but do what you think is right.

[slim 1,525]

My point in all of this is there is no reason to be unhappy with someone, especially when you're "trying so hard" to be with someone when you can find someone else who it works with so well, you don't even have to try.

[russ 1]

Stacey

A quick update. My wife has mainly been concerned with her green card (she doesn't want to see her parents or go home). I've been trying to help her as much as I can.

We saw an immigration lawyer last week to see if anything can be done for her. She didn't like what she heard. Her options basically are:

1) Leave after the divorce.

2) Marry someone else.

[russ 1]

A quick update:

She has decided to go with option two, marrying someone else.

(Her AOS is being denied because of the RFE from the DAO not believing the marriage was bona fide. With the divorce, she doesn't have an option to appeal). It is complicated enough for her that she will need a lot of lawyers.

She is asking me to pay for them, and it sounds like the wedding too.

Obviously, I don't think I can be involved in trying to help her anymore. (I'm not paying for her wedding or lawyers either).

In the good news department, I think I did well on my first Russian III exam today. Rather sad as well, as I can't see myself needing to understand Russian ever again.

-russ

[travlnmannn 0]

Hey Russ...I think it's best that she goes back after divorce. She came here for you. Not for the green card. If she truly was here for you she would be trying to work things out and not out there cheating on you. I know it's hard. But lets call a spade a spade. You've done what you can for you and her as a couple. You've given all you can. Now it's time to show her that life isn't a game. I truly wish you good luck. Think about yourself now.

P.S. One thing to think about also. If you let her stay with you to get her green card. Then she divorces you wouldn't she have rights to your assets. I hate to be so shallow but I'm just being a realist.

[russ 1]

P.S. One thing to think about also. If you let her stay with you to get her green card. Then she divorces you wouldn't she have rights to your assets. I hate to be so shallow but I'm just being a realist.

I was never really worried about that.

She had already asked about having a "fake" marriage. Not something I would entertain.

I think that everyone (except her) agrees that going home is the best thing for her. (There are other things going on that I haven't posted here. But as objectively as I can be, being with her parents is the best thing for her).

[travlnmannn 0]

I understand that you shouldn't lay out all your cards to people here on VJ. I'm totally with you on that one. And going home is probably the best thing for her. I have to say that I can't even imagine going through what your going through with my fiancee. She has a child so I think she is mature enough to do the right thing. Although it's no guarantee but it does make me feel better. I have to say that when I first started looking for someone in Russia I did meet one woman before my fiancee. And I was smart enough to see the signs that we weren't a good match and that she would have no problem sticking around for the 2 years and then moving on with her life. Not that she wasn't a good person but some things you can just tell about people. I truly hope your next adventure with someone results in lifetime happiness. I truly hate hearing about anyone getting a divorce. Again I wish you the best.

[PurrSuede 0]

I understand that you shouldn't lay out all your cards to people here on VJ. I'm totally with you on that one. And going home is probably the best thing for her. I have to say that I can't even imagine going through what your going through with my fiancee. She has a child so I think she is mature enough to do the right thing. Although it's no guarantee but it does make me feel better. I have to say that when I first started looking for someone in Russia I did meet one woman before my fiancee. And I was smart enough to see the signs that we weren't a good match and that she would have no problem sticking around for the 2 years and then moving on with her life. Not that she wasn't a good person but some things you can just tell about people. I truly hope your next adventure with someone results in lifetime happiness. I truly hate hearing about anyone getting a divorce. Again I wish you the best.

I agree that you shouldn't lay out all your cards for the whole world to review. I've talked about several things including her "Americanization" and gotten jumped on (in other threads) for "that's no reason to divorce!" and worse. But I never said the cr*p she pulled as she "Americanized" was the reason for the divorce. Maybe a symptom of the illness but not the disease itself, but some people don't get that.

Travlnmannn, I hope you ~never~ have to go through that. It sucks, just totally, because when you've worked so hard to build the dream together, only to see it crumble to dust, it's very tragic and painful.

This time, also, I'm also much more interested in a woman WITH a child, as I'm seeing a HUGE maturity difference between her and my ex-wife, who was childless.

And like Russ' situation, my ex- always asked me to continue "faking" the marriage post-divorce so she could get adjustment of status to LPR (conditions removed). Frankly I reported that to the USCIS. Some might call it sour grapes, but I'm more interested in protecting myself, as well, because if I -do- try this again, I have no doubt they will look closely at my previous marriage and petition(s).

And I'll second that "best wishes" for everyone who's been through the down-side of this, as well as myself, that our next "adventure" ~will~ result in lifetime happiness... in fact I'll wish that for everyone going through this process at the present time...

-- Dan