What did I do wrong?

[B_J 2,752]

If a person decides to pull back so the argument ceases, that can be healthy.

If a person continues to punish the person they are angry with after they have apologized, that is not healthy.

Some people have said the actions described by the OP are tampo. That does not appear healthy at all.

Tampo is not pulling back so the argument ceases; tampo is preventing an argument before it starts. Tampo is not out of anger; it is more out of hurt.

If the woman gets her feelings hurt, she doesn't yell and scream at the man. Instead she would be quiet and withdrawn; because her feelings are hurt. I definitely prefer quiet to screaming. That's the good part of tampo.

The negative is that it's hard to figure out what's going on the first time you encounter it.

By the way, this is one of those cultural traits that I don't think it's right to judge whether it's "good" or not. It's just different.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Tampo is not pulling back so the argument ceases; tampo is preventing an argument before it starts. Tampo is not out of anger; it is more out of hurt.

If the woman gets her feelings hurt, she doesn't yell and scream at the man. Instead she would be quiet and withdrawn; because her feelings are hurt. I definitely prefer quiet to screaming. That's the good part of tampo.

The negative is that it's hard to figure out what's going on the first time you encounter it.

By the way, this is one of those cultural traits that I don't think it's right to judge whether it's "good" or not. It's just different.

I asked if it was "good" or not because someone (can't recall who) in one of these threads talked about how just because something is cultural doesn't mean we keep it as part of society, or bring it into a different society.

Is what the OP is writing about tampo? Some said it was..................

[B_J 2,752]

I asked if it was "good" or not because someone (can't recall who) in one of these threads talked about how just because something is cultural doesn't mean we keep it as part of society, or bring it into a different society.

Is what the OP is writing about tampo? Some said it was..................

No problem, I understood what you were saying.

I'm just giving you my understanding on tampo. I'm in no way an expert on the Filipino culture. But in my opinion, tampo is definitely not the same as a tantrum. In fact, I think it's the exact opposite.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Thanks, B_J.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Well, is it a good one?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

No problem, I understood what you were saying.

I'm just giving you my understanding on tampo. I'm in no way an expert on the Filipino culture. But in my opinion, tampo is definitely not the same as a tantrum. In fact, I think it's the exact opposite.

It is what it is. Marriage is about understanding, not potential. If you want potential, buy a horse, or a puppy.

[prep.mac 7]

I am a Pinay. Tampo is an offshoot of being hurt rather than being angry. It will last for a day or 2 then everything's good again especially if an apology happened or when she realized that she was at fault. Oh did anyone mention "PMS"?lol!

Thowing things or making "dabog" though is tantrum - a childish behavior. Yes, it is saying "I need attention" and / or " I want to hurt you or me". Still, it is immaturely bratty.

Could be medications. Could be cultural. Could be she was just finding a reason to get out of the relationship. Or could be she wants to "breathe"?

You need to make her understand she is your wife. You are the man of the house. Show her you care but not too much. That could prolly be a reason why she is bratty too. Don't spoil her too much. She needs to "woman up".

She can make tampo or little dabog but no way she should try to be violent. That is not cultural. That is personal.

My thoughts. Hope things are getting better?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I am a Pinay. Tampo is an offshoot of being hurt rather than being angry. It will last for a day or 2 then everything's good again especially if an apology happened or when she realized that she was at fault. Oh did anyone mention "PMS"?lol!

Thowing things or making "dabog" though is tantrum - a childish behavior. Yes, it is saying "I need attention" and / or " I want to hurt you or me". Still, it is immaturely bratty.

Could be medications. Could be cultural. Could be she was just finding a reason to get out of the relationship. Or could be she wants to "breathe"?

You need to make her understand she is your wife. You are the man of the house. Show her you care but not too much. That could prolly be a reason why she is bratty too. Don't spoil her too much. She needs to "woman up".

She can make tampo or little dabog but no way she should try to be violent. That is not cultural. That is personal.

My thoughts. Hope things are getting better?

I like this explanation.

[prep.mac 7]

I like this explanation.

Aww, thanks Some Old Guy...let's see if this will help the OP..

The previous posts of the Caucasians who married or are married to Pinays crack me up. Geeze, we can be "irrational", we know that. We try to make it up after tampo though.

[gretchen_darren 67]

I hvae been around the philippines culture for over 20+ years, plus others. I work in computers as an international team lead. I spent many years studying other cultures so I would know how best to motivate people without insulting them.

ok the property statement. You need to research and understand the word for love in Tagalog. This is "mahal" "Mahal" refers to expensive. this word is not only used for saying Love, but also in bartering, and trying to get the price down on an item. It has many meanings in the tagalog language. when you say "mahal kita" or "mahal na mahal kita" You are literally saying you are the most expensive item to me. You are the most dear item I have. You are showing you love family or people OVER items. there are also other words for love. But "mahal" is the most used. Other words are reserved for engaged or married couples. In tagalog saying you are someone's property is NOT referring to cattle, or owning as a slave. It is the best translation Pinoy/Pinay or your asawa (spouse) can give you. It is far beyond that type of thought. The tagalog word literally means "belonging to" either"ikaw ay ngayon ang kanyang ari-arian" or "nabibilang ka sa kanya ngayon" and miss you more as "miss ka higit pa"

It is similar to the Russian woman thinking of marriage. Where you and your spouse are one. you go to parties together and leave together. In Russia (FSU/CIS), You become her best friend, completely joined in everything.

this is similar to Philippines, imagine two cultures very different, but close in thought. The idea of "belonging to each other" is beyond property. the idea is a soul match. The idea in Philippine marriage is your heart, your mind, your soul, your body belong to the other person. However, women abide by this more then most men do i nthe Philippines. It seems a Filipina is like a lovebird. Once wooed and won, you are the only one she wants for the lifetime. This is not true of ALL Filipinas. However, this is how most are raised. More so in the provinces and rural areas then in the cities.

With htis being said, if you cal a girl in America, England, or some other European countries "your greatest treasure", they think you are being possessive or "owning her". But in the Philippines, and in FSU/CIS, and some other countries, this the THE HIGHEST form of PRAISE to her. You have placed her above everything in your life. this is what is EXPECTED in the Philippines.

For the OP, he may be going through tampo. Instead of malambing cya (cya=him/her), and winning her back, he is using the typical american (Kano) thing. What did I do wrong? In Tampo, it matters not WHAT you did, it matters you RECOGNIZE you DID something wrong, and spend time lambing cya. HEALING the hurt. AFTER the HURT is healed, and the relationship restored. then ask what went wrong. this is different from american relationships. In america, the girl wants you to keep on asking over and over again. Or just wait out her temper tantrum. In Philippines, if you ask What is the problem WITHOUT healing the hurt, the reaction the OP is getting is what happens. Severe anger for ignoring cya tampo. As long as she is not expressing negative feelings in tagalog, he may be fine. But when she goes to tagalog, there is severe issues. I really wish him the best. the hard part is when you experience tampo, to just spend time lambing. Msot guys want to know what is wrong to fix it. Pinays need to be patient with us Kanos over this. It is just a cultural difference both have to adjust to. I really do wish the OP the best in this to work out.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I hvae been around the philippines culture for over 20+ years, plus others. I work in computers as an international team lead. I spent many years studying other cultures so I would know how best to motivate people without insulting them.

ok the property statement. You need to research and understand the word for love in Tagalog. This is "mahal" "Mahal" refers to expensive. this word is not only used for saying Love, but also in bartering, and trying to get the price down on an item. It has many meanings in the tagalog language. when you say "mahal kita" or "mahal na mahal kita" You are literally saying you are the most expensive item to me. You are the most dear item I have. You are showing you love family or people OVER items. there are also other words for love. But "mahal" is the most used. Other words are reserved for engaged or married couples. In tagalog saying you are someone's property is NOT referring to cattle, or owning as a slave. It is the best translation Pinoy/Pinay or your asawa (spouse) can give you. It is far beyond that type of thought. The tagalog word literally means "belonging to" either"ikaw ay ngayon ang kanyang ari-arian" or "nabibilang ka sa kanya ngayon" and miss you more as "miss ka higit pa"

It is similar to the Russian woman thinking of marriage. Where you and your spouse are one. you go to parties together and leave together. In Russia (FSU/CIS), You become her best friend, completely joined in everything.

this is similar to Philippines, imagine two cultures very different, but close in thought. The idea of "belonging to each other" is beyond property. the idea is a soul match. The idea in Philippine marriage is your heart, your mind, your soul, your body belong to the other person. However, women abide by this more then most men do i nthe Philippines. It seems a Filipina is like a lovebird. Once wooed and won, you are the only one she wants for the lifetime. This is not true of ALL Filipinas. However, this is how most are raised. More so in the provinces and rural areas then in the cities.

With htis being said, if you cal a girl in America, England, or some other European countries "your greatest treasure", they think you are being possessive or "owning her". But in the Philippines, and in FSU/CIS, and some other countries, this the THE HIGHEST form of PRAISE to her. You have placed her above everything in your life. this is what is EXPECTED in the Philippines.

For the OP, he may be going through tampo. Instead of malambing cya (cya=him/her), and winning her back, he is using the typical american (Kano) thing. What did I do wrong? In Tampo, it matters not WHAT you did, it matters you RECOGNIZE you DID something wrong, and spend time lambing cya. HEALING the hurt. AFTER the HURT is healed, and the relationship restored. then ask what went wrong. this is different from american relationships. In america, the girl wants you to keep on asking over and over again. Or just wait out her temper tantrum. In Philippines, if you ask What is the problem WITHOUT healing the hurt, the reaction the OP is getting is what happens. Severe anger for ignoring cya tampo. As long as she is not expressing negative feelings in tagalog, he may be fine. But when she goes to tagalog, there is severe issues. I really wish him the best. the hard part is when you experience tampo, to just spend time lambing. Msot guys want to know what is wrong to fix it. Pinays need to be patient with us Kanos over this. It is just a cultural difference both have to adjust to. I really do wish the OP the best in this to work out.

So you train employees for Philippine call centers? So they can work for the man in the US for one-sixth of what a US employee would earn? The man spoon-fed you about these people and you think that means you understand their culture?

I don't buy that for 5 seconds.

[prep.mac 7]

So you train employees for Philippine call centers? So they can work for the man in the US for one-sixth of what a US employee would earn? The man spoon-fed you about these people and you think that means you understand their culture?

I don't buy that for 5 seconds.

I think the attempt of anyone to try to understand the culture of his/her partner is commendable. Seeking to understand before being understood - a plus!

There is no menial job, just menial mentality - I forgot the author.

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

[gretchen_darren 67]

LO....I LOVE IT, Talk about trolling.... I understand the culture and can relate to the OP in his situation. I am on the phone all of the time. My boss even calls me on my Fiancee's phone in the philippines to talk with me on issues. Talk about some major tampo and lambing. I solve Unix system problems, running day-to-day operations for a group. I am a troubleshooter. My team is nothing near call center caliber. (of course some days I wonder) I don't train people. You come to my team already trained. You have to be good, really good to be on my team. To my team, I AM DA MAN. :rofl: I just hope this is major case of tampo gone wrong for the OP. He needs to solve the problem with her. While at the same time, making sure she knows he is the leader of the house.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

back to topic please, let's not turn this thread into a flamefest.

[Fandango 1,439]

I hvae been around the philippines culture for over 20+ years, plus others. I work in computers as an international team lead. I spent many years studying other cultures so I would know how best to motivate people without insulting them.

ok the property statement. You need to research and understand the word for love in Tagalog. This is "mahal" "Mahal" refers to expensive. this word is not only used for saying Love, but also in bartering, and trying to get the price down on an item. It has many meanings in the tagalog language. when you say "mahal kita" or "mahal na mahal kita" You are literally saying you are the most expensive item to me. You are the most dear item I have. You are showing you love family or people OVER items. there are also other words for love. But "mahal" is the most used. Other words are reserved for engaged or married couples. In tagalog saying you are someone's property is NOT referring to cattle, or owning as a slave. It is the best translation Pinoy/Pinay or your asawa (spouse) can give you. It is far beyond that type of thought. The tagalog word literally means "belonging to" either"ikaw ay ngayon ang kanyang ari-arian" or "nabibilang ka sa kanya ngayon" and miss you more as "miss ka higit pa"

It is similar to the Russian woman thinking of marriage. Where you and your spouse are one. you go to parties together and leave together. In Russia (FSU/CIS), You become her best friend, completely joined in everything.

this is similar to Philippines, imagine two cultures very different, but close in thought. The idea of "belonging to each other" is beyond property. the idea is a soul match. The idea in Philippine marriage is your heart, your mind, your soul, your body belong to the other person. However, women abide by this more then most men do i nthe Philippines. It seems a Filipina is like a lovebird. Once wooed and won, you are the only one she wants for the lifetime. This is not true of ALL Filipinas. However, this is how most are raised. More so in the provinces and rural areas then in the cities.

With htis being said, if you cal a girl in America, England, or some other European countries "your greatest treasure", they think you are being possessive or "owning her". But in the Philippines, and in FSU/CIS, and some other countries, this the THE HIGHEST form of PRAISE to her. You have placed her above everything in your life. this is what is EXPECTED in the Philippines.

For the OP, he may be going through tampo. Instead of malambing cya (cya=him/her), and winning her back, he is using the typical american (Kano) thing. What did I do wrong? In Tampo, it matters not WHAT you did, it matters you RECOGNIZE you DID something wrong, and spend time lambing cya. HEALING the hurt. AFTER the HURT is healed, and the relationship restored. then ask what went wrong. this is different from american relationships. In america, the girl wants you to keep on asking over and over again. Or just wait out her temper tantrum. In Philippines, if you ask What is the problem WITHOUT healing the hurt, the reaction the OP is getting is what happens. Severe anger for ignoring cya tampo. As long as she is not expressing negative feelings in tagalog, he may be fine. But when she goes to tagalog, there is severe issues. I really wish him the best. the hard part is when you experience tampo, to just spend time lambing. Msot guys want to know what is wrong to fix it. Pinays need to be patient with us Kanos over this. It is just a cultural difference both have to adjust to. I really do wish the OP the best in this to work out.

I have no problem saying my husband is my greatest treasure, or vice versa. I think you're confusing yourself a little bit, there. And I very much believe in soul mates/being meant for one another. But there's a big difference between 'my greatest treasure' and 'my spouse is my property'. I'm not sure every Pinay loves being regarded as 'property', but that's just my speculation as I haven't spoken to each and every one of them.

From how it was explained before, if tampo is a woman's way to avoid a big argument, that's cool. But temper tantrums & acting like a fricken uncivilized maniac (my opinion as to how the OP's wife is acting), is a bit different...and it's kinda strange to me (an outsider) how it is accepted as 'cultural' when it should be unacceptable no matter where you're from. It should only be expected if you're raising a small child, which goes back to my previous post.