What did I do wrong?

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

There may be some cultural influences on the way Filipinas handle anger, but keep in mind that most Americans here who've married Filipinas, met them through a dating service, which tends to draw certain types of women.

I'm curious... what "certain types of women" are drawn to us via dating services?

[Zharren Young 32]

Filipinas - I'm curious where the throwing things comes from? Did your mother do that when she got angry? From what I've read, Philippine culture is a matriarchal society. Did you ever see your father throw things or get violent when he got angry?

NO! not all filipinas are like not, thats not even a filipina culture. most filipinas are loving and understanding. he just happened to have met some ungrateful abusive spoiled brat. it can be his fault that she is behaving that way, coz if hes gonna show her that she cant be acting like this then im sure shell learn how to behave properly.

[dalegg 143]

It sounds like Filipina women are a lot like Vietnamese women.

Edited July 14, 2011 by dalegg

[John&Juvy 36]

Filipinas - I'm curious where the throwing things comes from? Did your mother do that when she got angry? From what I've read, Philippine culture is a matriarchal society. Did you ever see your father throw things or get violent when he got angry?

FILIPINAS ? I'm not sure... but their is probably lot of other people throw"stuff" too when their very angry... NOT probably all the time that their angry, but maybe in a very bad arguement sometimes like some other filipinas too. Anyway, being violent and breaking appliances is a whooole different kind of story. That's very unacceptable and out of the limit .

[TravellingNomad 12]

I don't care whether you are married to a cute young Pinay, or an old cornfed hippo, the man is always wrong, even when he did nothing wrong when the fight started. Women go by the point system, and you just ran out of points. She is just evening the score, so you need to do all those things that earn you points. But remember, every act only adds or subtracts one point, so the little things she does to show she loves you count as much as the big things you do for her, and the big things she does wrong count as much as the little things you do that annoy her.

isn't this a bit on the draconian side? thank god my wife does not use this harsh system. if your wife is in-charge of keeping score and how it is earned, how will you know that her accounting of the points are equally applied on both sides? hell for all you know, you could be on the negative for the rest of the marriage and you did not even do anything wrong.

Edited July 14, 2011 by TravellingNomad

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Filipinas - I'm curious where the throwing things comes from? Did your mother do that when she got angry? From what I've read, Philippine culture is a matriarchal society. Did you ever see your father throw things or get violent when he got angry?

My wife can't stop laughing!

The man is the boss. Dad runs the house with a leather belt, the bamboo slab, and the rice sack. Give him any guff, he slap you on the side of the head. That is why retreat and sulking is the only means of protest the wife, or daughter has. If she is throwing things now, she will pay for it later, when hubby sobers up.

Now, the wife is grinning like a Cheshire cat.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

isn't this a bit on the draconian side? thank god my wife does not use this harsh system. if your wife is in-charge of keeping score and how it is earned, how will you know that her accounting of the points are equally applied on both sides? hell for all you know, you could be on the negative for the rest of the marriage and you did not even do anything wrong.

You'll never know. It is all stored in some corner of the female brain. They are not like us, you know. It's not like we have any choice if we want to live with those creatures.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

That's not a marriage. That's an arrangement. To each his own, but not for me. Nobody needs to be anyone's doormat in order for there to be peace in a relationship.

Just keep reminding yourself, "I'm the boss." If you ask your Pinay na asawa, she will tell you, "Boss siya." So, it must be true.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

The man is the boss.

On the surface, the Philippines may be mistaken for a male chauvinist macho country, but it is in essence a matriarchal society with many women actually holding sway over families, businesses and politics. Like the Emperor who later discovered he had no clothes, this jueteng republic with its swaggering macho facade actually hides matriarchal tendencies, with the emotionally more mature, entrepreneurial and persevering women sorting out the mess the men create.

In fact, being a henpecked husband may not be considered such a humiliating insult anymore, since it actually gives secret pleasure to some men who think they are so lucky to have wiser, more hardworking and more capable wives. From the matrons who consider their husbands immature and spoiled, vice-ridden brats to the female street vendors, OCWs, lavanderas and carinderia operators who endure the shenanigans of their unemployed husbands, many women are the ones who really keep their families together and this nation afloat.

http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=177874

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=177874

Probably bakla/bayot. I bet his mommy dressed him up like a little girl and made him play with dolls.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'm curious... what "certain types of women" are drawn to us via dating services?

Dave, try not to take it out of context. Bill (Same Old Guy) made the claim that this kind of behavior is typical of Filipinas and I'm reminding him that most of the Filipinas here met their American husbands through a dating service. International dating sites tend to draw certain types of American men as well as certain types of Filpinas, but that's whole other subject and way off topic.

[웃 910]

Buy her a plane ticket back to the Philippines and be done with it. You got a bad apple! Go back to the woods and try to find a more ripe and less rotten apple!!!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Probably bakla/bayot. I bet his mommy dressed him up like a little girl and made him play with dolls.

Bill, it's hard to know whether the BS your shoveling is just you trolling or that you really believe it. What the author states about the dynamics of many Filipino households is true. My wife's father has a piggery, but I don't know when the last time he held a regular job and the money he makes from selling pigs never is seen by the family. He did work when he was younger, but he seems to have no skills in managing money compared to his wife. She clearly runs the household even if the father might hold some kind of symbolic status as head of the household, it's the wife who calls the shots. And that's pretty much what you described in your post earlier, stating that your wife is always right.

Edited July 14, 2011 by 8TBVBN

[Fandango 1,439]

I wish you the best. I know there more to this story then what I have read or you have posted. You are going through a very, very serious issue. You are going through a CULTURAL issue which needs resolution immediately.

0)TAKE CHARGE. BE A MAN. Look at your actions. Are you letting her run the house? Or are you running the house? Did your actions treat her poorly? What was polite? Did you use bad language, or insult her inadvertently over the phone to the customer? Could you have gone to another room? Have you set up a room solely for "office" work? So she knows that is your "work space"? sometimes we say things to customers or friends which can be taken wrong by a Filipina. Always praise her to others. this is important to a Filipina. This is part of their culture. A husband praises his wife because of HOW she loves him. Understand SHE WANTS to take care of you, she is not used to nor accustomed to a MAN taking care of her. A Filipina takes care of HER MAN. Filipinas take care of each other. Understand her anger is NOT because of what happened with the friend. If is because of HER CULTURE. You are going through a CULTURAL Problem. Tell her this is YOUR way of saying YOU LOVE HER. She is trying to prove she can do things without your help. This is NOT immaturity. this is CULTURE. She was raised to take care of herself plus take care of her HUSBAND. Every time you try to step in help her or do things for her, she probably gets mad. She wants you to be a MAN in how she was raised.

Approach her and ask her about hos she sees a HUSBAND in her eyes. What SHE wants to do in the relationship. listen to her, and do not attack anything she says. But use it to explain the CULTURAL Differences. Then work with her to compromise.

1) get her a hearing test. verify she can hear. if she asks why, tell her you wanted to make sure she could hear you when you whisper mahal na mahal kita.

2)take her to the doctor to check on her leg and the medication. Make the appointment. Do not just gloss over it. Get the doctor to reprimand her for not letting you take care of her. Have him check her eyesight and hearing as well.

eyesight: want to verify you see how good a husband you have.

hearing: want to make sure you can hear my instructions to you.

3) take away the car keys, money, credit cards, and license or put a lock on the steering wheel.

4a) get the book the 5 love languages (or look up online) and find out what her love language is as well as yours.

4b) call the pastor and have someone from the church visit her.

5) call a close friend of hers, explain the problem, and ask them to visit her.

6) get her flowers delivered a few times. (even if you are at home.)

7) see if you can take her to your office, and see what is people do all day.

8) call the friend who she threw out, and have them back over for dinner or something, AFTER your work is over, and explain what the problem is.

9) Act like you are unemployed for a couple of days. You have no money because of losing a job. How do you afford things?

10) get her involved in the budget. Make a list of everything she has broken over the years, and the cost to replace. Show her how the tantrums are affecting the household expenses, costs, bills, and trips. How it affects you in providing for her. Show her things you could not do because of the things being replaced. Also show her in Philippines pesos cost.

If you need someone to talk to. I am here. Been through your problems and learned a lot along the way. I hope all improves for you.

The OP's wife is definitely acting unreasonable....but you come across as batsh!t crazy.

BTW - why is it 4a and b and not just 4 & 5? Keeping it to a 'Top Ten'?

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=177874

http://www.raisingfilipinoboys.com/2009/05/who-else-heard-this-myth-from-western_03.html

From what little I have seen thus far, I would have to agree that it is a patriarchal culture, but it is matricentric. The man is the head of the household, the women take the man's name in marriage.

Having said that, a lot of women in the PI work hard, either at home or at a job, to provide the best for their family. Even now, my fiancee provides a lot for them, more so than her brother.