What did I do wrong?

[brian and aileen 14]

well, try to apologize, there are many reasons why she done that things, first maybe she thinks she's worthless and that's why you treat her that way in front of her friend. Secondly, maybe its the outcome of her medication. I must say i am also a little freak when i get mad but just for one to two days only , but if that happens everyday after the incident, then its not normal. Try to understand her situation and try to talk to her before going to sleep, that time u are both calm. God Bless both of you.

[Messybrownhair 251]

Personally I think she's being a brat and you need to let her know that while you understand that things are hard right now, violence and breaking things are unacceptable and should not be tolerated. Having said that, I think she's quite lucky to have an understanding husband like you. Your job was on the line and you did nothing wrong, let her know that

[Messybrownhair 251]

Personally I think she's being a brat and you need to let her know that while you understand that things are hard right now, violence and breaking things are unacceptable and should not be tolerated. Having said that, I think she's quite lucky to have an understanding husband like you. Your job was on the line and you did nothing wrong, let her know that

Personally I think she's being a brat and you need to let her know that while you understand that things are hard right now, violence and breaking things are unacceptable and should not be tolerated. Having said that, I think she's quite lucky to have an understanding husband like you. Your job was on the line and you did nothing wrong, let her know that

[mimie 2]

I think the two of you should talk it out first. About some unresolved problems in the past or maybe she's expecting something from you that you weren't able to do or show. It might have just exploded on that day when her friend visited. I sometimes experience some mood swings and end up regreting things that I've said to him. but in the end he made me realize that we need to respect each other. Just apologize and ask her whats bothering her. you'll be alright. how old is she if u dont mind?

[Messybrownhair 251]

Oops sorry for the multiple posts, my phone does that sometimes. I wanted to add that I am sure it will work out, just let her realize that how she is acting wont help with anything. Its not like you asked her to keep quiet for no reason, you were working. She's trying to manipulate you but the fact is that you are the right one here. Also, maybe you should install a punching bag at home so that she can use that as an outlet for expressing herself instead of breaking expensive things. You have to let her see that u take her breaking things seriously or else she will keep doing it. Wish you both the best!!

[gretchen_darren 67]

I wish you the best. I know there more to this story then what I have read or you have posted. You are going through a very, very serious issue. You are going through a CULTURAL issue which needs resolution immediately.

0)TAKE CHARGE. BE A MAN. Look at your actions. Are you letting her run the house? Or are you running the house? Did your actions treat her poorly? What was polite? Did you use bad language, or insult her inadvertently over the phone to the customer? Could you have gone to another room? Have you set up a room solely for "office" work? So she knows that is your "work space"? sometimes we say things to customers or friends which can be taken wrong by a Filipina. Always praise her to others. this is important to a Filipina. This is part of their culture. A husband praises his wife because of HOW she loves him. Understand SHE WANTS to take care of you, she is not used to nor accustomed to a MAN taking care of her. A Filipina takes care of HER MAN. Filipinas take care of each other. Understand her anger is NOT because of what happened with the friend. If is because of HER CULTURE. You are going through a CULTURAL Problem. Tell her this is YOUR way of saying YOU LOVE HER. She is trying to prove she can do things without your help. This is NOT immaturity. this is CULTURE. She was raised to take care of herself plus take care of her HUSBAND. Every time you try to step in help her or do things for her, she probably gets mad. She wants you to be a MAN in how she was raised.

Approach her and ask her about hos she sees a HUSBAND in her eyes. What SHE wants to do in the relationship. listen to her, and do not attack anything she says. But use it to explain the CULTURAL Differences. Then work with her to compromise.

1) get her a hearing test. verify she can hear. if she asks why, tell her you wanted to make sure she could hear you when you whisper mahal na mahal kita.

2)take her to the doctor to check on her leg and the medication. Make the appointment. Do not just gloss over it. Get the doctor to reprimand her for not letting you take care of her. Have him check her eyesight and hearing as well.

eyesight: want to verify you see how good a husband you have.

hearing: want to make sure you can hear my instructions to you.

3) take away the car keys, money, credit cards, and license or put a lock on the steering wheel.

4a) get the book the 5 love languages (or look up online) and find out what her love language is as well as yours.

4b) call the pastor and have someone from the church visit her.

5) call a close friend of hers, explain the problem, and ask them to visit her.

6) get her flowers delivered a few times. (even if you are at home.)

7) see if you can take her to your office, and see what is people do all day.

8) call the friend who she threw out, and have them back over for dinner or something, AFTER your work is over, and explain what the problem is.

9) Act like you are unemployed for a couple of days. You have no money because of losing a job. How do you afford things?

10) get her involved in the budget. Make a list of everything she has broken over the years, and the cost to replace. Show her how the tantrums are affecting the household expenses, costs, bills, and trips. How it affects you in providing for her. Show her things you could not do because of the things being replaced. Also show her in Philippines pesos cost.

If you need someone to talk to. I am here. Been through your problems and learned a lot along the way. I hope all improves for you.

[gretchen_darren 67]

11) if all else fails, and you have good relations with her family. They think you are a good man. (if the family does not like you or you are on shaky ground with the family, do not do these steps)

a) contact her family and provide a list of all she has broken in Philippine peso costs. Tell her family you cannot afford because of what she is doing. If you are sending money, tell them no money can be sent for a few months.

b)take her home to her village, and talk with her parents and family. Explain to her parents and extended family, YOU have had enough of HER tantrums. So them a list of EVERYTHING she has broken. if she wants to leave you, you will leave HER there in the village taking HER green card and other items with you to turn in at the US Embassy. the last thing she wants is HER family to know how badly SHE is treating YOU or how much she has broken.

[renecherubs 18]

people like your wife is undergoing so much pressure and anxiety especially she had just undergone a surgery and is on crutches. try to take her on a ride, a trip or dinner outside much more often, so she doesn't have to think about her situation often. it is not easy for her right now. work it out together. marriage is about all these. sharing each others life no matter how tough it is. think about yourself having to deal with crutches and having restrictions. boy, it's not easy. you get frustrated all the time, and then, tend to project your frustration to someone available. and it happens that you were available.it could be a natural reaction in her situation. do something together outside. have some fun you two even though she's on crutches. let her frustration be directed to other things. let her be productive. and i think, it would work out just fine. this is just my suggestion. good luck.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I don't care whether you are married to a cute young Pinay, or an old cornfed hippo, the man is always wrong, even when he did nothing wrong when the fight started. Women go by the point system, and you just ran out of points. She is just evening the score, so you need to do all those things that earn you points. But remember, every act only adds or subtracts one point, so the little things she does to show she loves you count as much as the big things you do for her, and the big things she does wrong count as much as the little things you do that annoy her.

[TeddyHoney 42]

I agree with most of the advice given and comments about Tampo and all that. I was married to a filipina before. Yes, there is surely more to this story and at least the other side. But in the end is this. She is a filipina and will have that Tampo sometimes. Get used to it. But anythng beyond the usual silent treatment for a day or two at the most is childish and immature behavior and manipulation - period. If she is truly immature and manipulative - all the counselling in the world will not help and will probably make it worse - if you can even get her to go to counselling!

Throwing things and being violent is unacceptable and she needs to be made aware that it will not be tolerated - whatever that takes - you know your wife, tell her whatever you need to tell her to make it crystal clear what you mean by "IT WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! That has to stop - that is unless that behavior is okay with you. This Tampo thing was A BIG PROBLEM in my marriage before.

All filipinas will display some Tampo characteristics, how severe depends on the individual filipina. My current fiancee will do the silent thing and I can handle that as long as it doesn't go on for more than a day or so. I can deal with it at that level. Anything more is putting way too much stress on me and the marriage and while I am more than willing to compromise, comminicating in adult mannerisms is still most important and effective in my book and I will say that any marriage, or relationship for that manner that lacks effective and adut communication period, not just to resolve issues - is doomed, or at least will be troubled and all will be unhappy. Just a matter of time.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I don't care whether you are married to a cute young Pinay, or an old cornfed hippo, the man is always wrong, even when he did nothing wrong when the fight started. Women go by the point system, and you just ran out of points. She is just evening the score, so you need to do all those things that earn you points. But remember, every act only adds or subtracts one point, so the little things she does to show she loves you count as much as the big things you do for her, and the big things she does wrong count as much as the little things you do that annoy her.

That's not a marriage. That's an arrangement. To each his own, but not for me. Nobody needs to be anyone's doormat in order for there to be peace in a relationship.

[kev_n_jena 89]

Ok, as much as I hate to, I have to mention it. She just got her 10 yr. GC last month. I hope that has nothing to do with the situation. The whole thing about her saying she doesn't love you anymore bothers me. How did she fall out of love with you?

Kev

[John&Juvy 36]

I agree with most of the advice given and comments about Tampo and all that. I was married to a filipina before. Yes, there is surely more to this story and at least the other side. But in the end is this. She is a filipina and will have that Tampo sometimes. Get used to it. But anythng beyond the usual silent treatment for a day or two at the most is childish and immature behavior and manipulation - period. If she is truly immature and manipulative - all the counselling in the world will not help and will probably make it worse - if you can even get her to go to counselling!

Throwing things and being violent is unacceptable and she needs to be made aware that it will not be tolerated - whatever that takes - you know your wife, tell her whatever you need to tell her to make it crystal clear what you mean by "IT WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! That has to stop - that is unless that behavior is okay with you. This Tampo thing was A BIG PROBLEM in my marriage before.

All filipinas will display some Tampo characteristics, how severe depends on the individual filipina. My current fiancee will do the silent thing and I can handle that as long as it doesn't go on for more than a day or so. I can deal with it at that level. Anything more is putting way too much stress on me and the marriage and while I am more than willing to compromise, comminicating in adult mannerisms is still most important and effective in my book and I will say that any marriage, or relationship for that manner that lacks effective and adut communication period, not just to resolve issues - is doomed, or at least will be troubled and all will be unhappy. Just a matter of time.

Tampo what is that ??? lol. My husband upset me also sometimes but don't remember giving him silent treatment. I still talk to him, it's just with sarcasm, then his going to ask if what's my problem. After telling him my problem , ofcourse he will denies that he did it or said it . I throw stuff sometimes too.... but never laptop, tv or plates and anything expensive. More likely just pillows or anything soft and unbreakable.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Filipinas - I'm curious where the throwing things comes from? Did your mother do that when she got angry? From what I've read, Philippine culture is a matriarchal society. Did you ever see your father throw things or get violent when he got angry?

[Messybrownhair 251]

Filipinas - I'm curious where the throwing things comes from? Did your mother do that when she got angry? From what I've read, Philippine culture is a matriarchal society. Did you ever see your father throw things or get violent when he got angry?

I don't do that, so it's new to me. I value things way too much to throw something valuable.. I have however, done one of things the OP said his wife did. The one time we had a huge fight, I took our car and left. We had been living with my in-laws and I felt so trapped that I really needed to just get away. In my haste, I left my intl license and phone at home. Hence, I was scared, irrational and freaking out that I would get caught. All I did was drive to Coldstone and get us some ice cream. I went home in tears, handed the keys and ice cream to my husband, and all he told me was "Please don't do that again." We were okay after that. Ahhhh fun times.