What did I do wrong?

[Ban Hammer 13,678]

one post removed, one person thread banned for ignoring two warnings and continuing to make it personal with another member.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I pointed out in my post that, if I had the option of a woman being quiet when she's upset or a woman who screams at me when she's upset, then I'd prefer the quiet one. I have no idea why you consider that emotional immaturity. And please don't confuse quiet with meek and submissive. Just because she is quiet doesn't mean I get to have the final say in anything. It just means we can handle issues without yelling and screaming at each other. If that makes us happy, I don't see why that's an issue for anyone else.

I'm trying hard to understand how having a wife become quiet and withdrawn when she is upset is preferred over her feeling comfortable and confident to talk it out. Why does it have to be one of extremes (yelling at each other or her keeping quiet)? Sounds to me like making concessions between two people who for whatever reasons (culture, family history) avoid conflict.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

I'm trying hard to understand how having a wife become quiet and withdrawn when she is upset is preferred over her feeling comfortable and confident to talk it out. Why does it have to be one of extremes (yelling at each other or her keeping quiet)? Sounds to me like making concessions between two people who for whatever reasons (culture, family history) avoid conflict.

Not everyone can express themselves "on the spot", particularly when they are upset. Add to this the language differences/difficulties, and it's not necessarily a bad idea for some to be quiet while they contemplate the situation to better present/explain themselves.

Many people open their mouths and spout off when they would be better served by keeping their counsel, cooling off, and THEN trying to explain their feelings.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Not everyone can express themselves "on the spot", particularly when they are upset. Add to this the language differences/difficulties, and it's not necessarily a bad idea for some to be quiet while they contemplate the situation to better present/explain themselves.

Many people open their mouths and spout off when they would be better served by keeping their counsel, cooling off, and THEN trying to explain their feelings.

I agree with that...so long as it's a two way street.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Then what would you call a post where a guy talks about dumping his wife back where she came from and personally returning her green card to the Embassy?

Charity?

I would call it planning a crime...

To attempt to force her out of the country and take HER Greencard and surrender it to the US Embassy is a crime. He has no legal right to deprive her of the Greencard which is hers not his.

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

You think that's healthy? That's sounds to me like emotional withdrawal. It might be cultural that Filipinos generally shy away from confrontation, but I can see that trait being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity (she's can't handle the tough issues within the marriage), while the husband can just take it on the chin.

Excuse me Mr. Fancypants. I don't think I like being called emotionally immature. We have our way of doing things. Perhaps you should respect that. I call it "lambing" when I make tampo. It's like, "If I didn't love you, I would probably kill you for the slight." Just feel lucky that your wife still loves you.

Lol! This topic has made me laugh now for days! For all the white American Philippine culture experts that have posted, tampo or tampon whatever!! It's all BS!! Man and Woman in a marriage is the same all over the world. If a man pisses in a woman's cheerios or vce versa, there is going to be attitudes about it. the Op was on an important business call, his wife was talking to loud, he asked her to shut her face, she got mad. Asian, African, Canadian, European or American, it doesn't matter.

Right! Goodluck with your marriage.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

You think that's healthy? That's sounds to me like emotional withdrawal. It might be cultural that Filipinos generally shy away from confrontation, but I can see that trait being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity (she's can't handle the tough issues within the marriage), while the husband can just take it on the chin.

Excuse me Mr. Fancypants. I don't think I like being called emotionally immature. We have our way of doing things. Perhaps you should respect that. I call it "lambing" when I make tampo. It's like, "If I didn't love you, I would probably kill you for the slight." Just feel lucky that your wife still loves you.

I said that I can see it being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity - meaning that, a husband could think that his wife is unable to handle tough situations in a level-headed way, therefore justifying "laying down the law" so to speak.

That's interesting what you say as lambing - my wife has explained lambing as being affectionate/loving. Could it mean different things depending on where you grew up?

Edited July 18, 2011 by 8TBVBN

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

That's interesting what you say as lambing - my wife has explained lambing as being affectionate/loving. Could it mean different things depending on where you grew up?

Maybe I am the one getting it wrong, but here's how I interpreted what she said...

"Lambing" I understand to be tenderness... and so is Tampo, kinda... cuz if there was no tampo due to lambing, her other response would be to kill him for his mistake. But since she does both (maintains silence due to her tenderness or affection for him), he lives to see another day!

And hopefully, on the other day, she will then explain how he messed up, so they can avoid it again.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Know what? This is neat, all the ideas/opinions... but let's hear back from the OP, see how things are progressing. Any headway, Arrta???

[jamster 31]

That's interesting what you say as lambing - my wife has explained lambing as being affectionate/loving. Could it mean different things depending on where you grew up?

yeah, that's lambing.

Maybe I am the one getting it wrong, but here's how I interpreted what she said...

"Lambing" I understand to be tenderness... and so is Tampo, kinda... cuz if there was no tampo due to lambing, her other response would be to kill him for his mistake. But since she does both (maintains silence due to her tenderness or affection for him), he lives to see another day!

And hopefully, on the other day, she will then explain how he messed up, so they can avoid it again.

my wife is not buying your idea of lambing. a pinay will give you the silent treatment because she's pissed off, not because there's some other alternative.

the op doesn't have a tampo problem. he's got a much more serious problem. his wife is an immature brat and he puts up with it.

[honey_me 7]

I said that I can see it being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity - meaning that, a husband could think that his wife is unable to handle tough situations in a level-headed way, therefore justifying "laying down the law" so to speak.

That's interesting what you say as lambing - my wife has explained lambing as being affectionate/loving. Could it mean different things depending on where you grew up?

I share the same definition of "Lambing", usually in my case is out of gratefulness. I'm from Mindanao and we're poor. We didn't grow up with "Tampo and Lambing". We were raised in "if you want something, work for it way", no easy way. Also, children shouldn't talk back to parents. While I'm guilty of silent treatment, it is because I'm so angry and don't know how to vent it, without hurting others(friends,relatives and parent).

I grew up from it. I just use silent treatment when saying "I am angry because..., please..." won't work with my husband(usually with habits, actually just one habit). With fellow Pinoys, I just usually cut my losses than use silent treatment. I'm glad I'm almost always heard and I try to always hear my husband out as well. Neither of us is the boss. Neither of us is the type that can be bossed around. Not him,not me.

To OP, I just wish you best. As a child of a parent who throw tantrums a lot,it is something I'd never want others to experience(whether it's coming from a man or a woman). Good luck.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

While I'm guilty of silent treatment, it is because I'm so angry and don't know how to vent it, without hurting others(friends,relatives and parent).

I grew up from it. I just use silent treatment when saying "I am angry because..., please..." won't work with my husband(usually with habits, actually just one habit). With fellow Pinoys, I just usually cut my losses than use silent treatment. I'm glad I'm almost always heard and I try to always hear my husband out as well. Neither of us is the boss. Neither of us is the type that can be bossed around. Not him,not me.

That is great to hear. About not knowing how to vent when you are so angry - I think that for most people in this world, expressing anger in a constructive way is something that must be learned, especially if you grew up never being able to express your anger in a healthy way. Some marriage counselors believe that marriage is where most of us learn to be adults, and I think there is some truth to that.

[gearman 1]

Its not the first time it has happened. And its usually for some stupid reason. I just can't have her doing this NOW of all times. She needs to rest and get better. I don't want her to hurt herself and make things worse.

Edit: Or hurt herself more than she already has. Shes sleeping now, without meds, so hopefully whatever she did was not too serious.

you need to grow a pair of balls and help her get what she wants!!!!!

put her out in the cold, cut her off monetarily, pack her bags!!!!!!

maybe she will get the point or maybe she wont.

if she thinks she has it bad here then send her azz home!!!

[gearman 1]

I wouldn't want to get arrested for domestic violence.

she hit him with the crutch.

give her what she wants.

a little cool down time in county lock up.

[gearman 1]

I think the two of you should talk it out first. About some unresolved problems in the past or maybe she's expecting something from you that you weren't able to do or show. It might have just exploded on that day when her friend visited. I sometimes experience some mood swings and end up regreting things that I've said to him. but in the end he made me realize that we need to respect each other. Just apologize and ask her whats bothering her. you'll be alright. how old is she if u dont mind?

TALK IT OUT???????????

are you kidding me????

obviously this girl is mentally retarded and needs help.

she needs on good dosage of Philippine Airlines non stop to Manila with no refills!!!!!!!!