Getting divorced, it's my fault.

[trlarson 0]

Hello,

This is my first time here. I was referred by a friend who thought I could find some answers here. I hope so. Here is my situation. My husband and I have been married a little over a year. I am the USC and he came over on a K3 visa. We were debating whether to have adjust status or do CR1 so we haven’t started either one yet. The problem is that our marriage is falling apart and it’s my fault. He still loves me and wants to make things work but we are too different and we have different goals. Yes, it’s our fault for not discussing these details before getting married. As everyone here knows, in this kind of relationship, you don’t get a chance to date “normally” and really know someone until you’re already done with the visa process and the person is with you every day. You just take a leap of faith as you go into it. That’s what we did and unfortunately things aren’t working out. I take full responsibility for that. I should’ve thought it through more. My feelings for him have changed. We’ve already done the counseling thing and I still feel the same way.

Since coming here, my husband has gotten a job, made friends, established a life, etc. He left everything he knew to come here. I don’t want him to be deported after we get a divorce. We haven’t hit the 2yr mark and he doesn’t have permanent residency yet. He didn’t marry me just to get a green card but I want him to get his green card. I want him to continue living here and building a life here. How can we go about doing this? Staying married for another year is not an option. It’s already hard enough for us to get a divorce knowing that he still loves me and I care about his well being. Despite that, we both know that this is for the best. If we go the CR1 route, will he get a permanent green card or is it still conditional? I don’t want this green card process to bind us together for years to come when we both need to get closure and move on. What are my options? What should I do? Please help.

Tracy

[ceriserose 1]

I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out.

I'm not positive about the ins and outs of how he can stay while not married to you, but you indicate that you don't want the green card process to bind you for years to come...however that's exactly what it will do, as you, the USC, signs a document (I-864) saying that you'll support him financially for 10 employment quarters. That document is still binding should you divorce.

I believe in some circumstances he would be able to lift conditions without being married to you, but I don't think he can adjust status without it, without extenuating circumstances. Physical abuse is the only one that comes to mind, but there may be others.

Hopefully someone can add to what I've said here.

Best of luck for your future.

[trlarson 0]

I know I'm financially binded, that's okay. He knows that I will help him out financially anyway that I can. I have no problems doing that. I don't want us to be so emotionally dependent on each other. We're trying to move away from that.

I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out.

I'm not positive about the ins and outs of how he can stay while not married to you, but you indicate that you don't want the green card process to bind you for years to come...however that's exactly what it will do, as you, the USC, signs a document (I-864) saying that you'll support him financially for 10 employment quarters. That document is still binding should you divorce.

I believe in some circumstances he would be able to lift conditions without being married to you, but I don't think he can adjust status without it, without extenuating circumstances. Physical abuse is the only one that comes to mind, but there may be others.

Hopefully someone can add to what I've said here.

Best of luck for your future.

[bhajishah 4]

Just for kicks i asked this of our co a month ago, I asked if i get mad at him and kick him out, if he would have to leave the country, he said not usually, it means he wont be eligible for citizen ship for 5 years. Like mermaid says the intention of coming here is established, co said he met the goal of getting married within the deadline and thats all needed to be eligible.

sorry to hear about your differences, how people turn love on et off like a faucet is beyond me, live and let live.

[Slithytoves 0]

sorry to hear about your differences, how people turn love on et off like a faucet is beyond me, live and let live.

No, cindishah, not "live and let live", because you made a point to mention it. The OP has suffered an outcome that many of us could ultimately face. Of course none of us think we will, but I bet she never did either. Assuming she has been honest in her post, nothing about what she wrote sounds like she's turning her "faucet" off very easily or casually at all.

trlarson, I don't know enough about this side of things to give you any advice, but I really do wish you luck. I find it downright touching to read about someone who is standing up to make the very best of a sad mistake.

Alice

[simple_male 1]

Hello,

This is my first time here. I was referred by a friend who thought I could find some answers here. I hope so. Here is my situation. My husband and I have been married a little over a year. I am the USC and he came over on a K3 visa. We were debating whether to have adjust status or do CR1 so we haven’t started either one yet. The problem is that our marriage is falling apart and it’s my fault. He still loves me and wants to make things work but we are too different and we have different goals. Yes, it’s our fault for not discussing these details before getting married. As everyone here knows, in this kind of relationship, you don’t get a chance to date “normally” and really know someone until you’re already done with the visa process and the person is with you every day. You just take a leap of faith as you go into it. That’s what we did and unfortunately things aren’t working out. I take full responsibility for that. I should’ve thought it through more. My feelings for him have changed. We’ve already done the counseling thing and I still feel the same way.

Since coming here, my husband has gotten a job, made friends, established a life, etc. He left everything he knew to come here. I don’t want him to be deported after we get a divorce. We haven’t hit the 2yr mark and he doesn’t have permanent residency yet. He didn’t marry me just to get a green card but I want him to get his green card. I want him to continue living here and building a life here. How can we go about doing this? Staying married for another year is not an option. It’s already hard enough for us to get a divorce knowing that he still loves me and I care about his well being. Despite that, we both know that this is for the best. If we go the CR1 route, will he get a permanent green card or is it still conditional? I don’t want this green card process to bind us together for years to come when we both need to get closure and move on. What are my options? What should I do? Please help.

Tracy

Tracy,

I appreciate your honesty. Hopefully, someone will give you a good advice here.

[trlarson 0]

I was hoping I could get more suggestions on whether he should adjust status or do CR1. My question is if we go the CR1 route, will he get a permanent green card or is it still conditional? I read something about lifting conditions. What is that? Can anyone explain? I would appreciate it.

Tracy,

I appreciate your honesty. Hopefully, someone will give you a good advice here.

[Yodrak 7]

Tracy,

Hello,

.... As everyone here knows, in this kind of relationship, you don't get a chance to date "normally" and really know someone until you're already done with the visa process and the person is with you every day. You just take a leap of faith as you go into it. ....

Regretably, everyone here does not know this. Many threads over the years show that many people do not realize that daily communication by phone or e-mail is not the same as breathing the same air 24/7.

Since coming here, my husband has gotten a job, made friends, established a life, etc. He left everything he knew to come here. I don't want him to be deported after we get a divorce. We haven't hit the 2yr mark and he doesn't have permanent residency yet. He didn't marry me just to get a green card but I want him to get his green card. I want him to continue living here and building a life here. How can we go about doing this? Staying married for another year is not an option. It's already hard enough for us to get a divorce knowing that he still loves me and I care about his well being. Despite that, we both know that this is for the best. If we go the CR1 route, will he get a permanent green card or is it still conditional? I don't want this green card process to bind us together for years to come when we both need to get closure and move on. What are my options? What should I do? Please help.

Tracy

You should have a consultation with an immigration attorney to discuss the facts and the issues. Recognize that the advice given by the attorney to your husband alone, to you alone, or to the both of you together may be quite different. So think about how you want to go about it.

Yodrak

Edited September 14, 2006 by Yodrak

[Shakil 4]

I am very sorry to heart that.

As to what I have come to know, is that the marriage has to be 2 years old for IR-1 status to be given. If CR-1 is not converted into IR-1, the person loses his status and would be subjected to deportation procedures. I doubt that there would be a way out. An immigration attorney may find a way.

Shakil

[JenT 0]

Tracy,

Hello,

.... As everyone here knows, in this kind of relationship, you don't get a chance to date "normally" and really know someone until you're already done with the visa process and the person is with you every day. You just take a leap of faith as you go into it. ....

Regretably, everyone here does not know this. Many threads over the years show that many people do not realize that daily communication by phone or e-mail is not the same as breathing the same air 24/7.

Since coming here, my husband has gotten a job, made friends, established a life, etc. He left everything he knew to come here. I don't want him to be deported after we get a divorce. We haven't hit the 2yr mark and he doesn't have permanent residency yet. He didn't marry me just to get a green card but I want him to get his green card. I want him to continue living here and building a life here. How can we go about doing this? Staying married for another year is not an option. It's already hard enough for us to get a divorce knowing that he still loves me and I care about his well being. Despite that, we both know that this is for the best. If we go the CR1 route, will he get a permanent green card or is it still conditional? I don't want this green card process to bind us together for years to come when we both need to get closure and move on. What are my options? What should I do? Please help.

Tracy

You should have a consultation with an immigration attorney to discuss the facts and the issues. Recognize that the advice given by the attorney to your husband alone, to you alone, or to the both of you together may be quite different. So think about how you want to go about it.

Yodrak

Yodrak's advice is sound, as usual. I admire your willingness to fulfill your financial obligation to him and I hope that your respective attorneys share the same mindset. Be prepared.

There have been many discussions here about 'leaps of faith'... I'm not going to comment on this but I do have strong feelings about it.

I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. Once the dust settles, take some time for yourself to discern what is was that you were supposed to have learned from all of this. Everything happens for a reason.

Best wishes,

Jen

(edited to add a personal experience: I was the one who filed for divorce in my first marriage. My ex's mindset at the time was similar to your husband's... BUT once he realized that there was no hope for reconciliation and we started to divide assets, things were not so amicable. Prepare yourself for a posible change in your husband's character. I was, frankly, shocked, at how greedy a person my ex turned out to be. In hindsight, I'm sure that was the only way he felt as though he could receive retribution for having been hurt.... but still...)

Edited September 14, 2006 by JenT

[meauxna 15]

I doubt that there would be a way out.

Then you doubt wrongly.

The I-751 can be filed alone under some circumstances.

[trlarson 0]

Thank you everyone for your advice. Is there anyone here who has successfully lifted conditions using

I-751 AFTER a divorce? I'd like to hear your experience with that please. I am more than willing to attend the interview with my husband, well soon to be ex-husband, and provide documention that we did indeed have a bonafide marriage.

I doubt that there would be a way out.

Then you doubt wrongly.

The I-751 can be filed alone under some circumstances.

[Yodrak 7]

trlarson,

My ex-wife. I did not participate in the exercise.

Yodrak

Thank you everyone for your advice. Is there anyone here who has successfully lifted conditions using

I-751 AFTER a divorce? I'd like to hear your experience with that please. I am more than willing to attend the interview with my husband, well soon to be ex-husband, and provide documention that we did indeed have a bonafide marriage.

[Aussielad 37]

well i hope all work sout for you in the end, good luck and let us know how it all goes.

[kc456 0]

My husband and I have been married a little over a year. I am the USC and he came over on a K3 visa. We were debating whether to have adjust status or do CR1 so we haven’t started either one yet.

Am I confused? Or is the OP confused?

It appears that the husband has not filed for AOS yet. So why is the talk of lifting conditions? Why is the talk of CR1, as the husband is in the US already on K3?