feeling miserable

[prep.mac 7]

my son and i just got here in hawaii 2 days ago. my fiance is in the military so have to live with a workmate yet since were not yet married and cant have a place on post. the major problem was.. the workmate who is also a sergeant just like him JUST LOST A HUSBAND A WEEK AGO AT A WARZONE IN AFGHANISTAN.. i was still in the philippines then when i knew this and it really affected me so much BUT i never expected that things would be even more difficult.i feel tremendous amount of awkwardness,i cannot barely smile nor appreciate the environment..anywhere i look around the house,there are pictures if not bunches of flowers of sympathy.. i feel too much pain for her and sometimes being at the same house i feel like im the one in the situation

plus i am dealing with the expected culture shock

Hi hisprincess!

I totally understand what you're going through right now. I am a FIlipina who's been in the US for 8 mos now. It can get really "depressing" at times especially that I am in a state with few Asians. I have 2 kids still in the Philippines under petition by my USC spouse ( son is 9, daughter is 3). I am sure most of us who have decided to be with our "better halves" or "soon-to-be-better-halves" can relate to the hardships that we have gone through to get here. We do deserve our happiness but if I make some suggestions in addition what the other VJers have posted (go out, find other Filinos maybe you can talk to, ask your fiance if you can move, etc.)? I have quite a different take if I am in your shoes.

1. Count your blessings because:

a. Some K1 filers were denied. You were approved. They may have gone through the same or more difficulties than what you have gone through to get to the US.

b. The female Sargeant lost her husband, you have your fiance alive and healthy ( I don't mean to sound harsh, just being objective). I am sure no one wants to put you in that situation. I would think the grieving Sargeant doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable nor obligated to make her feel better. She is undergoing a deeper source of possible depression..she lost her husband.

2. Try to think outside of yourself. Being a Filipina, I know you are resilient. Maybe you're put in that situation now cuz you can make a difference to the Sargeant's life or she can make you realize what you have or can have in the future? Just believe that everything has a reason why they happen or happened.

3. Remember that too shall pass. Things will get better for sure.

Hugs to you and welcome to the US!

My Timelines:

10/2009 - met online

11/2010 - came here on B1/B2 visa

12/2010 - first meeting in person in Chicago, IL

03/2011 - moved in with him in IN

4/25/11 - got married in Mitchell, IN

5/02/11 - sent AOS packet (I-130/I-485/I-765) to Chicago Lockbox

5/04/11 - AOS packet received by Chicago Lockbox

5/23/11 - Received NOA for RFE (I-693)

5/27/11 - Sent RFE to DHS Lee's Summit, MO

6/02/11 - DHS Lee's Summit received REF reply

6/06/11 - Biometrics done at Louisville, KY as per NOA schedule

6/24/11 - Received NOA for July 25 interview in Indianapolis, IN

6/30/11 – Received text and email messages EAD card on production

7/25/11 – AOS interview @10am in Indianapolis, IN

I-130 Petition for a Minor Child of USC

6/25/11 - Sent I-130 packet for stepchild

6/27/11 – USCIS receipt date

6/28/11 - Received text and email messages stating USCIS received it and moved case to CSC for processing

7/01/11 - Touched

7/02/11 – Received NOA1

[yohino 22]

Get married as soon as humanly possible so he can get the appropriate BAH, so you guys can get a place of your own.

Being a new immigrant with all the happy feelings of finally being with your loved one is not going to do you, your relationship or the grieving widow any good.

Just do a quick court marriage to get it "out of the way", so he can afford to get you guys a place of your own, and worry about ceremonial thing later.

[Adam & May 4]

Hi hisprincess!

Now at least I read a more appropiriate comment/ suggestion.

I totally understand what you're going through right now. I am a FIlipina who's been in the US for 8 mos now. It can get really "depressing" at times especially that I am in a state with few Asians. I have 2 kids still in the Philippines under petition by my USC spouse ( son is 9, daughter is 3). I am sure most of us who have decided to be with our "better halves" or "soon-to-be-better-halves" can relate to the hardships that we have gone through to get here. We do deserve our happiness but if I make some suggestions in addition what the other VJers have posted (go out, find other Filinos maybe you can talk to, ask your fiance if you can move, etc.)? I have quite a different take if I am in your shoes.

1. Count your blessings because:

a. Some K1 filers were denied. You were approved. They may have gone through the same or more difficulties than what you have gone through to get to the US.

b. The female Sargeant lost her husband, you have your fiance alive and healthy ( I don't mean to sound harsh, just being objective). I am sure no one wants to put you in that situation. I would think the grieving Sargeant doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable nor obligated to make her feel better. She is undergoing a deeper source of possible depression..she lost her husband.

2. Try to think outside of yourself. Being a Filipina, I know you are resilient. Maybe you're put in that situation now cuz you can make a difference to the Sargeant's life or she can make you realize what you have or can have in the future? Just believe that everything has a reason why they happen or happened.

3. Remember that too shall pass. Things will get better for sure.

Hugs to you and welcome to the US!

My Timelines:

10/2009 - met online

11/2010 - came here on B1/B2 visa

12/2010 - first meeting in person in Chicago, IL

03/2011 - moved in with him in IN

4/25/11 - got married in Mitchell, IN

5/02/11 - sent AOS packet (I-130/I-485/I-765) to Chicago Lockbox

5/04/11 - AOS packet received by Chicago Lockbox

5/23/11 - Received NOA for RFE (I-693)

5/27/11 - Sent RFE to DHS Lee's Summit, MO

6/02/11 - DHS Lee's Summit received REF reply

6/06/11 - Biometrics done at Louisville, KY as per NOA schedule

6/24/11 - Received NOA for July 25 interview in Indianapolis, IN

6/30/11 – Received text and email messages EAD card on production

7/25/11 – AOS interview @10am in Indianapolis, IN

I-130 Petition for a Minor Child of USC

6/25/11 - Sent I-130 packet for stepchild

6/27/11 – USCIS receipt date

6/28/11 - Received text and email messages stating USCIS received it and moved case to CSC for processing

7/01/11 - Touched

7/02/11 – Received NOA1

[tallcoolone 102]

i feel like we dont have the rights to be happy or enjoy the fruit of our hard work having someone who just lost a lovedone around.as of now were still confined in this small room,me my fiancee and my 3 year old son.i feel like im losing my mind.

Easy Solution just move

You are not a slave or prisoner

If it were me I would get out of their it's a bad situation and you need to surround yourself with positive and not negative

If you can't move then it might be best for your Mental Health to go back home to Philippines

Life is more simple and easier in Philippines, You will find out in America that it can be a lonely place where people don't have time to enjoy themselves and lot's of stress

I am sure you have noticed how many people in the USA are not happy in general and unfriendly, unlike Philippines where it's a happy and friendly country.....

[Darnell 8,478]

tco - if she'd travel 4 miles from where she is, she'd be back 'in simple life', her location is very similar to her home, isn't like anything in Texas for PI ppl at all.

[Krikit 1,164]

How horrible, on all counts. Moving away from friends and family is difficult enough without added stressors. If I were you I would do my best to help this poor lady out in any way I could. It has got to be excruciating for her. Don't look at it as a prison but as an opportunity to show this woman some kindness. I'm sure she could use it. She's probably on auto-pilot right now, and really won't be able to acknowledge the things you do. But one day she'll come out of it and appreciate all you have done. Focusing on helping others is a great way to take your mind off your own troubles.

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

i feel like we dont have the rights to be happy or enjoy the fruit of our hard work having someone who just lost a lovedone around.as of now were still confined in this small room,me my fiancee and my 3 year old son.i feel like im losing my mind.we are in honolulu in some army place near tripler army medical center.that pink hospital.. i really cant explain how i feel right now.i feel very very sorry for her of course but i dont feel i deserve this situation after all that hard work i did just to get here with him.each time people come and go in this house bringing flowers saying condolences,they are leaving us a sort of obligation to "make her feel better" god knows i want her to feel so much better but nobody can heal what happened and i just feel so awkward and lost.sometimes i feel i should return to the philippines

Sweetie, I have lost loved ones in my life and feel so very heartbroken and sad, but I do not expect others to share my grief. I appreciated the comfort they tried to give me, but only I could deal with my grief. She does not expect you to share her grief. You will help her more by acting normal and happy and living your life. If she sees you constantly unhappy for her, it will only keep her down longer. Say what you feel in your heart for her and move on. Let it go and let her deal with her grief in her own way. YOU MUST NOT LET THIS DESTROY YOU. Enjoy your life. It is ok for you to be happy. She will enjoy seeing you smile.

[M in CA 9]

i feel like we dont have the rights to be happy or enjoy the fruit of our hard work having someone who just lost a lovedone around.as of now were still confined in this small room,me my fiancee and my 3 year old son.i feel like im losing my mind.we are in honolulu in some army place near tripler army medical center.that pink hospital.. i really cant explain how i feel right now.i feel very very sorry for her of course but i dont feel i deserve this situation after all that hard work i did just to get here with him.each time people come and go in this house bringing flowers saying condolences,they are leaving us a sort of obligation to "make her feel better" god knows i want her to feel so much better but nobody can heal what happened and i just feel so awkward and lost.sometimes i feel i should return to the philippines

When my husband died 3 years ago we received many plants and flowers. The novelty of the armoa wore off, and I began to feel we were living in a funral home, not a florist shop. So we drove around town and delivered these beautiful flowers to labor & delivery wards at hospitals, as well as a cancer treatment center. That felt REALLY good to transfer the message of love in those flowers toward living people in situations both joyful and difficult.

Maybe you might want to tell your friend about what helped me feel just a bit less "smothered" by the grief. I was a 39 year old mom of 5 little kids, and I managed to get through it.

[rheanick 42]

Easy Solution just move

You are not a slave or prisoner

If it were me I would get out of their it's a bad situation and you need to surround yourself with positive and not negative

If you can't move then it might be best for your Mental Health to go back home to Philippines

Life is more simple and easier in Philippines, You will find out in America that it can be a lonely place where people don't have time to enjoy themselves and lot's of stress

I am sure you have noticed how many people in the USA are not happy in general and unfriendly, unlike Philippines where it's a happy and friendly country.....

She is in hawaii. I only stayed for one night in hawaii, rode a bus, went around the area. i met so many filipinos there that it seems i was back in the Philippines.

[Fandango 1,439]

Your timeline is not relevant to this conversation.

Hi hisprincess!

I totally understand what you're going through right now. I am a FIlipina who's been in the US for 8 mos now. It can get really "depressing" at times especially that I am in a state with few Asians. I have 2 kids still in the Philippines under petition by my USC spouse ( son is 9, daughter is 3). I am sure most of us who have decided to be with our "better halves" or "soon-to-be-better-halves" can relate to the hardships that we have gone through to get here. We do deserve our happiness but if I make some suggestions in addition what the other VJers have posted (go out, find other Filinos maybe you can talk to, ask your fiance if you can move, etc.)? I have quite a different take if I am in your shoes.

1. Count your blessings because:

a. Some K1 filers were denied. You were approved. They may have gone through the same or more difficulties than what you have gone through to get to the US.

b. The female Sargeant lost her husband, you have your fiance alive and healthy ( I don't mean to sound harsh, just being objective). I am sure no one wants to put you in that situation. I would think the grieving Sargeant doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable nor obligated to make her feel better. She is undergoing a deeper source of possible depression..she lost her husband.

2. Try to think outside of yourself. Being a Filipina, I know you are resilient. Maybe you're put in that situation now cuz you can make a difference to the Sargeant's life or she can make you realize what you have or can have in the future? Just believe that everything has a reason why they happen or happened.

3. Remember that too shall pass. Things will get better for sure.

Hugs to you and welcome to the US!

My Timelines:

10/2009 - met online

11/2010 - came here on B1/B2 visa

12/2010 - first meeting in person in Chicago, IL

03/2011 - moved in with him in IN

4/25/11 - got married in Mitchell, IN

5/02/11 - sent AOS packet (I-130/I-485/I-765) to Chicago Lockbox

5/04/11 - AOS packet received by Chicago Lockbox

5/23/11 - Received NOA for RFE (I-693)

5/27/11 - Sent RFE to DHS Lee's Summit, MO

6/02/11 - DHS Lee's Summit received REF reply

6/06/11 - Biometrics done at Louisville, KY as per NOA schedule

6/24/11 - Received NOA for July 25 interview in Indianapolis, IN

6/30/11 – Received text and email messages EAD card on production

7/25/11 – AOS interview @10am in Indianapolis, IN

I-130 Petition for a Minor Child of USC

6/25/11 - Sent I-130 packet for stepchild

6/27/11 – USCIS receipt date

6/28/11 - Received text and email messages stating USCIS received it and moved case to CSC for processing

7/01/11 - Touched

7/02/11 – Received NOA1

[prep.mac 7]

Hi Adam and May!

Thank you..I believe your comment line to my reply to hisprincess was: "Now at least I read a more appropiriate comment/ suggestion"?

Hi, Anita Cocktail!

I apologize ..you're right my timeline is not applicable in hisprincess' situation. It's an automatic thing that I do when I post. I can't figure out how to put my timeline in the signature part.

Hi, hisprincess!

Try to feel better soon ok? You have encouraging words from VJers here. Hawaii is like PI..a lot of Filipinos. I can hook you up with my Pinay gf there who's married to a USMC, if you want. You have Filipino restos there. We don't have those here in Bedford, IN! There are only 3 of us Pinays in this town too..far as we know...lol! Cheer up! And, yes, helping someone in grief maybe hard but remember the Sargeant's the only one who can help herself get out of her grief. You're in a situation that can put you through something you will learn a lot from. Any time your kindness is sought, seize the opportunity. Ingat! God bless!

[C_María 6]

prep.mac- FYI to edit your signature go to your profile, click on "edit my profile" and then it will show you many tabs- choose "change signature" and it will take you to a page with a text box where you can put your timeline or whatever. Click "save changes" at the bottom and whatever you put will show up on all your posts- past, present and future.