feeling miserable

[hisprincess 2]

my son and i just got here in hawaii 2 days ago. my fiance is in the military so have to live with a workmate yet since were not yet married and cant have a place on post. the major problem was.. the workmate who is also a sergeant just like him JUST LOST A HUSBAND A WEEK AGO AT A WARZONE IN AFGHANISTAN.. i was still in the philippines then when i knew this and it really affected me so much BUT i never expected that things would be even more difficult.i feel tremendous amount of awkwardness,i cannot barely smile nor appreciate the environment..anywhere i look around the house,there are pictures if not bunches of flowers of sympathy.. i feel too much pain for her and sometimes being at the same house i feel like im the one in the situation

plus i am dealing with the expected culture shock

[Messybrownhair 251]

Mmmm sorry to hear that.. must be hard for you guys to be put in that spot.. When will u guys be married? Best to do it soon so that you can be with ur hubby right away, and just be a source of comfort to your workmate.. I can't even imagine how she must be feeling. My hubby will be deploying soon and I worry about it all the time.. Best of luck, and don't worry, your situation will be better soon!

Edited July 4, 2011 by Messybrownhair

[tallcoolone 102]

plus i am dealing with the expected culture shock

I have always said a girl coming from Philippines to USA is gonna to go thru about 6 months of depression. You leave a country full of friends and relative where the streets are always full of people. Ya'll live in country with no stress and if people are rich or poor they are still happy.

You come to the USA where the almighty dollar is so important, and time is money and we are so stressed out here. Hang in there things will get better, but it will take time.

[rheanick 42]

my son and i just got here in hawaii 2 days ago. my fiance is in the military so have to live with a workmate yet since were not yet married and cant have a place on post. the major problem was.. the workmate who is also a sergeant just like him JUST LOST A HUSBAND A WEEK AGO AT A WARZONE IN AFGHANISTAN.. i was still in the philippines then when i knew this and it really affected me so much BUT i never expected that things would be even more difficult.i feel tremendous amount of awkwardness,i cannot barely smile nor appreciate the environment..anywhere i look around the house,there are pictures if not bunches of flowers of sympathy.. i feel too much pain for her and sometimes being at the same house i feel like im the one in the situation

plus i am dealing with the expected culture shock

Where in hawaii are you? There are so many filipinas and asian there that when i went around honululu, i feel like im in the Philippines. I talk to strangers there in filipino language.

You have to get out.

In my opinion, culture shock is less in hawaii than in other state. I live in a place where there are only 5% - 10% asian.

Only you could help yourself. Be grateful that your fiance is still alive and you are in hawaii, the state that is almost like the philippines.

Edited July 5, 2011 by rheanick

[tallcoolone 102]

[Darnell 8,478]

sweetie, get out of the house, walk around, some 4 mile radius, you should find many 'native speakers' - but ya gotta look.

Seriously - get out of the house. Hawaii have many, regardless of which island or housing division.

[inlababo 1]

just hold on and it will get better soon.....

[hisprincess 2]

i feel like we dont have the rights to be happy or enjoy the fruit of our hard work having someone who just lost a lovedone around.as of now were still confined in this small room,me my fiancee and my 3 year old son.i feel like im losing my mind.we are in honolulu in some army place near tripler army medical center.that pink hospital.. i really cant explain how i feel right now.i feel very very sorry for her of course but i dont feel i deserve this situation after all that hard work i did just to get here with him.each time people come and go in this house bringing flowers saying condolences,they are leaving us a sort of obligation to "make her feel better" god knows i want her to feel so much better but nobody can heal what happened and i just feel so awkward and lost.sometimes i feel i should return to the philippines

[Kish.2328 9]

i feel like we dont have the rights to be happy or enjoy the fruit of our hard work having someone who just lost a lovedone around.as of now were still confined in this small room,me my fiancee and my 3 year old son.i feel like im losing my mind.we are in honolulu in some army place near tripler army medical center.that pink hospital.. i really cant explain how i feel right now.i feel very very sorry for her of course but i dont feel i deserve this situation after all that hard work i did just to get here with him.each time people come and go in this house bringing flowers saying condolences,they are leaving us a sort of obligation to "make her feel better" god knows i want her to feel so much better but nobody can heal what happened and i just feel so awkward and lost.sometimes i feel i should return to the philippines

I know it must be hard for you as it is to the woman who just lost a husband but I think you should surround yourself with happy people with beautiful smile. You are just new there and if you let yourself affected about the situation around you, you will never be happy and end up wanting to come home. You need to know that its not about you and the woman who had lost a husband, but its about you, your son and your fiance thats about to start a life as one. Go out and be happy. Life is wonderful!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

How sad! Yes, it must be so difficult for you coming to the US and expecting to be happy now you are with your fiance - but you are living with someone who is grieving her loss. It is sad she has lost her husband but also sad that you can't feel the joy you deserve because of her sadness. You sound like a very caring, loving young woman and I know it is hard to feel happy - and you do have the right - when you are in the company of someone who is hurting.

Is it possible for your fiance to move you somewhere else until you are married? Another friend who isn't going through this painful situation? It is hard not to feel out of place when you are dealing not only with the shock of moving to another country but moving into the same space with someone who is in the shock of losing her loved one. Under the circumstances, she may also feel more comfortable if there was another place you could stay at this time.

You do have the right to be happy and you do have the right to enjoy this time after all of your hard work to get here. Perhaps this is an option you and your fiance can check out.

Good luck to you

[jundp 191]

How sad! Yes, it must be so difficult for you coming to the US and expecting to be happy now you are with your fiance - but you are living with someone who is grieving her loss. It is sad she has lost her husband but also sad that you can't feel the joy you deserve because of her sadness. You sound like a very caring, loving young woman and I know it is hard to feel happy - and you do have the right - when you are in the company of someone who is hurting.

Is it possible for your fiance to move you somewhere else until you are married? Another friend who isn't going through this painful situation? It is hard not to feel out of place when you are dealing not only with the shock of moving to another country but moving into the same space with someone who is in the shock of losing her loved one. Under the circumstances, she may also feel more comfortable if there was another place you could stay at this time.

You do have the right to be happy and you do have the right to enjoy this time after all of your hard work to get here. Perhaps this is an option you and your fiance can check out.

Good luck to you

excellent post

[Brit Abroad 166]

Visit the Philippino Center in Waipahu, it's just off H1. They will be able to put you in touch with events (and potential jobs once you have your EAD/Green card/SSN) and you may meet some new friends there, as well as through the FRG. Get your fiance/husband to sign you up for that with his unit FRG leader and as soon as you get your ID card you'll have a world of new people to get to know. Get your drivers license as soon as you possibly can and you'll feel less trapped by circumstances.

Hawaii is a beautiful place to start married life. Make the most of the easy availability of familiar foods and the laid back attitude. Having left in January, I miss it like crazy.

[charlize56 4]

i feel like we dont have the rights to be happy or enjoy the fruit of our hard work having someone who just lost a lovedone around.as of now were still confined in this small room,me my fiancee and my 3 year old son.i feel like im losing my mind.we are in honolulu in some army place near tripler army medical center.that pink hospital.. i really cant explain how i feel right now.i feel very very sorry for her of course but i dont feel i deserve this situation after all that hard work i did just to get here with him.each time people come and go in this house bringing flowers saying condolences,they are leaving us a sort of obligation to "make her feel better" god knows i want her to feel so much better but nobody can heal what happened and i just feel so awkward and lost.sometimes i feel i should return to the philippines

i have a freind that went there in usa-california last year,shes also dealing with sadness or depression,despite of the hardwork she did to get there,now shes not happy i thought moving there is priceless and women from my country philippines some of them turned into we called it SUPLADA and they never admit to themselves about the word homesick or culture shock,but you and my freind at least are honest to say what they feel.just pray,everything will be fine.

[bigdog 376]

my son and i just got here in hawaii 2 days ago. my fiance is in the military so have to live with a workmate yet since were not yet married and cant have a place on post. the major problem was.. the workmate who is also a sergeant just like him JUST LOST A HUSBAND A WEEK AGO AT A WARZONE IN AFGHANISTAN.. i was still in the philippines then when i knew this and it really affected me so much BUT i never expected that things would be even more difficult.i feel tremendous amount of awkwardness,i cannot barely smile nor appreciate the environment..anywhere i look around the house,there are pictures if not bunches of flowers of sympathy.. i feel too much pain for her and sometimes being at the same house i feel like im the one in the situation

plus i am dealing with the expected culture shock

That is terrible, it will get better soon. You know this visa, marriage GC thing is a major roller coaster. Go in with your eyes and heart open.

[Darnell 8,478]

handling this shift is not enough, you have to assist a grieving widow as well?

Seriously, get out of the house with your son for the entire day, each day - even if it's just to the big library. (Library have computer lab, can find all you need on internet for interfacing with PI ppl around your area - go go go)

Go, get out, or find the inner strength to help this widower.

Pick one or the other - I don't think you can handle both right now.