What are your 'friends' saying?

[gretchen_darren 67]

the problem is people here are trying to throw "glasses of water on a bonfire". Harping, groiping, complaining, just isn't going to cange it. You may not like it, but best of luck trying to push a canoe upstream. No matter how much you want to change something, the idea exists. Yes, one or two bad examples can ruin a marketing startegy and take years to recover from. ("where's the beef", "I've fallen and can't get up", Avoid the noid", "the real thing", "make 7-up yours", "make.believe", and many other slogans. Some have helped companies, some you have no idea who the company is anymore.

Stereotypes and generalizations are what you get form putting many of the same culture, the same country, the same area together. It DOES NOT mean all people in the grou pare like this. However, it DOES mean many in the group are like it. Stereotypes, perceptions, and generalities can change over time, but do take a long long long time to change. Cultures and societies sometimes adapt to the generalities and stereotypes descending into the accepted types. No matter how much we want to change the way things are perceived, it is up the the people who are from that country to change themselves. Once the culture or the country decides to change the percieved way they are, it will come through in the media, the advertising etc. No matter how much we argue, we fus, or we differ. We in and of ourselves cannot change stereotypes of generalizations of other cultures UNTIL that culture wants to change the perception. Women's liberation for all of the good it has done women in the western civilizations has also helped eastern countries as well. Men who want and prefer old fashioned traditional relationships are looking to the countries which did not embrace western civilization women's rights movements. It is not that those countries chose to "remain behind" in their values. It is the countries values differed with those of the "enlightened" western civilization. the rights women needed are good. It has helped women. However, the whole movement and the complete abandonment of traditional marriage with the roles being abolished have placed men in a much more pessimistic state of women's liberation movements. It is the complete abanodoning of the male as the head of the household. The complete abandoning of the religious beliefs and tenets of faith which have caused men problems. men may marry younger brides from other countries. Men may be teased and made fun of because of marrying a foreign bride. I have no problem with what my friends are saying. I just kindly point out that I am very old fashioned. My bride loves me being old-fashioned. Plus my bride helps me to be the man I want to be. Women's lieration has given her a choice and a chance to make sure I do not abuse my rights as a male to take care of her properly. However, as long as I love her with all of my heart, love her as she is my soul she will love me and support me in the old fashioned traditional marriage. When I abuse her, when I hurt her, when I take advantage of HER rights, then she needs to have rights to leave. But also, when she decides to take her love from me, to judge me as unworthy, I also need to be able to ask her to leave. the key is, I need to be a husband as Christ is the church. Plus she loves me as the church loves Christ. As long as we love each other that way, neither of us worry. this is the problem. When you find a girl who values old fashioned traditions and old fashioned marriage. Then you have found someone you love. But also, some women have a hard tiem finding men who love liberated self secure women. There are both sides to the coin. I just value very very old fashioned families. The girls in the village my fiancee is coming from are the same way. The women stays at home and is involved in the church. the men work. Maybe it is a throwback. But that is hte way the particular village is. and when a man makes his decision, no girl goes against it. Having my fiancee's dad blessing on our marriage is huge. If my fiancee's dad changed his mind, it would be over. Nothing I could say or do would change it. I respect that and abide by it. I just try to make sure I do not lose his blessing. My problem is the women's liberation movement having magnanimously intricated itself into the marital congress of the home purveying unacceptable norms which go against innate gender models which are at the deepest core of a soulful joining conjugal fulfillment of a blissful and happy venture into a lifelong pursuit changing the absolute meaning of the very core of marriage into a role reversal of the genders enjoining a colliquy of reprisal fear for the opposite gender which the movement claims to abolish for all versus unconditional amore.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Wow, it's a good thing all of Steven's self-hating didn't flush this thread down the crapper!

While I didn't use a dating site to find my wife I don't think any less of those who did.

In my opinion IDS are like any other "tool" if the results are sub-standard then it is the fault of the user not the tool.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

My problem is the women's liberation movement having magnanimously intricated itself into the marital congress of the home purveying unacceptable norms which go against innate gender models which are at the deepest core of a soulful joining conjugal fulfillment of a blissful and happy venture into a lifelong pursuit changing the absolute meaning of the very core of marriage into a role reversal of the genders enjoining a colliquy of reprisal fear for the opposite gender which the movement claims to abolish for all versus unconditional amore.

Edited July 20, 2011 by charles!

[tmma 467]

longest.sentence.ever.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNbExvU42q4

[gretchen_darren 67]

if I said it plainly I would be violating TOS.... I am trying to be distinctly tactful stating my own view and preference without attacking anyone.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

if I said it plainly I would be violating TOS.... I am trying to be distinctly tactful stating my own view and preference without attacking anyone.

C'mon, English is your friend. Give it a try.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

First let me say, you are a tad full of it for saying that. I was with my ex wife (USC) for approx 5 months before we got married. And were married for 18 year. I have Indian friends who NEVER MET until they were standing at the altar, and they are still married, 50 years later. And another one whose family is currently choosing his wife for him, and all he asks of them is that he get to meet her and talk before the wedding, and to have a final say in actually getting married. (I'm not saying it is a wise idea to meet and get married right away, just that waiting and "getting to know each other" isn't all that it's cracked up to be. It's what a couple puts into a relationship that matters, whether they are married or dating).

I agree to a point that length of courtship is no guarantee of a successful marriage, but I wouldn't define success as when two people stay married. There are some marriages that are toxic and should end, but don't or last way longer than they should. My point was that through these international dating agencies, it is extremely easy to find a Filipina who is more than eager to marry a Kano, regardless of who it is. The dynamics that are there, mean that there are a lot more potential problems which any member who has been here long enough, has read. Rarely will you read a post from a guy who says, "well, we gave it our best and just didn't work." What most of the post mortem posts say is, "she lied to me" or about some other form of betrayal on the Filipina's part with the man being the victim. It's like watching a family member or friend get into a relationship that you can see leading to nowhere, but to which they were clueless about the potential disaster. There's a lot of denial going into these relationships which gets exasperated by an industry's hype that these girls are like loyal, lap dogs.

I am curious... why are you always harping on standards, double standards, Fil-Am relationships, online dating sites, etc., when you are yourself married to a Pinay? It's almost like you think it's a bad thing, and yet you did it. So why always harp on it? Why not just wish people well, regardless of HOW they meet, or of how quickly they choose to get married, or of their age differences? Are you that unhappy with your marriage, that you feel the need to warn others away? It would be interesting to hear your wife's thoughts sometimes on here. How come she never posts?

I didn't marry my wife based on any preconceived notions about who she was from any sales pitch. Although we didn't meet through an international dating service, I did join one prior to meeting her and so I experienced firsthand, the hype and the process. I never believed in the hype that Filipinas are any more beautiful than American women, or that they are any more loyal, or any more affectionate, sensual, <insert any of the other stereotypes>. I knew that the Philippines was predominantly Catholic and that was something I considered only in that I felt after a failed first marriage, that it would be important to marry someone with similar background, values, but didn't believe the Philippines held the corner market on such values.

Anyone who's been around on VJ long enough, knows that I've tended to be a gadfly about a lot of things. I suppose that upsets some people. Guys have and will continue to perpetuate the hype about Filipinas being like this or like that, so why can't we have some perspective that if we going to generalize or stereotype, it's a two-way street? I've seen other VJ'er's try to challenge such notions, only to waved off as not understanding the Filipino culture or what it's like to actually be married to a Filipina. Although I'm no expert (real or imagined) on Filipino culture, I'm married to a Filipina, and so maybe coming from me will hold more validity.

Edited July 20, 2011 by DFH

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Well, I'm at a disadvantage because I'm not a "clique" player. I am a "your friendly rogue next door".

Mike, we may disagree here and even get into a heated arguments, but don't let Bill's conspiracy theories drag you under the water. I'm one of the last persons on this earth who is clique-ish or conspiring. My opinions are that of my own and no one else.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Wow, it's a good thing all of Steven's self-hating didn't flush this thread down the crapper!

Care to explain what you mean by my self-hating?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Mike, we may disagree here and even get into a heated arguments, but don't let Bill's conspiracy theories drag you under the water. I'm one of the last persons on this earth who is clique-ish or conspiring. My opinions are that of my own and no one else.

I believe you, Mister Green Genes.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I believe you, Mister Green Genes.

Thanks, Bill. I hope you're sincere about that.

[tmma 467]

if I said it plainly I would be violating TOS.... I am trying to be distinctly tactful stating my own view and preference without attacking anyone.

Give it a try anyway. I am sure you can get your POV across without violating the TOS .

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Thanks, Bill. I hope you're sincere about that.

It's true. You are a rare bird.

Edited July 20, 2011 by Some Old Guy

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It's true. You are a rare bird.

Can we form a drum circle and a hug a tree together? Set that inner hippie free, brother.