How did you meet your Filipino Fiance?

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

You and your wife are a nice looking couple, but lets be honest, Paul, do you think you would have been able to find a woman of her age and beauty here in the states? For example, there are millions of Filipino-Americans living here in the states and plenty of young, beautiful Filipinas, yet the frequency of these Filipina Americans marrying much older, American men is very low compared to the ones coming from the Philippines. So it's obvious that there are incentives for middle-aged to older American men to look to the Philippines for young, pretty Filipinas.

Are you projecting?

Ok, Gretchen, it was bad enough you laughed at me once. Is it really necessary to rub it in? Huhuhuhu Yeah, I am a little whooped, I admit it. But at least I wear the pants in this family.

I do.

Whatever pair she lays out for me, I put them on with a smile...

Happy wife = happy life.

Viagra has to the "Fountain of Youth" for Hugh................

He is my Hero.....

That certainly explains alot.

Edited July 1, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[one...two...tree 2,762]

You and your wife are a nice looking couple, but lets be honest, Paul, do you think you would have been able to find a woman of her age and beauty here in the states? For example, there are millions of Filipino-Americans living here in the states and plenty of young, beautiful Filipinas, yet the frequency of these Filipina Americans marrying much older, American men is very low compared to the ones coming from the Philippines. So it's obvious that there are incentives for middle-aged to older American men to look to the Philippines for young, pretty Filipinas.

Are you projecting?

Projecting what? Why can't we have an honest discussion about why so many older men pair up with these young, beautiful Filipinas? There are factors at play here, relevant to these discussions about how couples here met. When Larry King married is third wife who was way younger and very beautiful, no one was thinking that she married Larry for his looks, which is all good in the end since both parties are adults and are freely making the decision. But the facts are that such big age differences are rare in the states and typically only happen when the man is wealthy. It comes down to incentives. There are no real incentives that exist when all things being relatively on equal footing here in the states for a young, beautiful woman to marry a much older gentleman. We don't have to turn a blind eye to that very prominent factor with these Fil/Am courtships.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Projecting what? Why can't we have an honest discussion about why so many older men pair up with these young, beautiful Filipinas? There are factors at play here, relevant to these discussions about how couples here met. When Larry King married is third wife who was way younger and very beautiful, no one was thinking that she married Larry for his looks, which is all good in the end since both parties are adults and are freely making the decision. But the facts are that such big age differences are rare in the states and typically only happen when the man is wealthy. It comes down to incentives. There are no real incentives that exist when all things being relatively on equal footing here in the states for a young, beautiful woman to marry a much older gentleman. We don't have to turn a blind eye to that very prominent factor with these Fil/Am courtships.

I thought my question was simple and direct. Sorry. Let me rephrase. Is that you situation? Did your wife marry an older Larry King? Did she marry you in spite of your looks? Did your wife marry for your money? I'm not turning a blind eye. I was simply inquiring if you were projecting your status onto others. Are you?

Edited July 1, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[gretchen_darren 67]

Stop focusing on AMERICAN SOCIETY. You are PROJECTING social accepted customs in America on a foreign culture assuming that is the reasons. guess what, I rink you need to do more research.......

before trying to jump over the pacific.....

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I thought my question was simple and direct. Sorry. Let me rephrase. Is that you situation? Did your wife marry an older Larry King? Did she marry you in spite of your looks? Did your wife marry for your money? I'm not turning a blind eye. I was simply inquiring if you were projecting your status onto others. Are you?

There weren't any of the incentives that exist for a lot of young Filipinas to marry an older gentleman, but I think you misunderstand me pointing out the elephant in the closet that therefore I think this is a horrible thing. I do not. It is what it is. I'm 44 and my wife is 33. She never used a dating site, while I had prior to meeting her. She was a practicing dentist (6 years in the PI) and had her own clinic. There were actual disincentives for her to leave her profession and start from scratch here in the states. Would I have found a woman like that in the states? Hard to say, but I don't think it's beyond the norm. Look, there are a lot guys here who are very happy and proud of their wives which is great, but I don't think anyone is fooling themselves that for many Fil/Am couples with a large age gape and a young Filipina, there are incentives that exist that normally don't, making it possibly for older gentlemen to marry pretty, young wives even without being wealthy or a celebrity.

Edited July 2, 2011 by 8TBVBN

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

There weren't any of the incentives that exist for a lot of young Filipinas to marry an older gentleman, but I think you misunderstand me pointing out the elephant in the closet that therefore I think this is a horrible thing. I do not. It is what it is. I'm 44 and my wife is 33. She never used a dating site, while I had prior to meeting her. She was a practicing dentist (6 years in the PI) and had her own clinic. There were actual disincentives for her to leave her profession and start from scratch here in the states. Would I have found a woman like that in the states? Hard to say, but I don't think it's beyond the norm. Look, there are a lot guys here who are very happy and proud of their wives which is great, but I don't think anyone is fooling themselves that for many Fil/Am couples with a large age gape and a young Filipina, there are incentives that exist that normally don't, making it possibly for older gentlemen to marry pretty, young wives even without being wealthy or a celebrity.

Of course there are incentives. No one is going into a serious relationship or marriage thinking to themselves, "Now why not marry this guy cuz he's ugly, and poor, and doesn't love me at all, and I will be miserable with him for a long time." No, we are ALL looking to improve ourselves in some way by entering into a relationship. Be it looking for someone to cook , clean, make money, share life with, depend on to keep us from being lonely... it all boils down to... "What can this other person provide for me? What is it that I value, that he/she can provide for me?" Cuz let's face it, relationships are HARD WORK, for the most part, and take constant nurturing. It is much simpler to live alone and not have to worry about pleasing or avoiding hurting another person who is not you.

But in my case, yes, I am older, and while I am sure that my money was viewed as "sufficient to pay the bills", my fiancee had a BF in the PI (before she met me, she had left him for infidelity) who makes $15-20,000 per month (yes... in USD), certainly a lot more than I make. And she had a job, making pretty good money. But you know what? After she got to know me, she left her job to go back to the PI to wait on me, wait for this arduous visa process, so she could be with me because she loves me, and because I bring to the table something she values a LOT more than my money... faithfulness.

It's not all about the "benjamins", some women actually look to an older guy for the maturity and security, emotionally as well as financially, that we tend to have over the younger guys. If my fiance was "all about the money, she sure missed the boat" (literally as well as figuratively, cuz her ex was a cruise boat captain). And you know what? It's a well-known fact that "in general", women tend to value love and fidelity and romance above looks and money, whereas guys put looks and sex and money closer to the top of the list. I have seen MANY American men who could easily be considered plain married to hot American wives. And yet, that woman looked at her man with love & adoration in her eyes, because he fulfilled her needs emotionally. (Lyle Lovett & Julia Roberts come to mind here)

Are there girls who jump at the chance to marry a guy just to get out of the Philippines, or other countries? Of course, and there are cases of guys getting duped by scammers, otherwise getting a visa would be an easier thing these days. But at least in my case, I believe that my bride-to-be saw qualities in me that she thinks will sustain a happy marriage for a long time, and if I am not the most handsome guy she could find, my looks are just not important to her. Is she hotter than me? Yeah, I think so. (And you can think so too, as long as you keep it to yourself, LOL) From what I have been told, all 3 of her ex-BFs were very handsome, perhaps more so than I. But all three cheated on her, and she wasn't looking for another guy closer to her age with great looks and the fidelity of a tom cat... she wanted true love and reciprocal faithfulness.

Ask your Filipina bride/fiancee (or those of your friends), and I'd be willing to wager you a lot of dough that she finds that to be MUCH more important than your money or your looks. Go on, ask her...

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Kaiser has a whole course of treatment for third world immigrants. It seems many suffer from PTSD. Could it be many found life back in the Philippines a little stressful?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

She was a practicing dentist (6 years in the PI) and had her own clinic. There were actual disincentives for her to leave her profession and start from scratch here in the states.

Why is it that professionals from the Philippines find that their skills don't translate to jobs here in the US? I know one former dentist working as a dental tech, a law clerk for the Philippines Supreme Court sweeping floors in the county courthouse, and a certified civil engineer washing cars for a rental agency.

Edited July 2, 2011 by Some Old Guy

[kev_n_jena 89]

My wife and I met online. I'll leave it that.

The reason I'm replying to this thread is that I find it interesting. It's typical in that many times a thread in the philippines forum is dragged down the same old tired road of "age difference". I can't speak to other forums, since I mainly frequent this one.

I understand looking at a picture of a couple and thinking to oneself about the age gap. What I don't understand is creating post after post, discussing the subject ad nauseam. If you do a search about the subject you will find many examples.

I suppose people could have several motivations. Maybe they are trying to warn other young women or older men of the pitfalls of such relationships. Maybe it's just jelousy. Maybe they enjoy a spirited conversation and realize they will get many responses by bringing up the topic.

My questions are:

Why are some people so compelled to steer a thread in this direction?

Why are they so fascinated by couples with large age differences?

What do you think?

Kev

[Messybrownhair 251]

Why is it that professionals from the Philippines find that their skills don't translate to jobs here in the US? I know one former dentist working as a dental tech, a law clerk for the Philippines Supreme Court sweeping floors in the county courthouse, and a certified civil engineer washing cars for a rental agency.

It's a long process and some people are not up to it, but it's really not too hard if you do your research. There are always ways to do it. All that is needed to be done is to look up the licensing requirements for the particular profession in the state, and fulfill it. Most likely the degree will have to be evaluated by World Education Services (WES) and the person might have to take a few tests in the US, or do observations. I looked up how to convert my bachelors degree in Speech Pathology into a SLP license here, and found out that the US requires a masters degree to become a SLP, while the Philippines doesn't. Hence, I am going back to school! I don't want to waste the 4 years of schooling I've done. Probably what happened to the dentist happened to me, if I don't take my masters, I will only be eligible to work as a SLP-assistant, which I was not content to do..

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

My questions are:

Why are some people so compelled to steer a thread in this direction?

Why are they so fascinated by couples with large age differences?

What do you think?

Kev

Well, not having given it a lot of thought before last year, I will start off by saying I am no expert on the subject, but here's what I think about it...

I think it becomes a topic simply because it is different than what we consider the "norm" in our society. Typical relationships don't involve such a large age gap I think. In Korea, it is highly unusual to see a big gap; a friend of mine married a Korean gal, and one of the 3 requirements was that he was no more than (can't remember the exact number) about 3-5 years older than her. And it was decided by her parents.

Anything that is outside of an established or perceived "norm" is gonna generate talk, both online and in real life. When I started courting my asawa, the topic came up a couple of times, and her attitude about it was so nonchalant, I was really amazed. "If you love someone, what does their age matter?" So I asked a few of my Filipina friends, and they seemed to feel the same way, so I just learned to roll with it.

My ex tried to make me feel guilty about it, but it didn't play out well, since she is 37, and her BF is 26... but she mentioned the "immaturity gap". Well, obviously that depends on the individual, and based on what I knew, mine had no issues with immaturity. I think that came from being the primary bread winner for her family since she was 17. Even though she had no kids, making money to buy a house and food tends to grow kids up quick, IMHO.

If a 25 yr old guy tried to date a 5 yr old girl, obviously no one would accept it. And a 35 yr old with a 15 yr old girl? Forget about it, in the majority of societies. What about 45/25? Now it is a tad unusual, but at least not illegal, and maybe acceptable. What if they get married, and stay that way, and celebrate their 75th & 55th birthdays together? Do you think anyone would even notice the gap? I doubt it. No one would even mention it in a post or a blog, I'd wager.

There is a 19 yr gap between us. And most days, I can't tell it.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My wife and I met online. I'll leave it that.

The reason I'm replying to this thread is that I find it interesting. It's typical in that many times a thread in the philippines forum is dragged down the same old tired road of "age difference". I can't speak to other forums, since I mainly frequent this one.

I understand looking at a picture of a couple and thinking to oneself about the age gap. What I don't understand is creating post after post, discussing the subject ad nauseam. If you do a search about the subject you will find many examples.

I suppose people could have several motivations. Maybe they are trying to warn other young women or older men of the pitfalls of such relationships. Maybe it's just jelousy. Maybe they enjoy a spirited conversation and realize they will get many responses by bringing up the topic.

My questions are:

Why are some people so compelled to steer a thread in this direction?

Why are they so fascinated by couples with large age differences?

What do you think?

Kev

There's an elephant in the room that for whatever reasons, a lot of guys who entered the international dating scene don't feel comfortable talking about it or they've actually convinced themselves that there's nothing unique about these dating services where zillians of young Filipinas are practically throwing themselves at any foreign guy who joins the site. This thread title is how couples met and a good majority have met through a dating service, so it is inevitable that the reasons why many of the couples here are together are brought up. Online dating is a huge industry and international dating is big chunk of it.

This is an interesting chart - especially number 10, which states that a woman's online desirability peaks at age 21:

http://mashable.com/...ng-infographic/

[rlogan 2,036]

My questions are:

Why are some people so compelled to steer a thread in this direction?

Why are they so fascinated by couples with large age differences?

55% of the people who answered the age-difference poll on this site had more than 10 years age difference between them. At a site where the majority have wider than average age differences, it is naturally a topic of discussion. But you are right that for some it seems to be a crusade. One crusader was on the Effects of Major Family Changes page recently derailing threads. Got a problem? You have a big age difference, right? People like that are sick, blah blah blah. It is no different from racial prejudice. Someone is free to be a racist and condemn others for marrying I suppose, but it is pretty creepy.

The internet is disproportionately populated by the antisocial personality disordered, who are eager to attack anyone for anything the disordered think they can make people defensive about. Normal people too have less incentive to be civil with others on the internet because of the anonymity and because the disordered are already there posting, lowering the bar for everyone else. Age differences are easy to attack because special interest groups have been pushing the negative stereotype that foreign immigrant women are either human trafficking victims or prostitutes for money and green cards. Jealousy and envy lead people to pick up that ready stereotype to attack with.

Sex sells. The topic of age difference is at its core about sex. The man *gasp* is doing it with a young hottie. For whatever reason, this is not just a privilige we afford the rich and powerful, but we actually expect it from them. The hypocrisy involved here is clear when you consider the kinds of things people say about it, eg "He would never be able to get a hottie like that in the US unless he was rich or powerful..." It signals the hypocrisy that yes, if you are rich and powerful in the US you get the younger hottie, but if you are an ordinary joe then you do not deserve one. You cheated. So this is a topic about illicit sex to some. The man is acting above his station in life. Outside his class or caste. This actually is very offensive to some people. It's almost as bad as rape I guess because this third party did not grant their permission to the couple, so the third party feels violated. From the rear, I hope.

Not the exclusive reasons it is harped on, but those are offered free of charge.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

There's an elephant in the room that for whatever reasons...

This is an interesting chart - especially number 10, which states that a woman's online desirability peaks at age 21:

You have already done what everyone here has also done, or is trying to do, yet I detect a note of insistance that there is something wrong with marrying a younger Filipina and bringing her her. Why is that?

And I find it MORE interesting, and very relevant to the age gap discussion, that men's online dating hits are doubled around the late 40's. Hmmmm, security, financial stability, maturity? Or do we guys just durn SEXY around that age?

55% of the people who answered the age-difference poll on this site had more than 10 years age difference between them.

Not the exclusive reasons it is harped on, but those are offered free of charge.

I know you are not postulating that an age difference matter, rlogan, just wanted to shout out: IT DON'T MATTER!! If it bugs you, and you are on this forum, you are most likely a hypocrite, because you did it too.

And I also wanted to thank you, very seldom are good things offered up for free!

[kev_n_jena 89]

8TBVBN

"I think you misunderstand me pointing out the elephant in the closet..."

then,

"There's an elephant in the room..."

8TBVBN

I'm glad you let your elephant out of the closet and I'm sure he appreciates it too. What do you feed it and do you or your wife clean up after it?

For me personally, I have no problem with the discussion of the "age difference" but I usually don't chime in. I've been a member her since 07 and only average about .2 posts/day. As I mentioned before, what interests me more than the actual discussion is the motivation of the posters.

My wife and I talked about our motives many times before we got married. Both of us have benifited greatly over the past four years and I feel that's what marriage is all about.

Kev

PS. Jena thinks your wife probably cleans up after your elephant