Husband angery all the time

[HU@VJ 0]

Hello People

My husband, the US Citizen, is going through a really tough time emotionally and professionally, and he ends up saying mean hurtful things to me, things like he wants me to leave, be by myself, and says he won't support me anymore, and calling me names, some threats as well, and much more when he is having one of his rage episodes. We just can't talk anymore.

I want to know what I am to do in this situation, i been sucking it up, but it keeps getting worse when he is angry, who should i talk to about my situation. We got married last year and got my resident status in November, all this behavior started 2 months back.

I love him a lot, and he does too, but when he says these things, i do not know what to make of it?

[Messybrownhair 251]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.. What triggered his behavior? Have you considered marriage counseling? Is he physically hurting you as well? Maybe if you can figure out the root of the behavior then you can be able to work on it.. The main priority here is for you to protect yourself first and foremost. Hope that you can work things out! If all else fails, stay with your friends or find a women's shelter in your area

[Darnell 8,478]

suggest you seek some marriage counseling, at this stage. There are all types of marriage counselors, as well so if I were in yer shoes, I'd touch base with the local parish priest, explain a bit about your problems, he can direct you to some counselors that have deep background with your particular issues.

[ATPEACE 43]

Before marriage counseling, have your husband to seek his medical doctor for a physical, there maybe some underlining medical problem going on. I would talk to his doctor, and see if he would suggest marriage counseling after ruling out any medical conditions.

Good luck...

Edited June 26, 2011 by ATPEACE

[HU@VJ 0]

thanks, all for your replies, right now i can use all the support that i can gather. Well, we had a great life going on and he snapped just 2 months back, a lot of personal, professional stress going on in his life, and soon it became personal as well. He needs medical help, but he will not see a doctor willingly, and the way things are going bad with his behavior... i am getting closer to being an abused (emotionally) in this relationship. All those who know us, have seen us together know what a great couple we are together, all light and glow, no one can believe what snapped in him.

I just do not want to call cops on him, his family is in my support, i am living with his mom, and we both are concerned about his well being. I am concerned about my legal status as well, in a situation like mine, it is a rare one, we can either make sure he gets medical help, or let time decide what will become of us, yesterday he was talking about divorcing me, today he says he doesn't want to divorce me but wants to go on living his life he wants, he just doesn't want to acknowledge his illness.

HAve you known anyone who has gone through something like this, if my resident status will be not be at stake, i can take care of him better, only one thing to focus on. Should i speak with an immigration lawyer?

Nothing is certain, one day we are the love birds and other he is my enemy. He is not himself.

[Darnell 8,478]

suggest you and his mother sit down, have a long talk about his changes, ask her for her help in getting him in for a medical screening. not mention divorce to her, only concern for his medical issues . i think between the two of you, should be able to convince him, gently, to go see a doctor. He just might give in, as well, if he sees HIS MOTHER and HIS WIFE worried over his medical condition.

[baron555 934]

thanks, all for your replies, right now i can use all the support that i can gather. Well, we had a great life going on and he snapped just 2 months back, a lot of personal, professional stress going on in his life, and soon it became personal as well. He needs medical help, but he will not see a doctor willingly, and the way things are going bad with his behavior... i am getting closer to being an abused (emotionally) in this relationship. All those who know us, have seen us together know what a great couple we are together, all light and glow, no one can believe what snapped in him.

I just do not want to call cops on him, his family is in my support, i am living with his mom, and we both are concerned about his well being. I am concerned about my legal status as well, in a situation like mine, it is a rare one, we can either make sure he gets medical help, or let time decide what will become of us, yesterday he was talking about divorcing me, today he says he doesn't want to divorce me but wants to go on living his life he wants, he just doesn't want to acknowledge his illness.

HAve you known anyone who has gone through something like this, if my resident status will be not be at stake, i can take care of him better, only one thing to focus on. Should i speak with an immigration lawyer?

Nothing is certain, one day we are the love birds and other he is my enemy. He is not himself.

You have your Green Card so you are fine legally and immigration-wise. If you do get divorced, you'll be able to remove your conditions to obtain your 10 year GC on your own.

If he will not get the medical help both you and his mother suggest, then he will not get any better and they your life will suffer.

Eventually you will have to make your own decision.

[HU@VJ 0]

hi, Darnell

yes, his mom and I do sit down, she has been sheltering me, it is an extremely unique situation when due to his illness he is seeing his wife and mother as his enemies, i will not divorce him, he knows it, his family knows it.

Now this situation is very strange as he is ill, and so he abuses, and has put in jeopardy his well-being, but also our relationship, finances, my job, and my resident status as well.

Today, in USA, if your husband doesn't allow you can't go to the doctor with him, it is all about the consent, i talked to cops, to government mental health agencies, but it is all a vicious circle all together, no one can help if he does not want help, everyone says it is going to be hard living with a person with psychological issues = only god can help

You have your Green Card so you are fine legally and immigration-wise. If you do get divorced, you'll be able to remove your conditions to obtain your 10 year GC on your own.

If he will not get the medical help both you and his mother suggest, then he will not get any better and they your life will suffer.

Eventually you will have to make your own decision.

You are right, Phil, thanks for your insight.

[Darnell 8,478]

oh - he COULD get hauled in, sure, if you can convince the 'psychiatrict sherrif' officer that he's a danger to himself - but I think that should be taken as a last resort. He should make a decision to seek help, otherwise is many problems unrelated to immigration. Each sherrif's jurisdiction has specially trained psychiatrict officer, trained to handle the crazies, empowered to have them committed for 72 hour observation. If , during the observatioin, a doctor makes a recommendation, it's still not forced for treatment, alas.

Edited June 28, 2011 by Darnell