Dam Hoi and Interview

[tuandanh 3]

Okay guys. I've been debating this for months now. I'm considering going to my fiance's interview next month. I'm also considering using this time to do the dam hoi that we never had a chance to do. Will it seem a bit unnatural doing the dam hoi days before the interview? My fiance seems to think its not necessary as I have already asked her hand in marriage months ago "western style"—surprised her with an engagement ring. Also for the dam hoi, if I do it, it's just going to be me. No other relatives/friends will come so I'm not sure how it is going to look me rolling solo or how far I need to go with the tradition (will there be gift offering and speeches?).

Also if I do make this combo trip, this will really push my finances, uncle Visa or Aunt AMEX will paying for this one. I'm trying to save money to start a life with my SO and this will be a set back if I go.

What are you thoughts on my situation?

Thanks!

[quann 26]

this question is so subjective...only you know your situation is so in the end your judgement is best.

if i was you i might go back to support the fiance for the interview process, but not the dam hoi. seems like she was satisfied with you did. maybe invite all her close relatives over for a dinner to "ra mat" or say goodbye if she passes...but nothing formal.

this is taking into account you're not trying to do the dam hoi so you can take a bunch of pictures to impress the CO late in the game...

[khoamythovn 1]

Dam Hoi far apart from your engage proposal and close to interview date could raise a flag. If you are to go to VN, a few green flags can be accomplished. Adding to 1 more trip evidence(+1). More photos, especially with family members and friends(+1). Showing up at interview together(+1). If you could bring your family members and friends to VN. It's always a plus.

[Mozzer1972 7]

My fiancee and I also did not have a formal dam hoi and we were both worried about this point up until the interview. The advice I received was that she needed to be prepared to explain why she did not follow the cultural norm. With our case, I had visited her 5 times within two years and had loads of pictures together with many of her family members. The Dam Hoi was never brought up at the interview but in my opinion this was our big red flag. At the end, she received a blue (10 yr. timeline, proof of residency) and then a pink.

Anyway, best of luck to you both.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Hi Tu,

If you don't have the time or funds to put together a traditional dam hoi then I wouldn't bother with it at this point. A half-baked dam hoi with only a handful of her family and friends and none of yours is likely to look to the consulate like something you slapped together in order to meet some preconceived notion of what was required to get a visa. It also blows your "western style engagement" explanation out of the water.

In my opinion (which won't buy you a ca phe sua) any dam hoi after the petition is sent would need to be a monster blowout bash in order to help at all at the interview. Keep saving your money. If you end up getting denied then you can use that money for a big wedding before filing a CR1 petition.

[tuandanh 3]

Thanks Jim and company! I've got a lot to think about over the next couple of days. Mozzer1972, how were you going to explain the non-dam hoi?

[quann 26]

i did not a dam hoi, and it was never brought up during the interview. our case is a little different tho so i did not feel this was a red flag.

[tuandanh 3]

Cam on Quann! I think I'm overthinking things. Let us know when you finally get your pink!

[tuandanh 3]

FYI, I know a friend of a friend who was a CO officer in another country in Asia, not Vietnam. They basically told me that being at the interview did not impact a result. They look for all the obvious: solid evidence, solid fiancial footing, enough trips to develop a real relationship, real plans to get married in the USA (for k visas).

It was a different country so take it with a grain of salt but interesting nonetheless.

[luckytxn 2,264]

The decision to issue a pink is made before even the interview.

[utst10 0]

Luckytxn,

That's probably true for some cases but not all cases.

I know of an interview where the girl saw a pink slip on the table just to have the CO pulled out a blue slip.

I believe the interview is to verify that pink is a correct PRE-ASSUMPTION.

The again, I have also known a case where the blue was on the table and change to pink thanks to the interview.

The girl was well prepared and was a good interviewee. She was honest about everything and the CO accepted all her explanations.

Needless to say, they grilled her with the same questions over and over and she kept giving the same asnwers over and over. FAST too!!

[Mozzer1972 7]

Thanks Jim and company! I've got a lot to think about over the next couple of days. Mozzer1972, how were you going to explain the non-dam hoi?

They never actually questioned this point at the interview. However, she was going to explain that we followed western tradition since I am not Vietnamese and I simply asked her father for her hand in marriage. Her father had a small get together at their house with all her family and lots of food and beer after I proposed. We had a few photos but this was in no way a Dam Hoi.

Furthermore, it would be very difficult for my family to go all the way over there for an engagement party and then not even sure if the Consulate would issue a K1. We had a small wedding here in San Francisco and are planning to have the big traditional ceremony back in Vietnam with both our families once my wife is eligible to travel. (need to also save up some $$$)

It is still important for our families to meet and to follow some of her tradition.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

They never actually questioned this point at the interview. However, she was going to explain that we followed western tradition since I am not Vietnamese and I simply asked her father for her hand in marriage. Her father had a small get together at their house with all her family and lots of food and beer after I proposed. We had a few photos but this was in no way a Dam Hoi.

Furthermore, it would be very difficult for my family to go all the way over there for an engagement party and then not even sure if the Consulate would issue a K1. We had a small wedding here in San Francisco and are planning to have the big traditional ceremony back in Vietnam with both our families once my wife is eligible to travel. (need to also save up some $$$)

It is still important for our families to meet and to follow some of her tradition.

San Francisco? You and Tu should hook up and compare notes.