Supporting Fiancee'

[LvivLovers 39]

You misunderstood. She never DIDN'T hold my hand. Look, the money thing has been settled. No more is going to be sent. She was fine with it, said the money has nothing to do with how she feels about me. We'll see.

I can't keep up with all the inaccurate feedback here. I'll keep you posted on the outcome. Thanks for the help, but it's become so negative in here, it's no longer helpful.

And the interview - she's been very firm that she wants me there for it. I mentioned that I may not be able to make it and it upset her. Everyone is different, so red flags may not mean the same for everyone. Of course, I may be 100% wrong, and I realize that. I'll have to work it out as best I can. Thanks for the support.

Just remember...we really are on YOUR side here!

For the record, I didn't meet any of my wife's friends at all until I was back in Ukraine right before our wedding. We got engaged and all that really quickly though...I think she was a little nervous to introduce me before that because she wasn't really sure if I would disappear or not.

Hope everything works out the best for you! Good luck, dude.

[tom&tanya 48]

This took 2 hours to read all these posts. OMG... What a Can of Worms was Opened.

The decision is yours Alone.

If we never took a chance then we'll never know what "Could have Been"

If we never made a mistake we could never learn from it.

Best of Luck.

True.

Want to read a good story? check out:, MCAT891 ... now THAT was a Ukrainian train wreck.

[eekee 182]

Well, don't post a bunch of red flags and then get PO'd when people give you their honest opinion. Saying a RUB woman doesn't want to hold hands in public is like saying she doesn't like breathing.

[K & S 0]

Well, don't post a bunch of red flags and then get PO'd when people give you their honest opinion. Saying a RUB woman doesn't want to hold hands in public is like saying she doesn't like breathing.

Read what I said again, you missed it completely. I said she never didn't hold my hand, and who said I'm PO'd? Amazing how negative it is in here.

Just remember...we really are on YOUR side here!

For the record, I didn't meet any of my wife's friends at all until I was back in Ukraine right before our wedding. We got engaged and all that really quickly though...I think she was a little nervous to introduce me before that because she wasn't really sure if I would disappear or not.

Hope everything works out the best for you! Good luck, dude.

Thanks

[eekee 182]

Read what I said again, you missed it completely. I said she never didn't hold my hand, and who said I'm PO'd? Amazing how negative it is in here.

I read back and I see I read it wrong. "She never didn't hold my hand" is an odd construction.

But still, if people are "negative" it's because of what you wrote -- things that arouse suspicion. Lots of guys blow through here and get burned.

Edited July 9, 2011 by eekee

[baron555 934]

The old double negative.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I have read all the conflicting advice with some amusement. IMO - the pictures are not a problem, nor is an age difference. Vika is considerably younger than I am, and checks her email compulsively. I think it is an age thing, wanting to stay connected. She also puts pictures of us together on Odnoklasniki, and her status is married. She has her maiden name in perens after her married name so all her friends can find her.

Again, the money is a big problem, as is not being introduced to and vetted by all the closest people in her life.

[K & S 0]

Well, I thought I'd pass along an update to how things ended up. We ended things today. After much thinking on my part (maybe WAY too much thinking), I let my fiance know that I wasn't happy in our relationship. I told her a few weeks ago I wouldn't be sending money, or at least much less than I had been. I suggested she should try to get a job and that didn't go over well. Her argument, she would only make about $200/mo, and it was not enough to live on. Even so, she still maintained her usual daily emails, mostly warm, but generic. I thought a lot about the time we did spend together, and most of my memories are of her acting like I annoyed her. We had a few warm, tender moments in on our trips (three in total)but nothing like most people would expect in new relationship. I ended up drawing the conclusion I needed more or would have to move on. I let her know this, and things went downhill quickly. Before I knew it, we had sent about 10 emails back and forth and then I said that's it, I'm done. I couldn't get her to see that my problem was I needed more love to be shown. I said it many times and different ways, and she just kept coming back with "if i'm so bad, find a good woman for yourself". All I was asking for was a nice smile for no reason, or to look into my eyes and say something sweet. She never did. I know I did the right thing for me, but after all of it, and our fighting this past week, she really didn't get it. She said this is how she is, and if I don't like it, I should find someone else. I actually think if I never said anything, or if I was ok with things, she would have come here, married me, and maybe we would have had a good relationship, maybe one without that new passion and infatuation, but it might have been ok. Who knows, but it's very hard to put all of yourself into something, and invest monetarily in someone, and question if they really love you. I'm more of an "actions speak louder than words" kind of person. I have to admit, I'm reluctant to go diving back in that pool. I've had great advice here and I know I've heard "they make great wives". This one, I absolutely didn't see that, but it would be hard for me to start over again on this route.

Another question, does anyone know how to stop the visa processs, and what are my future implications if I did nothing?

[baron555 934]

Letter to USCIS and maybe the Embassy is all it will take.

A simple re-evaluation of your master plan, tighten your search criteria and stick solidly to the cardinal rules and you'll meet very serious and sincere women.

Arguments shouldn't happen in this phase of any relationship, that's an indication something was amiss.

[Captain Hammer 113]

Sorry to hear this. But it sounds like you did the right thing. People don't change, and it would have been unfair to both of you to expect her to. Best of luck to you, things *will* work out for you!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Well, I thought I'd pass along an update to how things ended up. We ended things today. After much thinking on my part (maybe WAY too much thinking), I let my fiance know that I wasn't happy in our relationship. I told her a few weeks ago I wouldn't be sending money, or at least much less than I had been. I suggested she should try to get a job and that didn't go over well. Her argument, she would only make about $200/mo, and it was not enough to live on. Even so, she still maintained her usual daily emails, mostly warm, but generic. I thought a lot about the time we did spend together, and most of my memories are of her acting like I annoyed her. We had a few warm, tender moments in on our trips (three in total)but nothing like most people would expect in new relationship. I ended up drawing the conclusion I needed more or would have to move on. I let her know this, and things went downhill quickly. Before I knew it, we had sent about 10 emails back and forth and then I said that's it, I'm done. I couldn't get her to see that my problem was I needed more love to be shown. I said it many times and different ways, and she just kept coming back with "if i'm so bad, find a good woman for yourself". All I was asking for was a nice smile for no reason, or to look into my eyes and say something sweet. She never did. I know I did the right thing for me, but after all of it, and our fighting this past week, she really didn't get it. She said this is how she is, and if I don't like it, I should find someone else. I actually think if I never said anything, or if I was ok with things, she would have come here, married me, and maybe we would have had a good relationship, maybe one without that new passion and infatuation, but it might have been ok. Who knows, but it's very hard to put all of yourself into something, and invest monetarily in someone, and question if they really love you. I'm more of an "actions speak louder than words" kind of person. I have to admit, I'm reluctant to go diving back in that pool. I've had great advice here and I know I've heard "they make great wives". This one, I absolutely didn't see that, but it would be hard for me to start over again on this route.

Another question, does anyone know how to stop the visa processs, and what are my future implications if I did nothing?

If the petition is approved but a visa not issued you would have to file a waiver for any other petition filed within 2 years. Not a big deal, but it can be stopped with a letter to USCIS. Be SURE to keep a copy of the letter. Attach a copy of your NOA1.

I met and dated a lot of women in two years in Ukraine but when I met Alla there was no further questions and no forcing myself into it, ever, at any time from the day I met her until now.

[TBoneTX 45,091]

I agree with the excellent replies above. I think that you did the right thing, si man. Now, you can look forward -- toward wherever "forward" might be -- and hold your head high, si man.

[AmyWrites 593]

You did the right thing. You would've married her... and not had the passion and love a marriage needs to grow. It sounds like she liked you, but really not enough to work towards your relationship.

Don't lose hope. You'll find someone who will make your life feel amazing every day, and who will feel the same about you.

And about giving up on a RUB wife... they might be good, but they're not all the same. Like everywhere, you'll have girls who are more spoiled, nicer, sweeter, not so sweet, etc. If you do want to try dating a RUB woman again I suggest you don't send money (therefore, no resentment when she refuses to find a job and so on), and take your time, but move on if you feel maintaining a relationship with her is like a second job.

[K & S 0]

You know it's so true when they say love is blind. While being with her on trips, I always felt so crushed when she'd snap at me or seem so indifferent. The final straw was last week, she emailed me she had a fever. I work construction, so I'm on the side of a busy road, sweating and working my #### off, but I call her immediately on skype from my phone. She hardly even looked up as she was filing her nails. I had enough and gave a long "okaaaaaaay, I'll let you go" She snapped back, speak to me normal! That's when the switch shut off for me. And I mentioned before, after we left Mexico, I was able to go into her vkontakte page. I guess because she didn't sign out, it would open on my laptop. I know it might have been wrong, but I got look at her emails she sent to other guys. To me this was everything - I could see if she was at least true to me. I was able to interpret the pages from google I guess, and although the translation may have not been perfect, it was pretty consistant. Flirty, vague talks of meetings, sending her phone number to guys she just friended, etc.

I called her out on it this week, asking her directly, do you ever share your number or make plans with anyone from facebook? Her answer - do you think I would be engaged and applying for fiance visa and do this, of course not. I have so much anger toward her right now. When we ended it, she wrote me to stop the visa process. I know she knows that she'll have trouble in the future if she meets an American man and goes through the visa process and this one is still in the records. I'd love to be able to let the future sucker know to watch out for her. But then I take the chance of creating my own obstacle if I found another woman from Russia or Ukraine.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

You know it's so true when they say love is blind. While being with her on trips, I always felt so crushed when she'd snap at me or seem so indifferent. The final straw was last week, she emailed me she had a fever. I work construction, so I'm on the side of a busy road, sweating and working my #### off, but I call her immediately on skype from my phone. She hardly even looked up as she was filing her nails. I had enough and gave a long "okaaaaaaay, I'll let you go" She snapped back, speak to me normal! That's when the switch shut off for me. And I mentioned before, after we left Mexico, I was able to go into her vkontakte page. I guess because she didn't sign out, it would open on my laptop. I know it might have been wrong, but I got look at her emails she sent to other guys. To me this was everything - I could see if she was at least true to me. I was able to interpret the pages from google I guess, and although the translation may have not been perfect, it was pretty consistant. Flirty, vague talks of meetings, sending her phone number to guys she just friended, etc.

I called her out on it this week, asking her directly, do you ever share your number or make plans with anyone from facebook? Her answer - do you think I would be engaged and applying for fiance visa and do this, of course not. I have so much anger toward her right now. When we ended it, she wrote me to stop the visa process. I know she knows that she'll have trouble in the future if she meets an American man and goes through the visa process and this one is still in the records. I'd love to be able to let the future sucker know to watch out for her. But then I take the chance of creating my own obstacle if I found another woman from Russia or Ukraine.

The next guy needs to worry about himself. Do what is best for you. There is no need to tolerate such actions from anyone, there are simply far too many great and wonderful women who would love to have you as their husband, sincerely and without this nonsense.

Ukrainian women in general make great wives, but not ALL Ukrainian women are great wives for ALL men. You still have to find the right one for you. Respect is an extremely powerful feeling for a RUB woman, she needs to feel she respects her man or she cannot love him. This woman did not love you and did not respect you, that is clear. You were a meal ticket and she was stringing you along.

One reason the Kiev consulate is considered "low fraud" is that most of these types never make it to the consulate, that is what she is afraid of. It appears she actually wants to get brought to the US or at least seriously act like it. I am guessing she really doesn't want to tell the next guy "Um, don't file that I-129f just yet"

Find someone with similar values and ideas of marriage and family and you will do great.