Supporting Fiancee'

[K & S 0]

My wife has a similar travel background; all paid by herself, many times part of a Russian travel trip company excursion.

Those are really not too expensive, all things considered. I wuoldn't weigh into that fact too much except to say she has travelled.

Maybe your fiancee is right; you are the "problem" in your relationship.

Sounds like you two need to have some serious discussion about your future together, or not.

Until she has the visa in hand, nothing can be taken for granted; and that's why my wife and I didn't go about announcing to the world. She may have similar considerations.

Maybe the age difference....i.e. what people do at certain ages (especially in these days) is a big difference to you two.

We certainly have a lot to figure out. The way I see it, I hope it has a happy ending, but if not, it's for a reason. We all have been there before, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the game. All the best.

Have you met her family and friends? No, we've been away 3 times alone. Or have you two only take vacation trips together?

Have you been to her hometown? I have not, she doesn't seem receptive to me seeing her place, she says it not a nice place.

[eekee 182]

Doesn't want you on her home turf? That is possibly the biggest red flag yet. If she doesn't want you to meet her friends and family, that's a sign she is hiding something.

(or that she just wants free vacations.) But still. I can't imagine dating a guy seriously, talking about marriage, and not having him vetted by the important people in my life.

Edited July 8, 2011 by eekee

[baron555 934]

Doesn't want you on her home turf? That is possibly the biggest red flag yet. If she doesn't want you to meet her friends and family, that's a sign she is hiding something.

(or that she just wants free vacations.) But still. I can't imagine dating a guy seriously, talking about marriage, and not having him vetted by the important people in my life.

This is a major revelation. I would now make a prediction on the outcome, but I will refrain. Those learned folks of us would most likely agree with me.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I do agree. I think I'll know more from her reaction. But then if she says fine and still doesn't start working, I'll have to assume she's getting funded elsewhere. In any case, I shouldn't ever have to wonder if she really loves me, not at this point in the relationship, and many times I do.

Whatever happens, it is a fact that there are many many Ukrainian women that would very much like to be the wife of a good man. Many of them are closer to your own age, values and things they consider important and that is what you need to look for. Maybe this girl is that. I doubt it.

You are talking about marriage and that is not the same as sex on the beach in Mexico. You probably already know that but it is easy to forget. What is important to you in life and waht is important to the woman you are considering as your wife. If the two interests mesh together, all else is good. Spending a visit in Mexico fighting and being insecure is crazy. You can do that on skype for free.

[Captain Hammer 113]

Well best of luck to you, I hope things work out for you and that whatever happens, happens for the best of all involved.

[K & S 0]

You are talking about marriage and that is not the same as sex on the beach in Mexico.

Who said there was sex on the beach??

[K & S 0]

This is a major revelation. I would now make a prediction on the outcome, but I will refrain. Those learned folks of us would most likely agree with me.

We actually never talked about a visit to her city. We met in Kiev and Lviv for a week for our first meeting. It was uncomfortable for me as I noticed I was given hundreds of dirty looks. She explained that foreigners marrying Ukrainian girls is not popular with the men. She never didn't hold my hand or take my arm in public and I never pushed for a visit to her city anyway.

Look, my girl is not close to her family, she's been estranged from her parents since she was 15. I think she has trouble letting people get too close, she's been burned before. It is possible she's not sharing with her friends for the same reason as I am - let's be sure before we shout out to the world. She told me her parents know, even though they aren't that close, and she told me she's told some of her friends.

It seems that there's a lot of jumping to conclusions here and I know it's all meant to help, but please keep an open mind. Because of all the comments and advice here, I'll be 500 times more skeptical rather than the 100 times I was before I starting this forum.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

You are talking about marriage and that is not the same as sex on the beach in Mexico.

Who said there was sex on the beach??

Too much fighting for sex? If a Ukrainian woman liked you very much or even thought about marrying you, there was sex everywhere, including the beach.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

We actually never talked about a visit to her city. We met in Kiev and Lviv for a week for our first meeting. It was uncomfortable for me as I noticed I was given hundreds of dirty looks. She explained that foreigners marrying Ukrainian girls is not popular with the men. She never didn't hold my hand or take my arm in public and I never pushed for a visit to her city anyway.

Look, my girl is not close to her family, she's been estranged from her parents since she was 15. I think she has trouble letting people get too close, she's been burned before. It is possible she's not sharing with her friends for the same reason as I am - let's be sure before we shout out to the world. She told me her parents know, even though they aren't that close, and she told me she's told some of her friends.

It seems that there's a lot of jumping to conclusions here and I know it's all meant to help, but please keep an open mind. Because of all the comments and advice here, I'll be 500 times more skeptical rather than the 100 times I was before I starting this forum.

Far less than 1% of Ukrainian women marry foreign men. It is not even an issue or thought about very much. I was there for two years and never felt uncomfortable, in fact I felt very welcomed. Best of luck but what you describe is the polar opposite of what most men seek in a Ukrainian woman. I bet you have had more arguments and fighting than we have had in four years. Maybe not more than Slim, though.

[tom&tanya 48]

We actually never talked about a visit to her city. We met in Kiev and Lviv for a week for our first meeting. It was uncomfortable for me as I noticed I was given hundreds of dirty looks. She explained that foreigners marrying Ukrainian girls is not popular with the men. She never didn't hold my hand or take my arm in public and I never pushed for a visit to her city anyway.

Look, my girl is not close to her family, she's been estranged from her parents since she was 15. I think she has trouble letting people get too close, she's been burned before. It is possible she's not sharing with her friends for the same reason as I am - let's be sure before we shout out to the world. She told me her parents know, even though they aren't that close, and she told me she's told some of her friends.

It seems that there's a lot of jumping to conclusions here and I know it's all meant to help, but please keep an open mind. Because of all the comments and advice here, I'll be 500 times more skeptical rather than the 100 times I was before I starting this forum.

We are just trying to help you. The things you are describing have so many red flags that we have seen here before. I remember a friend here who last year had many of the same experiences as you, got all the way to the interview date and his fiancee never showed up at the interview. She never had him over her house, never introduced him to her family, always had a "sick grandmother, etc, etc, etc.

Please make sure you visit and meet her family and friends and see where she lives.

[baron555 934]

We actually never talked about a visit to her city. We met in Kiev and Lviv for a week for our first meeting. It was uncomfortable for me as I noticed I was given hundreds of dirty looks. She explained that foreigners marrying Ukrainian girls is not popular with the men. She never didn't hold my hand or take my arm in public and I never pushed for a visit to her city anyway.

What? When Alla and I met in Kiev, we always walked arm in arm; it was the gentlemanly thing to do. We had done a good job of getting to know each other prior to our meeting and we both were serious about finding a partner for a happy long term marriage so by the time we met, there was no concern about showing our relationship as is "normally" done in public.

I never encountered dirty looks from the men there; more stares at us from the women.

Look, my girl is not close to her family, she's been estranged from her parents since she was 15. I think she has trouble letting people get too close, she's been burned before. It is possible she's not sharing with her friends for the same reason as I am - let's be sure before we shout out to the world. She told me her parents know, even though they aren't that close, and she told me she's told some of her friends.

OK.......but....what about her friends. Did she send you photos of them or her and them? Do you know their names?

It seems that there's a lot of jumping to conclusions here and I know it's all meant to help, but please keep an open mind. Because of all the comments and advice here, I'll be 500 times more skeptical rather than the 100 times I was before I starting this forum.

There are no conclusions being made here.....only the observations that there are huge red flags popping up all around this "relationship". You've stated that you're going to test the relationshp with the money thing....that's good.....be very careful around interview time.......and then what about if she does make it here? Do you guys have all that talked through......English lesson? What type of job she can reasonably expect? What type of life she will have? My wife and I focused much of our discussion on these topics while we waited for the NOA2. I wonder what your ongoing conversations are like?

We actually never talked about a visit to her city. We met in Kiev and Lviv for a week for our first meeting. It was uncomfortable for me as I noticed I was given hundreds of dirty looks. She explained that foreigners marrying Ukrainian girls is not popular with the men. She never didn't hold my hand or take my arm in public and I never pushed for a visit to her city anyway.

What? When Alla and I met in Kiev, we always walked arm in arm; it was the gentlemanly thing to do. We had done a good job of getting to know each other prior to our meeting and we both were serious about finding a partner for a happy long term marriage so by the time we met, there was no concern about showing our relationship as is "normally" done in public.

I never encountered dirty looks from the men there; more stares at us from the women.

Look, my girl is not close to her family, she's been estranged from her parents since she was 15. I think she has trouble letting people get too close, she's been burned before. It is possible she's not sharing with her friends for the same reason as I am - let's be sure before we shout out to the world. She told me her parents know, even though they aren't that close, and she told me she's told some of her friends.

OK.......but....what about her friends. Did she send you photos of them or her and them? Do you know their names?

It seems that there's a lot of jumping to conclusions here and I know it's all meant to help, but please keep an open mind. Because of all the comments and advice here, I'll be 500 times more skeptical rather than the 100 times I was before I starting this forum.

There are no conclusions being made here.....only the observations that there are huge red flags popping up all around this "relationship". You've stated that you're going to test the relationshp with the money thing....that's good.....be very careful around interview time.......and then what about if she does make it here? Do you guys have all that talked through......English lesson? What type of job she can reasonably expect? What type of life she will have? My wife and I focused much of our discussion on these topics while we waited for the NOA2. I wonder what your ongoing conversations are like?

[K & S 0]

You misunderstood. She never DIDN'T hold my hand. Look, the money thing has been settled. No more is going to be sent. She was fine with it, said the money has nothing to do with how she feels about me. We'll see.

I can't keep up with all the inaccurate feedback here. I'll keep you posted on the outcome. Thanks for the help, but it's become so negative in here, it's no longer helpful.

And the interview - she's been very firm that she wants me there for it. I mentioned that I may not be able to make it and it upset her. Everyone is different, so red flags may not mean the same for everyone. Of course, I may be 100% wrong, and I realize that. I'll have to work it out as best I can. Thanks for the support.

[Tim/Mav 305]

This took 2 hours to read all these posts. OMG... What a Can of Worms was Opened.

The decision is yours Alone.

If we never took a chance then we'll never know what "Could have Been"

If we never made a mistake we could never learn from it.

Best of Luck.

[baron555 934]

You misunderstood. She never DIDN'T hold my hand. Look, the money thing has been settled. No more is going to be sent. She was fine with it, said the money has nothing to do with how she feels about me. We'll see.

Sri for my misunderstanding of your post.

I can't keep up with all the inaccurate feedback here. I'll keep you posted on the outcome. Thanks for the help, but it's become so negative in here, it's no longer helpful.

Part of the issue has been you have been spoonfeeding information to us. Regardless, we all wish you luck.

And the interview - she's been very firm that she wants me there for it. I mentioned that I may not be able to make it and it upset her. Everyone is different, so red flags may not mean the same for everyone. Of course, I may be 100% wrong, and I realize that. I'll have to work it out as best I can. Thanks for the support.

I trust that I can speak for all that we also wish that you two can work out all these emotions in your relationship, unless that is how you both want it. If you both think that you're stressed out now.....just wait. Good Luck. Remember you are supposed to be the man and if you can't make the interview, she's a big girl and should be able to go on her own.

[Captain Hammer 113]

You misunderstood. She never DIDN'T hold my hand. Look, the money thing has been settled. No more is going to be sent. She was fine with it, said the money has nothing to do with how she feels about me. We'll see.

I can't keep up with all the inaccurate feedback here. I'll keep you posted on the outcome. Thanks for the help, but it's become so negative in here, it's no longer helpful.

And the interview - she's been very firm that she wants me there for it. I mentioned that I may not be able to make it and it upset her. Everyone is different, so red flags may not mean the same for everyone. Of course, I may be 100% wrong, and I realize that. I'll have to work it out as best I can. Thanks for the support.

Unfortunately things often tend to devolve into wild speculation and assumptions around here. You know your situation better than anyone, take what's helpful from here and leave the rest. Best of luck with everything!