Supporting Fiancee'

[baron555 934]

And that's what I'm having such trouble with - when I'm with her and when we talk or even argue, I always feel she's committed and interested in the idea of marriage. I think my displays of jealousy and insecurity have been my worst enemy, and breaking down the bond. She's grown to be worried about my committment to this idea of marriage. She's told me so. It's hard to be myself when I'm thinking the worst in the back of my mind....She's not one to bite her tongue, she's actually very mature and reasonable, and she's set me straight more than once.

Nice relationship....arguing and insecurity.....perfect base for building a solid relationship that will last into the future. Sri I'm just being sarcastic. Why the arguments?

Again, I do appreciate the words of advice. I've spent most of my time lately thinking about this, and still I don't know for certain that she's a scammer. It is possible? Sure, but there's also a chance she's not.

It will be your call and your decision. We all do wish well for everyone.

We've been communicating since Oct, she never once asked me for money, it was my offer. That's the truth. If that was a mistake, and now I think it was, then shame on me, and that's because it gives me reason to believe a scam is a possible scenario. Had I never offered and sent money, I would not have the insecure feeling of this possiblity. And also, I wasn't sending money steadily until after she accepted the ring and proposal.

OK, more background information surfaces. How did she support herself before you arrived? How long has she been out of a job?

It was not my intention to find a woman so young, quite the opposite. I was looking in the range of 30-40 from the beginning, and she just wrote and we started talking. I actually kept her at arms length for a while because i felt the age was too young. After talking by skype frequently and emailing daily, I found the age difference disappeared. After spending time with her, I felt we connected very well together. I saw right away, she wanted a man to take care of her, but it that really so wrong? She's struggled through her life and so she was looking to not struggle. If you saw a photo of us, or we walked past you, I don't think the age difference would stand out that much. Of course there's a difference, but I'm a somewhat young looking guy and she has an older look to her. In some ways, her maturity seems to match or exceed mine. The biggest difference is I'm skeptical from experience, and she doesn't understand it.

She's young and doesn't have that experience and you have to deal with that.

I can see her photos and I see the vacations she's been on and they were all before we started, so I know there's no one else.

Any photos of you guys together? Any photos from your vacations together?

My plan is to talk with her and stop the payments. We'll see how she reacts. My decision may be an easy one, or I may find out she's for real.

Yep.

[Codeblue009 3]

Wow, I started this discussion a couple of weeks ago and the replies back were certainly of interest. After reading and thinking things over, I began to become very skeptical of my fiance. We just completed a trip together for a week in Mexico, and I will say, it was a disaster. I think I went in with this in the back of my mind: am I being used or does she really love me. She's led me to believe that she's really not the type of woman to show lots of emotion, such as the typical feelings you have at the beginning of a relationship (can't get enough of each other, wanting to kiss and screw all the time, smiling at each other, your heart skipping a beat when you see each other, etc). Even though I thought her behavior was odd, I accepted it and wanted to be open minded.

Anyway, the week was filled with fighting. It would start with her making me feel like I was always annoying her. I would eventually get pissed, because, #######, we're here together, no one should feel like that. All I was trying to do was know her better, and create a stronger bond or whatever. I've been married before, and have many relationships over my 46 years, so I can say with certainty, this was the strangest way to ever be treated. She's very good at turning the situation around to make me feel like I'm over reacting, or as she puts it "drama". I've learned she's pretty good at this.

Anyway, all week long she's checking her email and facebook page from my laptop. Not just once a day, but 5 or more times. That really isn't so unordinary I guess, but I still thought it was something that made me uncomfortable. At the end we parted, made up for the fights, got laid (although I've never seen a woman run so fast to shower after sex in my life, does sperm eat through Ukrainain skin or something? anyways...) When I got home, I opened up my laptop and her facebook page was still open and online! Holy #######, I said, this is not right to look and besides it's in Russian which I know not how to speak, but I was still curious. I opened up her photos and man she has maybe over 1000 pictures of HERSELF in there. There must be at least 6-8 different places, Thailand, Jamaica, Kiev, DR, and some I can only guess. I saw our 2 trips, not one photo of the two of us anywhere. I know she's a camera fiend (everywhere we go - take picture!) All I could think of was how much I hated taking those 400 pictures on our March trip and under protest, she only got about 150 on this trip. AND, those other poor bastards that took all those other photos! And the money they spend taking her on trips, although thank god none were during our time since meeting, so that made me feel good. lol. Next thing I did was discover that these wonderful computers can interpret russian facebook conversations! And my worst fears were answered, she's communicating with many men in Russia, some of the conversations are not a big deal, but there were at least three that I saw (I can't spend forever there) with talking of meeting these guys, all within the last month or so. So I apparently have my answer: Yes this girl is scamming me, and no she probably doesn't love you. A real kick in the balls but better to know now.

I know she still wants to get to the US, and get her greencard, but I know she'd never be true to me. OK, now is there anywhere here that wants to show me another point of view, something I'm not thinking of, like, no #######, it's very possible she loves you and wants to spend her life with you, she's just using facebook to fill the void when you're not there....anyone?

Well, not to Hijack K & S's thread, but I withdrew my K 1 petition on June 23. I am not sure on all the reasons or if they are true, but what I do know is Olya and I are done! K & S, use your head and temper your heart. Only you will know what is right for you. You are in the situation and have all the information. Everyone here has experienced something and they are giving you their advice. Not to say it is the same situation as you. You have the only say so. As for me, I am not new to RUB women and I can honestly say I did not expect this to happen to me this time. Oh well, I am not one to cry over spilled milk. I have already moved on and I am going to Ukraine next month! Looks like a trip to Odessa and Donetsk. Gary are you coming along for the memories. It is like the Russians and Ukrainians tell me, "It is life and it happens, but we still have to live." So now I choose to live and be happy and whatever happens, happens. Don't cry for me, because I will be just fine.

P.S. I am not going back to Russia!!! I should have stayed in Ukraine. Ok changing my flag.

[SMR 368]

OK, but on her facebook page, she wrote "Estoy en Mexico"

You seem to be pretty sure about this, but I'm not.

Would she post that if she was hiding something? I think some are very close minded in their thinking here.

If you want to do a simple test, you could register on vkontakte and put her as your fiancee. She'll be asked to confirm it and display the same thing on her page. Of course, she may be able to get around displaying her status using privacy settings.

It's possible that she is simply unsure of your commitment and is "keeping her options open." The fact is, if she is serious, she's in a lot deeper in the relationship than you are in terms of consequences if it falls through. (From what you have said, that is the most innocent interpretation of her actions). But you have to ask yourself what that means about your relationship and your future. Imagine that everything that she has doing has the most innocent explanation reasonable. You still know some important things about the way she treats you, the amount that she trusts you, and the priorities in her life. Is that a relationship that you want?

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Why, then, would one even need to say "please," man?

I didn't want to be labeled as a chauvinist on here.

[slim 1,523]

The very simple test -

"Would I do this with a chick here?"

If you answer no, then don't do it with her either.

[1HappyGuy 45]

The very simple test -

"Would I do this with a chick here?"

If you answer no, then don't do it with her either.

Slim is right. I think a lot of people (guys) accept a lot of BS on the premise that it is a cultural difference, when in reality someone is seeing how far they can get. Don't put up with it.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

If they leave their shoes behind it is almost as good (and a lot less trouble) than when they leave the children behind.

First time, Alla took Pasha and was gone and I was alone for 2 months, then she came back with Sergey and Pasha. That truly was boring.

Last year Alla left me alone for about 4 weeks with Pasha before we went over and joined her. We did all sorts of stuff we would get in big trouble for if she was here! Great fun. We ate our way through tons of junk food, drove her car around, shot real guns in the basement, slept late, wore dirty clothes, wore shoes in the house, you name it! Pasha wanted to have a party and "break all the windows"

This year she is going over with Pasha and leaving me here with Sergey for about 3 weeks. Then Sergey and I will go over. He will stay and go back to school and Alla and Pasha will come back with me. Sergey and I will be bachelors together this year. We will think of things to get in trouble. He is old enough for the "Canadian ballet" and gambling at the Casino in Montreal We may go to Canada and end up on that show "Locked Up Abroad"...nah, its Canada, I doubt that would count for that show.

Tanya left yesterday for her first visit back. She is going for three weeks. She'll be back. She left her stinky slippers and her bathrobe. My job is to water the plants and flowers and make sure they don't die. You never know how much you love someone until they are gone... At least I remember how to use the dishwasher and the microwave...

[Tanya and Barry 59]

K&S,

You've met a vacation "consort." She will bleed you dry and then when you stop giving money or providing trips "poof" she will vanish. The lack of pictures of you together is a huge red flag. A good woman is proud of "her Man." Good FSU women have a different name for them but this is a family forum. You get the idea...

Edited July 6, 2011 by Tanya and Barry

[Tanya and Barry 59]

K&S,

You've met a vacation "consort." She will bleed you dry and then when you stop giving money or providing trips "poof" she will vanish. The lack of pictures of you together is a huge red flag. A good woman is proud of "her Man." Good FSU women have a different name for them but this is a family forum. You get the idea...

Maybe the above post was a little harsh but I've seen this situation too many times. It's your life and your feelings. You have to decide what your willing to put up with. You have some great advice here. You and I are the same age. I would never really consider a woman from anywhere under 30...35 really. Your chances of being chum on a hook are raised signifcantly when you are a man in your 40s and you wade into that twenty something end of the pool. Good luck.

[K & S 0]

Maybe the above post was a little harsh but I've seen this situation too many times. It's your life and your feelings. You have to decide what your willing to put up with. You have some great advice here. You and I are the same age. I would never really consider a woman from anywhere under 30...35 really. Your chances of being chum on a hook are raised signifcantly when you are a man in your 40s and you wade into that twenty something end of the pool. Good luck.

Yes, I agree. Some really good advice, from some good people I'm sure. I imagine I already know what I'll do, thanks all.

[baron555 934]

Yes, I agree. Some really good advice, from some good people I'm sure. I imagine I already know what I'll do, thanks all.

We all wish you both well, if that is meant to be. You asked a simple question in the beginning and we all have chimed in that it is not normal to support a modern women on a weekly basis.

If you have doubts, then you need to reconsider, or at least wait with the visa process until you vet it all out.

All may be fine or it may be not. Please do tell us (just the basics) so we can add to our collective experiences.

If all is well, then you two need to begin the visa process because that entails more waiting and that is a perfect time to continue to know each other......but if you are still arguing.....what kind of relationship is that? Even if she is young and beautiful.....can you handle that forever?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Well, not to Hijack K & S's thread, but I withdrew my K 1 petition on June 23. I am not sure on all the reasons or if they are true, but what I do know is Olya and I are done! K & S, use your head and temper your heart. Only you will know what is right for you. You are in the situation and have all the information. Everyone here has experienced something and they are giving you their advice. Not to say it is the same situation as you. You have the only say so. As for me, I am not new to RUB women and I can honestly say I did not expect this to happen to me this time. Oh well, I am not one to cry over spilled milk. I have already moved on and I am going to Ukraine next month! Looks like a trip to Odessa and Donetsk. Gary are you coming along for the memories. It is like the Russians and Ukrainians tell me, "It is life and it happens, but we still have to live." So now I choose to live and be happy and whatever happens, happens. Don't cry for me, because I will be just fine.

P.S. I am not going back to Russia!!! I should have stayed in Ukraine. Ok changing my flag.

I will be in Donetsk next month! Alla is going for the whole month, I will be going for 10 days. Women are the best feature of Donetsk, not much else to offer. It is the "Gary, Indiana" of Ukraine.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Tanya left yesterday for her first visit back. She is going for three weeks. She'll be back. She left her stinky slippers and her bathrobe. My job is to water the plants and flowers and make sure they don't die. You never know how much you love someone until they are gone... At least I remember how to use the dishwasher and the microwave...

Yeah, I get the same duty. Make sure the animals and plants are still alive when she comes home. One of her friends is going to check in on the plants and animals when we are all gone

Dishwasher...funny thing. Alla does all the dishes and puts them in the dishwasher and then calls me to "put the chemical in and turn on the machine" She manages the washer and dryer (dry machine) fine, but for whatever reason has no interest in starting the dishwasher.

[sea-monkey 13]

I opened up her photos and man she has maybe over 1000 pictures of HERSELF in there. There must be at least 6-8 different places, Thailand, Jamaica, Kiev, DR, and some I can only guess. I saw our 2 trips, not one photo of the two of us anywhere. I know she's a camera fiend (everywhere we go - take picture!) All I could think of was how much I hated taking those 400 pictures on our March trip and under protest, she only got about 150 on this trip. AND, those other poor bastards that took all those other photos! And the money they spend taking her on trips, although thank god none were during our time since meeting, so that made me feel good. lol.

Reminds me of comrade Johnny's situation....

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/278501-divorce-after-1-month-in-uslong-sad-story/page__view__findpost__p__4237106

For one, she was always on Facebook, hours each day, but there's never any mention of me and her status was always single and she had lot's of guy friends. During our time together, we took lots of photos and the only ones that ended up on her Facebook were those of her alone. It seemed as though she was doing a summer vacation in the US and was embarrassed of her husband.

Edited July 6, 2011 by sea-monkey

[TBoneTX 45,155]

I didn't want to be labeled as a chauvinist on here.

Never in a million years, no man!

In other news, Mrs. T-B. just today (well, yesterday, now) received her approval letter for the 10-year green card, si man. When I announced this to 5.5-month-old Mini-Bone, he responded with a loud fart. His volume and duration of same are extremely impressive, si man; if he keeps this up, he'll be the star of any fraternity party that he attends in later life.

The very simple test - "Would I do this with a chick here?" If you answer no, then don't do it with her either.

Boy, ain't THIS the truth, si man.