My Journey might be over

[ScottThuy 140]

Kevin..can you see how much supports and care from people here??? If nothing comes of it, at least I want you to give it a try, and knowing you have done your best.

My offer is standing for you any time you change your mind.

I would definitely hope you will reconsider this...

Ronnie

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

I can relate Kevin... A couple of times when Thuy got so frazzled (before I knew how to handle a moody VN woman) The airline ticket info was all there and I asked are you sure this is what you want.... Now, as I noted in another topic the other day, it starts off with sit down shut up and relax... we did not get to the point we are in life, because we didnt love each other enough to overcome whatever issue there may be... If that were the case we would have thrown our cards down and folded at the consulate...

The stress has worn you down, but keep the big picture in mind... she has gone through alot to be here with you.. it wasnt for nothin... step up.. be calm, be patient and be persistent... you both want each other to be happy.. do it together... Ronnie said it well.. we are all here for you...

[W&M 12]

Tuyen left to to visit her brother in CA a couple weeks ago. On Sunday she told me that she did want to come back to MN and was going to go back to VN. She doesn't like the US lifestyle.

She won't come back to get her things. She told my Mom that she's afraid I would hurt her and wouldn't let her go back to VN. I have no idea why she thinks that I would. I've never laid a hand on her. It must be VN cultural thing.

She went to VN over Tet for 3 month and came back a different person. She seemed more isolated. I wasn't the only one to notice the change either. My neighbors and family sensed something wasn't the same.

She laid out all these problems to me once she was in CA.

Very sorry to hear, We petitioners put alot of effort in this process knowing that deep down inside there is always that chance that things will not turn out the way we thought. A change in culture, a new world to adapt. Some people have the strength some people do not. I sincerely hope there is a change of heart and everything works out. If it doesnt, then it is better for the bad news now rather than 15 years down the road. There are no words that will comfort right now, especially when you have no idea what happened. Hang in there and know this, God never closes one door without opening another. Best of luck to you

[batya 0]

Im praying for you, and i agree with all the VJ community the best you can do right now is to fly to SJ and get to talk face to face..Dont give up yet, Let us know and we all here for you

[Sayha or bust. 71]

My sympathies are with you. My wife's been here since febuary. she's adjusting very well, but we have our times. I know in my wifes culture(Khmay) she would be an embarrassment to her family if she went back to Vietnam. Unless I was very abusive. She cooks her traditional foods every day and have not forced American food to her, she calls her family every 2 to 3 weeks. I think these little things help her cope. My wife's 35 and I brought her 2 kids so our stories are a bit different. I hope after the long journey you had that your wife can stick it out with you and compromise. Does she work? I know thats my wifes biggest ###### now is that she wants to work(waiting on AOS).

Best of luck. Rich

Ps. We will not visit Vietnam till another 3 to 4 years, that was her idea. Right now our concentration is raising our children and getting them ready for college.

[PachucoBro 3]

Well... I come from a different angle than most who have replied. I have been through one divorce from a foreign bride and am currently in the VISA process as I write this.

My thoughts are this... Regardless of what is really going on... She decided not to even return to see you in person nor did she try to talk to you directly and then mentioned things of an abusive situation (true or false, not important).

With those things in mind my advice is... DO NOT try to work things out. This behavior that she has shown, right or wrong, means she does not want to be with you and has no intentions of trying to work with you on making it better.

File for the divorce as soon as you can as it could take 1-2 years to get a divorce if she fails to agree and sign. Protect yourself. Let her do what she wants or feels she needs to do.

My ex-wife found an organization with good intentions who helped her get her Permanent Residency without my signature based on some phone calls to 911 due to our verbal arguments (no physical violence). She is doing well here in the states, we are divorced and she is not my responsibility any more. I had to learn to move on...and it was VERY HARD.

Good luck to you and don't forget...Protect yourself at this point.

[DarlingNikki 7]

Tuyen left to to visit her brother in CA a couple weeks ago. On Sunday she told me that she did want to come back to MN and was going to go back to VN. She doesn't like the US lifestyle.

She won't come back to get her things. She told my Mom that she's afraid I would hurt her and wouldn't let her go back to VN. I have no idea why she thinks that I would. I've never laid a hand on her. It must be VN cultural thing.

She went to VN over Tet for 3 month and came back a different person. She seemed more isolated. I wasn't the only one to notice the change either. My neighbors and family sensed something wasn't the same.

She laid out all these problems to me once she was in CA.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Unfortunately, as has been said, there are many reasons that could behind her not wanting to remain in the United States. If it is possible I would say try and talk to her and see if there is any possibility in you reaching the core of her issues here. If you are not the issue then maybe you can find a common outcome.

[ScottThuy 140]

Well... I come from a different angle than most who have replied. I have been through one divorce from a foreign bride and am currently in the VISA process as I write this.

My thoughts are this... Regardless of what is really going on... She decided not to even return to see you in person nor did she try to talk to you directly and then mentioned things of an abusive situation (true or false, not important).

With those things in mind my advice is... DO NOT try to work things out. This behavior that she has shown, right or wrong, means she does not want to be with you and has no intentions of trying to work with you on making it better.

File for the divorce as soon as you can as it could take 1-2 years to get a divorce if she fails to agree and sign. Protect yourself. Let her do what she wants or feels she needs to do.

My ex-wife found an organization with good intentions who helped her get her Permanent Residency without my signature based on some phone calls to 911 due to our verbal arguments (no physical violence). She is doing well here in the states, we are divorced and she is not my responsibility any more. I had to learn to move on...and it was VERY HARD.

Good luck to you and don't forget...Protect yourself at this point.

Dude.. You don't know Vietnamese culture and you are so out of line it is unreal...

[quann 26]

whatever is going on, tuyen's action has been very strange. i'm not sure the trip to san jose will help...but imo if you love her then you gotta do it. if anything at least it will bring closure and you can move on to the next step, knowing you did all you could on your end.

[T&Joyce 0]

Kevin. There isn't much i can say. I'm praying the best for you as i'm typing this. Hang on to the rope. God will come to your rescue.

[Sayha or bust. 71]

Dude.. You don't know Vietnamese culture and you are so out of line it is unreal...

Yes he is hard line. What of Vietnamese culture? Is Kevins wife acting like any other Vietnamese woman that comes to the states? I hardly think so.If she truly loves her husband he wouldn't be posting of this topic.. She had 4 years to learn and what to expect of her life in the States. She has family here that I'm sure could of filled her in. Regardless what country your spouse comes from there adjustment period.

Edited June 9, 2011 by Sayha or bust.

[PachucoBro 3]

Yes he is hard line. What of Vietnamese culture? Is Kevins wife acting like any other Vietnamese woman that comes to the states? I hardly think so.If she truly loves her husband he wouldn't be posting of this topic.. She had 4 years to learn and what to expect of her life in the States. She has family here that I'm sure could of filled her in. Regardless what country your spouse comes from there adjustment period.

Unfortunately, yes my typing can be viewed as pretty hard-nosed, but not trying to write a book or anything so I was straight and to the point. Merely my opinion and $0.02.

The adjustment period is always an issue and I think most could say that the small town environment prolly is not the most conducive to not feeling isolated or alone in a new world that is unlike someone's home country. I personally don't feel this is the whole reason for her actions because if it was... You would think she would come home and say, "Sweetie I gotta get out of this small town! Come with me."

As I was told in PM... there are alot of things I and We don't know and there are truly many reasons this situation has happened and it is not an isolated instance. Many couples don't have the fairy tale ending we all hope for...we just don't hear much about those stories.

Thanks to Kevin for sharing his experience...

Edited June 9, 2011 by PachucoBro

[ScottThuy 140]

Tuyen isnt trying to run some game on him.. she is just stressin out and has a problem communicating... .. If it was one of Franks posts here from years ago The cover your Azz comment would have been spot on.. and many of us told him just that...

[A and T 82]

Since she wants to go home so bad, grant her wish and divorce her. And send her packing, she has wasted a lot of your time and money. So many other women out there that would not act this way you just have to keep trying

[tanstaafl 1]

Tuyen left to to visit her brother in CA a couple weeks ago. On Sunday she told me that she did want to come back to MN and was going to go back to VN. She doesn't like the US lifestyle.

She won't come back to get her things. She told my Mom that she's afraid I would hurt her and wouldn't let her go back to VN. I have no idea why she thinks that I would. I've never laid a hand on her. It must be VN cultural thing.

She went to VN over Tet for 3 month and came back a different person. She seemed more isolated. I wasn't the only one to notice the change either. My neighbors and family sensed something wasn't the same.

She laid out all these problems to me once she was in CA.

Very sorry to hear about this, Kevin. I hope it was just the fit in (transition) time period for her and once she gets used to it, everything will be fine. Many VN ladies come to the US from a crowded city like HCMC usually get homesick, cultural shock, especially those with high expectations. MN is not a big, crowded states like CA or NY so it's easy to be bored with not many people around, especially Vietnamese. It happened to me once.

[keka 1]

Well , i was in the same situation!

I feel really strange in USA . . i live alone many years but now its really hard for me..if i want to talk to somebody i cant T_T . .

I find a facebook page of mexicans living in Boston but its hard anyways.. everybody have their own family and life so is not just jumping to have friends and thats it . .

We fight ssometimes because my husband said that i should talk more to people .. now im pregnant and its even harder . .

I understand what she feels.. the only thing that help me was when i back to study korean language on saturdays.. but now im in vacations so im crazy again . .

Its really hard.. and we know its going to be like this when we come to USA but its just something that dont make you feel happy . .

I love my husband! We have good days,bad days but i dont think that i can live all my life in USA . . And i hope and i really want my husband and i stay together forever . .

Thats why i try to be strong because i love him! I have 8 months here so lets see . .