My Journey might be over

[Kevin and 10]

I notice your timeline to get her to USA is long which is very difficult on a relationship. It sounds like others are working against you, for all you know her brother is talking her into to leaving you. The part where she went to VN for 3 months and came back changed sounds like maybe she met some one else I am sorry for being disrespectable . I know you put alot into this I wish you the best. I am curious since you live in a small town, does she work or go to school? How many hours a day are you away from her? I think the communication gap and long time apart are a real strain that is difficult to overcome. And if others are putting ideas in her head about she can work, live, meet someone else then that is ehat is probably going on.

None taken. The thought has crossed my mind. I know VN woman like to save face and not tell the truth, but I don't think she did.

She doesn't work. We've tried to get her a job, but since shes isn't fluent they won't hire her. She didn't want to go to school yet. I'm gone for about 9-10 hours a day.

I have a feeling someone filled her full of BS while she was in VN and that her new friend in San Jose is too.

Her brother isn't taking sides between us. He's trying to get her to sit down with me a talk things over, but she's being stubborn. She wanted to move out on her own to work, ect. He told her either she live with me, him, or goes back to VN. If she didn't do any of those three, not to call him for support, whether for money or otherwise.

[batya 0]

Im new in the website, but im sorry to heard that my friend, Im from colombia, but i lived in NJ for 6 years so im already used to US lifestyle , but even though when i moved to CA with my hubby which is so much better than NJ i have my moments of going back to NJ with family, i dont have any relatives in CA and my husband's family doesnt like me, so yeah i have those moments , but it only lasts for a few hours and they i found myself blessed that i am with the man i love and thats life . but in your situation i think is her culture but im sorry we cant be blind , if she came back different it could be something else, if i were you, just DO your best for things to workout if they dont ..you will have peace that at the end you give her your love and did everything for her.. Good luck

Luisa H

[Brit Abroad 166]

Time to jump on a plane to sit down and talk it through face to face.

As a Brit, I found it hard coming to America so God only knows how a non-native English speaker finds it, and that's before adding in cultural difficulties and lack of confidence that a person who isn't outgoing will experience.

Lot of things it could be, but you're not going to know unless you can get her to open up. It's too easy to avoid discussions and dig heels in on the phone and in text, so you really need to head on down to CA and find out what's really going on.

Sorry for the emotional anguish you're going through, I hope it's resolved soon. Best of luck to you, both.

[Anh map 2,098]

Sorry to hear this news. You two worked very hard for a long time to get the visa.

It's a tough thing to make that move. So many changes. Some folks adapt well, others have more trouble. As others have said, many folks coming from VN have a time of homesickness.

If possible go there and sit down to talk face to face. At least try to get the issues out on the table between the two of you.

[Ronnie&Hang 12]

Kevin, it's been a sad morning just catching up on your news..but hang in there, your journey is NOT over yet, you worked too hard for it...

You said Tuyen is still over here in SJ with her relatives. Please fly over here ASAP and talk it out with her. It will be best face to face, and if she won't come back to MN for some reasons..it will be your only chance and the sooner the better.

I live about an hour and half from SJ and go back to SJ every weekend to visit my family. If you fly over here, you're welcome to stay with me and I can take you down to SJ to see Tuyen.

Whatever you decide to do..I wish you the best nhe...

ps: Co gi nhan tin cho minh ok, se cho so dt de goi nchuyen them nhe..cheer up!!

Edited June 8, 2011 by Ronnie&Hang

[clayr 35]

Hey Kevin, I don't want to say anything else negative for others to read but you have to imagine what does she do all day while you are at work? She's on the phone with her family and friends telling them she's not that happy and then they fill her head with ideas as to what to do. Right now I'm 3 years into getting my fiance a visa and we are definately drifting apart, 2 interviews 2 denials in 35 months since filing. So I am expecting the long drawn out process to take its toll on how we get along. I see her once a year for a month. But I live in a city that she can work at a Viet nail salon and be around people she can talk to and other things to do in the city. Your town doesn't offer much for a foreigner with no family and friends or speak english to do. So I can see how she can feel unhappy. My fiance is from a small town in VN and I hate it there. I sit in a chair all day and do nothing and go nowhere except maybe to use the internet, no one speaks english I can't even find a coke or potato chip. See what I mean? I've been to her town 3 times and more than 2 or 3 days is more than I can bear. I'm sure you can see her perspective, if it can't be repaired I'd blame it on the extreme long apart from one another trying to get a visa. The govt with their wait forever takes such a toll that the relationship was deeply damaged before she ever got here, 3 years? are you kidding??

[ScottThuy 140]

Kevin, it's been a sad morning just catching up on your news..but hang in there, your journey is NOT over yet, you worked too hard for it...

You said Tuyen is still over here in SJ with her relatives. Please fly over here ASAP and talk it out with her. It will be best face to face, and if she won't come back to MN for some reasons..it will be your only chance and the sooner the better.

I live about an hour and half from SJ and go back to SJ every weekend to visit my family. If you fly over here, you're welcome to stay with me and I can take you down to SJ to see Tuyen.

Whatever you decide to do..I wish you the best nhe...

ps: Co gi nhan tin cho minh ok, se cho so dt de goi nchuyen them nhe..cheer up!!

[joenlemy 2]

Kevin, I'm really sorry to hear this. If at all possible takes Ronnie up on his offer. This is best discussed face to face. . .Don't give up on her or your marriage. . . Good Luck Brother

[Kevin and 10]

Thank you everyone for the advice, support, and offers to help.

I don't think we can save the relationship. Too much time passed from the filing until the visa. She doesn't love me. Maybe she thought it would change once she got here, but it didn't.

Anyway, We both want each other to be happy. I guess I'll let her go. She's a good woman and there aren't any bad feeling between us. I just wish it didn't go down like this.

[luckytxn 2,264]

My babe also used to hold things in but I knew there was something wrong a few times. I was persistent though and kept at it until she told me. I am guessing it is a VN thing or even she is from a huge family. (12 or 13 brothers and sisters) She does now tell me and talk to me pretty quickly and it is usually easy to get over once the issue is out.

I have introduced a fellow truck driver I have known for awhile to a cousin of my wife and they have hit it off. He is also living in a small town in Mn. He told me that he would move toward us in Texas when I stated my concerns but about a month ago he told me he bought a house in this small town. I felt that maybe I should try to squelch this budding romance as he did break a promise and talked to my wife but she said they are getting along great and to leave them be. Now I feel that I maybe I ought to sit her down and explain about this and the possible unhappiness. Exactly what I have been worried about is happening with you now.

My babe was also homesick but we have a huge VN community where I live and my wife has made many friends that she is the center of. (It may have to do that she can employ any one of them when she wants and has several times done so.) It has to be very hard to try to settle down where there is no one around really. Of course I am no psych major but she seems to be projecting some hostility toward you and it may be for putting her through this. (You aren't of course but she may feel that you have) I do like that her brother is in your corner. Maybe there is a possibility for him to make her see the light and get her to open up. This seems like a nice long open talk is in order. You have gone through too much for too long to give up now. She has been here for too short of a time to assimilate.

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

Thank you everyone for the advice, support, and offers to help.

I don't think we can save the relationship. Too much time passed from the filing until the visa. She doesn't love me. Maybe she thought it would change once she got here, but it didn't.

Anyway, We both want each other to be happy. I guess I'll let her go. She's a good woman and there aren't any bad feeling between us. I just wish it didn't go down like this.

Are you sure? Why don't you try and fly out here to talk to her in person?

[Ronnie&Hang 12]

Thank you everyone for the advice, support, and offers to help.

I don't think we can save the relationship. Too much time passed from the filing until the visa. She doesn't love me. Maybe she thought it would change once she got here, but it didn't.

Anyway, We both want each other to be happy. I guess I'll let her go. She's a good woman and there aren't any bad feeling between us. I just wish it didn't go down like this.

Kevin..can you see how much supports and care from people here??? If nothing comes of it, at least I want you to give it a try, and knowing you have done your best.

My offer is standing for you any time you change your mind.

I would definitely hope you will reconsider this...

Ronnie

[Kevin and 10]

Are you sure? Why don't you try and fly out here to talk to her in person?

You're right. That's the only way I will know.

Edited June 8, 2011 by Kevin and Tuyen

[adiiann 163]

What helped my wife to adjust I adopted her a pet from the pound. Now she finds that she has something in common with the people she meets. Really helped her out in breaking the ice in meeting new friends. good luck.

[hniHnitsuJ 8]

You're right. That's the only way I will know.

Kevin, I had been reading your thread since this morning.

Welcome to CALIFORNIA, and your final decision is 100% RIGHT. Face to Face with her, and get the help and support from her brother. And, I hope you will bring her back in MN or you both will be moving to N. Cali.

Good luck, and wish you the best.

Loi and Suong

p.s. BTW, if you have time come down to OC, and I will tour you around LITTLE SAIGON. And, I am sure you and your wife will feel like home(VN) here in Little Saigon, Orange County, S. California.