Extremely home sick

[Krikit 1,164]

I like it more and I'm still a nobody. lol

[Canadiandggal 49]

I like it more and I'm still a nobody. lol

lol I dont mind being a nobody per say but I have absolutely zero people to talk to around me... My husbands family and my husband are on the outs so no talking to them. I talk to my dogs a lot, sounds crazy but it works ha ha

[thetreble 19]

Laura,

I've got your back, girl! You and I have something in common, we both moved to Jersey. There is no doubt in my mind that New Jersey has to be one of the hardest places to adapt to in the US. God, I've struggled. I've got a great job, some decent mates and I'm now in a town that is tolerable for me. (I'm in Montclair, by the way) However, I'm still getting up every morning wanting to be back home in Toronto. Any one who has seen people from New Jersey on tv, let me tell you, it's about 99% accurate.

My husband and I had our four year wedding anniversary on Sunday. He asked me how I felt our relationship was going thus far. I told him that I loved him, that I enjoy being married to him, but I still am struggling to adapt to living here.

Laura, you and I are still young and with no children, so picking up and moving isn't an unrealistic plan. I'm setting a plan forward for myself. I'm going to naturalize now so that just in case anything happens, I can always come back.

The next is for me to find a job. If I can find a decent job, I'm going to move first and live at home with my mum as to not incur an expense.

Jared will move back in with his dad and commute to work. We will start to process his immigration paperwork & I will help him hunt for a job.

We do have a house and it's being rented out right now so I hope to keep on renting it out or sell it once the market begins to level.

I feel like at least I have a plan now and no one is holding me back. Jared is still not 100% convinced, but I don't care. I have tried, I have really, really tried. But my love and my allegiance to Canada is so strong. I can't imagine being without it for the rest of my life.

PS- Kathryn, well said love. Very well said.

[Ontarkie 14,222]

Homeschooling (was 4 kids now 2 the older 2 will both be in College this year), and this pregnancy have been keeping me occupied. Before the oldest started College I would of in a heart beat gone back to Canada now I'm sorta on the fence. I want to go back to the SOO, but I know they would have to go so far for their schooling Sault College has nothing for them. But then I think of my daughter and just how severe her learning disabilities are and how she wont get any real help here makes me want to run. I keep saying Canada is home too, my husband doesn't mind but some others do. We have only been back once and that was almost 2 yrs ago, and we don't know when we can go back. My parents are supposed to come by just before my due date so hopefully they do. As for not finding a job and friends I suck at both I tried finding work up till I found out I was pregnant then I gave up, I have met a few ppl in the neighbourhood but its not like home to me they are more acquaintances then friends. So much here still freaks me out like the interstate I wont drive any where I get lost way too easy. And no getting out there and driving places so I can figure out wont work for me. I spent almost all my life in the Sault and still got lost and I miss 2 lane highways hahaha. Thank god for vj some times it just nice to read that we are not alone.

[^_^ 5,021]

TV portrayals are accurate?????? Wow. Not in the Jersey I've lived in for all these years, it's not.

[thetreble 19]

TV portrayals are accurate?????? Wow. Not in the Jersey I've lived in for all these years, it's not.

That's my opinion. Maybe you have had a different experience than me. I work at a state college. Half the kids I come into contact with look and act like Snooki. Their parents aren't much different, unfortunately. I've been coming here, though, since 2004.

Also, I suppose it depends on where you live. South Jersey is very different than North Jersey.

Edited June 1, 2011 by thetreble

[^_^ 5,021]

Middlesex/Somerset here. I attended a state college. Recall very few Snooki types. Have lived here since 1993.

So yeah, we disagree I find the TV portrayals to be wildly inaccurate.

Edited June 1, 2011 by \

[thetreble 19]

Middlesex/Somerset here. Also went to a state college. Recall very few Snooki types. Have lived here since 1993.

So yeah, we disagree I find the TV portrayals to be wildly inaccurate.

I'm not sure when you went to college, but things have changed drastically in the last few years.

Middlesex and Somerset counties are much different than Essex, Bergen and Union. I've lived in some of the most urban areas in New Jersey, including Hillside (next to Irvington, Newark and Elizabeth) By the way, those places are pretty unpleasant for a Canadian girl!

I was definitely over exaggerating a bit when I say the tv portrayals are accurate. But the point I was trying to get at, I suppose, is people from New Jersey are extremely confrontational and rude. Maybe it's because I have to deal with the public all day at work, but the amount of times people yell at me on the phone, use profanity, hang up on me is so often that I have just learned to equate it to normal. That should never be normal.

[^_^ 5,021]

I'm not sure when you went to college, but things have changed drastically in the last few years.

Middlesex and Somerset counties are much different than Essex, Bergen and Union. I've lived in some of the most urban areas in New Jersey, including Hillside (next to Irvington, Newark and Elizabeth) By the way, those places are pretty unpleasant for a Canadian girl!

I was definitely over exaggerating a bit when I say the tv portrayals are accurate. But the point I was trying to get at, I suppose, is people from New Jersey are extremely confrontational and rude. Maybe it's because I have to deal with the public all day at work, but the amount of times people yell at me on the phone, use profanity, hang up on me is so often that I have just learned to equate it to normal. That should never be normal.

In the 90s. Not that long ago.

I hear you on the more urban areas. They suck. I stay the hell away when possible. My stomping grounds are basically up and down 287 from Edison to Bridgewater. I like it. People aren't as rude or confrontational, unless you work in customer service. I did that for a year in college at an electronics store in Edison. Holy ####### people can get fukced up when it comes to their money.

[thetreble 19]

haha. Yeah that area is a pretty nice area over in Bridgewater. My mother in law lives in Berkeley Heights.

I just feel like you can't win in Jersey. I live in a nice town now. Average median home price? $670,000 they said a few weeks ago. Average taxes? $15,000. Come on, you know? How is that affordable. It's not even a city with city amenities.

I just feel like I get ripped off everywhere, and, socially, it's not worth it. People in Canada are pretty laid back. I find people up here in North Jersey are WIRED. I had a nasty employee at work say to me yesterday, "If you didn't think I was crazy before, now you know." LOL Who says that? I don't work in customer service or anything, but as a policy maker, I do feel like I might as well be a service rep. most days!

I guess New Jersey is just more than I can stomach. I've met some really nice people here bu after 5 years, meeting only a few nice people says a lot to me.

Edited June 1, 2011 by thetreble

[Moosker 7]

Hugs!!!

I was in that same spot mentally and emotionally at least my first year/year and a half of living here. I would beg my husband and say "do you prooooomise that we can one day move back?" He is always considering it, and nothing is out of the question. We're still young, he has a great business, and now I'm more settled, but we would love to by a rinky-fink little cottage up north in the future. That thought alone is exciting for me!

When I moved here, and I finally got a job (I hated it), then I got a job in my field (and was commuting for 3+ hours a day=totally miserable/no quality of life), and now, I finally have a great job, with a short commute, we just bought a house that I love dearly, and I feel so much more "at home". We were living in a busy area and I just felt miserable. Your house makes a big difference! I DO always say "I'm going home..." when we talk about Canada. That's where my heart is! I found around here it's hard to make friends, everyone is in their own little career world, but I have now found friendships, forced myself to be more involved, and that was helped immensely. My parents have a cottage up in Muskoka, and when they retire, summers up there, winters at our place (way less snow). I think mentally knowing my parents will spend more time with us in the future helps me feel good about being here. What also helped me, and still does, is always having trips planned, either I go up to Ontario, or my Mom comes down to Maryland. We can find great tickets through Southwest, make it a long weekend, and I am not nearly as homesick! If it's a few months in between visits we'll plan something. I have found that looking forward to a visit makes a world of difference.

It's hard to just make yourself feel better. When your mind is made up and you "hate it here" (been there!) it's hard to change, but it can happen! My brother told me "first list out, all the bad things that happened to me today. Then list out, all the good things, happy things that I saw/happened to me today." It mentally forces you to say "the weather was great, I applied for 4 jobs and get to go home in 47 days....etc". Then you don't allow yourself to focus on all the bad

Thinking of you!

[^_^ 5,021]

I had a nasty employee at work say to me yesterday, "If you didn't think I was crazy before, now you know." LOL Who says that?

No one I know.

My wife was in a workplace like that briefly. She liked the job because it paid well but her coworkers were messed in the head. One of them wanted to "take her down" over a cube assignment. Got all up in her face and everything.

[thetreble 19]

wow! I can see that happening, actually, where I work. I'm glad she got out of there. I worked for a construction company in Edison when I first moved here and got an SSN. The boss' wife found out he was cheating with his assistant, came into the office, through tables around, broke stuff, smashed up his car. I actually ended up having a panic attack. I never thought I'd ever experience something like that at work!

That is, of course, until the FBI showed up asking for the boss.

[^_^ 5,021]

wow! I can see that happening, actually, where I work. I'm glad she got out of there. I worked for a construction company in Edison when I first moved here and got an SSN. The boss' wife found out he was cheating with his assistant, came into the office, through tables around, broke stuff, smashed up his car. I actually ended up having a panic attack. I never thought I'd ever experience something like that at work!

That is, of course, until the FBI showed up asking for the boss.

construction company well of course. now there's a sub-culture that comes close to tv stereotypes.

[thetreble 19]

haha Yep!!

Sorry we took this thread a bit off topic. I do feel your pain though, Laura. I was so homesick the first year or so. I'm not as homesick but I still feel it all the time. I still go back to Canada at least 6 or 7 times a year.