We don't fight..... we hardly speak to each other any more.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I simply don't understand why people post thier relationship issues on the internet..

They want someone who doesn't know them, and who has no emotional stake in the outcome, to confirm to them what the rational side of their brain already knows.

[kennym 275]

They want someone who doesn't know them, and who has no emotional stake in the outcome, to confirm to them what the rational side of their brain already knows.

Jim

I understand what you're saying, but my issue is, often the internet is a lot like the Jerry Springer show.. There is a lot of people quick to give advise, I've seen good points made by many here on this subject.. but, that advise is based on the Advice Giver, not knowing ALL the facts... Objectivity is possible, but most of the time it's hard to find and people want to apply the advise to their situation.. It's simply dangerous...

Then there is "the other side of the story" which is often missing.. So, again, nobody can give oobjective advise.. There also is the possibilty of OP, who may have mis-intepreted or poorly analyzed his / her situation...

The internet simply is not the proper place to seek advise of this nature... Something this serious, delicate, and complex, should be resolved in a more intimate manner.. We will never know the otherside of this story, (Likely), so the OP will need to decide for himself.. In the end, it's the same... Using a public internet forum to confirm anything, rational or not, is simply risky..

Kenny

Edited June 29, 2011 by kennym

[Andie 147]

For whatever reasons this is a marriage that has severely gone wrong and if it is beyond any sort of counselling requires legal intervention since (it appears) intentions of the woman may not have been sincere at the outset. It may be that the ex is the closest person that she can talk to (giving benefit of the doubt) about her issues but on the other hand why not a sister, girlfriend etc.

If the OP is clearly being shut out then it would be impossible for him to try to repair or redirect any errors or misconceptions that have occurred. As outsiders we can only speculate on how bad the situation might be and we are not living with it day to day. Sounds pretty horrible to me.

Communication solely via email is obviously extreme and if this is the best to be expected then there is no point in continuing. It seems very early in the piece to behave in this manner, if ever. If you love someone enough to marry them then there should be a much closer relationship than this suggests and if anything should be able to discuss insecurities and uncertainties. This doesn't appear to be the case at all. An extremely unhappy situation.

[therese828 4]

This is definitely not the woman that you would like to spend your whole life with.

An old adage says, that once a ####### always a #######...and only a ####### do this.

Best of luck...

you are absolutely right sis.i hope she's not from the philippines

[kennym 275]

If the OP is clearly being shut out then it would be impossible for him to try to repair or redirect any errors or misconceptions that have occurred. As outsiders we can only speculate on how bad the situation might be and we are not living with it day to day. Sounds pretty horrible to me.

This is my point...

We dont know if he is being shut out.. we know what he states as his side of the story.. but as all of us know, the story teller usually will either intentionally or unintentionally give his perspective.. Of course, if he has been shut out for whatever reason, fault or no fault, it's a hard to repair the relationship., but we simply don't know what led up to his situation.. we dont know any of the otherside of the story,,

Giving advise is simply dangerous because some VJS might Actually use our advise... That could be bad for the people directlv involved since we aren't getting the whole side of the story..

I beleive VJ should stick to immigration specific help... If the OP asks how I file a document to the USCIS, then help him.. but if he asks what should I do about my spouse calling me names, then let him know, we dont do relationship advise here..

Kenny

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Jim

I understand what you're saying, but my issue is, often the internet is a lot like the Jerry Springer show.. There is a lot of people quick to give advise, I've seen good points made by many here on this subject.. but, that advise is based on the Advice Giver, not knowing ALL the facts... Objectivity is possible, but most of the time it's hard to find and people want to apply the advise to their situation.. It's simply dangerous...

Then there is "the other side of the story" which is often missing.. So, again, nobody can give oobjective advise.. There also is the possibilty of OP, who may have mis-intepreted or poorly analyzed his / her situation...

The internet simply is not the proper place to seek advise of this nature... Something this serious, delicate, and complex, should be resolved in a more intimate manner.. We will never know the otherside of this story, (Likely), so the OP will need to decide for himself.. In the end, it's the same... Using a public internet forum to confirm anything, rational or not, is simply risky..

Kenny

This will always be the case. Even if you know both parties intimately, there will always be details you don't know. What a person is thinking might be a crucial factor in making a truly objective judgment, but that presumes they're going to share that information with you, and that you can separate yourself emotionally from the situation enough to be objective.

People turn to the internet because they believe it's relatively safe. They don't personally know the people they're talking to, and those people have no emotional stake in the outcome of the poster's situation, so they're likely to be open and honest, even if they don't have all of the facts. Unless someone is a complete emotional trainwreck, they'll understand that the responses they get are individual opinions and not professional advice. More often than not, they already know what they should do. They just want some confirmation from others that they're not totally screwing up.

[Deina 8]

This will always be the case. Even if you know both parties intimately, there will always be details you don't know. What a person is thinking might be a crucial factor in making a truly objective judgment, but that presumes they're going to share that information with you, and that you can separate yourself emotionally from the situation enough to be objective.

People turn to the internet because they believe it's relatively safe. They don't personally know the people they're talking to, and those people have no emotional stake in the outcome of the poster's situation, so they're likely to be open and honest, even if they don't have all of the facts. Unless someone is a complete emotional trainwreck, they'll understand that the responses they get are individual opinions and not professional advice. More often than not, they already know what they should do. They just want some confirmation from others that they're not totally screwing up.

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

Maybe you can also ask other husbands who are married to women where your wife is from. That will help a lot.

I think a few men married to Russian women have replied. I believe they agree that she is using him for a GC. What's left to discuss?

[kennym 275]

This will always be the case. Even if you know both parties intimately, there will always be details you don't know. What a person is thinking might be a crucial factor in making a truly objective judgment, but that presumes they're going to share that information with you, and that you can separate yourself emotionally from the situation enough to be objective.

People turn to the internet because they believe it's relatively safe. They don't personally know the people they're talking to, and those people have no emotional stake in the outcome of the poster's situation, so they're likely to be open and honest, even if they don't have all of the facts. Unless someone is a complete emotional trainwreck, they'll understand that the responses they get are individual opinions and not professional advice. More often than not, they already know what they should do. They just want some confirmation from others that they're not totally screwing up.

Those are good points Jim, I agree with you in Principle, but not sure if I would be comfortable doing it myself.. Anyhow, I can see your point..

I hope for the best for people involved,

I've known about situations where the USC was just an insensitive dirtbag to their foriegn spouse and simply left out pertinent details regarding the reason the spouse was upset and made everyone really feel sorry for him, but in fact he was just being unreasonable in his expectations..

Thats my concern here as well, and hope that as people involved in bringing in our partners from another country, that we can all be sensitive about how dificult these changes can be on many cultural diferences that the spouse will be adjusting to, as well as her new Partner who may not be ther person he/she thought...

Thanks Jim

Kenny

[Andie 147]

This is my point...

We dont know if he is being shut out.. we know what he states as his side of the story.. but as all of us know, the story teller usually will either intentionally or unintentionally give his perspective.. Of course, if he has been shut out for whatever reason, fault or no fault, it's a hard to repair the relationship., but we simply don't know what led up to his situation.. we dont know any of the otherside of the story,,

Giving advise is simply dangerous because some VJS might Actually use our advise... That could be bad for the people directlv involved since we aren't getting the whole side of the story..

I beleive VJ should stick to immigration specific help... If the OP asks how I file a document to the USCIS, then help him.. but if he asks what should I do about my spouse calling me names, then let him know, we dont do relationship advise here..

Kenny

That's why I used words like "if" and "we can only speculate" and recommended taking counselling or legal advice. Only the two parties involved know enough to make any real decisions. Now he has a range of "opinions" to work with as "possibilities".... or not.

Edited June 29, 2011 by Andie

[jundp 191]

There is a good number of no-nos which can turn Russian woman into a witch.

Isn't this true about any woman, regardless of her nationality?

To the OP: Clearly you and your wife need to sit down face to face and discuss the situation. If she insists that she wants only to be friends, then perhaps the best thing is for her to find her own place to live? I am sorry for her daughter, though.

[juliava 80]

I wonder if OP filed for divorce yet?

For some reason, this thread reminds me of another old thread about Russian women. OP- is this your first marriage?

[tc2010 0]

Actually this is my third marriage, with any luck at all and God's good grace, it will be my last.

Thankfully I have recently discovered meditation and am rediscovering my spirituality while keeping my integrity intact. It as been most comforting in yet another "drama" in this crazy life. For a pleasant change of pace I am finding peace and tranquility in the midst of turmoil, as I watch this plot unfold.

I will add at this time that much more is coming to light than ever expected and I am discovering (much to my disappointment) that my intuition and "gut feeling" has been right on the mark and 100% accurate.

I am not "going crazy"!

I am not "imagining things"!

Nor am I "twisting" or "distorting facts"!

I simply call it the way I see it!

It appears my "wife" has been "venting" on other Forums (plotting/planning divorce as early as January 2011) before I could file the paperwork for AOS.

Further it appears she was very concerned she would not be able to hold up convincing appearances 3 to 5 weeks before the April 28 USCIS interview in Detroit.

She vented about my 2 sons (both full time students, one in college the other in high school) not working, while she herself refused to even consider looking for work.

Her statements alone on the Forums would be enough to cause questions of her true intents of a "legitimate marriage"... let alone a "continuous and ongoing relationship".

By her own admissions in Forums the relationship was over before the AOS was filed. That in itself I do believe constitutes a fraudulent marriage, or at the very least marriage for fraudulent immigration purposes.

We have filed for divorce and it should be final the first part of October and I will be glad to get on with my life when this "act and scene" has played out.

Thanks to the concern and tips (sent by private messages here) from genuine and caring people in this Forum. I cannot express my thanks and gratitude enough.

I'm sure there will be more information (and drama) come forth as time progresses.

[TBoneTX 45,273]

Glad that you're finding some tranquility, si man. Please keep us apprised of everything that happens.

[tallcoolone 102]

4th and Long

Punt......................................