We don't fight..... we hardly speak to each other any more.

[jrmejia 31]

I think she is just homesick or a bit depressed. I am sure you guys will be fine. I read it happens all the time. Actually, I was corrected by many that feeling depressed, homesick, and bored is something natural. !

Edited June 1, 2011 by jrmejia

[jrmejia 31]

She doesn't love you, nor is she your friend. This bad relationship is a lot worse than being alone, and a friend wouldn't put you through this anguish.

T-Bone picked out some citations that indicate excellent candidacy for continued abuse through wishful thinking. All she will have to do is throw you a sop looking like affection now and then to keep you under her control.

Get divorced and move on. No point also in spending time/energy on whether she manipulated you for a green card. Just get your work done and protect yourself as best you can. It is always darkest before the dawn. Good luck, and down the road the right one will come along. But for now you just have to put one foot in front of the other and get your life back on track. Life without her.

Oppss! I thought she was homesick, bored, or depressed.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Had she not been a Russian, I would agree.

Unfortunately many of us Russians are quite twisted. She sounds like she's trying to hurt him by her words, not like she actually means it. There is a possible scenario in which she gave up everything she had (her apartment in Russia) and invested in this marriage... and then he did something which made her mad as hell. May be he treated her like a Russian bride, dunno. There is a good number of no-nos which can turn Russian woman into a witch.

For six months? I don't think so. I've dated Russian women and haven't found them to be significantly different from women anywhere else. Sure, there are cultural differences and different expectations, but the psychology is pretty much the same. They don't think differently from other women.

[rika60607 215]

Dating is different from marriage. Dating Russian woman is likely to be a total delight. If married and invested in a relationship, Russian woman will have high (emotional) expectations. If they are not met... uh oh.

This treatment can last a lifetime, forget 6 months... according to OP this woman is well educated and it seems like she had a sweet arrangement in Russia. Unless the OP is quite well off, living in a nice city and showering her with gifts, I doubt that her quality of life improved. She probably left Russia due to the whirlwind romance and because being older than 30 and with a child she did not have much marriage prospects in Russia. She is probably a high strong type (otherwise she'd not go for the transatlantic move).

Someone suggested she scammed for GC with purpose of bringing her ex to the US. THIS would never work for obvious reasons.

So what exactly did she gain by the move to the US? Ability to share a home with a man she obviously wants nothing to do with and yet has to depend on him for living? Delight of worrying about providing medical insurance for herself and the child? The right to working long hours for peanuts (if she has to pay for daycare to be able to work, peanuts will be all that's left of her salary even if she finds a good job)? She will not make it alone with a child in the States, not in the current economic situation. No credit history, her educational credentials probably need to be confirmed, and no, she won't work in McDonalds. She lost her social network of friends which is essential for survival in Russia. Does not look like she found a replacement in the US.

There was a similar case here on VJ, where the Russian wife would not allow her American husband to even touch her and avoid him at all costs... they had a serious discussion and resolved the issue (or that's the last I've heard).

For six months? I don't think so. I've dated Russian women and haven't found them to be significantly different from women anywhere else. Sure, there are cultural differences and different expectations, but the psychology is pretty much the same. They don't think differently from other women.

[TBoneTX 45,298]

I think she is just homesick or a bit depressed. I am sure you guys will be fine.

I have rarely seen a bigger misreading of a blatant, in-your-face obvious situation in all my time on VJ.

[Fandango 1,439]

Didn't read the whole thread, but wanted to say this:

Email her asking her why she married you. Somehow, get her to admit that it's a marriage of convenience for her. 'Did you only marry me to get here? Is that the kind of marriage this is? Where do you see us in 5 years?'

Once she emails back, compile all your emails to and fro, and send them to USCIS to get this hooker deported.

eta: keyloggers work great. Check the laws in your state if it's her computer though. I realize you're married, and 'community property' and all that...but if you didn't physically pay for it, there might be grey area.

All your answers and proof of fraud will be there.

Edited June 1, 2011 by Anita Cocktail

[quartercloud 5]

I have rarely seen a bigger misreading of a blatant, in-your-face obvious situation in all my time on VJ.

Another reason why I don't like forums. Anyone can post their opinion, right or wrong. And the poor schmuck looking for advice just sees conflicting responses. And the positive-attitude types see a silver lining in everything. Ignorant or too unworldly to see things with clear, open eyes.

[angel7407 33]

Another reason why I don't like forums. Anyone can post their opinion, right or wrong. And the poor schmuck looking for advice just sees conflicting responses. And the positive-attitude types see a silver lining in everything. Ignorant or too unworldly to see things with clear, open eyes.

Well, it's always a choice. Some people are stupid, or acting stupid, or in self denial. They refuse to open their eyes and see the reality. In the end, bigger damage has been done.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Dating is different from marriage. Dating Russian woman is likely to be a total delight. If married and invested in a relationship, Russian woman will have high (emotional) expectations. If they are not met... uh oh.

This treatment can last a lifetime, forget 6 months... according to OP this woman is well educated and it seems like she had a sweet arrangement in Russia. Unless the OP is quite well off, living in a nice city and showering her with gifts, I doubt that her quality of life improved. She probably left Russia due to the whirlwind romance and because being older than 30 and with a child she did not have much marriage prospects in Russia. She is probably a high strong type (otherwise she'd not go for the transatlantic move).

Someone suggested she scammed for GC with purpose of bringing her ex to the US. THIS would never work for obvious reasons.

So what exactly did she gain by the move to the US? Ability to share a home with a man she obviously wants nothing to do with and yet has to depend on him for living? Delight of worrying about providing medical insurance for herself and the child? The right to working long hours for peanuts (if she has to pay for daycare to be able to work, peanuts will be all that's left of her salary even if she finds a good job)? She will not make it alone with a child in the States, not in the current economic situation. No credit history, her educational credentials probably need to be confirmed, and no, she won't work in McDonalds. She lost her social network of friends which is essential for survival in Russia. Does not look like she found a replacement in the US.

There was a similar case here on VJ, where the Russian wife would not allow her American husband to even touch her and avoid him at all costs... they had a serious discussion and resolved the issue (or that's the last I've heard).

Nope, Russian women aren't any different than any other women. They may express themselves differently, but the psychology is the same.

What she wrote to him in that email was not an expression of anger or disappointment. She was not shutting him out emotionally. What she wrote was cold and matter-of-fact. The marriage isn't real. She thinks it's silly to pretend that it is. She believes marriage counseling is for people with real marriages, so it doesn't apply to them. She's willing to give up a little sex now and then in return for him basically leaving her alone. In her mind, this was an arrangement and she wants him to abide by it.

I'm sorry, but I've seen too many people get screwed by a foreign spouse because they kept trying to chalk up every obvious red flag as a cultural misunderstanding. This is no misunderstanding. She made herself quite clear.

[rlogan 2,036]

And the positive-attitude types see a silver lining in everything. Ignorant or too unworldly to see things with clear, open eyes.

Add also the people who would love to see someone make a catastrophic decision to entertain the poster.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I have rarely seen a bigger misreading of a blatant, in-your-face obvious situation in all my time on VJ.

Some posters like to play twisted games.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Another reason why I don't like forums. Anyone can post their opinion, right or wrong. And the poor schmuck looking for advice just sees conflicting responses. And the positive-attitude types see a silver lining in everything. Ignorant or too unworldly to see things with clear, open eyes.

Or just doing it to satisfy their own perverse pleasure.

[keysjangle 145]

"This is actually really silly. We have nothing to 'restore' so 'marriage restoration' is not about us. Can we just be friends who have sex sometimes? Without this artificial strain trying to act like what we are not?"

As a woman, this sounds to me more like "drama" or trying to get attention.

I would not call it fraud just because of this; but that is just me, I am not a husband feeling insecure.

Even if this is to stir drama, why would she say something like that? It's not like she made some superficial insult to try and get under his skin. She blatantly says the marriage is a joke, and that sex is meaningless to her. She must be some kind of twisted woman to offer her body up like that. Who cares what her reasons for marrying and moving are. Save all the evidence, and take control of this before she walks all over you even more.

Pitch the B*tch

[marklovetina 52]

Send her and child back to the Philippines. Forget that you ever met her!

:lol: eh ur just .... :whistle:

The OP never stated his wife is from the Philippines. So what made you think she is? There's a lot of people (men/women) like her all over the world. So why make such assumption?

:yes:

hey mr. papart banks where is ur post about ur toooooooottttt-tooooooooooootttt!!!!

to OP sorry to hear about that... u are very unfortunate to be with that kind of woman...

[Zee Bee 61]

I have rarely seen a bigger misreading of a blatant, in-your-face obvious situation in all my time on VJ.

I have to agree. It doesn't get any clearer than this.