We don't fight..... we hardly speak to each other any more.

[Shere&Doug 0]

this is really sad... I have seen this all the time where women take advatage of men Act like there so in love to get the opportunity to come to the US and shortly after they start acting like roommates... Now all this time she is spending online could mean that she is communicating with an Ex... u seem like a really loyal person who is willing to try to make it work, however it takes 2 to make it work... your best bet is to let USCIS know whats goingo on u have her emails as proof... get a divorce and let her go back to NOTHING in her country...its so sick that u have ppl like this... u have invested ur heart, time , money and love and what are u getting back? u really need to sit and think about this.... Good luck with ur decisions

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

In the opening post of this thread, the OP wrote (boldface added):Then:And:And:Should have talked about and understood all of these things before marrying and jumping through the immigration hoops. Marry in haste, repent at leisure. Make your bed, you lie in it. Out of the bedpan into the...

Too bad about the little daughter, but I'd kick the mom's hindquarters out of the house, NOW. This relationship doesn't come within a country mile of approximating a marriage, let alone a partnership.

I noticed these things too.

Sad situation. Just goes to remind people that you cannot marry someone you don't know without realising that you do risk a situation like this. Some people meet online (or in person) and quickly marry and they are the real thing...but it seems strange to me. It seems that in that situation you get married and have to get to know one another at the same time as starting a marriage plus you have to deal with being in a new Country. That must be very difficult. What happens when you see something you don't like...it's too late, you're already married.

I do hope it works out and as people say "She is just depressed".

I also hope you figure out a way to talk with her.

Helen

[beppo 8]

Put Network Magic on both Pc's or laptops. I would monitor to see what she's up to. Another option is to go to www.opendns.com and you can disable chat sites etc.

Hope things improve for you one way or the other.

[EasternDE 35]

Kicking someone out with a child is a bit rough in my humble opinion. You have also some responsabilities as you made her to come here.

So providing food and a roof is normal....

Providing internet is less "necessary".

I would cut the internet for a moment and see what's happening.

[beppo 8]

Kicking someone out with a child is a bit rough in my humble opinion. You have also some responsabilities as you made her to come here.

So providing food and a roof is normal....

Providing internet is less "necessary".

I would cut the internet for a moment and see what's happening.

I wouldn't cut it, I would monitor it in my opinion. At least he will have some sort of idea what she's up to.

[san diego 407]

Do you really know what she is doing on her computer? The answers to your concerns are probably there.

Regarding computer I disagree. This is probably the only way to communicate with her friends from Russia. And BTW, social networks are HUGE in Russia. People spend hours of work on "vkontakte" and "odnoklassniki". This is like epidemics there. So I would not put too much wait on her being on the computer.

[san diego 407]

I wouldn't cut it, I would monitor it in my opinion. At least he will have some sort of idea what she's up to.

Guys! Sorry! I am reading this and I feel like I am in twilight zone! Really! Monitoring someone's internet?? Are you serious?? If you do this you may as well just give up and divorce! I think this is one most damaging thing you can do to your mate. Start monitoring their activities. This is damaging to the relationship, unethical and humiliating to yourself. Don't do this! Be a man! Don't lower yourself to this. It can be that she is depressed. I doubt it. I do not know her motives. I can tell you from my previous marriage: 1 year before I filed for divorce I started feeling when my ex-wife touches me I want to immediately get her hand off me. This means that person does not love another person. This is for sure. No counseling will help. It is absolutely irrelevant if she used you for green card or she lost her feelings once already here or you made her mad. I would not recommend anything but just file for divorce. She is a big girl and will figure out her way back home.

[rlogan 2,036]

She doesn't love you, nor is she your friend. This bad relationship is a lot worse than being alone, and a friend wouldn't put you through this anguish.

T-Bone picked out some citations that indicate excellent candidacy for continued abuse through wishful thinking. All she will have to do is throw you a sop looking like affection now and then to keep you under her control.

Get divorced and move on. No point also in spending time/energy on whether she manipulated you for a green card. Just get your work done and protect yourself as best you can. It is always darkest before the dawn. Good luck, and down the road the right one will come along. But for now you just have to put one foot in front of the other and get your life back on track. Life without her.

[xoxo77 1]

Wow! Sorry to read about your anguish over 'inter-racial marriage' dude! I'd say it's really very hard to adjust. First of all, everything is just DIFFERENT. From culture, to language, educational and family background, weather, food, lifestyle, even religion or sometimes if not your case-- BIG AGE difference and so on and so forth. I don't blame you. I myself is having a hard time adjusting to an American husband, pretty much having a hard time adjusting to a progressive society. It's very hard. He get's impatient, frustrated,annoyed, grouchy, disappointed, lost and confused lol name all those negative feelings you feel right now and that's what he had to experience with me times 5 coz we've been married for 5 years now.lol =)

The scariest story I can tell you was when we had this crazy disagreement I walked out of the house to avoid him and the next thing had happened was there were ambulance, firetruck and cop cars. Yes, I wreck. I thought I died. That was my turning point. It was his too. My husband isn't the softy teary sensitive guy. Although he's not showy, I feel that he cared and was scared to lose me.

I couldn't afford to lose this battle. I refuse to give up on him. Sure he's not perfect, and Im not either. Tell me who is? Ask yourself..WHAT's your priority in life dude? If your priorities aren't well established then you need to. You don't have a LIFETIME to keep repeating same old mistake like what others did.

Marriage is not about whirlwind romance. It's building a relationship over time. It's what defines you and builds your character being the man and husband in the house. It's about accountability & responsibility to be the head in the household.

Don't blame each other. Just talk and be open to one another. What needs & wants arent met. Learn to be patient. Like us, we still have disagreements here and there. God healed our emotional vulnerabilities. Im thankful for that.

Love and get hurt, get hurt and learn, learn and let go, let go and grow, grow and love each other again. That's my motto.

God bless you brother. I'll pray for you.

[xoxo77 1]

Maybe you can also ask other husbands who are married to women where your wife is from. That will help a lot. Try to join organizations in your area that will make her more comfortable and feel a little more at home. There has to be a reason why she's acting as such.

[Max1gk 68]

There's a lot of conjecture going on, but I keep coming back to this one statement. This isn't ambiguous, and can't be explained away by cultural differences. "Nothing to restore"? "Artificial strain"? "Act like what we ware not"? She doesn't consider this marriage to be genuine. She never did. She apparently thought he understood this, as well. The deal, in her mind, was two years of occasional sex in return for a ten year green card.

If anyone still has any doubts, I ask you to pretend for a moment that the OP married the American girl next door, and she was behaving like the OP's wife, and she sent him the comment quoted above. Would you have any doubt that the marriage was a sham in her mind?

Couldn't have said it better,I agree 100%

[Que Saudade 284]

Protect yourself and your best interest. Make sure you start keeping documentation of everything is going on. The last thing you need is another nasty divorce. The way this is looking, maybe you had better start consulting legal advice and protect yourself.

This is not a pretty story and doesn't sound like there is going to be a happy ending. I am sorry that you have to go through this, but at this point, maybe you should stop enabling her.

Good Luck..... tough situation you have.....

[dan_ling 6]

After reading your posts it sounds as if your wife planned on coming to the US and then divorcing you and filing to have her ex-husband immigrate to the US in the future. If your wife said that the ex did not visit the daughter much but was in the picture while you were there, something is up! I hope I'm wrong for your sake.

[leahandlucas 15]

She is a big girl and will figure out her way back home.

Dude...she has (by the looks of things) NO INTENTIONS of going home. Who would want to go back to Russia???...

And using him for a green card IS RELEVANT, of course it is..it's called FRAUD, especially if she deceived him from the start and him not even having an idea.

[Kiv 32]

"This is actually really silly. We have nothing to 'restore' so 'marriage restoration' is not about us. Can we just be friends who have sex sometimes? Without this artificial strain trying to act like what we are not?"

As a woman, this sounds to me more like "drama" or trying to get attention.

I would not call it fraud just because of this; but that is just me, I am not a husband feeling insecure.