We don't fight..... we hardly speak to each other any more.

[gigi_a 0]

May be your wife is just depressed and America is not what she expected. Try and talk to her about it and get the real reason why she is acting like that. She could be bored, which would make her quite, for a lack of better word, "unpleasant" to you. It happens all the time even with couples where both spouses are from here. I understand that the child doesn't know the language yet but she will have to learn English at some point why not start now!

There are a few things you could do:

1. Have her find a job or may be take up a hobby (local colleges offer cooking, painting,etc classes), get a gym membership. Something to occupy her time other than the internet.

2. Try to do fun things together. Parks, pools, playgrounds are all acceptable family pass times.

3. If the child is athletic or interested in dance you two can sign her up for something and go to the games/dances together. By taking her to her lessons/practices your wife can meet other moms and make some friends too!

If you are really unhappy though... you know what you have to do. But give her a chance, you might be surprised!

[Vi-Jay 218]

May be your wife is just depressed and America is not what she expected. Try and talk to her about it and get the real reason why she is acting like that. She could be bored, which would make her quite, for a lack of better word, "unpleasant" to you. It happens all the time even with couples where both spouses are from here. I understand that the child doesn't know the language yet but she will have to learn English at some point why not start now!

There are a few things you could do:

1. Have her find a job or may be take up a hobby (local colleges offer cooking, painting,etc classes), get a gym membership. Something to occupy her time other than the internet.

2. Try to do fun things together. Parks, pools, playgrounds are all acceptable family pass times.

3. If the child is athletic or interested in dance you two can sign her up for something and go to the games/dances together. By taking her to her lessons/practices your wife can meet other moms and make some friends too!

If you are really unhappy though... you know what you have to do. But give her a chance, you might be surprised!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s_BW1n_9aI

[tc2010 0]

I am not sure how nationality would play an important part in all this, but she is from Russia.... not the Phils.

I am aware however that the age differences would have a major impact on a relationship, especially our 21 years difference between us.

I neglected to mention the daughters age which as of a week ago is 4 y.o., yes she is of pre-school age. That still is not an excuse to haunt the parks and playgrounds for 4 to 8 hours each day. There are plenty of daycare providers in the area and there are opportunities for employment in the area.

As to whether it was all originally for a green card or not, only she will ever know for sure what her true motives were/are. The circumstances seem to be stacking up to lean in that direction at this time.

[A and T 82]

Sounds like she married you just to get out of her previous country, I would divorce and send her back. She doesn't want to try and it sounds as if you are trying . If she doesnt want to try then tell her you will divorce and they can send her home.

Edited May 31, 2011 by Adam and Thet

[rika60607 215]

If she's Russian...

- did she find any friends? 6 months and no friends could do this to a Russian woman. Does she know anyone in the US?

- for a Russian, her attitude towards counceling is normal, and is not an indicator of fraud.

She sounds depressed to me. I strongly recommend you talk to her in a non-confrontational yet firm manner... and discuss the future. My guess is that she's disappointed... Russians tend to have high standards of living and too high of expectations towards the US.

[rika60607 215]

She's got a conditional GC. OP can not send her back. She can go of her own volition. THEY will not send her back unless there is serious evidence of fraud.

OP - did she sell her apartment when she went to the US? Is this why she has "no home to return to"?

Sounds like she married you just to get out of her previous country, I would divorce and send her back. She doesn't want to try and it sounds as if you are trying . If she doesnt want to try then tell her you will divorce and they can send her home.

[Que Saudade 284]

What's the age difference between you two?

Oh here we come with the age difference argument. At this point age has nothing to do with it. It is what it is and he is in a terrible situation as well as she may be also. But seriously, having to email her is ridiculous. How can 2 human beings resolve anything if you can not even sit down and hold an intellectual conversation.

Edited May 31, 2011 by John & Mari

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

What's the age difference between you two?

Age difference has nothing to do with their current situation. They knew their age gap before they got married.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

"This is actually really silly. We have nothing to 'restore' so 'marriage restoration' is not about us. Can we just be friends who have sex sometimes? Without this artificial strain trying to act like what we are not?"

There's a lot of conjecture going on, but I keep coming back to this one statement. This isn't ambiguous, and can't be explained away by cultural differences. "Nothing to restore"? "Artificial strain"? "Act like what we ware not"? She doesn't consider this marriage to be genuine. She never did. She apparently thought he understood this, as well. The deal, in her mind, was two years of occasional sex in return for a ten year green card.

If anyone still has any doubts, I ask you to pretend for a moment that the OP married the American girl next door, and she was behaving like the OP's wife, and she sent him the comment quoted above. Would you have any doubt that the marriage was a sham in her mind?

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

There's a lot of conjecture going on, but I keep coming back to this one statement. This isn't ambiguous, and can't be explained away by cultural differences. "Nothing to restore"? "Artificial strain"? "Act like what we ware not"? She doesn't consider this marriage to be genuine. She never did. She apparently thought he understood this, as well. The deal, in her mind, was two years of occasional sex in return for a ten year green card.

If anyone still has any doubts, I ask you to pretend for a moment that the OP married the American girl next door, and she was behaving like the OP's wife, and she sent him the comment quoted above. Would you have any doubt that the marriage was a sham in her mind?

:thumbs:

I doubt this was ever a bona fide marriage from her perspective.

[MRStee 19]

I cannot offer any advice that others haven't already given you, but I will say apologize for HER lack of heart regarding your marriage and her exsistence here in the States! Not to mention the daughter having to be put through this mess. I will pray for HER, because you seem to be genuine. You will find love again that you deserve. Not this person who is your "wife" in name only.

Good luck to you

[rika60607 215]

Had she not been a Russian, I would agree.

Unfortunately many of us Russians are quite twisted. She sounds like she's trying to hurt him by her words, not like she actually means it. There is a possible scenario in which she gave up everything she had (her apartment in Russia) and invested in this marriage... and then he did something which made her mad as hell. May be he treated her like a Russian bride, dunno. There is a good number of no-nos which can turn Russian woman into a witch.

There's a lot of conjecture going on, but I keep coming back to this one statement. This isn't ambiguous, and can't be explained away by cultural differences. "Nothing to restore"? "Artificial strain"? "Act like what we ware not"? She doesn't consider this marriage to be genuine. She never did. She apparently thought he understood this, as well. The deal, in her mind, was two years of occasional sex in return for a ten year green card.

If anyone still has any doubts, I ask you to pretend for a moment that the OP married the American girl next door, and she was behaving like the OP's wife, and she sent him the comment quoted above. Would you have any doubt that the marriage was a sham in her mind?

[tc2010 0]

To my understanding she lived in an apartment which was owned by her ex and was living there with her daughter rent free.

At the same time she was self employed as a freelance interpreter/translator. I'm not aware of the full details of the arrangement, but her ex provided her with a monthly allowance for living expenses for her and her daughter.

According to her the ex lived with his mother and only rarely visited the daughter. There were however numerous times during our video chats that her ex was present at the apartment "to visit with the 3 y.o. daughter.

I'm not sure what to make of the present happenings, she seems to be going to great lengths to keep the lines of communication open with the ex, while snubbing me.

I hate to think the worst of anyone, but since a rather nasty divorce from my ex-wife, the breakdown in our communication is sure not helping my own hypervigilance (or paranoia) as the case may be.

I would prefer to think the root cause is depression or some other malady instead of jumping to conclusions and assumptions of her sole motive for comming here is U.S. citizenship.

She is very well educated and would be a very valuable asset to any organization she chose to work for. She is a complete and incurable "social butterfly", very much my opposite. I tend to enjoy periods of peace and quiet away from the mobs and crowds. I can't fault her for that as a personality trait.

The lack of communications and the absence of any long term plans and goals sure has my nerves on edge at this time.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Now begins the rationalizations.

[Carol & Tim 4]

I am so sorry for you! Hope everything be ok between the two of you.