Need advice

[cardinal 1]

Hi all,

I am fairly private and usually don't like to discuss my personal life, but this is a great forum and I need some advice from people who have been through this

In a nutshell, we have known each other about 1.5 years and lived in the same city together for about 9 months. Without getting into too many details, his financial situation has changed since he proposed, and he would be coming to the US this fall with few to no assets. I am not overly concerned about this since I have a good raise coming in september and my salary will double at the end of the year when I finish my degree (yes!!), so and we should easily be able to live on my salary until he gets his EAD and finds a job and/or gets into a PhD program with a fellowship. He, however, is not comfortable with this situation and wants to either go back to Burkina after he finishes his masters and delay coming to the US until he has built up some assets, or stay in france and do his PhD there and THEN come to the US in a few years when he thinks he will be able to find a good job more easily (which I disagree with given the number ofd unemployed PhDs in the US, but whatever). He is not a typical West African man in many ways but he does have that sense of obligation that he should not be dependent on his wife for money even if it is just for a few months.

This is obviously causing a lot of tension, compounded by the fact that we are both going through stressful periods at work/school. I am kind of at a loss for what to say and am feeling very frustrated (which he knows, we talk about this a lot). Moving to France or Burkina is not really an option for me right now although we do want to move back to Burkina in the future when we are more secure in our careers (we both work in international development-related fields, doing research). We also want to have kids and I am 30 so there is time pressure too.

I don't want to force him to do something he is not ready to do, but I am sick of being apart and not sure I can handle another few years of this. I sense that a big part of this is that he is worried about not finding a good job in the US, which is partly a result of his negative experience in france. If he had a guaranteed job in his field that he could start right after he got his EAD I think he would not feel so nervous about all this. He does not have any family or friends in the US (although our mutual friends are also be applying for a K1 visa) so no one to reassure him about the process of finding work here as an immigrant

I guess I'm just wondering whether anyone on here who has been through this has any advice for me or him. Is there anything I can say or do to help reassure him? I have told him that I will do everything I can to help him adjust and find a job, and that if things don't work out after a few years, we should think about moving.

thanks

[Zee Bee 61]

The first question is: what is his field of study?

If he has no US work experience it may be harder for him to find a job in his field.

My husband had the same reservations when he was coming here. He was worried about not getting a job in his field of study (he had a bachelor's) and had resigned himself to finding any kind of work before really looking into his field. We talked about it and decided that he would get any job he could because money was not an issue but I knew that he would not be OK sitting at home while I worked. He found a job in sales and was at that for a few months and then moved into a manager position that he preferred at another company and he only got it because of the sales experience (that he hated). Its given him the opportunity to go back to school and focus on finding jobs that are in his field once he graduates. His current job is not in his field, but it is giving him skills that will be invaluable down the road.

So, the point of that is this, you need to let him know that its OK if he is not the "bread winner" for now (I understand how hard this may be). He may need to build up his work here before he can really do what he wants. As long as he is busy then I think he will be OK. Even if he finds a job it doesn't mean that he stops looking. My husband is constantly looking at jobs in his field to see what he will be eligible for once he graduates.

One thing about the PhD, if he has the opportunity to do it here, I would urge him to do that because it will open doors for him down the road here than coming from another country with no US experience. It will also give him better access to fellowships, grants and other support that will help him in finding a job when he is done.

[cardinal 1]

The first question is: what is his field of study?

If he has no US work experience it may be harder for him to find a job in his field.

My husband had the same reservations when he was coming here. He was worried about not getting a job in his field of study (he had a bachelor's) and had resigned himself to finding any kind of work before really looking into his field. We talked about it and decided that he would get any job he could because money was not an issue but I knew that he would not be OK sitting at home while I worked. He found a job in sales and was at that for a few months and then moved into a manager position that he preferred at another company and he only got it because of the sales experience (that he hated). Its given him the opportunity to go back to school and focus on finding jobs that are in his field once he graduates. His current job is not in his field, but it is giving him skills that will be invaluable down the road.

So, the point of that is this, you need to let him know that its OK if he is not the "bread winner" for now (I understand how hard this may be). He may need to build up his work here before he can really do what he wants. As long as he is busy then I think he will be OK. Even if he finds a job it doesn't mean that he stops looking. My husband is constantly looking at jobs in his field to see what he will be eligible for once he graduates.

One thing about the PhD, if he has the opportunity to do it here, I would urge him to do that because it will open doors for him down the road here than coming from another country with no US experience. It will also give him better access to fellowships, grants and other support that will help him in finding a job when he is done.

Thanks Zee Bee! I have told him these things - that I don't care how much he makes as long as he is happy, and that it would be better to do his PhD in the US - but I think it may be helpful to hear from someone else. He studies human geography - specifically migration and its impact on development - and he wants to get more GIS training. He really wants to get his PhD and do research. Luckily there are a few schools nearby with good programs (and in-state tuition!). He just needs to work on his english and study for the GRE, but he is nervous

[knt 4]

I don't really have any advice and am in a similar type situation about my fiance being nervous about getting a job, but I just wanted to offer some support! I think we're getting through the nerves by just talking about being together, which is much better than being apart, and that eventually he will be able to get a job. Even though having to wait to get EAD is obnoxious, its also good to have that forced time to get set up in the US. I guess its just one of those leap of faith things that it will work out and that in the end, it will be ok. Especially if he's looking into getting a PHD, I'm sure that he will be able to get a job. Anyway, not much for advice, but just wanted to let you know that you (and he) are not alone in those fears!!

[cardinal 1]

I don't really have any advice and am in a similar type situation about my fiance being nervous about getting a job, but I just wanted to offer some support! I think we're getting through the nerves by just talking about being together, which is much better than being apart, and that eventually he will be able to get a job. Even though having to wait to get EAD is obnoxious, its also good to have that forced time to get set up in the US. I guess its just one of those leap of faith things that it will work out and that in the end, it will be ok. Especially if he's looking into getting a PHD, I'm sure that he will be able to get a job. Anyway, not much for advice, but just wanted to let you know that you (and he) are not alone in those fears!!

Thanks!! Yeah, thinking about being together helps but then he gets depressed at the thought that he might not be able to support me well. I'm actually less worried about him getting any job as getting a job that he enjoys and is in his field. I don't feel like I can ask him to give up his career, so if he can't get into a PhD program or find a job in his field within a few years, I think we will need to look at moving somewhere we can both do what we love (hoping that that place exists!). I do think (hope!) we'll feel better once he is here.

Good luck with the interview!!

[LoveNigerianStyle 0]

Hey All,

You all keep saying you have to wait for EAD. K1 is a working visa. The minute they come through the POE they are legal to work. My first husband was from Cuba and his POE was NYC/JFK. His I-94 was stamped at the POE which made him legal to work for 90 days. He found a job in his field approximately 2 1/2 weeks of arrival and that along with his SSC was all the documentation needed for legal work.

[Zee Bee 61]

Hey All,

You all keep saying you have to wait for EAD. K1 is a working visa. The minute they come through the POE they are legal to work. My first husband was from Cuba and his POE was NYC/JFK. His I-94 was stamped at the POE which made him legal to work for 90 days. He found a job in his field approximately 2 1/2 weeks of arrival and that along with his SSC was all the documentation needed for legal work.

This is true but only if the K1 has the work authorization stamped at POE. Some POE will not stamp it.

And, point of correction, the K1 is NOT a work visa. You can get work authorization to work if you come on a K1.

[cardinal 1]

Hey All,

You all keep saying you have to wait for EAD. K1 is a working visa. The minute they come through the POE they are legal to work. My first husband was from Cuba and his POE was NYC/JFK. His I-94 was stamped at the POE which made him legal to work for 90 days. He found a job in his field approximately 2 1/2 weeks of arrival and that along with his SSC was all the documentation needed for legal work.

Was your husband allowed to continue working after the authorization expired? Per the guides: "As a K-1 visa holder you are technically eligible to file for an EAD immediately when you arrive. However, this EAD will expire when you K-1 expires (90 days) and because of this and the wait time (>90 days) it is a waste of both time and money to bother applying." (http://www.visajourney.com/content/k1k3ead)

If this is not true, would love to know it! But I have seen many, many posts referring to the wait required to get an EAD after filing for AOS

[Zee Bee 61]

Was your husband allowed to continue working after the authorization expired? Per the guides: "As a K-1 visa holder you are technically eligible to file for an EAD immediately when you arrive. However, this EAD will expire when you K-1 expires (90 days) and because of this and the wait time (>90 days) it is a waste of both time and money to bother applying." (http://www.visajourn...content/k1k3ead)

If this is not true, would love to know it! But I have seen many, many posts referring to the wait required to get an EAD after filing for AOS

From what I have read is up to the employer to determine whether the immigrant is eligible to work or not. If the work authorization expires and the employer says nothing then that falls on the employer, not the SO (from what I have read). Some employers are hesitant to hire someone who only has the 90 days of work authorization, but if AOS is done quickly you can have the EAD in about 60 days (thats about the average wait time when you file it along with AOS and there is no extra fee). Also, remember that your SO will need to have an SSN to work (takes about 2 weeks after POE).

Edited June 3, 2011 by Zee Bee

[LoveNigerianStyle 0]

This is true but only if the K1 has the work authorization stamped at POE. Some POE will not stamp it.

And, point of correction, the K1 is NOT a work visa. You can get work authorization to work if you come on a K1.

ZeeBee,

Thanks so much for correcting me. My first husband came through a POE that we knew still stamped the I-94 work authorized. It's been a few years so I'm not sure if JFK still does this.

I do realize K1 isnt a work visa. Thanks again.

[LoveNigerianStyle 0]

Was your husband allowed to continue working after the authorization expired? Per the guides: "As a K-1 visa holder you are technically eligible to file for an EAD immediately when you arrive. However, this EAD will expire when you K-1 expires (90 days) and because of this and the wait time (>90 days) it is a waste of both time and money to bother applying." (http://www.visajourney.com/content/k1k3ead)

If this is not true, would love to know it! But I have seen many, many posts referring to the wait required to get an EAD after filing for AOS

He did continue to work and we filed allnecessary papers immediately apon arrival. As long as he had proof that he filed for the 2 yr EAD he was allowed to continue working. He did have a SSC about 1 week after he arrived.