OK, here's my situation.

[Xinh_Will 1]

i don't really see any red flag if you guys are taking it slow and petitioning in 1-2 years?

also "zen" would be the farthest sound from "xinh" possible...if there's no accent then does the name translate to "cute"?

hue people are notorious for being frugal and cheap amongst vietnamese people so i think you got a keeper.

She's both--frugal AND cheap. I'm neither. I buy what I want when I want if I've got the money. Most of the time I think it won't be a big deal, but When she finds out the difference in upkeep costs between a Maserati and oil changes in the Camry...a little fur might fly. AND I'm NOT drinking store brand sodas! Other than that, it'll probably be good for me.

[Xinh_Will 1]

Holy #######! My wife's entire family is from Thuan An! My wife and her kids were born there! My wife might know your wife! It's almost certain she knows someone from her family!

Holy ####### indeed! And I'm sure she does--from what I could tell, everyone either knew each other or was related. They've lived there since 1975, when the new government awarded the land to her father. I DON'T want to turn this into a political thread,(I'm a crazy lefty lib deep in the heart of Texas, got PLENTY of debate opportunities) but when I excitedly introduced her to my friends on the first trip, the VK wife heard where she was from and didn't speak another word to her. Literally, not another word-for a couple of hours. When we were alone, she pretty much SPAT out, "They're communists-they don't think like us".

But yeah, your wife'll know somebody in the family. She's the only girl with seven brothers. I'm sure--Let's see if I can do this. Mom, Dad, Bi, Cuong, Huong, Xinh, Nhin, Lanh, Dung(adopted), Brother I haven't met, and one brother that died as a young adult about 10 years ago or so. Here's a few of them at the new house.

[Ban Hammer 13,344]

Holy #######! My wife's entire family is from Thuan An! My wife and her kids were born there! My wife might know your wife! It's almost certain she knows someone from her family!

maybe you two are about to be related?

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Holy ####### indeed! And I'm sure she does--from what I could tell, everyone either knew each other or was related. They've lived there since 1975, when the new government awarded the land to her father. I DON'T want to turn this into a political thread,(I'm a crazy lefty lib deep in the heart of Texas, got PLENTY of debate opportunities) but when I excitedly introduced her to my friends on the first trip, the VK wife heard where she was from and didn't speak another word to her. Literally, not another word-for a couple of hours. When we were alone, she pretty much SPAT out, "They're communists-they don't think like us".

But yeah, your wife'll know somebody in the family. She's the only girl with seven brothers. I'm sure--Let's see if I can do this. Mom, Dad, Bi, Cuong, Huong, Xinh, Nhin, Lanh, Dung(adopted), Brother I haven't met, and one brother that died as a young adult about 10 years ago or so. Here's a few of them at the new house.

Hmmm. Well, most of the people who are originally from Thuan An are not party members. I don't know how much you know about the war years, but Hue and the outlying villages were the scene of some of the bloodiest fighting of the war. Before 1968 Hue and much of central Vietnam were part of the south. The DMZ that separated the north and south was well north of Hue, at the Ben Hai river in Quang Tri province. The NVA overtook Hue during the Tet offensive of 1968, mainly to regain control of highway 1, a key portion of the Ho Chi Minh trail. The battle to retake Hue was one of the longest of the war. In the aftermath, it became clear that the NVA had slaughtered hundreds of people during the time they controlled Hue - mainly anyone they suspected of having any connection with the previous government. They were buried in mass graves. This became known as the "Hue massacre". Most of the old timers in Hue remember those days, but they don't talk about it openly.

Just an FYI - if your fiancee is or ever was a member of the Communist party then she will not be getting a visa. If any of her family members are party members then it's possible it might cause you some problems at the US consulate. Many people were given land grants in Thuan An for various reasons, usually because the government was reapportioning land they seized from someone else. Many of the people who got land grants were not party members, but some were. You might want to ask your fiancee about this. This could be your "red" flag.

[Xinh_Will 1]

Hmmm. Well, most of the people who are originally from Thuan An are not party members. I don't know how much you know about the war years, but Hue and the outlying villages were the scene of some of the bloodiest fighting of the war. Before 1968 Hue and much of central Vietnam were part of the south. The DMZ that separated the north and south was well north of Hue, at the Ben Hai river in Quang Tri province. The NVA overtook Hue during the Tet offensive of 1968, mainly to regain control of highway 1, a key portion of the Ho Chi Minh trail. The battle to retake Hue was one of the longest of the war. In the aftermath, it became clear that the NVA had slaughtered hundreds of people during the time they controlled Hue - mainly anyone they suspected of having any connection with the previous government. They were buried in mass graves. This became known as the "Hue massacre". Most of the old timers in Hue remember those days, but they don't talk about it openly.

Oh, I'm well aware of the Tet Offensive, the Battle of Hue and the concurrent/subsequent massacres. It is a big part of the larger tragedy of the war.

Just an FYI - if your fiancee is or ever was a member of the Communist party then she will not be getting a visa. If any of her family members are party members then it's possible it might cause you some problems at the US consulate. Many people were given land grants in Thuan An for various reasons, usually because the government was reapportioning land they seized from someone else. Many of the people who got land grants were not party members, but some were. You might want to ask your fiancee about this. This could be your "red" flag.

Haven't talked about it much--political discussion not on the top of our usual list, but I know she and all her brothers have not been party members. Her dad has talked a bit about working for the US Army. They lived a life of near abject poverty but did get all of their kids through college. Theirs is one of the only houses on the main road flying a buddhist flag rather than the national flag, and there are no pictures of uncle ho in any family house I visited. All I really know about that.

Now, the VK that got angry--her father was extremely highly placed within Hue city government and after the fall they were harshly punished. House was taken, Dad was in a reeducation camp for 8 years, brother had to quit school at a very young age to sell lottery tickets. She was valedictorian of her high school, yet was refused entry into college for four years. She is harshly critical of the village of Thuan An, considering it communist. And that's what I know.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Haven't talked about it much--political discussion not on the top of our usual list, but I know she and all her brothers have not been party members. Her dad has talked a bit about working for the US Army. They lived a life of near abject poverty but did get all of their kids through college. Theirs is one of the only houses on the main road flying a buddhist flag rather than the national flag, and there are no pictures of uncle ho in any family house I visited. All I really know about that.

Now, the VK that got angry--her father was extremely highly placed within Hue city government and after the fall they were harshly punished. House was taken, Dad was in a reeducation camp for 8 years, brother had to quit school at a very young age to sell lottery tickets. She was valedictorian of her high school, yet was refused entry into college for four years. She is harshly critical of the village of Thuan An, considering it communist. And that's what I know.

Well, she must know something I don't. There are a large group of Viet Kieu from Thuan An who meet annually in Northern California. Many of them escaped on boats after the war. Communists didn't flee after the war. They didn't need to. Sounds like your Viet Kieu friend might have a burr under her saddle over an old family spat with someone from Thuan An, and over the years it's become generally directed at anyone from Thuan An.

[Xinh_Will 1]

Talked to Xinh about the Party issue. Spectacular though her English may be at times, it took a bit for her to understand the "have you ever joined the communist party. She thinks of party in terms of "wedding party". It took Đảng cộng sản for her to understand.

According to her, no family has ever been associated with the party. Her mom was a cook for the US army for years. Parents(or maybe just dad, wasn't clear) is a lifelong Thuan An resident. Her dad was a squadron leader in combat in charge of 12 men fighting on the side of the south. He was granted the land their old and new house sit on right next to the river, but the land was much much smaller at the time. Parents spent money they had saved for the kids education filling the river with sand to reclaim land enough to the point of what they've got now. Dad was arrested by the new government and spent 2 years 4 months in the reeducation camps.

Then he fished, mom sold the fish at the nearby market. Pretty much just subsisting. I've been in the old house a fair bit-as the only daughter she got her own room. She's 5'2" and her room was 3'X4.5'. about 500 square feet for up to nine of them--plus Buddha's room. Man, that room is sometimes the nicest in a house, no matter how poor. New house is pretty darn comfortable Higher up, so less flooding-in the old house there was swimming just to stay above water sometimes. They are very happy with a second floor. One of our planned dates was delayed half a day because she couldn't find a boat to get to me.

So barring something I don't know, it looks pretty good on the possible CP flag. But none of them like talking about the war. Most don't in my experience.

Told her Phuong was originally from Thuan An-she was tickled pink. She loved to hear it.

[luckytxn 2,264]

I know someone that thinks if a VN is Buddhist that they are communist. A lot of lingering issues.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

So barring something I don't know, it looks pretty good on the possible CP flag. But none of them like talking about the war. Most don't in my experience.

Told her Phuong was originally from Thuan An-she was tickled pink. She loved to hear it.

It's risky talking about the war. It's best if you don't press it. Even asking about the party affiliation is an uncomfortable subject, but it's one that must be asked. Belonging to a "totalitarian party" makes a person inadmissible for a visa.

The new house sounds nice. Phuong's mom lives in a small house on one of the market streets it Thuan An. The upside of this, for me, is that the market streets are usually covered with tarps, so getting from the cab to her mom's house without getting wet in the rain is a bit easier.

Flooding is one of the down sides to living in Thuan An. Being a short hop from a great beach is one of the up sides.

I know someone that thinks if a VN is Buddhist that they are communist. A lot of lingering issues.

The Christian minority had a strong hold on the government of South Vietnam. Persecution of Buddhists was a big problem. There were some Buddhists who joined with the VC mainly because of the persecution, and not because of any political leanings. There are some Christians who are suspicious of all Buddhists because of this. Thuan An village is not entirely Buddhist, and this is the first time I've ever heard of someone being suspicious of the entire village. Like Will said, his fiancee's family worked for either the US or RVN military during the war. It's interesting that someone would suspect them of being Communists.

My wife's whole family is from Thuan An. My wife's grandfather pushed a sandwich cart at the US base in Da Nang. He disappeared when the NVA took over. My wife's uncle escaped on a boat. If anyone accused him of being a Communist he'd punch them in the face (saw it almost happen once).

[quann 26]

i'm NOT saying it's the case here, but if some family members were in the CP and they're not proud of it...they'll just deny it. asian families are good at hiding/covering/ignoring shameful and unpleasant things , be it an alcoholic uncle or stealing nephew.

i don't know anything specific about thuan an so not gonna comment on this situation, but you just gotta trust the one you love that they're telling you the truth.

[Matt_Stevens 5]

My advice to any couple looking into this... is this...

Economics busts up more relationships than anyone would like to admit. Lack of money, struggling to pay bills, not being able to go out to dinner, let alone on vacation, is disastrous for love. You add the fact that no matter what you think of how you girl thinks, that she will not understand how life works here, that just adds pressure. No Vietnamese girl who has not lived and seen the western world will understand how many people in the west don't really have money. You have a house, a car, lots of toys, but no cash. No savings. They don't get it. They can't get it.

Get one's life in order economically before getting hitched.

Absolutely positively take the extra time to be sure the relationship will work. That means taking at least two trips, each about three weeks in length.

Just my advice, based on my own experiences and the experiences of people I know who's relationships ended up broken.

[Xinh_Will 1]

It's risky talking about the war. It's best if you don't press it. Even asking about the party affiliation is an uncomfortable subject, but it's one that must be asked. Belonging to a "totalitarian party" makes a person inadmissible for a visa.

Seems tougher for me, strangely enough. She seems totally unconcerned. Dad worked for the US army, etc. Mostly just a "politics ain't my concern" kinda glib attitude. FWIW

The new house sounds nice.

It is. It really is. Course, there's the subject of quality. When I went back the house had been lived in for all of six months and there were already plumbing leaks and other minor things that just wouldn't be acceptable here. But compared to most houses I've been in in Asia, it's top notch.

Phuong's mom lives in a small house on one of the market streets it Thuan An. The upside of this, for me, is that the market streets are usually covered with tarps, so getting from the cab to her mom's house without getting wet in the rain is a bit easier.

Flooding is one of the down sides to living in Thuan An. Being a short hop from a great beach is one of the up sides.

She called me from the beach yesterday. Definitely a plus!

The Christian minority had a strong hold on the government of South Vietnam. Persecution of Buddhists was a big problem. There were some Buddhists who joined with the VC mainly because of the persecution, and not because of any political leanings. There are some Christians who are suspicious of all Buddhists because of this. Thuan An village is not entirely Buddhist, and this is the first time I've ever heard of someone being suspicious of the entire village. Like Will said, his fiancee's family worked for either the US or RVN military during the war. It's interesting that someone would suspect them of being Communists.

Even before we all met Xinh, the Viet Kieu wife was predisposed to find SOMETHING. That much I'm sure about. When I asked about it further, her tone was extremely dismissive. And when I asked how she could tell Xinh's family was communist--she said it was her accent and body language. I'm inclined to discount the whole thing.

[Xinh_Will 1]

My advice to any couple looking into this... is this...

Economics busts up more relationships than anyone would like to admit. Lack of money, struggling to pay bills, not being able to go out to dinner, let alone on vacation, is disastrous for love. You add the fact that no matter what you think of how you girl thinks, that she will not understand how life works here, that just adds pressure. No Vietnamese girl who has not lived and seen the western world will understand how many people in the west don't really have money. You have a house, a car, lots of toys, but no cash. No savings. They don't get it. They can't get it.

Get one's life in order economically before getting hitched.

Absolutely positively take the extra time to be sure the relationship will work. That means taking at least two trips, each about three weeks in length.

Just my advice, based on my own experiences and the experiences of people I know who's relationships ended up broken.

All good advice, to be sure. In my case, money really isn't a big issue. My biggest concern was how to prove 125% of poverty since taxable income was low the last couple of years since I was traveling and not working. But after some talks with folks here, I'm realizing (A) just how little it is I'm gonna have to prove and, given that, (B) that I've got plenty to show in savings and whatnot.

Now the "make sure you get to know each other and the relationship can work"....that one we're working on as hard as can be. And loving it.

[Xinh_Will 1]

The Christian minority had a strong hold on the government of South Vietnam. Persecution of Buddhists was a big problem. There were some Buddhists who joined with the VC mainly because of the persecution, and not because of any political leanings. There are some Christians who are suspicious of all Buddhists because of this.

This is why Xinh's dad insisted her ID show "none" under religion. He said it was in case another war broke out or anything. Didn't want to be on the wrong side of it.

[ScottThuy 140]

Even before we all met Xinh, the Viet Kieu wife was predisposed to find SOMETHING. That much I'm sure about. When I asked about it further, her tone was extremely dismissive. And when I asked how she could tell Xinh's family was communist--she said it was her accent and body language. I'm inclined to discount the whole thing.

The accent is a big factor since it is so distinct... Thuy recently got an unwarranted talking to from someone because he overheard her talking to a friend of mine and Thuys accent is clearly 'northern' being from HaNoi... IMO the majority of the people in VN have put the war behind them, far more so than the VK here... If her accent is more formal VN or 'northern' then there is going to be that chance that someone will judge her even though she wasnt even alive during the war...