OK, here's my situation.

[Xinh_Will 1]

Phu Bai would be infinitely better, of course. But the trip was a more or less spur of the moment thing and THAT DAY there were just no flights from Hue. Couldn't get a flight from Hue to Saigon my first trip. Seems to happen sometimes. Wish the flight could have just been late like always.

Why would you go to Da Nang? The airport in Phu Bai is much closer.

We went through Da Nang airport when we went to Da Lat, but that's because we were already in Da Nang. We went to Ba Na Hills the day before, and spent the night in Da Nang. We went to Da Nang airport around noon, flew to HCMC, and then flew to Da Lat. We were settled into our hotel and ready to hit the down before dinner time.

[Xinh_Will 1]

Sounds EXACTLY the same. Amounts are significantly smaller, but proportions are about right. 85/15 or so. In the decree, she is responsible for the loan and I pay her up front for my portion. My question is--will having us both on a single account be a strike against us? There doesn't seem to be any way to change it.

Student loan: I have exact same situation. My ex-wife was in Dental School taking 90% of student loan while I was doing PhD, taking here and there student loans to supplement my fellowship for living expenses. Loans were consolidated. Out of $300K, $30K where mine and $270 where hers. There is no way to separate them. You are stuck for the next 20 years wit paying your wife your portion. I have the same deal. However, what I did: I calculated my portion of the remaining principle ($25K) and just paid her up upfront. This becomes her problem if you do this and you are not stuck with monthly interaction with your ex. Just a thought.

[Xinh_Will 1]

Now that I've read all of your Danielle SteelSteele style romantic novel, I'll chime in my bell. (by the way, love your story. At least if a person like you spending that much time sharing personal info with strangers on the net, I'd think you're a passionate and caring person. I can't say the same about Xinh though since I haven't heard from her.....yet)

Aw heck, I was brief. And yeah, I share. I'm in tech and I am a member of lotsa boards. Not sure when she'll chime in, but she probably won't be talking to you.

Aren't you supposed to be financially responsible to your existing 3 kids? (child support).

My children want for nothing--'cept maybe that house I'm building.

When Xinh finally comes over here, she might ask for her own baby. Get ready for that now.

Ready.

You're assuming your X would be the same nice person forever. You do realize that people are just like the weather right? One day sunshine but the next an EF5 tornado! The same thing can be applied to Xinh as well.

People are people. They change sometimes, they don't sometimes. Ya lives yer life and takes your chances.

You said Minh was angry at you for NOT complying her request to get to know her relative (meaning Minh's family won't benefit from you, a potential Visa and chance to immigrate to the US. Gee what a surprise there). Right. No surprise.

Xinh has lots of relatives here (you have to assume there might be some relatives her family hasn't informed you just yet). Plus the fact her Mom was here twice. Xinh's family knows how to play the system!

I trust her until she proves otherwise. Just like I trust that you have my best interests at heart.

Sure, she makes a decent living there but that's actually scary for you.

Don't tell me what scares me. You don't know me THAT well.

She will eventually one day in the future ask you to sell your 401K, house, whatever else and move to VN to live with her and/or family. What will you respond then? Saying no? Then you're back to square one like right now, except a few years or decades older.

We'd have a serious discussion and do what was right for our family. I've lived all over--I ain't skeered.

Whatever you do Will, please take my 2cent advice which I learnt from one of relative "Earning/Making money is actually quite easy. Keeping what you already have is a lot harder than thought." You understand me Will?

I do. Ya takes your chances. Thanks for your input.

[ScottThuy 140]

Sounds EXACTLY the same. Amounts are significantly smaller, but proportions are about right. 85/15 or so. In the decree, she is responsible for the loan and I pay her up front for my portion. My question is--will having us both on a single account be a strike against us? There doesn't seem to be any way to change it.

Be careful.. the divorce decree is a civil document and means nothing to the lender... If she decides to stop paying they will come after you for 100% and there is no way out of it.. all you can do is go to the court and say she isnt paying her portion which means in essence you are suing her to get her to pay..

My ex was supposed to take half of the credit cards.. we decided which ones at the divorce hearing and then a year later after she paid nothing, she filed bankruptcy... she claimed the debts but they in turn came after me since my name was on the card so many years prior.. since she has no income now its like trying to get a visa from HCMC 30 days after sending in a petition... not likely at all that I will ever see any $.....

They will see the account in both names if the pull a lexis nexis... The best way to address it IMO is to show proof in the initial filing that you are not together with her at all... proof of living arrangements etc... I would couple it together with the copy of your divorce decree as additional proof of single status..

[san diego 407]

Sounds EXACTLY the same. Amounts are significantly smaller, but proportions are about right. 85/15 or so. In the decree, she is responsible for the loan and I pay her up front for my portion. My question is--will having us both on a single account be a strike against us? There doesn't seem to be any way to change it.

NO, it won't. It will not even come up anywhere.

[san diego 407]

Be careful.. the divorce decree is a civil document and means nothing to the lender... If she decides to stop paying they will come after you for 100% and there is no way out of it.. all you can do is go to the court and say she isnt paying her portion which means in essence you are suing her to get her to pay..

My ex was supposed to take half of the credit cards.. we decided which ones at the divorce hearing and then a year later after she paid nothing, she filed bankruptcy... she claimed the debts but they in turn came after me since my name was on the card so many years prior.. since she has no income now its like trying to get a visa from HCMC 30 days after sending in a petition... not likely at all that I will ever see any $.....

They will see the account in both names if the pull a lexis nexis... The best way to address it IMO is to show proof in the initial filing that you are not together with her at all... proof of living arrangements etc... I would couple it together with the copy of your divorce decree as additional proof of single status..

Actually, consolidated student loans are on 1 person's name. If this is on her name, she is responsible. He is not even mentioned. In my situation my wife's name. Nobody even knows (including credit agencies) that I ever had this loan. This is the way consolidation takes place.

[ScottThuy 140]

NO, it won't. It will not even come up anywhere.

Another member got jammed up by the HCMC consulate because they found a Utility account in his name at his ex's house... When there is a recent divorce, HCMC does more digging than other cases and much more than most countries would have done... To say it will not come up is not accurate...

Consolodated loans can be in the name of two parties depending on the lender and the loans being consolodated..it all depends on how its written... Sounds like you got lucky in your consolodation deal...

Will, is the outstanding note in her name alone or both?

[san diego 407]

HCMC sounds like an evil consulate Almost like CIA or KGB. I just cannot imagine that anyone goes through your credit history. Never heard about it.

[ScottThuy 140]

HCMC sounds like an evil consulate Almost like CIA or KGB. I just cannot imagine that anyone goes through your credit history. Never heard about it.

They often do background or credit checks, unannounced home visits, middle of the night over the phone Q&A with just about anyone you could think of.. an ex, a relative, your SO, a boss an neighbor.... yep they can get any phone# they want... The idea that big brother has access to whatever they want is not far fetched at all.. The HCMC consulate is noted as one of the toughest out there due to rampant visa fraud not too long ago... they cracked down in a major way and when there is a recent divorce, that is one of the red flags they are looking for when it comes to visa fraud... red flags = the consulate digging deeper and or dragging things out for an indefinite length of time.. the analogies you noted are not far off, The HCMC consulate has been known to call up people and lie about who they are.. lie about why they are calling just to try to catch someone else in a lie or confuse them enough to get them to say the wrong thing...

[tcTTct 37]

Another member got jammed up by the HCMC consulate because they found a Utility account in his name at his ex's house...

Was this member the petitioner or beneficiary? Did they find the utility account at his ex's house in HCMC or the US?

[Justine+David 218]

I enjoyed reading your story so far and I wish you and Xinh the best of luck in your future together. How do you pronounce her name?

[Xinh_Will 1]

Another member got jammed up by the HCMC consulate because they found a Utility account in his name at his ex's house... When there is a recent divorce, HCMC does more digging than other cases and much more than most countries would have done... To say it will not come up is not accurate...

Consolodated loans can be in the name of two parties depending on the lender and the loans being consolodated..it all depends on how its written... Sounds like you got lucky in your consolodation deal...

Will, is the outstanding note in her name alone or both?

My loan was added to her note. When Sallie Mae sends out statements and whatnot they send one to me and one to her at our respective addresses. So...both? My concern would be the consulate knock and not her dealing with the payments. Barring the unknown, she will.

Additional questions:

Will my ex-wife's attempt at a sham marriage some 16 years ago reflect on me or come up in any way? I really don't know anything about it except that it happened--think he was Peruvian.

I'm an Atheist, she's Buddhist. Her ID reads "Khong" for religion, but don't want to lie. Knock or no?

Will the cousin that married into the US attract undue attention? She's far away in Idaho and Xinh claims they are not close, having virtually never spoken.

I know I can get the info disclosed to the government via Lexis Nexis but is there any way to find accounts that we may still have together in advance? I mean, I found another old but active bank account today that I should have closed within the week. We were married a long time--I'm pretty sure I'm STILL missing something.

I don't meddle in her affairs, but I'm pretty sure she hasn't changed me as beneficiary on her life insurance and work benefits seeing as I'd have the kids if she died. Mention it to her?

Bought an expandable file today, began actual document collection. Sent small gifts today.

I'm happy. And you guys are already invaluable.

[ScottThuy 140]

Was this member the petitioner or beneficiary? Did they find the utility account at his ex's house in HCMC or the US?

The USC had a utility account that never got changed over when he divorced... so when it got ppulled up it showed him as having the old address with his ex-wife and still living with her at least thats how it appeared... it cost him some time in the journey but he was able to resolve it when he found out what the issue was... its not that easy to find out what the real issues are when the think something is wrong...

IMO I dont think life insurance having you as the beneficiary is a bad thing.. its all about leaving something to take care of the kids IMO...

Religion is a non issue...

The ex doing something wrong shouldnt come up.. unless the DoS has her name flagged in the system...

[Xinh_Will 1]

I enjoyed reading your story so far and I wish you and Xinh the best of luck in your future together. How do you pronounce her name?

Thanks! Glad to hear we're entertaining somebody.

But fun! More or less it's "Sin". I'm certainly no expert, but Vietnamese is tough and the letters/consonant combinations don't agree well with English. To give you an idea--Roughly, X is S, S is SH, TH is T, NH can be NYA, NG can be an M. And don't even get started on the dialects. G or D can make either the Y or Z sound, depending. The US State Department website lists it as one of the hardest languages for an English speaker to learn, with an estimate of 1100 classroom hours to fluency. AND...the central dialect seems to have a reputation for being the toughest. But then, I'm lucky. The ex lived in El Salvador for years and got her degree in Spanish, minor in German-all her friends spoke spanish and I spent a LOT of time watching soccer with her friends husbands. Plus, my brother is deaf, so I'm quite good at understanding conversations without speaking a language. It was a big deal in attracting her(and her kin) on our second date--me being able to keep up and participate in the family conversation even though I had to speak English to her to be understood.

[Xinh_Will 1]

The USC had a utility account that never got changed over when he divorced... so when it got ppulled up it showed him as having the old address with his ex-wife and still living with her at least thats how it appeared... it cost him some time in the journey but he was able to resolve it when he found out what the issue was... its not that easy to find out what the real issues are when the think something is wrong...

Best part of the house fire, then. All utility accounts were in both names, and all are now in mine.