language barrier adjustment

[san diego 407]

Dear VJers,

Thank you very much, everyone, or great advices! I appreciate this. I did pick up a lot of usefuls suggestions hat I have not thought of and also found some consolation that this is normal. Thank you!

[Boiler 45,467]

She is in good company, must be 300,000,000 who can not speak English. Or spell it correctly.

[Andy and Pui 16]

San Diego, I remember talking to my brother about this once and he told me most cities offer free esl classes for anybody. I remember at the time I just did a google search and found some classes in the city where I live. I will be asking Pui soon if that is something she is interested in doing herself. I wonder if you could have a friend or family member meet her once a week over coffee or something for a short time and let them talk in english. Good luck.

[ONA 133]

I think the problem might be partially caused by the way languages were (and sometimes still ARE) taught in Russia - many teachers used to make people think that making a grammar mistake was the worst possible thing they could do while speaking a foreign language.

So you should make sure she knows that if she makes a mistake nobody is going to think that she's stupid, nobody is going to laugh at her and that a lot of people in the States tend to respect foreigners, who speak English (cause there aren't that many Americans, who are fluent in foreign languages).

Speaking of me... I wasn't comfortable speaking English right away when I came to the USA for the 1st time, but I experienced what might be called a "shock therapy" I came to the States with my friend and we didn't have any friends or relatives there, we didn't know anybody. But we both had to get things done. I was on my own, I had to talk to people myself - I knew that if I don't do it, nobody would... I HAD TO speak English. And after talking to lots of different people, I realised that I didn't really care which language I was speaking (although, I was really glad every time I met somebody, who could speak Russian ). So, if there is a way for your wife to have some sort of independence and start doing something herself (like go/call to the social security office, or to the post office - to send a card to her family back in Russia, or... just go shopping), that can really help.

[san diego 407]

San Diego, I remember talking to my brother about this once and he told me most cities offer free esl classes for anybody. I remember at the time I just did a google search and found some classes in the city where I live. I will be asking Pui soon if that is something she is interested in doing herself. I wonder if you could have a friend or family member meet her once a week over coffee or something for a short time and let them talk in english. Good luck.

Thank you, she is already attending free ESL. Scared to speak up though...

[Dana-Mića 51]

My husband hasn't come yet but he is the same way. When ever i try to teach him something he gets mad because he says he sounds stupid. Im just hoping that with time he will learn it and feel comfortable talking in English.

[ScottThuy 140]

My wife (then fiancee) came here less than a month ago (3 weeks). She attends college for ESL. Her English I would say is below average but she can speak and understands everything people say. Since I speak Russia fluently she speaks Russian at home. However, she is ashamed speaking English to strangers. It developed into some kind of mental block when she almost refuses to see my friends (obviously they do not speak Russian). She loves gym and works-out every day. However, she uses only our gym and refuses to join the fitness club (even though she loves it) because she would have to speak to people there. I see that she is heavily depressed because of this and I do not know how to help her. Any suggestions? Thoughts? Anyone's fiancee experienced this type of block? Ho do you overcome it? It is like catch22. She is afraid to speak to people because she is not good but she will never be good until she starts speaking. Personal experience advice would be helpful. This affect our lives in a major way.

Been there done that... She needs to use English primarily in the home and Russian as a backup if she does not understand something.. she needs to make some friends in the english class that dont speak Russian... "Her friends", not yours... This will get her used to communicating with someone in English that she is friends with and then when she deals with others it will go much smoother... My wife complained about not going places, but when I tried to take her places she was affraid to go for fear she would have to interact with someone... Her English was far better than she felt it was.... The interaction in her English class is one of the best things for the relationship when it comes to he getting comfortable speaking outside the home... The friends made there can really help you...

[san diego 407]

Been there done that... She needs to use English primarily in the home and Russian as a backup if she does not understand something.. she needs to make some friends in the english class that dont speak Russian... "Her friends", not yours... This will get her used to communicating with someone in English that she is friends with and then when she deals with others it will go much smoother... My wife complained about not going places, but when I tried to take her places she was affraid to go for fear she would have to interact with someone... Her English was far better than she felt it was.... The interaction in her English class is one of the best things for the relationship when it comes to he getting comfortable speaking outside the home... The friends made there can really help you...

Thank you!

[Carolina+James 1]

What she experiences is totally normal. I had English in school for years and did not anticipate any problems. I also had a tutor to prepare me for the American adventure.

I remember vividly sitting in the local coffee shop, knowing that I would want to order coffee and 3 eggs "over easy." The server then told me the 421 different kinds of toast I could choose from, and I was speachless. It really takes some time to get used to all of this, and she'll get better as time moves on. Be gentle and help her without being too much picky. Allow her to transition smoothly. Half-a-year from now she'll be so much better!

Oh yes, this still happens to me. I read the menu, make sure I know what Im ordering, spell check with the husband to see if I am pronouncing the names right and then BANG! Waitress asks me a thousand different options for what I ordered.

What helps me is to tell waitresses and other people I meet and have trouble to understand that I am not very good at english. I say "sorry, my english is not very good, can you explain more?" or something like that. On all times people slow down and help me. When it is a situation strongly cultural that I simply don't understand, I even go as far as saying "I'm not american!!". I wish I had recorded the faces of fastfood employees when I told them I had never ate at their restaurants in my life before. My point is: based on my experiences, people are friendly to "internationals", and there is nothing to fear, but telling them you need help makes things easier.

So other then speaking english at home, whenever you guys go out together, ask her to do the talking/paying/ordering. If she gets lost, you'll be there. It may take a while for her to do it, but present the option, one day she might feel like giving it a try.

[stu redman 4]

hi read some of the other post i have a few more ideas first i to have to say i to started to talk like my girl so she understands better.

first this i think will make her feel much better tell her you find her accent very sexy and you love to hear her talk

does she like to sing take her to a karaoke bar and you and her sing it doesn't matter if you sing good its about getting up there to sing in front of people

also find some American music she likes and let her sing in the car and house

good luck