Traditional Chinese Wedding Ceremony?

[LBeachey 45]

* Beijing (40,000 RMB for wedding ceremony, 1.068 million RMB total - including house, furnishings, car, etc.)

I have seen these amounts before. When a Chinese man takes a bride, he is not only expected to pay for the wedding but already have the means to support his wife. Contrast that to America, where many couples think of building a life(style) together, the groom is expected to already have a lifestyle that his bride can then enjoy. So the vast majority of that 1 million+ RMB cost is the price of an apartment in the major Chinese cities.

I wouldd agree that you should be willing to pay for a big Chinese wedding but don't pay more than you can afford. A big wedding in the US costs $20K? I looked at it as I got off cheap spending around $5k for everything in China.

Edited June 16, 2011 by LBeachey

[notmuch88tosay 21]

I have seen these amounts before. When a Chinese man takes a bride, he is not only expected to pay for the wedding but already have the means to support his wife. Contrast that to America, where many couples think of building a life(style) together, the groom is expected to already have a lifestyle that his bride can then enjoy. So the vast majority of that 1 million+ RMB cost is the price of an apartment in the major Chinese cities.

I wouldd agree that you should be willing to pay for a big Chinese wedding but don't pay more than you can afford. A big wedding in the US costs $20K? I looked at it as I got off cheap spending around $5k for everything in China.

Thanks for your reply and for the info LBeachey,

$5,000.00 for the Chinese wedding ceremony... that is great.

My fiancee is saying it will cost me $50,000.00. Is that way out of bounds, or typical?

And are the daughters of parents in China taught to try to suck as much money as they can out of a foreign groom, for her parents?

notmuch88tosay

[dan_ling 6]

I think $50,000 is way out of range, are you sure she said US dollars? I think my wife spent around $5,000 that I gave her on the wedding, I am not sure if she spent any of her own money since I was not there when she set it all up. Then the wedding photos were another $1,200.

This was in Guilin, so maybe if it was in a big city I quess it could be possible.

Edited June 16, 2011 by dan_ling

[FoundNanning 0]

Just as a point of reference:

I got married in Nanning. Our wedding was at a very nice upscale (even by American standards) restaurant. We had 80 guests. Our restaurant included I and my wife being picked up in a Mercedes that morning, rental of her (very nice) Wedding Dress, a pre-celebration makeup session at a beauty store, beer, and white liquor. The restaurant was beautifully decorated for us. Total cost, 5,000 RMB, or about $750.

[notmuch88tosay 21]

Thanks dan_ling and LeonS,

I appreciate the info very much.

Maybe she did mean 50,000 RMB, which would be about $7,500.00 then, right?

dan_ling, when did you have your Chinese wedding ceremony, during which year?

LeonS, during which year did you have your Chinese wedding ceremony?

I will check with her to find out if she meant 50,000 RMB; but if I find out that she does mean $50,000.00 U.S.D. then what? Is that unheard of in China in this day and age?

Maybe she is starting with that number to try to negotiate me down into paying $15,000.00 U.S.D. or something?

notmuch88tosay

[FoundNanning 0]

I had mine 2 years ago. Prices have not changed that much. In my opinion, even 50,000 RMB is too much. Which city? How many people? Fancy hotel or in a restaurant? Also, IMHO a girl asking for ANY amount of money up front is inappropriate. In the spirit of partnership, (again, IMHO), she should be DISCUSSING the wedding with you, as well as how much you can afford.

[notmuch88tosay 21]

Hi LeonS,

Thanks for your reply.

I'm not sure which city we'll have it in at this time. Haven't discussed that yet.

I don't think my fiancee is the one instigating this discussion. I met with her parents when I was in China, they know my parents have money after our discussions.

I think her parents are pushing her to discuss this with me so that I'll pressure my parents for wedding money.

Our marriage almost fell apart three times already because of this discussion.

I have read online articles about Chinese women that say that they always listen to what their parents tell them, especially their mother. I think that is what is happening here. She stood up to them once, after I told her to do so many times. I think they just keep persisting with the conversation, never letting it rest although.

I do know that this is very important to her although. I have seen her crying a few times already and I've seen her crying uncontrollably once.

I refuse to break her heart. I also don't want her parents to take me for a rich American sucker who will give them as much money as they want to go away.

I'm just stuck with a lot of stress, struggle and waiting for now.

I mean, if the parents won't let this rest, then I show up in China ready to marry her, will they raise the price at that time while my back is up against the wall. Could I end up flying home empty handed as a result... after waiting 8 months for our brilliant beaurocrats?

notmuch88tosay

Edited June 17, 2011 by notmuch88tosay

[dan_ling 6]

Thanks dan_ling and LeonS,

I appreciate the info very much.

Maybe she did mean 50,000 RMB, which would be about $7,500.00 then, right?

dan_ling, when did you have your Chinese wedding ceremony, during which year?

LeonS, during which year did you have your Chinese wedding ceremony?

I will check with her to find out if she meant 50,000 RMB; but if I find out that she does mean $50,000.00 U.S.D. then what? Is that unheard of in China in this day and age?

Maybe she is starting with that number to try to negotiate me down into paying $15,000.00 U.S.D. or something?

notmuch88tosay

We had our wedding celebration on 1/03/10 and had 120 guests attend. When paying for the wedding we paid per table which was 800 RMB per table with 10 people per table and this was a pretty nice hotel. We had to pay seperatley for the beer, wine, decorations, candy, cigarettes, our traditional wedding costumes, the speaker, and for video taping. This will give an idea of what to expect. Remember the more people that attend the more money you will receive as red envelopes.

Edited June 17, 2011 by dan_ling

[FoundNanning 0]

Yes, you will often make back a good portion (or more) of your wedding party in Red Envelopes. BUT, ONLY if the price you pay per person is in the norm. My wedding and yours ranged between 60-85 RMB per person, a relatively normal range. The OP is talking, at minimum, about 50,000 RMB. Unless they're planning a wedding of about 600 people, his price is WAY out of the norm, and his 'payback' will ba a small percentage of that cost.

[Darnell 8,479]

house, furnishings, car - eek - take those out of the equation, and it's much less, aye ? Whatever you spend, usually make it up in Red Envelopes.. Usually...

Edited June 17, 2011 by Darnell

[FoundNanning 0]

Correct, at the rate of between 100-200RMB per guest. He needs to find out how many she will invite and do the math!

house, furnishings, car - eek - take those out of the equation, and it's much less, aye ? Whatever you spend, usually make it up in Red Envelopes.. Usually...

[notmuch88tosay 21]

dan_ling, LeonS and Darnell,

Thanks for the reply and info.

I will try to find out more from her. That has been sort of like trying to get a Panda Bear to take a bath, but I'll keep trying.

Take care,

notmuch88tosay

[Darnell 8,479]

Uhm, please understand, it is a bit different if this is the first marriage for their daughter, first marriage for you as well -

Usually, for second marriage on the daughter, is less focus on the BIG CEREMONY and BIG MONEY ITEMS, just saying...

But, unless YOU are Chinese American, prolly seem like yer paying a wedding dowry. There's lot of permutations on this (greedy parents, daughter trying to escape parents, your parents and her parents both chinese, etc etc) that, IMO, would create wide variance of 'how much for the wedding and creation of married life'.

It's not just one thing, aye? We had big party in Wuhan, I threw 10K at it, we got back 18K in Red envelopes, I think headcount was around 120 to 130. We had another big party in Chengdu, 150 headcount, spent 12K, got back 17K. Wife kept the profits, we took 'the base' and invested it.

This was not our first marriage, either of us - different expectations all 'round.

[notmuch88tosay 21]

Hey Darnell,

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, it is the first marriage for my fiancee and for me. And no I am not Chinese American.

And yes, it does seem like I am being asked to pay a big wedding dowry (unless they are talking about 50,000 RMB).

It totally threw me off when this discussion first began, because I was not aware of these Chinese customs (even though I did read a book on Chinese custom and culture).

Yes, I know what you mean about the Red Envelopes, but if someone new to this is asked to empty their bank account, put down a ton of money, and hope that on wedding day, it doesn't rain, everyone shows up, the price doesn't go up and the Red Envelopes do appear as promised... it can cause some hair loss. You know?

Anyway, just taking it one day at a time as I wait for our brilliant beurocrats to go through every aspect of our lives with a pair of tweezers.

Take care,

notmuch88tosay