Traditional Chinese Wedding Ceremony?

[notmuch88tosay 21]

Hello,

My Fiancee in China says her parents insist on a traditional Chinese wedding ceremony.

Her interpreter says it will cost quite a bit of money.

Has anyone had this type of experience where you are asked to pay for a traditional Chinese wedding ceremony?

If so, what have the costs for this been for you?

notmuch88tosay

[Robby999 1,024]

Hello,

My Fiancee in China says her parents insist on a traditional Chinese wedding ceremony.

Her interpreter says it will cost quite a bit of money.

Has anyone had this type of experience where you are asked to pay for a traditional Chinese wedding ceremony?

If so, what have the costs for this been for you?

notmuch88tosay

Post this in the China regional forum, you will get answers faster. I can't help with that question our wedding was not really extravagant! I would get a variety of opinions on the cost because you may be getting the interpreter opinion about what a wedding should cost! Check with people over at China Family Visa or Candle for Love. You will get opinions from people that have been there done that!!!!

Good Luck

[notmuch88tosay 21]

Thanks Robby999,

I appreciate your reply and the info.

I will try to find the China regional forum here.

Just registered at the China Family Visa forum.

Take care,

notmuch88tosay

[Otto 83]

**Topic may be most appropriate in our Regional Discussion Forum (China) rather than Off Topic; moving thread there.

[justashooter 430]

weddings are a big deal in china. they are an opportunity to show family and friends how good of a "deal" the bride has made. spending big money on a wedding is very important in the consideration or "face" (reputation). nobody skimps on a wedding in china. the groom or his family is expected to pay for the event, including gifts to the bride's mother that are intended to provide for the future security of the girl if a divorce occurs, or the retirement of the mother, if the marriage remains intact.

a typical wedding will vary depending on region and social stature in cost and style. in general, 100-300 guests and a live music group set up on the sidewalk in front of the venue is the norm (sometimes these traditionally uniformed "bands" are terrible). there is very little in terms of a traditional ceremony in a western sense, but there are a series of traditional chinese rituals leading up to the event you should study.

the big event is a banquet that must start before noon (later is bad luck) and run 3-6 hours. a banquet hall is reserved and decorated, 10-20 courses served is normal. liquor and beer in large quantities is mandatory. dancing is rare. a minister or officiant is unheard of. a best friend of groom and bride or respected family member will host. a microphone is mandatory, and everyone who wants to tell a story gets their turn. a bubble machine is nice. fireworks on the stage (with oversized picture of bride and groom in wedding costume in backdrop) is common. a cake is unusual. videography to disc is required.

honestly, there is too much detail for me to remember. getting the residential hotel i lived in to move the grand piano to the 3rd floor banquet room and provide my favourite pianist is one thing that stands out. serving a ceremonial glass of the 5 gallons of strawberry wine stamped into must by the bride's feet and vinted in my office is another.

all in all, you should expect to pay from nothing to everything, depending on where you are and how it is managed. in a second tier city 100 dozen cut flowers delivered and arranged was about $200 (2007). a truckload of beer and liquor was about $400. banquet for 300 was about $1200. fireworks and bubble machine were about $25. an all day photo shoot before the event was about $200. video and photos of the event about $200. a first class wedding dress was about $200. my tux was comped by the hospitality coordinator, who was seated with my maids and some key hotel staff members i had known several years.

in a second class chinese city services are still cheap, at about 1/6 the cost of comparable US services. food is also cheap, as are top quality wedding dresses (which are not yet mandatorily white and western style). your bride will also need to have a red dress to change into at mid banquet, and a business skirt suit to change into for farewells. extras, like a video-slideshow/sideshow on continuous loop of you and your wife together in various places and at banquets with her family, as well as her new home and other famous places in USA can be thrown together for nothing but your time on a laptop and a borrowed projector. in a second class city at a 4 star venue expect to pay 1/3 to 1/7 of what you would pay in USA. in beijing, expect USA prices. the good news is that guests will bring cash envelopes as gifts that offset the cost, generally (unless the MIL decides this is also part of her retirement).

don't forget the bride money to the mother. it will be 30,000-100,000 yuan delivered before the ceremony, if you're a sucker.

btw, don't expect much from the champagne toast. it will taste like flat and very sugary ginger ale. chinese don't understand champagne yet, and probably never will. also, eat lots of bread right before the ceremony. you won't have time to sit for the meal. you'll be too busy drinking foul smelling bai jou (wheat liquor) in toasts to male relatives (expect to do 15-25 shots in 2 hours or less).

sound like fun yet? you ain't got no idea, friend.

your bride needs an interpreter? good luck. it'll be just like getting run over by a train.

Want some whiskey in your water?

Sugar in your tea?

What's all these crazy questions they askin' me

This is the craziest party there could ever be

Don't turn on the lights, 'cause I don't want to see

Mama told me not to come

Mama told me not to come

That ain't the way to have fun, no

Open up the window

Let some air into this room

I think I'm almost chokin'

From the smell of stale perfume

And that cigarette you're smoking

'Bout scared me half to death

Open up the window, sucker

Let me catch my breath

Mama told me not to come

Mama told me not to come

She said, that ain't the way to have fun, son

That ain't the way to have fun, son

The radio is blastin'

Someone's knocking at the door

I'm lookin' at my girlfriend

She's passed out on the floor

I seen so many things

I ain't never seen before

Don't know what it is

I don't wanna see no more

Mama told me, mama told me, mama told me

Told me, told me

That ain't no way to have fun, whoah, yeah yeah

Mama told me not to come

Mama, mama, mama told me

That ain't no way to have fun

That ain't the way to have fun, no

That ain't the way to have fun, son

That ain't the way to have fun, no

That ain't the way to have fun, son

[Ad lib, repeat to fade]

[Andrew_Qin 0]

If you are worried about spending more than you can afford, you should discuss it with your fiance, but remember that this is a very important day for her and her family. If you go cheap on her, neither she nor her family will ever forget it. There may be some solace in the fact that each of your wedding guests will give you a little red envelope with money inside. The amount of money you receive, of course, will depend upon their financial means. I've had two Chinese wives and two traditional Chinese weddings. In both cases we spent lavishly and raked in more than we spent.

You don't get married every day. You don't have to put yourself in hawk, but otherwise go all out. As you were previously advised, if you're new to Chinese social customs, you'll get a good measure of it at your wedding. I immensely enjoyed both my weddings, though I am not planning another crack at one. Good luck!

[Azzudiin 26]

Don't worry about money, you get it all back. RED ENVELOPES ROCK.

I made a profit on my wedding, which we quickly returned during a uncles 80th birthday. China giving money at special events is common and you will recycle your wedding money for many many years.

If you don't know about the red envelopes, you need to research Chinese weddings a lot more.

[dan_ling 6]

This is a very special time for your wife, and in my wedding I had to learn a few chinese sentences and forgot them during the ceremony.

We handed out cigarettes and candy as we greeted the quests as they came inside the hotel and they gave us the red envelopes. I had a small wedding of 120 at a very nice hotel. My wife wanted a large wedding but I said 100 was enough, but if I had known that they would be giving red envelopes with money inside at the time I would have told her to invite everyone she could.

[justashooter 430]

I've had two Chinese wives and two traditional Chinese weddings. In both cases we spent lavishly and raked in more than we spent.

fool me once, shame on you...

[notmuch88tosay 21]

Thanks justashooter,

Thanks Andrew_Qin,

Thanks Azzudiin,

Thanks dan_ling,

I appreciate your advice very much.

I have done some research and found two types of asian wedding ceremonies, "The 6 Necessary Procedures" and "Three Letters and Six Etiquette".

But I think "Three Letters and Six Etiquette" is mainly done in Hong Kong. Not sure.

Does anyone know which one I would use in China?

Does anyone have a ballpark figure in how much money (in U.S. dollars) I will need to come up with for a traditional Chinese wedding ceremony?

notmuch88tosay

[Andrew_Qin 0]

If you were to go basic, yet respectable (function room in good hotel or restaurant, good food, drink, smokes, etc.) shouldn't cost you more than $3,500 for 100 guests and about $2,000 for each hundred guests after that. Money to parents is not included. In my case, my first wife's mother gave me back almost the full amount I gave her. I don't know what we gave my second wife's parents because she took care of that on her own.

Like I said earlier, do the best you can. An earlier post mentioned that most Chinese people are under the assumption that all Americans are filthy rich. I would think that few of the better educated or wealthier Chinese have that misconception. They know that the table has turned. In any case, you should be direct with your fiancee and disclose your financial situation. In doing that make it clear to her that you do not want to pretend to her friends and family about your wealth. It is true that the Chinese have a much stronger sense of responsibility to support their parents than most Americans do, and you would be wise to let her do her share, within reason. On the other hand, it is also true that the Chinese are much more frugal, willing to sacrifice and financially ambitious than most Americans. Put both sides on the scale and it tips more strongly in favor of financial wellbeing.

[notmuch88tosay 21]

Thanks so much for the info Andrew_Qin,

I appreciate your help very much.

I am thinking (hoping) that I might be able to pull it off now...

I still have about five months of waiting time that I need to survive.

The long wait is really very hard on my Fiancee.

I'm sure our Government beaurocrats give a flying sh*t about that :-)

Thanks again,

notmuch88tosay

[justashooter 430]

i would be more worried about your relationship with your fiance, friend. she needs an interpreter? how westernised is she? chinese know next to nothing about anything other than china and how china depicts the world. the propaganda on TV every night takes care of that. if you two aren't eye to eye you are gonna be in a whirlwind the moment you say no to anything she thinks you should be able to do. for example, one guy's wife expected him to open a company so she could import more chinese to work for her for chinese wages in USA, and couldn't understand that this was a little beyond reason.

[notmuch88tosay 21]

Hi justashooter,

My fiancee lives in the city. So she will know more than how to milk Cows and pick rice from the rice fields :-)

Also, I am learning Mandarin Chinese quickly. I study it every day. And my fiancee is learning English. She studies it every day.

We do a video chat every night. We see each other on video and text each other at the same time by using the Google Translate website.

I know what you mean about the different cultures. I will just have to be patient and understanding. And ask her to do the same.

We have not had many disagreements at all. And we have exchanged many letters, met in person, and then chatted online via video chat probably hundreds of times.

She probably watches some Western TV so she maybe has some idea of the differnces. But of course, TV is not reality. Unless it's Reality TV, which is fake too.

But I'll tell you what... anything beats an American woman. I flew have way around the world and am going through all this because of that. Asian woman are the best. My asian woman is an angel... compared to U.S. woman.

I'll be working on trying keep my sanity for the next five months in the meanwhile.

Take care,

notmuch88tosay

[notmuch88tosay 21]

Hello,

I found this article online.

9 Most Expensive Cities for Marriage In China: http://goo.gl/qynBJ

What is your opinion on this? What did you folks end up paying for your traditional Chinese wedding ceremonies?

* Beijing (40,000 RMB for wedding ceremony, 1.068 million RMB total - including house, furnishings, car, etc.)

* Tianjin (total cost, 1.086 million)

* Chongqing (total cost, 628,000 RMB)

* Hangzhou (total cost, 1.278 million RMB)

* Guangzhou (total cost, 1.048 million)

* Shanghai (total cost, 1.4 millon RMB)

* Nanjing (total cost, 700,000 RMB)

* Chengdu (total cost, 678,000 RMB)

* Wuhan (total cost, 211,600 RMB)

notmuch88tosay