court-less relationship

[jrmejia 31]

To that I reply:

When I went to visit her in Dubai, she went to work daily while I stayed by myself. Did I know anyone there? no, was I bored?

I think you guys are twisting the situation now. I think I have major discovery going on. I am sure of that.

And please don't treat like a gulf's ball even Tiger wants to hit me hard.

Edited May 23, 2011 by jrmejia

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

To that I reply:

When I went to visit her in Dubai, she went to work daily while I stayed by myself. Did I know anyone there? no, was I bored?

I think you guys are twisting the situation now. I think I have major discovery going on. I am sure of that.

And please don't treat like a gulf's ball even Tiger want to hit me hard.

How long was your visit? 1 week?

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

And please don't treat like a gulf's ball even Tiger wants to hit me hard.

Just what is a gulf's ball?

Maybe you mean a GOLF BALL?

Why not answer the questions that are being asked?

[B_J 2,752]

To that I reply:

When I went to visit her in Dubai, she went to work daily while I stayed by myself. Did I know anyone there? no, was I bored?

I think you guys are twisting the situation now. I think I have major discovery going on. I am sure of that.

And please don't treat like a gulf's ball even Tiger want to hit me hard.

Please stop talking about golf balls. That doesn't make sense.

You were asked earlier about the longest time you spent there. You didn't answer. That's sort of an important question.

Now, the issue really isn't, did you get bored. The issue is why you can't see the possibility of somebody getting bored when this is their new life. If a person lives like this for 50 weeks out of a year, I can understand them getting bored at times.

Eventually they will get more comfortable in their new country; but for a while, I would think boredom would be expected. And it doesn't mean they don't love their spouse.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

It's OK Junior, I see your profile timeline and I read what devastedme wrote... I already know the answer....you made 2 trips, 1 week stay each time.

Edited May 23, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[Messybrownhair 251]

This is pointless.

Just let him experience it for himself.

It always happens to people who think it won't happen to them. At least my husband and I were prepared for this, and we weren't naive to think that everything would be perfect 100% of the time, so we take the "bad days" in stride, because in most days we live in perfect bliss. Maybe the OP lives in his own little bubble where he thinks marriage is just all about love, and doesn't involve work and compromise.. If you think about it, everyone on this thread except the OP has never posted their dirty laundry on VJ and that's probably because they have a functioning healthy relationship.

Get real, OP.

But I do hope for your sake that your fiance, who I presume to be a girl who works, will not get bored for the 3-6 months that she'll be forced to stay home as she waits for her GC. I don't know how your ego would be able to take it if God forbid she admits to being bored. WHAT, YOURE BORED?? YOU DON'T LOVE ME????

[B_J 2,752]

This is pointless.

Just let him experience it for himself.

It always happens to people who think it won't happen to them. At least my husband and I were prepared for this, and we weren't naive to think that everything would be perfect 100% of the time, so we take the "bad days" in stride, because in most days we live in perfect bliss. Maybe the OP lives in his own little bubble where he thinks marriage is just all about love, and doesn't involve work and compromise.. If you think about it, everyone on this thread except the OP has never posted their dirty laundry on VJ and that's probably because they have a functioning healthy relationship.

Get real, OP.

But I do hope for your sake that your fiance, who I presume to be a girl who works, will not get bored for the 3-6 months that she'll be forced to stay home as she waits for her GC. I don't know how your ego would be able to take it if God forbid she admits to being bored. WHAT, YOURE BORED?? YOU DON'T LOVE ME????

Perhaps we could take this thread in a different direction.....

I understand that when my fiance gets here, she's going to have to deal with the homesickness and boredom. I know many of you have already been through that. Any advice?

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Perhaps we could take this thread in a different direction.....

I understand that when my fiance gets here, she's going to have to deal with the homesickness and boredom. I know many of you have already been through that. Any advice?

Here are things that helped my wife:

1) Filipino TV Channels (she cancelled them after 6 months)

2) Found an Asian Resto (as she calls them) that she liked.

3) Taught her to drive so she could handle household business whil I'm working (some stated require GC or EAD though).

4) Got involved with my family more, she takes comfort in having extended family around (even mine).

5) Sent VOIP Phone to her Mom in PH so they could talk for hours daily without expense.

6) Made sure to plan a date night every week, Dinner & a Movie so she gets social time with just me.

[Messybrownhair 251]

Perhaps we could take this thread in a different direction.....

I understand that when my fiance gets here, she's going to have to deal with the homesickness and boredom. I know many of you have already been through that. Any advice?

It's the little things that make me happy I wake up to eat breakfast with him, and he goes to his 8-12-16 hour shifts which kills me but he always comes home with a little surprise like my favorite chocolate etc.. And he makes random phone calls throughout the day which always make me smile, coz I know even at work he thinks of me.. Don't take your time together for granted, we try and do special things when he's off like see sights or eat somewhere nice or see a movie.. Make sure she has cable and internet all the time coz those are my lifesavers right now, and if you have friends who can take her out, let them take do so.. It's a lot better for me now, I think probably the first month was the hardest. Go grocery shopping with her so you can pick food together, and when you get home from work, try to leave work behind and just pay attention to your wife. :) You should be okay, I think probably I really only felt homesick twice and that was during Easter and Mother's Day because it made me sad to not spend the holidays with my parents. Oh and be active with her AOS process. Teach her how to drive, explain the rules of your state. I know how to drive but we'd go around PA and he would explain all the signs and rules to me so that I could pass my DMV test. Basically just be there for her, and be sensitive to her needs, because she is leaving everything for you. When she is sad, don't think that she isn't happy with you, she's just missing her family and basically just assure her that you guys will visit soon.

Hope that helps

Edited May 23, 2011 by Messybrownhair

[B_J 2,752]

Here are things that helped my wife:

1) Filipino TV Channels (she cancelled them after 6 months)

2) Found an Asian Resto (as she calls them) that she liked.

3) Taught her to drive so she could handle household business whil I'm working (some stated require GC or EAD though).

4) Got involved with my family more, she takes comfort in having extended family around (even mine).

5) Sent VOIP Phone to her Mom in PH so they could talk for hours daily without expense.

6) Made sure to plan a date night every week, Dinner & a Movie so she gets social time with just me.

It's the little things that make me happy I wake up to eat breakfast with him, and he goes to his 8-12-16 hour shifts which kills me but he always comes home with a little surprise like my favorite chocolate etc.. And he makes random phone calls throughout the day which always make me smile, coz I know even at work he thinks of me.. Don't take your time together for granted, we try and do special things when he's off like see sights or eat somewhere nice or see a movie.. Make sure she has cable and internet all the time coz those are my lifesavers right now, and if you have friends who can take her out, let them take do so.. It's a lot better for me now, I think probably the first month was the hardest. Go grocery shopping with her so you can pick food together, and when you get home from work, try to leave work behind and just pay attention to your wife. :) You should be okay, I think probably I really only felt homesick twice and that was during Easter and Mother's Day because it made me sad to not spend the holidays with my parents. Oh and be active with her AOS process. Teach her how to drive, explain the rules of your state. I know how to drive but we'd go around PA and he would explain all the signs and rules to me so that I could pass my DMV test. Basically just be there for her, and be sensitive to her needs, because she is leaving everything for you. When she is sad, don't think that she isn't happy with you, she's just missing her family and basically just assure her that you guys will visit soon.

Hope that helps

Thanks.

[rlogan 2,036]

I've seen this many times and understand now.

When a manipulative person feels they have lost control of a situation, you see this kind of thing. They lose their composure, but at the same time they are doing their best to dominate events and dictate the agenda. You can think of it as a director that popped a couple tabs of LSD, but is still trying to lead the orchestra.

What's really going on is never the big smokescreen they are blowing. So forget about the pretend topic of a partner being bored. The interesting question is why our friend is orbiting Jupiter here as the midnight hour on immigration approaches.

The biggest fear of a manipulator is being exposed to the white heat of sunshine on their true self. Their comfort zone is entirely dependent upon concealing from others what they are really up to. One has to remember their world view is disordered - on the one hand they look down upon everyone else, and this is what justifies maltreating them by dealing with others dishonestly and manipulatively. But on the other hand nobody knows better than themselves that they are cowards who cannot deal with people openly and above-board.

So you have this schizophrenic cognitive dissonance that can be controlled so long as everyone else is in the dark and their manipulative tactics are working. In the case at hand we have an epochal event happening with the immigration visa approved. It could all be make-belive before but now all the chips are on the line. The rubber is meeting the road. The chickens are coming home to roost. The harvest is about to be reaped.

And so, the universe is collapsing upon itself. It is the singularity where all matter being sucked into the black hole is condensed into infinite energy and our mathematics of small particle physics vs. large body physics cannot determine the outcome.

We just have to sit back and watch to see what happens.

[Darnell 8,478]

oh well, they will have 90 days , once she's in USA, for more courtship and romance...

If he's pro-active, she won't get bored, can't say what'll happen about his definition of home-sick, though.

[rlogan, I think you hit it on the nose, yet again!!]

[jrmejia 31]

Thanks for hijacking my thread:

This thing was about romanticism and the beauty of love. You guys twisted like 360 degree. When love is very strong? the last thing a person thinks is about being bored, homesick, or depressed. But guys this is only my OPTION and i am sticking with it.

I guess you will not get my point and I will not settle with your term. So be it.

That my boys and girls are my 2 cents.

I think I love and some of us love with our hearts ! it is a different kind of love. The kind of that feels like little stars dancing in my heart. Not with ...

Edited May 23, 2011 by jrmejia

[sunandmoon 450]

Thanks for hijacking my thread:

This thing was about romanticism and the beauty of love. You guys twisted like 360 degree. When love is very strong? the last thing a person thinks is about being bored, homesick, or depressed. But guys this is only my OPTION and i am sticking with it.

I guess you will not get my point and I will not settle with your term. So be it.

That my boys and girls are my 2 cents.

I think I love and some of us love with our hearts ! it is a different kind of love. The kind of that feels like little stars dancing in my heart. Not with ...

myself, I wouldn't try to change your view of things, since that obviously that would be impossible. But you have it wrong. when love is stong, being bored, homesick, or depressed, can be overcome.

Edited May 23, 2011 by sunandmoon

[Mark/Rissana 0]

"You guys twisted like 360 degree." Wouldn't that bring it right back where it started?