8 months later...no friends

[vaneskygh 1]

When I read your post I thought it was the story of my life. I totally understand what you've been through. Apparently 3 pages of people posting that they are in the same situation made you feel better..at least I feel better hearing that there's people out there in the same boat. I'm peruvian too, been in the states several times and I even lived in another country(Japan)which it was hard to adjust but to be honest this time is even worse. Like you there are times I just think I can't hold it anymore and I want to leave but oh boy! I got married to a great guy and I'm sure every sacrifice really worth it.

It's funny but I think the same about american food. Instead of complaining I thought: Well, there's good food too and a diversity of ingredients so I put aside any stereotype or rule and for example I cook some peruvian dishes with chili habanero. My husband love spicy food and he thinks it's amazing and he finally learned how to eat rice.. Somos peruanos sin arroz, no nos llenamos! . From what I read you are sad and depressive. It's true, the lack of family and friends, not knowing what to do because we just can't work without authorization, having so much free time, boredom, thinking too much because you are done with the cleaning, cooking and you just don't know what to do is depressing I know that but look at the bright side our country isn't perfect either it's becoming more dangerous and more chaotic considering years ago and it is so sad but a lot of incompetent people is always around.

*sigh* I wish visajourney create a forum to connect people who live in a certain area..

[faryan 4]

When I read your post I thought it was the story of my life. I totally understand what you've been through. Apparently 3 pages of people posting that they are in the same situation made you feel better..at least I feel better hearing that there's people out there in the same boat. I'm peruvian too, been in the states several times and I even lived in another country(Japan)which it was hard to adjust but to be honest this time is even worse. Like you there are times I just think I can't hold it anymore and I want to leave but oh boy! I got married to a great guy and I'm sure every sacrifice really worth it.

It's funny but I think the same about american food. Instead of complaining I thought: Well, there's good food too and a diversity of ingredients so I put aside any stereotype or rule and for example I cook some peruvian dishes with chili habanero. My husband love spicy food and he thinks it's amazing and he finally learned how to eat rice.. Somos peruanos sin arroz, no nos llenamos! . From what I read you are sad and depressive. It's true, the lack of family and friends, not knowing what to do because we just can't work without authorization, having so much free time, boredom, thinking too much because you are done with the cleaning, cooking and you just don't know what to do is depressing I know that but look at the bright side our country isn't perfect either it's becoming more dangerous and more chaotic considering years ago and it is so sad but a lot of incompetent people is always around.

*sigh* I wish visajourney create a forum to connect people who live in a certain area..

I totally understand how you all feel. It's been more than 2 years for me here, and I still have this feeling a lot of times. Intellectually i know that it takes time to adjust (i've read and heard that it takes abt 5 years/stages). I am perhaps halfway through that, I hope. I have the same fulltime job for almost 2 years, an understanding and supportive husband and a little 9-mo baby. If I just concentrate on that, I'm okay, but there are days that my mind wanders off and i get sad. I too have lived abroad for a few years, but i guess it's different because that was when i was single and younger and I knew it was temporary. This is permanent, we are building a home, a family here. Building friendship is difficult. Same reasons like all that you guys have mentioned. I am a bit lucky that we have a small community of students from my home country that go to the university in this small city, we do meet up once a while for dinner and chats. But they are not my peers. They are more like younger sisters, with young girls' concerns And they will leave soon as they graduate. I don't depend on colleagues. They are nice and polite, but that's about it. We are planning to move to a bigger and more diverse city, like Seattle. I know i will still be me no matter where we are. But I think this will help quite a bit.

[ryna 132]

Homesickness will strike everyone -- no matter how alert we are or how we prepare for it. This is true for Americanos who live outside the U.S., too. Therefore, your feelings are quite normal and natural, si man.

I hesitate to suggest this, because (as I tell my wife) we don't eat our pets here, but if you really, really miss your food, you can go to a pet store and buy a cuy. Maybe you will decide to keep it as a pet. Or, a gato would be an excellent companion. Animals are not human, of course, but they are certainly good when one is lonely.

Edited to add: Years ago, I moved to a rather large city in the U.S. A native told me, "It will take you a full year before you begin to feel at home here." He was right.

"It will take you a full year before you begin to feel at home here." He was right.

I have lived in two places in my life, both in the U.S., but 1000 miles apart. After 26 years living in the place where I was born, even with the same language, even with the same foods, even withe the same music, entertainment, etc. it took me one full year before I called where I live now "home." And, while my closest of longtime friends are still from where I grew up, even if they no longer live there either, I do have good friends here also. It just takes time to adjust to any change that big. especially moving to a totally different culture.

[ria_s 0]

I have ingratiated myself to my hubby's family. They have adopted me as I have adopted them as my own. I do not have any friends of my own outside work and family. I really should start socializing though.

[yorkshirerose22 4]

Hello everyone, I saw and read ppl post and i can relate to what everyone is saying.

I have been in the US now 1 year and 4 months i am from England and i still dont feel settled, They is many things i dislike about living here in California and i am always comparing England to America.

I never regret marrying my husband, he is the best and we have a great marriage.

I really wish i had thought of every little thing but before i moved here, our priority was to just be together so doing the visa and planning the wedding took over, now i am living here im finding out the flaws and of course finding it difficult to adapted to the American ways..

My first job was at Macys, i got a seasonal position ( Xmas time last year) but that was a nightmare, Never done retail sales before, still not use to American money they gave me no proper training before shoving me out on the shop floor. The first day was bad, second day seemed to be alittle better but then the third day was the worst, they put me and other new girl together, well customers were complaining and it just made me sink.. After that they took me off the roter and said for me to just pick up house when avaiable (which never were any), that was the last time. ( employment ended)they said i could reapply but i was like "Hell No"..

Now im still looking for work, I did go to college back in England for 3 years doing beauty therapy but of course here they dont mean anything and in order to get a converstion iv to pay $$$.MOney always the big issue, So not happy iv no skill or qualification here, so now all i can apply for is factory job, becouse that my job experience..

The medical system is terrible again back home we have NHS so doesnt matter if yr not working or have no insurance, we get medical no matter what.. My dad need a operation, the date he was given they said they had no room that date instead of canceling they put him into a private hospital and he didnt pay a penny(somehow i dont think that would happen here with out getting a big bill on your door step).

I can not get used to everything being so far apart, im from a small town and now im in a city, i feel like a little mouse in a maze..

I now i shouldnt compare but its hard not to when iv been used to one thing then studdenly it now different..

Really hope i can settle one day.. I am a very shy person and dont make friends very easy.. I still dont have any friends only my husband, im scared to venture out incase i get lost.. i still dont know my way round the city, only a couple of street names i know.

I need to brake out of my shell but i feel i cant.. i dont know what to do.

I feel home sick alot.. reading this comments makes me feel like im ready about my self.

[christera22 8]

I am right now almost 3.5 years here and I am in the same boat as yorkshirerose22. You cannot blame me as unsocial as in India I was the most jovial and fun loving in my friends group and i still have friends from my first job in India. Rudeness, laziness, ignorance of people here amazes me. I have tried making friends with few of my wife`s clients and after sometime they just stopped contacting. Plus there is alot , I mean a lot, of racialism here. I work with a group of people who makes their day better everyday by cussing me, calling me names, telling humiliating things mocked up by them about my country and culture. So i have somewhat given up on making friends here. Plus, no offence, some people here seems to have a big belief that US is the best country in the world and the east is third world and they bang on the idea and express their rudeness. I do like somethings in US and hate somethings in India and vice versa, that does not mean i would show US low. Every culture and country has its good and bads but that does not give anyone right to humiliate and abuse some culture.People whom i thought may be potential future friends have called me : u lalalala, terrorist, curry bomber etc etc. Apparently apart from my wife i feel very lonely, disgusted, humiliated here. We are trying to a bigger city where there are lots of Indians and see how we feel there. We do have plans to move to India in future.

Mixing with similar minded people and intelligentsia should solve a lot of problem. That is what I am looking towards to do. That is making me a bit snob though, but o well. Try to find people from your own country and similar culture trait, all i can say. Thanks and best wishes.

Edited August 18, 2011 by christera22

[yorkshirerose22 4]

I am right now almost 3.5 years here and I am in the same boat as yorkshirerose22. You cannot blame me as unsocial as in India I was the most jovial and fun loving in my friends group and i still have friends from my first job in India. Rudeness, laziness, ignorance of people here amazes me. I have tried making friends with few of my wife`s clients and after sometime they just stopped contacting. Plus there is alot , I mean a lot, of racialism here. I work with a group of people who makes their day better everyday by cussing me, calling me names, telling humiliating things mocked up by them about my country and culture. So i have somewhat given up on making friends here. Plus, no offence, some people here seems to have a big belief that US is the best country in the world and the east is third world and they bang on the idea and express their rudeness. I do like somethings in US and hate somethings in India and vice versa, that does not mean i would show US low. Every culture and country has its good and bads but that does not give anyone right to humiliate and abuse some culture.People whom i thought may be potential future friends have called me : u lalalala, terrorist, curry bomber etc etc. Apparently apart from my wife i feel very lonely, disgusted, humiliated here. We are trying to a bigger city where there are lots of Indians and see how we feel there. We do have plans to move to India in future.

Mixing with similar minded people and intelligentsia should solve a lot of problem. That is what I am looking towards to do. That is making me a bit snob though, but o well. Try to find people from your own country and similar culture trait, all i can say. Thanks and best wishes.

Thats terrible, some ppl just dont have any respect and just care only about them selves, thats the problem with this world.

And no America is not all whats its cracked up to be, its a very expensive country to live in, i dont understand how it can be in so much dept.

I sometimes wish that my husband had moved to England instead.. But i do feel i shouldnt be complaining, it took alot of money and effort to get me here,so im kinda stuck here now, but no one around me understands how i feel, i guess if i had my family here with me i wouldnt feel so bad but they are not, so at times i feel rather lonely.

I havent yet come across any body from England that live close to me.

My dad is coming out in october this year, i really am excited, its been way over a year since iv seem any my family.

I do keep trying to push my self out the door but i freeze.. I am a friendly but just very shy and i guess i sometimes come across as maybe ignorant but im not, its just getting to know my personality.. I always care what ppl think about me..

I really hope you can find friends, the ppl that dont respect and accept the way you are or where u come from, dont deserve yr friendship.

[rlogan 2,036]

I work with a group of people who makes their day better everyday by cussing me, calling me names, telling humiliating things mocked up by them about my country and culture. So i have somewhat given up on making friends here. Plus, no offence, some people here seems to have a big belief that US is the best country in the world and the east is third world and they bang on the idea and express their rudeness. I do like somethings in US and hate somethings in India and vice versa, that does not mean i would show US low. Every culture and country has its good and bads but that does not give anyone right to humiliate and abuse some culture.People whom i thought may be potential future friends have called me : u lalalala, terrorist, curry bomber etc etc. Apparently apart from my wife i feel very lonely, disgusted, humiliated here.

Stupid people fear and loathe what they are unfamiliar with. A hot Indian gal gives me a #######, and some other idiot can't get past the fact her skin is darker.

We were known as a melting pot, a nation of immigrants, and sure there has been some really ugly racism but by the 1960's Civil Rights movement I thought this was behind us. I see a resurgence of racism, fueled by our idiotic world war on whoever objects to us making war on them. These guys you work with probably don't know Hindu from Islam, you are dark and funny lookin' so yeah, curry bomber. Can you believe the ignorance. No chance they understand the Pakistan-Indian problem and how our stupid war in Afghanistan, having spilled over into Pakistan like Vietnam did into Laos and Cambodia - why should we add wars to areas with problems like these... Moron Nation. War on Terror yeah, kill the ragheads, red white & blue, we're the Master Race.

Forgive us. We're not all like that. I hope you can get to a place with some decent people. There is some employment law here that is relevant. I am an economist and I do damage estimates for things like wrongful firing, and other employment law stuff. I don't know the law I just crunch numbers. But on these cases I work on I remember this thing about creating a hostile work environment, which is what they did to this guy. I can't remember if he quit or was fired, and it didn't seem to make a difference on account of the hostile work environment, and he won money. I think that was a federal employment law case. Not my job to know but an employment law guy can tell you if this harassment can be dealt with smartly.

[TBoneTX 45,910]

I can not get used to everything being so far apart, im from a small town and now im in a city, i feel like a little mouse in a maze.

My wife, who's also from a smaller town -- and who'd been to the U.S. before -- observed in near-tears, after a culture-shock shortly after she got here, "I feel like a little parrot that's been taken from its home in the jungle."

Your best asset, judging from your lovely photos, is to keep a broad smile attached to your face and to say "Hi!" to everyone you pass by or meet. Someone will respond, and then you can have a conversation. Try this for a solid two weeks, and report back.

[Psoas10 17]

I feel bad for some of you that have a hard time adjusting, esp the Asian ones. The weird thing here, is that my wife adjusted easier to Hawaii, than someone from the Mainland. In talking to other Asians immigrants, it seems that it is quite easy to adjust here, esp if they are Filipino. While alot of times the whites from the Mainland get huge problems adjusting to Hawaii, esp if they are military. EDIT Yikes as a local born person from Hawaii I no can spell so good.

Edited August 22, 2011 by Psoas10

[catracha85 6]

I've been here almost 5 months. Still no friends, no work....I may say that I love the USA, but not the state that we are living right now (which is virginia btw), just dream and beg my husband to try to go live to miami, but he don't like there, so am just waiting a miracle happens, cuz my mom and several friends live there....

Sincerely, I thought been a latino would be easier to catch up some friends, since supposly "there are a lot of latinos here", but maybe they live in another area, or far or to busy working...IDK...!

I really laught when someone here mentioned that she was having problems with money change. I said to myself "omg! am not the only one", cuz I thought that may arithmetic area was bad or something like that,.....cuz I just don't care about dimes and nickels, even count them.....

It is just hard to adapt to a different change, if you have been 25+ years living a certain way, with certain traditions.....

[rraypo 3]

I was reading some post here and i read one that said "Feeling alone" by Fragola, The first thing that came to my mind when I read that post was 4 years and she still feel that bad?... I ama here 8 months, and still trying to find out my place, my husband is nice and he try his best to make me happy, but i still feel lonely and not in place... have no idea how to describe this feeling better....

I took painting classes once a week and go to gym any other day, I drive and can go out wherever I want, but I feel is not the same to go to the cinema, to the mall or just for a walk ALONE, it just doesnt feel good, and nstead of make me feel happy , just depress me more , is not that back in my country I use to have a bunch of friends around all the time, but, the few I have the few I was sure I can count on with, plus being at work everyday give me the dosis of socialize I need, here is just the same routine, wake up clean , go out food shoipping or gym or whatever, come keep cleaning, cook, watch tv, paint, check the plants, I mean seems that a nice confortable life right? but I need friends, need to talk with people of my own age, the only person i talk with is his daughter and believe me people most of teh time i preffer just to keep in mute in front of her (this relationship stemother-stepdaughter is for another topic.. too long and too dramtic to describe it now) husband say go and make some friends , but is not that easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ther eis a girl around my corner who invite me to her house, the times i went she is always busy and i feel a bit unconfortable to just interrupt her.

I had a live already made in my country, friends already made throu the years, people here are the same everybody have it own life, and one for sure cant make friends from day to night, good friends take time to do.

I just feel like I born again and that I have to start from scratch...no body know me, no body know what i am able to do, what i know, my studies mean nothing here, i apply to many jobs and they dont even callme for an interview for being a receptionist!!!!!

Hi,

My name is Raquel and I am from Brazil. It's very sad to read all of it, but it is exactly how a feel. People here are very different and don't relate the way we relate in my country. I had lots of friends in Brazil and I miss them so much. I have not hugged somebody,e xcepet my husband in many months. We usually kiss friends in Brazil all the time we meet. That's not the same here. I have been living here for 1 year and 8 months and I feel exctly the same. I am glad you wrote and we can become friends. I live in Oregon (Klamath Falls) and I can give you my e-mail e phone number. Where do you live?

I am looking forward to hearing from you soo.

Raquel

[eric_and_teresa 10]

It gets better, I promise you it gets better!

I have been here now for almost 3 years now. I too was homesick , I had no job, no friends, and I think I cried almost every single day. It is the feeling of being out of that world you knew, that makes you feel so sad and lost. For those of you who are still feeling like that today, I can honestly tell you that things get better after a while, I am now blessed with a good job (after being rejected many times), I finally met people and started making new friends. It took me a while, but I finally feel like this is my home now. It will get better for all of you too

I agree with TBoneTX 's idea of getting a pet! I never had a pet before and 4 months after we got married my husband got me a little shitzu puppy, she is one of the best things in my life, she makes me laugh so hard, she is always by my side. I could have never imainged how a little doggie could really bring joy to my life in a moment when I was so alone, and so sad.

Edited August 25, 2011 by eric_and_teresa

[yorkshirerose22 4]

I agree with TBoneTX 's idea of getting a pet! I never had a pet before and 4 months after we got married my husband got me a little shitzu puppy, she is one of the best things in my life, she makes me laugh so hard, she is always by my side. I could have never imainged how a little doggie could really bring joy to my life in a moment when I was so alone, and so sad.

I dont want to sound ungrateful, but we live with my husband father and without him we wouldnt have a roof over our heads, but i do really hate his stubburness llol. I am a huge animal lover, i have grown up with animals, always had cats,dogs,horses. I would love to have a cat but my father in law doesnt want animals in his house.. My husband has 2 cockatiels but they are not friendly, they dont like me coz i like to try and pet them but they just want to be left alone lol, and they are soo noisy lol all they do is scream, i feed them, put them outside, give them water for a bath and they still just scream.

I know if it was just me and my hubby, he would let me have a pet and i do want one so bad that it does sadden me, back home i could just go out and get a pet with no problems or rejections.

My mums cat has just had kittens and she teases me lol:( sending me pictures and showing me on the webcam, i wish i could just reach out and grab one lol.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

ive been reading stuff like you guys say for a while now, i have my interview in 10 days have all the faith ill be approved and ill be leaving in about 15 days from now. i have no friends here in romania and doubd ill make any friends there. my fiance is my best friend for over 6 years now, and i know my mom in law will be (already is) an amazig friend. i was thinking to get a kitten or a ferret. but seeing you guys so upset makes me even worried. well....ill see in like 2 weeks >_<