8 months later...no friends

[Barbara J 115]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been here 8 months and feel very alone also. Just missing my daughters more than anything. I did not have a lot of close friends back in OZ and my closest friends lived in another state or hundreds of miles away. I was not a great social person as far as having to have people around all the time as thats how it was but then you become used after a while as I was always inviting them to my home and never got an invite to theirs. I love my new husband so much and treasure every moment I have with him. I am lucky though that we just moved into a new home and I have been busy with putting it together and decorating. My husband does know a lot of people but he has no close friends that he would have over he is a private person. My biggest issue here is the black people, they give me such attitude some of them and make you feel so unimportant. Mainly the middle age group of 20-40 the younger ones not so bad as they love my accent.lol And I can strike up a conversation with anyone but as I am here in the south there is still an attitude big time. But like with all people some are just lovely and some could not give a ######. My husband is African American and when we are out together OMG the looks I get sometimes (from women) its terrible as we don't have this back in Australia.

So understand how you feel and only you can find what you want here. I am not looking for work but we have a community here in this estate and they have meetings so we will go to them and maybe find a friend or 2. I also have Vonage which I love and can call my daughters back home and friends too so I love that I can keep that contact as well. Chin up sweetie it can only get better I am sure

[Miss_Monkey 0]

you are sooooooooooooooo funny!!! i dont eat cuy or gato or dog!!!!

i just miss the flavors of my country sorry but northamerican food can be very plain and repetotive with the falvors everything have lots of butter or lots of sugar or lots of bbq sauce adn the only spicy they know is the tabasco come on who can live like that!!! (i am not trying to offend anyone)

[silvana.toma 15]

Few ideeas....

1.Volunteer somewhere..this way you could land a job, and make friends all at the same time

2.Buy a dog, or rescue one(in case you don't have one) not only dogs are adorable and give you great companionship, but you can also meet people while walking the dog...and some of those people might end up beeing your next BFF's...you never know.

3.Another great way to make friends is by making friends with your husband's friends, or work coleagues...

It's not easy to make friends especially that everyone is someone else's bff, and it takes time to get to know someone, then you get the culture differences, so all in all it's not a walk in the park making friends. It also depends on the type of person you are: if you are "very" sociable, "so and so" sociable, or "not so much" sociable...for some people it's easier than for others to make friends...

It's a slow process but you will get there, it just takes a little bit of time...

Edited May 20, 2011 by silvana.toma

[shefellfromheaven 18]

Miss Monkey, I felt the same way my first year in the USA. i have a few friends in college but they all live out of the state. I fully understand what yo are going through.

[ga boy 0]

miss monkey .....I am now waiting for my peruvian financee to have her interview , and if all goes well , she will be here in july . I worry that she will be in same situation as you . She is from Lima and I live in rural Georgia . A big difference all in itself. Maybe a Peruvian group from visa journey could be started where all concerns can be discussed as well as anything else you want to talk about to help each other and to socialize or get togther or whatever . Just a thought .

[Miss_Monkey 0]

miss monkey .....I am now waiting for my peruvian financee to have her interview , and if all goes well , she will be here in july . I worry that she will be in same situation as you . She is from Lima and I live in rural Georgia . A big difference all in itself. Maybe a Peruvian group from visa journey could be started where all concerns can be discussed as well as anything else you want to talk about to help each other and to socialize or get togther or whatever . Just a thought .

this could be nice boy, cause coming from Lima Capital city if you ever being there to small cities or towns are ahugeeeeeeeeeeeee difference!

[TBoneTX 45,910]

you are sooooooooooooooo funny!!! i dont eat cuy or gato or dog!!!!

You don't eat cuy?! What kind of Peruana are you? (ja ja)

i just miss the flavors of my country sorry but northamerican food can be very plain and repetotive with the falvors everything have lots of butter or lots of sugar or lots of bbq sauce adn the only spicy they know is the tabasco come on who can live like that!!! (i am not trying to offend anyone)

I could say the same about Ecuadorian food. Whether I am visiting Ecuador or I am at home, arroz sale de mi nalga. And they never put pepper on the arroz or anything else, either, so nothing ever has any taste. I must constantly remind Mrs. T-B. (mi esposa) to leave the pepper-shaker ON the table, at all times. Also not to offend anyone, but she and I speculate that her Mexican friends' husbands (who are all machistas) are machista because they constantly use too much tabasco sauce, si man.

I should add: A couple of trips ago, we traveled south through La Balsa so that I could visit Peru. We stayed overnight in Namballe, in the far north. Only one restaurant was open, and they offered us "carne de res." It was very different from anything that I had ever eaten before -- very tough, almost impossible to chew. We learned (while still eating) that it was donkey, si man!

Edited May 21, 2011 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,910]

More correctly, it was burro, si man!

Edited May 21, 2011 by TBoneTX

[Miss_Monkey 0]

lol what u eat its called "cecina" is a hard meat that become hard after putting under the sun... then u fried it have to be delicious and about the rice.... what can i tell u we eat i guess ecuador and peru have similitarities.... we eat everything with rice and we DONT PUT PEPPER IN TEH RICE, my husband also put pepper and butter..... (what a sin!) but u know what i think we grown up with some flavors in our mouth that only us understand.... u are not going to deny that ceviche is one of teh most delicious meals ever right? and to be fair and to be fair from northameroca what i like is celery with cream sour.... (even when teh cream sour have no taste)

You don't eat cuy?! What kind of Peruana are you? (ja ja)I could say the same about Ecuadorian food. Whether I am visiting Ecuador or I am at home, arroz sale de mi nalga. And they never put pepper on the arroz or anything else, either, so nothing ever has any taste. I must constantly remind Mrs. T-B. (mi esposa) to leave the pepper-shaker ON the table, at all times. Also not to offend anyone, but she and I speculate that her Mexican friends' husbands (who are all machistas) are machista because they constantly use too much tabasco sauce, si man.

I should add: A couple of trips ago, we traveled south through La Balsa so that I could visit Peru. We stayed overnight in Namballe, in the far north. Only one restaurant was open, and they offered us "carne de res." It was very different from anything that I had ever eaten before -- very tough, almost impossible to chew. We learned (while still eating) that it was donkey, si man!

[Eshansmommy 2]

I understand a little of what you are feeling. I tried to stay in my husband's country, The Republic of Turkey, until his visa application was approved. It was very hard because I did not run into a single person who spoke English. There were no English magazines or books to read. There were no American TV shows or music. I was offerred a job to teach English, but the fuel prices are so high there, it would not have been worth the long drive. Of course, I missed my family and friends. I think you are so brave to move here from your country. I am sure you love your husband very much.

It is going to take time. Have your family send you books, newspapers, magazines, movies, and music from your country. Keep in touch with friends online. Do not apply for jobs that you really do not want to do, go back to school here and do what you really want to do. You are right. You have been born again. Start building a brand new life bigger and better than the one you had before.

Best wishes.

That was such a nice reply....

[Eshansmommy 2]

I'm in the same boat. I have a couple of friends and I know quiet a lot of people here, but they all have their own busy lives and not much time for socializing. I often try to get closer to people I associate with online or at school but people tend to keep me on a distance. Noone is interested in friendships anymore, esp not with someone who is a little different. Once they become an adult and they have their friends they grew up with, they feel complete and keep everyone else on a distance, so it sucks for all us immigrants who have to start their life from scratch. Luckily I have 2 toddlers, go to school here FT, so I'm pretty busy myself.

[Miss_Monkey 0]

I'm in the same boat. I have a couple of friends and I know quiet a lot of people here, but they all have their own busy lives and not much time for socializing. I often try to get closer to people I associate with online or at school but people tend to keep me on a distance. Noone is interested in friendships anymore, esp not with someone who is a little different. Once they become an adult and they have their friends they grew up with, they feel complete and keep everyone else on a distance, so it sucks for all us immigrants who have to start their life from scratch. Luckily I have 2 toddlers, go to school here FT, so I'm pretty busy myself.

with 2toddles i bet u are busy.. i can help u lol hehehe

[-Marie- 11]

I'm in the same boat. I have a couple of friends and I know quiet a lot of people here, but they all have their own busy lives and not much time for socializing. [...] Noone is interested in friendships anymore, esp not with someone who is a little different. Once they become an adult and they have their friends they grew up with, they feel complete and keep everyone else on a distance, so it sucks for all us immigrants who have to start their life from scratch.

I'm in the same boat too. I was hoping to make new friends at my new job. I love my new job here, the girls at work are nice, but there is nothing much. Nobody really asks some questions to get to know me better. They are too busy with their own life (dating, family,babies, ...).

For me, It's easier to make foreigner friends than American friends. They are more aware about what I'm going through and are more interested in knowing somebody new.

I would like to take some Spanish classes at the end of the year, hopefully I'll make some new friends over there.

[TBoneTX 45,910]

lol what u eat its called "cecina" is a hard meat that become hard after putting under the sun... then u fried it have to be delicious

Perhaps there is such a meat, but it comes from vacas (cows), and what we were given was definitely burro, as confirmed to my wife. In that town, the lady in the restaurant explained, they would eat burro when they ran out of vacas.

u are not going to deny that ceviche is one of teh most delicious meals ever right?

You and my wife would get along great -- she loves ceviche and will eat it anytime. However, I think that it's disgusting. In Ecuador, I eat mostly churrasco, to the delight of my estomago (stomach) and to the horror of my arteries, si man.

An example of "reverse" culture shock: In the big mall in Guayaquil (Ecuador), I tried to order tacos at the Taco Bell, but the Taco Bell was out of tacos, si man. In the big mall in Cuenca, the Kentucky Pollo Frito (KFC, Kentucky Fried Chicken) was out of pollo, si man. The employees at both places seemed to consider this a normal state of affairs. These situations were quite a shock for a visiting gringo, certainly!

[rlogan 2,036]

i though about that, work i will love too, but as some one here said dont work in anything that you dont like, well i did jkust to have some pocket money as a waitress, and i was kinda fired just because i dont jump into the people to get them and later on get their tips! i am not use to that too much dramam between the waitress here... i will just have to wait to see what productive thing i can do with my life...

I spent quite a bit of time in Peru. They definitely do not have the same work ethic. They really laughed at me expecting people to meet at an agreed time. Bureaucrats in government offices relished taking agonizingly long times to fill out papers, denying you what you wanted for arbitrary and capricious reasons. Try getting a title to a vehicle there without bribing them. Even with the bribe they made it as painful as possible to get out of their clutches.

A number of people deliberately told me to come at times they specifically knew they would not be there, like during the middle of the day when shops close. A lot of people I met told me they stole, scammed and begged because they were poor. I told them in response they had it exactly backwards. They were poor because they stole, scammed and begged. So many of them had this idea of scamming someone to make a buck today at the expense of never getting another penny from them the rest of their lives.

Even if you don't like a job you have to try hard at it here. I hated food service. I was a construction worker but in the middle of one winter I took a food service job because I needed it. I made more money in tips than at the wage. I remember early in the job when the wage was two dollars and something an hour, a table left me more than seven dollars in tip money and it wasn't even that I was busting my butt for the tips - I was just a hard worker. It really surprised me. I did not even think that I needed to work so I could get tips - I thought I was just doing my job.

Hard work is its own reward.

different "cultures" for sure .. miss my food, i cook, and even when husband and stepdaughter eat everything i cook, i never heard them saying this is delicious...or this is nice they just eat... i mean is not that i want tohear how great i am all the time, but could be nice to feel appreciate....

grrrr! maybe i am just to sensitive today ... sorry

Just for teh records my husband is a great guy he do appreciate somethings i do like my paints...but if i speand hours cleaning and making thsi place a home is too much to ask for a nice word?

I can't agree on the great guy if he does not appreciate what his wife does. Every meal she makes for me is the best one I have ever eaten. I constantly tell her how appreciative I am of her taking care of the kids, cleaning, looking for hot deals on Craigslist...

and you know I really mean it. I really do feel that way. What better life can a man have than a little hotty wife running around knocking herself out for him? No king had it this good if you ask me.

I feel badly for you if you are not appreciated.