8 months later...no friends

[Miss_Monkey 0]

I was reading some post here and i read one that said "Feeling alone" by Fragola, The first thing that came to my mind when I read that post was 4 years and she still feel that bad?... I ama here 8 months, and still trying to find out my place, my husband is nice and he try his best to make me happy, but i still feel lonely and not in place... have no idea how to describe this feeling better....

I took painting classes once a week and go to gym any other day, I drive and can go out wherever I want, but I feel is not the same to go to the cinema, to the mall or just for a walk ALONE, it just doesnt feel good, and nstead of make me feel happy , just depress me more , is not that back in my country I use to have a bunch of friends around all the time, but, the few I have the few I was sure I can count on with, plus being at work everyday give me the dosis of socialize I need, here is just the same routine, wake up clean , go out food shoipping or gym or whatever, come keep cleaning, cook, watch tv, paint, check the plants, I mean seems that a nice confortable life right? but I need friends, need to talk with people of my own age, the only person i talk with is his daughter and believe me people most of teh time i preffer just to keep in mute in front of her (this relationship stemother-stepdaughter is for another topic.. too long and too dramtic to describe it now) husband say go and make some friends , but is not that easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ther eis a girl around my corner who invite me to her house, the times i went she is always busy and i feel a bit unconfortable to just interrupt her.

I had a live already made in my country, friends already made throu the years, people here are the same everybody have it own life, and one for sure cant make friends from day to night, good friends take time to do.

I just feel like I born again and that I have to start from scratch...no body know me, no body know what i am able to do, what i know, my studies mean nothing here, i apply to many jobs and they dont even callme for an interview for being a receptionist!!!!!

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

I was reading some post here and i read one that said "Feeling alone" by Fragola, The first thing that came to my mind when I read that post was 4 years and she still feel that bad?... I ama here 8 months, and still trying to find out my place, my husband is nice and he try his best to make me happy, but i still feel lonely and not in place... have no idea how to describe this feeling better....

I took painting classes once a week and go to gym any other day, I drive and can go out wherever I want, but I feel is not the same to go to the cinema, to the mall or just for a walk ALONE, it just doesnt feel good, and nstead of make me feel happy , just depress me more , is not that back in my country I use to have a bunch of friends around all the time, but, the few I have the few I was sure I can count on with, plus being at work everyday give me the dosis of socialize I need, here is just the same routine, wake up clean , go out food shoipping or gym or whatever, come keep cleaning, cook, watch tv, paint, check the plants, I mean seems that a nice confortable life right? but I need friends, need to talk with people of my own age, the only person i talk with is his daughter and believe me people most of teh time i preffer just to keep in mute in front of her (this relationship stemother-stepdaughter is for another topic.. too long and too dramtic to describe it now) husband say go and make some friends , but is not that easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ther eis a girl around my corner who invite me to her house, the times i went she is always busy and i feel a bit unconfortable to just interrupt her.

I had a live already made in my country, friends already made throu the years, people here are the same everybody have it own life, and one for sure cant make friends from day to night, good friends take time to do.

I just feel like I born again and that I have to start from scratch...no body know me, no body know what i am able to do, what i know, my studies mean nothing here, i apply to many jobs and they dont even callme for an interview for being a receptionist!!!!!

[J&N* 68]

I'm so sorry you feel that way, I wish I had a solution, but I don't... I just wanna reach out to you and tell you that you're not alone, I've been here (in Florida) for almost 7 months, and I haven't made any friends, I live in the suburbs, that I loathe and hate, I'm used to big city and busy life, the huss and fuss, and like you said, I had tons of friends and families and friendships are very hard to maintain and build in a few days...I do nothing productive with my time, couldn't find any jobs in the lame suburbs, closest job I can find was an hour and half away. I guess you can check Craigslist in your city and look at activities and events or volunteer work, I'd do that but I still don't have a car of my own...

Also, if you go to church, maybe sign up for Bible studies/marriage classes. We did that and it was nice to be around people, they were a lot older than us so I couldn't really find a *girlfriend* to hang out with... the only person I hang out with now (besides my husband) is my mother in law, she's sweet but it's VERY hard to make your mother in law your best friend...

Does your husband have any friends that you can get to know, and meet their girlfriends/wives or so?

hope you really find a friend...

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Hi!

Have you talked to your husband about your feelings? Did you make friends easily in your home country? So, you are from Peru. I would think that it would be very easy to find other Latinos to befriend. Have you tried to frequent the Latino or Mexican supermarkets, restaurants, and dance clubs? I think it might be easier to befriend Latinos since you would have your native language in common. Have you thought about volunteering for a worthy cause? Not just painting, but a hobby that would put you in contact with other people such as dancing, yoga, taking classes at your local community college?

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

I understand a little of what you are feeling. I tried to stay in my husband's country, The Republic of Turkey, until his visa application was approved. It was very hard because I did not run into a single person who spoke English. There were no English magazines or books to read. There were no American TV shows or music. I was offerred a job to teach English, but the fuel prices are so high there, it would not have been worth the long drive. Of course, I missed my family and friends. I think you are so brave to move here from your country. I am sure you love your husband very much.

It is going to take time. Have your family send you books, newspapers, magazines, movies, and music from your country. Keep in touch with friends online. Do not apply for jobs that you really do not want to do, go back to school here and do what you really want to do. You are right. You have been born again. Start building a brand new life bigger and better than the one you had before.

Best wishes.

[Ischnura 285]

I'm sure a fair amount of members here can empathise & relate to your situation so you're definitely not alone there hon. <--- it's the only smiley I could find who looks like he wants a hug >.<

Being in a new country is a very daunting experience and I think for the things you already managed to do by yourself you're doing well so far. I don't think I could take myself to art classes alone certainly not the gym (not even here) Since you're obviously an independent lady and know what you like how about finding a nice cafe near by and ask the lady round the corner to meet you for a drink or lunch? Or find another mutual ground that she can't be busy at. You could make it a regular thing, say once a week, it'd be a start getting to know her. She may even start inviting other friends along too. Are there any online local community groups you could join to help you network?

Perhaps suggesting to your husband to invite his friends over and they bring their partners (those that have them) and leave the guys to do their thing and take the chance to get to know their partners? If he has real close friends suggest inviting them for a relaxed dinner?

If explaining to him that you're not finding it very easy to socialise isn't working -and I agree, it's not as simple as 'go make friends' - he needs to help you out a bit more.

[gigi_a 0]

I am so sorry you feel that way. I am sure a lot of foreigners can relate to that.

The thing about foreign countries is that you were raised differently and people are not what you are used to back home. Americans are not social people. I am from Eastern Europe and life in general is so much different there - you have the cafes and bakeries and downtown where people congregate and socialize. You can walk to places - gym, grocery store, not to mention downtown, which definitely helps meeting people. In america people are mostly happy with their daily routine and the TV as entertainment.

Not sure what your age group is but you can always try and find a job may be part time. It will definitely help break the monotony and help you meet new people. You have to realize though that the people you meet later in your life and the relationships you have with them are not going to be the same as those you have with people you met in your childhood and later on in school. Someone suggested taking up more hobbies and I totally agree! Maybe even if there is a community college around you can try and take a class or two. Something that interests you. I know the University I went to had an international club where I met tons of nice people.

[cananner 2]

I was reading some post here and i read one that said "Feeling alone" by Fragola, The first thing that came to my mind when I read that post was 4 years and she still feel that bad?... I ama here 8 months, and still trying to find out my place, my husband is nice and he try his best to make me happy, but i still feel lonely and not in place... have no idea how to describe this feeling better....

It's definitely hard. I'm in my country doing the K1 waiting now, but from December to April I was in the US staying with my boyfriend. It was so wonderful to be with him, but he works full time so I was alone a lot. It's probably easier to make friends when you have a job or go to school, but I wasn't doing either of those things. I think when I go back with the visa, I will try to volunteer while I'm waiting to be able to work. Maybe I'll meet some people through that!

One thing I liked was using meetup.com. I only went to a few events, but I met some really nice people. Sometimes it's hard because some groups don't meet very often, or the group has so many members that you don't see the same people twice. But if you meet someone who seems cool, don't be shy to suggest exchanging phone numbers/email addresses!

It's great that you're finding ways to keep busy, but I agree that being alone can make it feel depressing. Hopefully things get better for you, and hopefully you'll get hired!

[Miss_Monkey 0]

Thank you people for your replies,

Could be nice just to read in some place the solution to this "issue" i talk to my husband, talk, cry, yell, i told him in many ways, he has few friends but he as many northamericans i guess works 2 jobs so he doesnt socialize as much...

I will try to take the advices of joining the community college, i though about that, work i will love too, but as some one here said dont work in anything that you dont like, well i did jkust to have some pocket money as a waitress, and i was kinda fired just because i dont jump into the people to get them and later on get their tips! i am not use to that too much dramam between the waitress here... i will just have to wait to see what productive thing i can do with my life...

Latino people around here, i saw some, mostly when they are working, they are mostly mexicans, and mexicans are like a clan they get together only between other mexicans, not many peruvians around... any way

I think that i have just to hang on and try to move forward right?

nobody said will be easy, but nobody said will be this hard either....

different "cultures" for sure .. miss my food, i cook, and even when husband and stepdaughter eat everything i cook, i never heard them saying this is delicious...or this is nice they just eat... i mean is not that i want tohear how great i am all the time, but could be nice to feel appreciate....

grrrr! maybe i am just to sensitive today ... sorry

Just for teh records my husband is a great guy he do appreciate somethings i do like my paints...but if i speand hours cleaning and making thsi place a home is too much to ask for a nice word?

[cananner 2]

Something I just discovered that might help: if you go to http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?app=members&section=view&module=list (the Members page) and click on Use Advanced Filters (on the right), you can search by Location. If you type in the city you're living in now, it will show you other VJ users who are there too. Maybe you'll find someone else who just immigrated to your city and would like to spend time with you! I'm definitely going to try it when I go back to the US.

[Miss_Monkey 0]

thank you very much for the tip

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I don't know that there is a 'solution' to the issue, but it tends to get easier with time. It happens to all of us - I am Canadian and everyone thinks it will be exactly the same - it's not. Culture, Food, friends, family...it's all not there or it's not the same .

I have struggled at various times, sometimes it's me who isn't putting myself out there, sometimes the people just seem like total snots where I work and I feel like I will NEVER be able to identify with them. At 8 months, I think you're rushing it a bit, some of this will take time. You will start feeling more comfortable as time passes. After 3.5 yrs I am feeling much better about life here than I did after 1 yr.

As for people not being appreciative at home - that is entirely different....I would voice your opinions and remind them you are not the maid, cook and housekeeper....if they like your work, you'd like to hear a few appreciative comments or those services can go away:) I found during my initial time at home the same thing happened.

Thank you people for your replies,

Could be nice just to read in some place the solution to this "issue" i talk to my husband, talk, cry, yell, i told him in many ways, he has few friends but he as many northamericans i guess works 2 jobs so he doesnt socialize as much...

I will try to take the advices of joining the community college, i though about that, work i will love too, but as some one here said dont work in anything that you dont like, well i did jkust to have some pocket money as a waitress, and i was kinda fired just because i dont jump into the people to get them and later on get their tips! i am not use to that too much dramam between the waitress here... i will just have to wait to see what productive thing i can do with my life...

Latino people around here, i saw some, mostly when they are working, they are mostly mexicans, and mexicans are like a clan they get together only between other mexicans, not many peruvians around... any way

I think that i have just to hang on and try to move forward right?

nobody said will be easy, but nobody said will be this hard either....

different "cultures" for sure .. miss my food, i cook, and even when husband and stepdaughter eat everything i cook, i never heard them saying this is delicious...or this is nice they just eat... i mean is not that i want tohear how great i am all the time, but could be nice to feel appreciate....

grrrr! maybe i am just to sensitive today ... sorry

Just for teh records my husband is a great guy he do appreciate somethings i do like my paints...but if i speand hours cleaning and making thsi place a home is too much to ask for a nice word?

[Miss_Monkey 0]

Thank you Udella, as u can see I am stick to the computer reading ur replies, make me feel more "in company"

Thank you again!

[hnubno 9]

i personally think that as kids we make friends thru school and as adults we make friends thru work. maybe you can take a part time job and in time you'll find somebody at work that you get a long with and have a friend connection. i think no matter where you are it's difficult to make friends but probably more difficult in a different country with differ cultures and norms. also you do have to put yourself out there.

[TracyTN 237]

^^Agree. And if you're having trouble finding a job, consider volunteering somewhere. It's a great way to meet people - and sometimes can even lead to a job.