The weight of the world

[MrAdamSK 0]

Greetings everyone!

My fiance and I found this site a few months ago and Love how organized and helpful everyone and everything is. Its been a great time saver for us. We are ready to bring our lives together but its so complicated and stressful. Our situation is full of challenges that we are willing and able to overcome but perhaps some of you may have some insight that we may have overlooked. Our situation is this:

I live here in Illinois and she lives in the Philippines. I have a full time job (retail) and recently acquired a 2nd full time job (also retail but 3rd shift). I graduated college and unable to find work and students loans are now knocking on my door looking for their money (which I really don't have).

She is a Registered Nurse and lives at home. But she isn't working in her field. There was a hospital position available but I didn't want her to take it. The reason was that she would only get paid $35.00 a month!!! I told her that her time with me would be more beneficial (its selfish I know, but I thought it wasn't worth her time). If she finds a job that pays reasonably well than I will help her anyway that I can to help her get it. So don't misunderstand, I'm not a control freak thats trying to dominate her or anything. I just don't want her to waste her valuable time for somewhere that isn't going to compensate her.

So with my limited income, her no income, and the fact we have to meet face to face before we can even send in the paper work we are really stressed out and sometimes depressed by this whole process.

My family isn't able to help due to medical bills from my grandparents and uncle.

I wish I could find a new job, but I know if I did find a new job I wouldn't be able to see her for over a year (most jobs don't give vacation time until after 1 year). Please help us if you can think of anything that we missed. We are desperate for any advice. She is getting depressed because she feels like a burden because I am working 80 hour weeks. I keep telling her that I'm doing it for us and its only temporary. God I love her!

Thank you for any help you can provide.

[Boiler 45,908]

the fact we have to meet face to face

This sounds the most crucial element.

One step at a time, this is the first one.

[Anh map 2,098]

Tossing in my 2 cents: Working in her field is better than not working or doing something else at a higher wage. Practical experience is very important in the health care filed.

On topic: Focus on the face to face meeting as without it the paperwork cannot get started. And do some planning for the overall costs as this process is not inexpensive. Don't add to the stress by not having the funds to get yourselves all the way through Adjustment of Status and any additional coursework and/or licensing exams that your fiancee will need in order to be employed in her field after US entry.

[Kish.2328 9]

Hello! Yes - you have to meet face to face and of course the most important thing before jumping into forever is that you have to know and feel if you are both compatible because talking behind the screen is far different when you are together flesh to flesh. So if you and her doesn't have a problem with compatibility since you know its love then proceed to the next step....the K1 visa. Just like the above poster mentioned, take one step at a time. This process is costly and stressing both financially and emotionally.

If you are already aware of how much it cost, all you have to do now is work and save.

[Robert&Liliya 31]

I would say to always look for better job opportunities. You can always work out starting after you return from your visit to her. Some companies have no problem with you starting a week or so later if you have travel already planned. A better job where you have more time to concentrate on the one you love will be a very good thing. Also this is not a cheap or easy process. It will drive you crazy at times so any stress you can reduce is a good thing. Just my opinion.....I could be wrong.

[MrAdamSK 0]

Working in her field is better than not working or doing something else at a higher wage.

I agree completely. I just think about that I will be working 2 full times jobs and if she starts working at a place with a sporadic schedule as well we may not see each other for days or even weeks. Also if she starts this new job than when I do go out there will she be able to take off work?

Our plan is for us to save up and meet each other, than when I get back I will find a new job and she will find a job or take that one.

Thank you Very much for your input!

[MrAdamSK 0]

most important thing before jumping into forever is that you have to know and feel if you are both compatible because talking behind the screen is far different when you are together flesh to flesh.

If you are already aware of how much it cost, all you have to do now is work and save.

I agree completely! I pray that things will be even better when we meet face to face because We've never been happier with anyone else in our lives.

The cost is kinda steep (thank you high gas prices). The ticket with 3 connections is about $2000! Than I figure about $500 for the hotel. Lastly I figured around $1000 for all expenses that may occur while I'm there (dining with Big family, shopping, and misc). My goal is to save $4000. That way whatever money that's left we can use it to start the paperwork.

Thank you for your reply and advice!

[MrAdamSK 0]

I would say to always look for better job opportunities. You can always work out starting after you return from your visit to her. Some companies have no problem with you starting a week or so later if you have travel already planned. A better job where you have more time to concentrate on the one you love will be a very good thing. Also this is not a cheap or easy process. It will drive you crazy at times so any stress you can reduce is a good thing. Just my opinion.....I could be wrong.

Your right of course. I am looking for a better job, I'm going to be applying for a police officer position which will begin around September. With that I will make enough to accomplish everything else. If I don't get that position I will look for a job after I return. Thats actually the only thing thats keeping me at my current job my 10 days vacation.

Thank you for your reply!

[Kish.2328 9]

I agree completely! I pray that things will be even better when we meet face to face because We've never been happier with anyone else in our lives.

The cost is kinda steep (thank you high gas prices). The ticket with 3 connections is about $2000! Than I figure about $500 for the hotel. Lastly I figured around $1000 for all expenses that may occur while I'm there (dining with Big family, shopping, and misc). My goal is to save $4000. That way whatever money that's left we can use it to start the paperwork.

Thank you for your reply and advice!

Dont forget to take lots of pictures and keep all the receipts, boarding passes, hotel receipts, anything that you will have that shows both of you are together. When sending your application you have to pay $340, then when your petition is approved its another $350 for the visa fee, $213 for the medical fee. Expenses wont stop there cos once you get married she needs to file for AOS which is $1070.

Best of luck to both of you. God bless!

[hoody 8]

One step at a time is the key because this whole process is overwhelming.

My fiance visited me twice so that it will "boost" our petition. And we waited for a year for his second trip because of finances. We both have jobs to keep us sane and busy. If your fiancee can work at other industries it would help her too. She can try the call center industry.

[happyblessedme 12]

Greetings everyone!

My fiance and I found this site a few months ago and Love how organized and helpful everyone and everything is. Its been a great time saver for us. We are ready to bring our lives together but its so complicated and stressful. Our situation is full of challenges that we are willing and able to overcome but perhaps some of you may have some insight that we may have overlooked. Our situation is this:

I live here in Illinois and she lives in the Philippines. I have a full time job (retail) and recently acquired a 2nd full time job (also retail but 3rd shift). I graduated college and unable to find work and students loans are now knocking on my door looking for their money (which I really don't have).

She is a Registered Nurse and lives at home. But she isn't working in her field. There was a hospital position available but I didn't want her to take it. The reason was that she would only get paid $35.00 a month!!! I told her that her time with me would be more beneficial (its selfish I know, but I thought it wasn't worth her time). If she finds a job that pays reasonably well than I will help her anyway that I can to help her get it. So don't misunderstand, I'm not a control freak thats trying to dominate her or anything. I just don't want her to waste her valuable time for somewhere that isn't going to compensate her.

So with my limited income, her no income, and the fact we have to meet face to face before we can even send in the paper work we are really stressed out and sometimes depressed by this whole process.

My family isn't able to help due to medical bills from my grandparents and uncle.

I wish I could find a new job, but I know if I did find a new job I wouldn't be able to see her for over a year (most jobs don't give vacation time until after 1 year). Please help us if you can think of anything that we missed. We are desperate for any advice. She is getting depressed because she feels like a burden because I am working 80 hour weeks. I keep telling her that I'm doing it for us and its only temporary. God I love her!

Thank you for any help you can provide.

Love conquers ALL,,believe me. I waited 3 long years for my husband to come to the Philippines to meet me. There was even an instance that he lost his job before we even meet..but here we are happilly married for 4 yrs. this month.it would be best if u keep ur job now first,save and plan to meet her. If u don;t have a job even if u already met her..still the petition would probably be denied coz the petitioner shud have enough income for the benefeciary NOT to be a public charge of the government.

[wizardfitz 13]

Just my thoughts, why cant you stay with her/her family? When my now husband and I started this journey, he stayed with me when he visited. That way his only cost would be the flight and meals if any which is minimal since we basically cooked at home and grocery shopped for the ingredients. 1st time out you need to be practical and sensible. You need to get over this hurdle and not spend so much money on incidentals. My husband took the family out the 2nd time he came to the Philippines. and that is because we held an engagement party, otherwise, there is NO NEED to be extravagant. you have to weigh your priorities and right now the most impt thing is to meet face to face not to spend money on her family. also, just have her take the job, it helps believe me. I worked all the way up to the few days before I was supposed to leave for the US

[Maleman 5]

You have not elaborated on how long you two have been communicating. It would be nice for you to have had at least 9 months to a year of postal mail, phone records, and emails, etc. in your evidence chest. (Smile) If you have had this time span, and, you feel that you are in love, then it’s most likely time to see each other face-to-face. Yes, the round trip flight is expensive, I know, because my wife is from the Philippines. Once you get a chance to visit her, like someone posted, your time spent together as far as cost is concerned, does not have to be excessive. It is far more important to show spending time with her and her family in various settings. Preferably, scenes displaying light hearted pictures showing acceptance from her family and friends. On the other hand, once you take the trip you want to have enough savings or cash to file for the K-1 petition shortly after arriving. Sadly, there are several associated cost, the K-1, medical cost, CENOMAR, visa, etc. Some good news will come out of the fact that the K-1 will take some processing time. It will give you some time to save money for the AOS cost. Check the VJ processing times to get an average timeframe for the K-1 process. This is important, once you get close to the K-1 visa issuance be prepared to have the full amount for your AOS or very close. You have (90) days to file for your AOS upon arriving to your POE. In fact, somewhere it states that you must file (4) days or so of your (90) day expiration period. Do not falter on this timeframe! As far as time was concerned, both my wife and I worked full time jobs, and with totally different time zones. Getting in an hour to an hour and a half every day was pressing for phone calls, Web Cam sessions, postal mail, and emails, but we did it for the majority of the time. I believe both of you can make this happen as well.

[Hank55 5]

Maybe she could come here as a health care worker, I work with a guy who's wife is here that way (both form the Phils) I think the hospitals take care of all the paperwork. I'll ask him if you want just pm me.

[Justine+David 218]

Speaking as a nurse (RN), I think you made an enormous mistake by telling her not to work. Practical experience in the field of nursing is worth gold, ESPECIALLY in this economy. If she comes over with no experience (not to mention out of practice for 6+ months as you await the visa process), she will have to compete with all the other new grads in the field. It is extraordinarily difficult to get a job as a new grad right now because of the economy. Nurses who would have retired earlier aren't due to their 401(k)s dropping and/or joining nursing again as a steady job due to their spouse being laid off/pay cuts, keeping health care insurance on. It costs a ton of $$ to train a new grad; I work in an ICU and our manager quoted $100,000 for each of us over my 6 month orientation...this is because they are paying me a regular rate while not being able to use me in staffing, paying preceptors, paying for classes, etc etc.

When I became a nurse in 2008, there were 60 applications for 10 spots in my new grad program.

In 2011, our unit manager stated that there were 700 applications for 10 spots.

You fiance will be at a SEVERE disadvantage if she doesn't have any experience. Who cares if she's paid little? Honestly, if you told me she could get experience for free, I would tell you to tell her to take it. If I was one of the new grads, I would work for free for a few months. Yes, here in the USA, I would do it, if it would get me experience as a RN.