My husband and my child

[Ban Hammer 13,399]

[UmmSqueakster 54]

...this? Coming from YOU of all people?

You do realize that you fell into the same abusive-MENA-man-woman-got-used relationship that you warn everyone about...right? Yet *you* continue to talk to your abuser, etc. But that's okay? Has that messed up YOUR kids any? I can't even fathom why a woman whose husband physically abused her while she was pregnant (which you said that he did -- either you were lying or this is the truth) would continue to talk to that man...yet you feel qualified to counsel women...why again?

/my head, it just asploded

//maybe I've been around here too long?

*stands and applauds*

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - hope for the best, plan for the worst. A spouse, no matter where they're from, can be a wonderful person, a horrible person, or somewhere in between. You can be abused by the guy you met in high school just as easily as the guy you met online. Marrying a MENA man you met online can work and can last. It can also go horribly, terribly, tragically wrong. Hope that it will work, and make sure you have a plan if it doesn't. That's just common sense isn't it?

Be aware that past members have gone through horrible experiences with their MENA spouse. But also be aware that there are some of us who are still together and still going strong. Keep your eyes open, don't take any abuse or ####### and inshaAllah you should be fine.

As I've also said before, there is very rarely "happily ever after." Even for those of us who are still successfully and happily married have had to struggle a lot along the way to make it work. Yes, some have had their spouses come and everything has blissfully fallen into place. But I think for many of us who are still married, we've had to work hard for our success.

I'm feeling like a broken record here. Will have to save this for future use when we go through the same ol same ol again.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

*stands and applauds*

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - hope for the best, plan for the worst. A spouse, no matter where they're from, can be a wonderful person, a horrible person, or somewhere in between. You can be abused by the guy you met in high school just as easily as the guy you met online. Marrying a MENA man you met online can work and can last. It can also go horribly, terribly, tragically wrong. Hope that it will work, and make sure you have a plan if it doesn't. That's just common sense isn't it?

Be aware that past members have gone through horrible experiences with their MENA spouse. But also be aware that there are some of us who are still together and still going strong. Keep your eyes open, don't take any abuse or ####### and inshaAllah you should be fine.

As I've also said before, there is very rarely "happily ever after." Even for those of us who are still successfully and happily married have had to struggle a lot along the way to make it work. Yes, some have had their spouses come and everything has blissfully fallen into place. But I think for many of us who are still married, we've had to work hard for our success.

I'm feeling like a broken record here. Will have to save this for future use when we go through the same ol same ol again.

What do you mean exactly by having a plan?

[msheesha 548]

*stands and applauds*

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - hope for the best, plan for the worst. A spouse, no matter where they're from, can be a wonderful person, a horrible person, or somewhere in between. You can be abused by the guy you met in high school just as easily as the guy you met online. Marrying a MENA man you met online can work and can last. It can also go horribly, terribly, tragically wrong. Hope that it will work, and make sure you have a plan if it doesn't. That's just common sense isn't it?

Be aware that past members have gone through horrible experiences with their MENA spouse. But also be aware that there are some of us who are still together and still going strong. Keep your eyes open, don't take any abuse or ####### and inshaAllah you should be fine.

As I've also said before, there is very rarely "happily ever after." Even for those of us who are still successfully and happily married have had to struggle a lot along the way to make it work. Yes, some have had their spouses come and everything has blissfully fallen into place. But I think for many of us who are still married, we've had to work hard for our success.

I'm feeling like a broken record here. Will have to save this for future use when we go through the same ol same ol again.

Didn't someone recently suggest that Daniel Pipes was a better forum for HIT?

HIT's continual bashing of MENA people gets so old.

Of the marriages I'm aware of, it's NOT common that the MENA beneficiary has a mental illness that was not picked up on by the American petitioner. Nor is it common that the 12 rotted teeth of the MENA man contributed to the demise of the relationship.

But, please heed HIT's advice and look out for 12 rotted molars and psych hospital records of your beneficiary. (Does anyone else have 12 molars???????? That's a lot of molars, no?)

PS - shizoaffective people don't look "normal" to me even in the calmest of settings. At the very least, they are socially awkward, have distorted cognitions, and are delusional. But, everyone's "normal" is different.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

The infamous Daniel Pipes Messages Boards

Didn't someone recently suggest that Daniel Pipes was a better forum for HIT?

HIT's continual bashing of MENA people gets so old.

Of the marriages I'm aware of, it's NOT common that the MENA beneficiary has a mental illness that was not picked up on by the American petitioner. Nor is it common that the 12 rotted teeth of the MENA man contributed to the demise of the relationship.

But, please heed HIT's advice and look out for 12 rotted molars and psych hospital records of your beneficiary. (Does anyone else have 12 molars???????? That's a lot of molars, no?)

PS - shizoaffective people don't look "normal" to me even in the calmest of settings. At the very least, they are socially awkward, have distorted cognitions, and are delusional. But, everyone's "normal" is different.

[/quote

I think msheesha that understanding the prior mental health history of someone you are bringing from overseas is very relevant. You have only been here 2 years. If you read what Jackie wrote, she is one of the founders of the board. She is no longer with either guy she petitioned. Bridget isnt either, neither are about 8 people I started with. If you speak to any of these petitioners privately, you will quickly see that the mental condition as well as emotional problems after arriving very much does affect both the petitioner, the sponsee and his or her family. Its not funny. Unless you find mental illness funny. It does matter what condition the person arrives with and as Um Squeakster says, you need to have a plan either way. I am not sure what plan there is when someone arrives here and starts doing unbalanced things but I am sure people will weigh in on it.

By the way, the Daniel Pipes boards arent something I came up with. I dont like or agree with him but there are an awful lot of petitioners that havent visitied vj on there .His views are not necessarily the message boards peoples views.

By the way , there are people from other countries posting on those boards as well

The infamous Daniel Pipes Messages Boards

[Fandango 1,439]

Rightfully so or not, you are one bitter bitter woman. Nothing else to say...

Bitter or not, her message is bang on accurate.

[Meriem_DZ 37]

Didn't someone recently suggest that Daniel Pipes was a better forum for HIT?

HIT's continual bashing of MENA people gets so old.

Of the marriages I'm aware of, it's NOT common that the MENA beneficiary has a mental illness that was not picked up on by the American petitioner. Nor is it common that the 12 rotted teeth of the MENA man contributed to the demise of the relationship.

But, please heed HIT's advice and look out for 12 rotted molars and psych hospital records of your beneficiary. (Does anyone else have 12 molars???????? That's a lot of molars, no?)

PS - shizoaffective people don't look "normal" to me even in the calmest of settings. At the very least, they are socially awkward, have distorted cognitions, and are delusional. But, everyone's "normal" is different.

It was me.....

Why, oh why, HIT, Do you feel the need to "counsel" the women on here that have husbands and fiance's from MENA. It is not your place to do that here. You need to find another forum on another site, that will appreciate your twisted views. I can tell you for sure it is not appreciated here. It also makes me cringe when you are forever referring to your daughter as "half Moroccan" "half Arab" and "half North African." She is not a "half" little girl. She is your daughter. What about encouraging people here instead of scarring them to death with your horror stories of your past relationships with Arab men. You were told over and over by members here, not to bring your Algerian husband to the USA and you did anyway. Advice from you carries no merit and hopefully the new members will realize that. Please take your ramblings somewhere else.

Meriem

Edited May 19, 2011 by Meriem_DZ

[moroccanwife 11]

ha ha ha omg...people, please remind me the next time I ask a question on her to add "bitter women need not reply". My question was simple and really not an urgent issue. WOW...however, this is good entertainment for when I'm not too busy at work.

*here

[Jenn! 918]

It also makes me cringe when you are forever referring to your daughter as "half Moroccan" "half Arab" and "half North African." She is not a "half" little girl. She is your daughter.

Cringe? Really? My son is half Moroccan and I say so - doesn't make him any less my son. How else should it be phrased? Or should it not be addressed at all?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Cringe? Really? My son is half Moroccan and I say so - doesn't make him any less my son. How else should it be phrased? Or should it not be addressed at all?

yes its cringeworthy to say your child is half Moroccan

she is and her name is arabic and she looks NOTHING like my blond and fair irish family. She looks like a little well cringeworthy Moroccan

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

the link to the article

Bitter or not, her message is bang on accurate.

Here is one of the posts from Daniel Pipes. I dont think its racist in the least. Its just one of the many accounts of what happened to some of the women. Some of them are good ,bad and in between but at least are interesting

Submitted by Got Smart Fast (United States), Apr 20, 2010 at 23:37

Before I begin, here is a little about my past experience with marrying someone of a different faith, culture, and country: I married a man from Morocco in 2004. I bought him over on a fiance visa to America and we married quickly. Oh yes, I had been to his country a few times, met his family, friends, and coworkers, but later I found out that they all understood he just needed to go to America to have a better life----> I wasn't the love of his life as I was led to believe and told so frequently.

As soon as the ring was on the finger he got abusive, controlling, and began to whine about needing to go see friends in New York for a bit, meaning ---> I am gonna stay away from you as much as I can, spend your money while you work 12 hours a day, make my food, support the household, and cater to my every whim like my mom and sisters did back home. Remember ladies, if some cases, the fiance visa gives them a temporary work permit which means they can get a social security number too. Some can work as soon as their feet hit the ground in America. My husband, a very educated man with very good English, had that luxury extended to him, but wasn't about to use it.

To make a long story short, he made a fatal error: He got angry with me (I was suddenly too fat, too ugly, and too boring for him after 3 years of writing and seeing each other) and fled to New York to visit his Moroccan "friends" because he was lonely for his own people. I told him not to come back if he left me. He also angered and disappointed my family with his ways. He didn't see a problem because his "friends" would help him stay in New York as long as he liked, where he sooo wished to be, and they would support him because he was well respected in their hometown. Once in New York his friends advised him to get a job and work underground because they were living on top of each there in a very bad part of the city as it was - no free lunch there either. They also advised him to call and go home to me and settle into his new married life as soon as possible.

Then to make things worse he had to return home to Morocco. We had discussed that he would go back home at some point because he had a very sick parent. He forgot, and his" friends" didn't advise him to get the paperwork done that allows you to return after an emergency leave to your home country. After begging and borrowing the plane fare from a "friend" he went to the airport, went to board the plane, and they snatched all his documents out of his passport. Whoops! He had no choice but to go home empty handed. He had fouled his nest with me and his friends - he played his cards all wrong. Bet he wished he had gotten that social security number before he walked his pompous behind away from me. Atleast he could have worked someplace nice in New York with it.

Oddly enough, I probably wouldn't have cared as long as he was taking care of himself and tried to work on the marriage. You just don't stop loving someone overnight even when they treat you bad. Working hard like common folk--->his friends<--- was NOT his cup of tea

anyway. He informed me when got home that he was glad to be away from me and didn't care about the visa at all. Two months later I heard everyone that knew him was calling him stupid and he kept trying to reconcile with me after that and get back to America. For that I would have needed to start a relative visa....uggghhh.

I'm the luckiest woman in the world everyone - my problem LEFT ME on Royal Air Maroc, the same way it had arrived. I have no visa drama as I cancelled his way back to me by writing the Dept of Homeland Security and discussing my situation. The divorce was easy because he left and the marriage was done in MY country. Another error he made was sending me angry emails after he got home expressing exactly how he felt about me and what our marriage meant before he decided he needed to reconcile with me (save all letters and emails). Too funny. I don't have to worry about this lazy no good racking up bills on welfare because he refuses to work hard. Not everyone gets this fortunate after making the same error in judgement I did, but read below for some tips to keep your heart safe and your sanity intact before you make what could be the biggest error of your life.

If youre feeling like you just can't go on without marrying this person from another country, here is some great advice that may save you a lot of heartache later. Don't be a fool and marry outside your country because if you must divorce it becomes a nightmare. Always, ALWAYS, GET A FIANCE VISA., and invite them to YOUR country to marry. In America, for example, you have 90 days of "getting to know each other time" before the visa runs out. Use as much of that time as possible learning about that person your thinking of marrying.

It usually only takes three days of waiting time before you can use your marriage license, so no need to rush...really. They will be in YOUR home so this will be to your advantage. If they seem pushy to get the marriage done once they arrive, or they balk at the idea of coming to you, this is a red flag moment for you. Lucky you for seeing the writing on the wall very early. Remember, if you marry this person you will be financially responsible, and maybe legally liable if he/she does something against the law--->lawsuits<---. If you marry and they accuse you of abuse, they may have rights under the law that will help them get away from you, live in your country, and still enjoy the luxury of living on your dime (men, pay close attention to that). Women, don't marry a man that can't prove to you that he graduated high school, at the very least, in his country.

Get his diploma and have him get it translated and sent to you. If he has a resume, tell him to translate that too. Tell him you will start the search for jobs for him well before he arrives to make things nicer for you both. It's to your advantage to know what your marrying and what your struggles will be. People lie - understand that. If you really did your work right before you extended the fiance visa, you have pinpointed a friend of his/hers in their country that you have met that has loose lips and appears slightly jealous of their friends new life. Get close to this one and keep in touch because they are valuable sources of information - trust me. Ladies, use birth control until he is securely in the marriage, you will know when this is. Having kids too early complicates an already complicated situation. He doesn't need to know that, it's your body, and a baby won't make him love you or stay. If he can't speak your language well, and you can't communicate with his family or friends, you will never know what your marrying into. Sorry, but your done before you really start. As his or your language improves to the point of truly understanding each other, your probably not gonna recognize who you married. Love doesn't require you to change your religion, nor will you change your core beliefs for it.

Read and understand your partners belief system. Money isn't everything, but after the 10th year of supporting someone who never loved you, and because your legally bound to do it, you may start to wonder if it is everything..... Last BUT not least " IF YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING THIS COMPLICATED JUST TO GET MARRIED, IT MAY NOT BE WORTH IT"!

http://www.danielpipes.org/comments/171517 link to the article

Cringe? Really? My son is half Moroccan and I say so - doesn't make him any less my son. How else should it be phrased? Or should it not be addressed at all?

It shouldnt be addressed. It should in fact be ignored I guess.

I am kind of proud she is Moroccan. I think shes smashing looking with her beautiful eyes and long hair. I think maybe its less embarrassing for some for me to ignore the fact she is North African. Her dad is Moroccan, she looks Moroccan and I think its ok for her to be half Moroccan.

Cringe away

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

It was me.....

Why, oh why, HIT, Do you feel the need to "counsel" the women on here that have husbands and fiance's from MENA. It is not your place to do that here. You need to find another forum on another site, that will appreciate your twisted views. I can tell you for sure it is not appreciated here. It also makes me cringe when you are forever referring to your daughter as "half Moroccan" "half Arab" and "half North African." She is not a "half" little girl. She is your daughter. What about encouraging people here instead of scarring them to death with your horror stories of your past relationships with Arab men. You were told over and over by members here, not to bring your Algerian husband to the USA and you did anyway. Advice from you carries no merit and hopefully the new members will realize that. Please take your ramblings somewhere else.

Meriem

I like you honestly. Maybe if you had a child and had to integrate them into two communities, you would understand the half Moroccan thing. You arent fully integrated into what I have had to deal with having a mena child who looks completely different from my family and I think embracing her identity is important. She is fully a part of both commmunities. She goes to north african events. she says inshallah and mashallah and attends eid and knows where Morocco is and what it means to have muslims in her family. I am not raising her not to know who she is.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

ha ha ha omg...people, please remind me the next time I ask a question on her to add "bitter women need not reply". My question was simple and really not an urgent issue. WOW...however, this is good entertainment for when I'm not too busy at work.

*here

Bitter women need not reply would be a good thing to put under any question you ask..

While you are at it, put screwed women, used women, broke women and divorced under suspicious circumstances as well

thats 2 years post 10 year card.. I am so thankful you were there to take my pic

[Meriem_DZ 37]

Cringe? Really? My son is half Moroccan and I say so - doesn't make him any less my son. How else should it be phrased? Or should it not be addressed at all?

Not that she is half morrocan, but that she has to mention it every time she post in a thread. We know from the many times she has told us who is the father of her child. It is not a bad thing, that your or anybody's child is half Morrocan or half whatever. My granddaughter's father is Puerto Rican, but I dont feel the need to refer to her as half of anything when I talk about her. . I was referring to the fact that she cant talk about her daughter without putting that out there. No offense to any ones child is intended.

Edited May 19, 2011 by Meriem_DZ