My husband and my child

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

ha ha put on ur big girl panties here and try to act like an adult. First of all I never called you crazy. You simply gave your opinion. However, I think I'm a pretty intelligent individual and if I thought my husband and son needed a shrink, that's what I would have done. However, I dont think this situation warrants that sort of attention yet. I was simply looking for advise from mature individuals. And if someone wants to share there experience of what he/she knows...so be it...what is it to you? If you don't like this sort of forum...why are you reading it? Sure there is a lot of drama here, but there is also a lot of helpful suggestions. If you have nothing nice to say...don't say anything. I know initiating a question usually leads to negative responses and a lot of drama...seems to me you are the one causing it. No need to post anything else here as I'm not interested in anything you have to say. When you have something useful or helpful to say...then feel free.

Hi Moroccanwife,

First, family counseling can really help your son. Even if he just goes once or twice a month to a counselor, it helps you find out whats going on inside of him without really stressing either of you out. Its been a godsend to my son and after I went through some trauma 3 years ago that seemed impossible to survive, lost my hair, stopped eating, all the while dealing with someone whose actions I couldnt control, I had a year of weekly counseling that I believe saved my life. There is a thing called reframing that I learned which is taking any situation and looking at it again. Its very easy for people who have not experienced something really scary or horrible to tell you to move past it but sometimes you need help moving past it.

Do the very best you can by your son and you will see that the rest of everything else will work itself out.

I think you are on the right track even recognising that its something that needs to be worked on

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hello pot...meet kettle

It may be helpful if you stop projecting the guilt you feel for your inadequacy resulting from your poor choice in a husband onto everyone here. And by the way, I don't get any happy lovey vibes from you. Stop being so bitter, take responsibility for your part in your situation and move on. For your good and for your children.

I have amazing intact relationships with my children. I also have a good relationship ( horrors) with the person I petitioned. He had alot of issues that spanned way beyond moving here and he has apologised over the years profusely for what he did to me and my family when he arrived here. Yes I said my family because he damaged property and cost my mother alot of money repairing things that he broke. I have been through alot and I want to add something else. In the last 10 years I have know absolutely incredible illegal Moroccans and Algerians that lived here for years and were very kind and grateful to the Americans they married that helped them become legal. I absolutely know that bad experiences can be very limited. In the years since 2001, I have known at least 4 Algerians picked up and 3 Moroccans picked up by ICE that were some of the most amazing kind and generous people I knew in my whole life. There were alot of "haragas" affected by 9 11 so I need you to clearly understand momof1 that there are huge differences between each one of our experiences and each one of us has a story. Some women have married men with severe psychiatric illness only to find that out when they have had a break after arriving. Its not always bad choices that cause things to go south. Some of the best people here are not with the people they petitioned from finding out the husband was using drugs, to adultery, to spousal abuse. Its not always bad choices. This includes many of the founders of this very board including people actively posting. It wasnt her or their fault things didnt work. ####### happens and people dont always marry Americans with good intentions. Thats not the Americans fault.

I have had my life incredibly blessed by some people from Mena and I dont feel bitter at all...I regret things but not bitter.. that would mean that I didnt get anything positive out of my time and that simply is not true. This has been over a ten year span, not a few years and I have seen alot

Cheers

Edited May 14, 2011 by Hanging in there

[sandinista! 1,816]

i never said anyone called me crazy. i said the thread was crazy. as they always have a way of becoming around here. i hadn't realized you were totally okay with it being the type of thread where Kat calls yr husband a jerkoff and shares irrelevant stories about someone's American kid getting molested by a Moroccan. it's an open thread, and as long as its an open thread, i'll continue to voice my criticisms of the level of discourse here. i think it's rubbish. originally, i thought your situation and thread merited more

respect than degenerating into a dumping ground for Kat's paranoias, fear mongering and prejudices. clearly i was wrong, the two of you are well matched.

ha ha put on ur big girl panties here and try to act like an adult. First of all I never called you crazy. You simply gave your opinion. However, I think I'm a pretty intelligent individual and if I thought my husband and son needed a shrink, that's what I would have done. However, I dont think this situation warrants that sort of attention yet. I was simply looking for advise from mature individuals. And if someone wants to share there experience of what he/she knows...so be it...what is it to you? If you don't like this sort of forum...why are you reading it? Sure there is a lot of drama here, but there is also a lot of helpful suggestions. If you have nothing nice to say...don't say anything. I know initiating a question usually leads to negative responses and a lot of drama...seems to me you are the one causing it. No need to post anything else here as I'm not interested in anything you have to say. When you have something useful or helpful to say...then feel free.

[Lisamarie 79]

I have amazing intact relationships with my children. I also have a good relationship ( horrors) with the person I petitioned. He had alot of issues that spanned way beyond moving here and he has apologised over the years profusely for what he did to me and my family when he arrived here. Yes I said my family because he damaged property and cost my mother alot of money repairing things that he broke. I have been through alot and I want to add something else. In the last 10 years I have know absolutely incredible illegal Moroccans and Algerians that lived here for years and were very kind and grateful to the Americans they married that helped them become legal. I absolutely know that bad experiences can be very limited. In the years since 2001, I have known at least 4 Algerians picked up and 3 Moroccans picked up by ICE that were some of the most amazing kind and generous people I knew in my whole life. There were alot of "haragas" affected by 9 11 so I need you to clearly understand momof1 that there are huge differences between each one of our experiences and each one of us has a story. Some women have married men with severe psychiatric illness only to find that out when they have had a break after arriving. Its not always bad choices that cause things to go south. Some of the best people here are not with the people they petitioned from finding out the husband was using drugs, to adultery, to spousal abuse. Its not always bad choices. This includes many of the founders of this very board including people actively posting. It wasnt her or their fault things didnt work. ####### happens and people dont always marry Americans with good intentions. Thats not the Americans fault.

I have had my life incredibly blessed by some people from Mena and I dont feel bitter at all...I regret things but not bitter.. that would mean that I didnt get anything positive out of my time and that simply is not true. This has been over a ten year span, not a few years and I have seen alot

Cheers

Edited May 14, 2011 by Lisamarie

[Lisamarie 79]

Never mind....

I have amazing intact relationships with my children. I also have a good relationship ( horrors) with the person I petitioned. He had alot of issues that spanned way beyond moving here and he has apologised over the years profusely for what he did to me and my family when he arrived here. Yes I said my family because he damaged property and cost my mother alot of money repairing things that he broke. I have been through alot and I want to add something else. In the last 10 years I have know absolutely incredible illegal Moroccans and Algerians that lived here for years and were very kind and grateful to the Americans they married that helped them become legal. I absolutely know that bad experiences can be very limited. In the years since 2001, I have known at least 4 Algerians picked up and 3 Moroccans picked up by ICE that were some of the most amazing kind and generous people I knew in my whole life. There were alot of "haragas" affected by 9 11 so I need you to clearly understand momof1 that there are huge differences between each one of our experiences and each one of us has a story. Some women have married men with severe psychiatric illness only to find that out when they have had a break after arriving. Its not always bad choices that cause things to go south. Some of the best people here are not with the people they petitioned from finding out the husband was using drugs, to adultery, to spousal abuse. Its not always bad choices. This includes many of the founders of this very board including people actively posting. It wasnt her or their fault things didnt work. ####### happens and people dont always marry Americans with good intentions. Thats not the Americans fault.

I have had my life incredibly blessed by some people from Mena and I dont feel bitter at all...I regret things but not bitter.. that would mean that I didnt get anything positive out of my time and that simply is not true. This has been over a ten year span, not a few years and I have seen alot

Cheers

Edited May 14, 2011 by Lisamarie

[moroccanwife 11]

i never said anyone called me crazy. i said the thread was crazy. as they always have a way of becoming around here. i hadn't realized you were totally okay with it being the type of thread where Kat calls yr husband a jerkoff and shares irrelevant stories about someone's American kid getting molested by a Moroccan. it's an open thread, and as long as its an open thread, i'll continue to voice my criticisms of the level of discourse here. i think it's rubbish. originally, i thought your situation and thread merited more

respect than degenerating into a dumping ground for Kat's paranoias, fear mongering and prejudices. clearly i was wrong, the two of you are well matched.

ha ha whatever...people are free to voice anything they feel the need...including yourself...it doesn't impact my life in any way.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

ha ha whatever...people are free to voice anything they feel the need...including yourself...it doesn't impact my life in any way.

The biggest thing you need to do is just be yourself and take care of your child. That way no matter what happens, you didnt lose the relationship with your child. Its very hard to get those years back, especially pre teen and alot of women seem to be more relationship focused, which is really tragic when the relationships most likely wont last and then their kids and teens get the short end of the stick. Your kids are all you really have in this life..other than your parents and the focus should always remain on them and not anything else

[HannahP 119]

The biggest thing you need to do is just be yourself and take care of your child. That way no matter what happens, you didnt lose the relationship with your child. Its very hard to get those years back, especially pre teen and alot of women seem to be more relationship focused, which is really tragic when the relationships most likely wont last and then their kids and teens get the short end of the stick. Your kids are all you really have in this life..other than your parents and the focus should always remain on them and not anything else

...this? Coming from YOU of all people?

You do realize that you fell into the same abusive-MENA-man-woman-got-used relationship that you warn everyone about...right? Yet *you* continue to talk to your abuser, etc. But that's okay? Has that messed up YOUR kids any? I can't even fathom why a woman whose husband physically abused her while she was pregnant (which you said that he did -- either you were lying or this is the truth) would continue to talk to that man...yet you feel qualified to counsel women...why again?

/my head, it just asploded

//maybe I've been around here too long?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

...this? Coming from YOU of all people?

You do realize that you fell into the same abusive-MENA-man-woman-got-used relationship that you warn everyone about...right? Yet *you* continue to talk to your abuser, etc. But that's okay? Has that messed up YOUR kids any? I can't even fathom why a woman whose husband physically abused her while she was pregnant (which you said that he did -- either you were lying or this is the truth) would continue to talk to that man...yet you feel qualified to counsel women...why again?

/my head, it just asploded

//maybe I've been around here too long?

I had to help my "abuser" get on medicine, get psychiatric help, get employment. Thats exactly why I warn women about NOT making bad choices and knowing the person they petitioned. He was very mentally ill and no one told me that until AFTER he arrived. I have watched in the last 6 months, several women on the boards get divorced, some catch their spouses drug abusing and one is in in ICE right now ready to be deported for severe abuse. And yes.. thank you for qualifying what I am talking about. Its not everyone but when the situation does go south,its horrible for the American.

I had a broken nose, a broken door, walls, car and after psychotrophic medication he got better but if I would have known he was sick, I would have never ever ever ever ever petitioned him. Its dangerous to put someone into your house that you dont know and yes, it did hurt my children. I speak from experience when I say put your kids first. You blame me for bringing someone over here that was mentally ill ( schizoprhenia) but his family had a responsibility to tell me and they didnt.

The hardest part is that when you have sponsored someone, you are responsible for them and if they are mentally ill, there are no provisions for that

I did not keep the relationship but I was kind and I know the fact that when someone is an untreated mentally ill person, even the law has provisions for that. I just wish someone else would have been more forthcoming before he arrived. He had been hospitalised several times back home... It became my problem and my family's problems. I am not the only one this happend to by the way. there is another girl with an egyptian spouse presently dealing with something similar I am talking to

Edited May 19, 2011 by Hanging in there

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I had to help my "abuser" get on medicine, get psychiatric help, get employment. Thats exactly why I warn women about NOT making bad choices and knowing the person they petitioned. He was very mentally ill and no one told me that until AFTER he arrived. I have watched in the last 6 months, several women on the boards get divorced, some catch their spouses drug abusing and one is in in ICE right now ready to be deported for severe abuse. And yes.. thank you for qualifying what I am talking about. Its not everyone but when the situation does go south,its horrible for the American.

I had a broken nose, a broken door, walls, car and after psychotrophic medication he got better but if I would have known he was sick, I would have never ever ever ever ever petitioned him. Its dangerous to put someone into your house that you dont know and yes, it did hurt my children. I speak from experience when I say put your kids first. You blame me for bringing someone over here that was mentally ill ( schizoprhenia) but his family had a responsibility to tell me and they didnt.

The hardest part is that when you have sponsored someone, you are responsible for them and if they are mentally ill, there are no provisions for that

I did not keep the relationship but I was kind and I know the fact that when someone is an untreated mentally ill person, even the law has provisions for that. I just wish someone else would have been more forthcoming before he arrived. He had been hospitalised several times back home... It became my problem and my family's problems. I am not the only one this happend to by the way. there is another girl with an egyptian spouse presently dealing with something similar I am talking to

let me also add he had a heart defect, 12 completely rotten teeth causing nervouse system damage and septic infection. I did not keep an intimate relationship with him but i was compassionate and kind to him and honestly, I speak from experience when I say know the person you are dealing with and put your kids first. My kids are doing amazingly well now and we are happy but bringing him here was a huge mistake for my entire family that hurt us all.

I think there needs to be a mental illness provision for the sponsor to get out of the sponsorship if its found to be determined that the petitioned person suffered from a mental illness they didnt disclose. I cant describe to you how horrible this was for my family.. I really wish my mom could get on here and talk to you guys because she is very good at explaining the risks of some of these relationships and speaks with alot of authority. She thinks that after seeing what she has seen for the last 10 years of being around friends with daughters that have done this as well that while we have great intentions, that too many of these turn out horribly for the American and from the stats around here and success rate lets say 5 years later, shes right.

[msheesha 548]

You didn't pick up on the schizophrenia and rotted teeth when you met him?

The op has already petitioned and he is already here. Saying the you are just warning people not to petition someone they don't know well enough doesn't fly in this case.

Not everyone would be blind to schizophrenia and twelve rotted teeth. Turn all your advice around to yourself!!!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

You didn't pick up on the schizophrenia and rotted teeth when you met him?

The op has already petitioned and he is already here. Saying the you are just warning people not to petition someone they don't know well enough doesn't fly in this case.

Not everyone would be blind to schizophrenia and twelve rotted teeth. Turn all your advice around to yourself!!!

No I didnt. Bi polar and schizoaffective people can look completely normal until times of stress. You cant see deep cavity decay in the back molars of someone nor can you see how someone will adjust to moving to a new environment. I am not talking about this case.

You didn't pick up on the schizophrenia and rotted teeth when you met him?

The op has already petitioned and he is already here. Saying the you are just warning people not to petition someone they don't know well enough doesn't fly in this case.

Not everyone would be blind to schizophrenia and twelve rotted teeth. Turn all your advice around to yourself!!!

Its like blaming a rape victim. The reason women dont post after bad things happen and they end up on effects of immigration all over the place is the general pervasive attitude that its the fault of the petitioner when things go wrong. There are things that are beyond the responsibility or fault of the petitioning American

[~Jackie~ 30]

Hi ya'll....what was the topic? Oh yea...

I have been married to two Arab men and here is my opinion. Joshua was here way before they came into my life and he is here long after they are gone. (he was a little older than your son, he was 18 when my insanity began)

Thank God my family loves me and stuck beside me thru some really rocky years.

Good luck to the OP~ I don't see your situation getting much better than it already is. That's just an opinion from someone that has been there, done that.

Jax

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hi ya'll....what was the topic? Oh yea...

I have been married to two Arab men and here is my opinion. Joshua was here way before they came into my life and he is here long after they are gone. (he was a little older than your son, he was 18 when my insanity began)

Thank God my family loves me and stuck beside me thru some really rocky years.

Good luck to the OP~ I don't see your situation getting much better than it already is. That's just an opinion from someone that has been there, done that.

Jax

Your hair looks amazing...and you never age.. AMAZING

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hi ya'll....what was the topic? Oh yea...

I have been married to two Arab men and here is my opinion. Joshua was here way before they came into my life and he is here long after they are gone. (he was a little older than your son, he was 18 when my insanity began)

Thank God my family loves me and stuck beside me thru some really rocky years.

Good luck to the OP~ I don't see your situation getting much better than it already is. That's just an opinion from someone that has been there, done that.

Jax

Was it your fault Jackie that the 2 marriages went south? I dont think so. You are loving and compassionate. there are alot of things the petioner cant control. That includes the behavior of the person you brought here, which sometimes can extend into the criminal, nest pas?