My husband and my child

[moroccanwife 11]

That assessment is just bizarre and has no basis in truth or fact. What I'm NOT an ardent supporter of is you making assumptions all the time about other people, and vomiting out those assumptions all over here as if they were the truth. That heartache video you posted is disgusted - grown women talking about which Moroccan "boy" they chose to marry. Do you spend all your time looking for that kind of #######? It's disturbing. Since you've opened the door to make assumptions about others' parenting, I'd assume your children would be better served if you used your energy and attention on them, rather than viewing disturbing youtube videos and telling women on here how to parent.

To the OP - step family issues are difficult. A friend who is a step mother of a teenager read a quote that described step parenting as the most frustrating and least rewarding family role. So, regardless of the ages of people involved and the nationalities involved, it's a universal experience that step families will have difficulty. If there is an age difference with your husband being much younger, that could complicate the issues. I have no idea if there is an age difference or if that's something HIT just assumed and/or made up. Anyway, if you're going to follow sandinista's advice and get counseling, here is an online resource about step families.

http://www.stepfamily.org/counselors_coaches.html

Thank you.

[MrsAmera 41]

Going to step in the water carefully here lol. I have a child from a previous relationship whose father had nothing to do with him when I met my husband. My son was 7 months old. My son does not know he has a different father. That being said my husband has raised him from infancy to now (he's 7). This is not the same dynamic as you have but what I want to say is that my husband did not know how to be a father. He was 22 years old and was the baby of 9 children. He loved my son from day one but that didn't mean he knew what to do, how to act etc. It took him a long time to just a) figure out the ropes in the US b) understand what being a parent here means c) how to do this without stepping on my toes. In his culture step-children tend to have a different dynamic with the non-biological parent. The biological father in his culture would go ape-sh*t if he "pretended" to be a dad. I think that perhaps the best advice I could give you is to sit down and talk with your son without your husband and listen to what his concerns are, what he's struggling with and what kind of a relationship he would like with his step dad. Then I would take that information and use it to talk to my husband. That way everyone is on the same page and can share openly and honestly without being worried or afraid about responses.

I would also say try and do as much together (the 3 of you)to at least get him comfortable and seeing that you are a family now and not that your husband is just some invader of mom space. Not sure if you are planning to have any more children with your husband but I would say getting these issues sorted out is a must do before considering having more. Best wishes to all of you.

[moroccanwife 11]

Going to step in the water carefully here lol. I have a child from a previous relationship whose father had nothing to do with him when I met my husband. My son was 7 months old. My son does not know he has a different father. That being said my husband has raised him from infancy to now (he's 7). This is not the same dynamic as you have but what I want to say is that my husband did not know how to be a father. He was 22 years old and was the baby of 9 children. He loved my son from day one but that didn't mean he knew what to do, how to act etc. It took him a long time to just a) figure out the ropes in the US b) understand what being a parent here means c) how to do this without stepping on my toes. In his culture step-children tend to have a different dynamic with the non-biological parent. The biological father in his culture would go ape-sh*t if he "pretended" to be a dad. I think that perhaps the best advice I could give you is to sit down and talk with your son without your husband and listen to what his concerns are, what he's struggling with and what kind of a relationship he would like with his step dad. Then I would take that information and use it to talk to my husband. That way everyone is on the same page and can share openly and honestly without being worried or afraid about responses.

I would also say try and do as much together (the 3 of you)to at least get him comfortable and seeing that you are a family now and not that your husband is just some invader of mom space. Not sure if you are planning to have any more children with your husband but I would say getting these issues sorted out is a must do before considering having more. Best wishes to all of you.

Thank you so much. Yes my husband has explained his culture and it is quite different. But I respect that. Actually we were pregnant last summer but we lost the baby and my son was NOT pleased at all. He tried to hide his disappointment but being his mother, I could see it all over his face. I got him involved with the planning of the baby's room and that seemed to help a lot because he was able to make decisions with us. We spend a lot of family time together. Thanks for your suggestions.

[HannahP 119]

Whoa. Hot chicks get caught up in green card scams, too? Who knew!

/wishes I could look that good with a nose ring

[msheesha 548]

Do you also want to be so crazy that you walk around Canada wearing your wedding dress with a door strapped to your back symbolizing that you and your wedding were used as a doorway into Canada???

[HannahP 119]

Do you also want to be so crazy that you walk around Canada wearing your wedding dress with a door strapped to your back symbolizing that you and your wedding were used as a doorway into Canada???

...touché.

[MrsAmera 41]

Moroccanwife - so sorry to hear about your loss. Perhaps it's just a time issue that will pass. Though a think a good long honest conversation will ultimately be the biggest help of all. I know it helped us a lot.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I couldn't agree more about 11 year olds needing love and I can assure you...there is no one on this earth that loves him more than I do and I tell him every morning when I send him off to school and every night when I put him to bed (yes i still tuck him in)...and there is plenty of hugs and kisses throughtout the day.

Thats great and keep doing that, tucking him in, loving him. I am sure it affected him terribly when you lost the baby. I am so sorry for that. I too have been through that and its awful.

I am glad you are keeping your priorities straight and loving your son. He will be with you for your lifetime. These relationships may or may not be so its critical you parent and put your children first. That goes for even US based marriages. Most things can be worked on if the love is there as a base.

Thanks for the dialog and best of luck.. hug your son

[sussemadel 16]

Thats great and keep doing that, tucking him in, loving him. I am sure it affected him terribly when you lost the baby. I am so sorry for that. I too have been through that and its awful.

I am glad you are keeping your priorities straight and loving your son. He will be with you for your lifetime. These relationships may or may not be so its critical you parent and put your children first. That goes for even US based marriages. Most things can be worked on if the love is there as a base.

Thanks for the dialog and best of luck.. hug your son

Even if you do all the right things with your children it does NOT guarantee they will be with you for a lifetime....believe me, I have kids in their 20's that I'm estranged from...and no, not because of my husband being here.

And you can count me in on one of the women you know that's been with their husband longer than 5 years, HIT

[sandinista! 1,816]

Well fortunately for me I wasn't looking for a solution, I was looking for other's input. I think that's exactly what I'm getting from here. And if you think its "absurd" why are you reading it? Move on.

didn't it say "any advise [sic] would be helpful" in the first post? well, i gave my "advise" to go to a bloody counselor who is licensed and experienced in dealing with these kinds of family conflicts/rifts and adjustment issues. it's hardly rocket science. and yeah, beyond that the thread is absurd. it's a three ring circus, as these threads always become. unless we're to believe it's been a totally rad and awesome learning experience and sharing of ideas for you when kat called yr husband a "jerkoff" or shared her completely irrelevant story about knowing someone whose moroccan import husband turned out to be a POS child molester. that's the level of a lot of discourse here. but i'm supposed to be the one who is a big jerk here because i said yr situation warrants a whole lot more serious and thoughtful discussion with a professional rather than subjecting yrself to a big pile of crazy here. ok, sure.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

didn't it say "any advise [sic] would be helpful" in the first post? well, i gave my "advise" to go to a bloody counselor who is licensed and experienced in dealing with these kinds of family conflicts/rifts and adjustment issues. it's hardly rocket science. and yeah, beyond that the thread is absurd. it's a three ring circus, as these threads always become. unless we're to believe it's been a totally rad and awesome learning experience and sharing of ideas for you when kat called yr husband a "jerkoff" or shared her completely irrelevant story about knowing someone whose moroccan import husband turned out to be a POS child molester. that's the level of a lot of discourse here. but i'm supposed to be the one who is a big jerk here because i said yr situation warrants a whole lot more serious and thoughtful discussion with a professional rather than subjecting yrself to a big pile of crazy here. ok, sure.

I wasnt aware that anyone called you crazy. I think its very sensible to tell someone to go to a counselor and I am sorry I gave anecdotal stories. I will try to refrain from doing that.

Secondly for women estranged from your kids, there is hope. You need to get into counseling and try to build a bridge back to them. With all the energy that these women put into relationships, they could put that into their kids and rebuilding those relationships because kids are forever and separation is not something to gloss over. The husband may not be the cause of the estrangement but its certainly not helping when a woman is more engaged in that relationship than being with her kids. All that focuse could be put on becoming reunited with them

Sorry about the stories. They are absolutely true. The one whos husbands brother slept with her daughters has sponsored 3 Moroccans,divorcing the first before papers, second got citizenship and third a ten year card. The first 2 were epcot employess. The third was on a tourist visa visiting his lottery brother who incidentally she was dating at the time and broke up with to marry the brother

Its not always the mans fault. If the woman has been struck with the non maternal, stupid stick, she has to carry the blame.. this isnt someone who petitioned someone from overseas but all the same, this throw your kids out the window for some guy who isnt even invested in the marriage isnt something thats just with overseas relationships....Its American too. But honestly, doesnt the estrangement of these kids bother anyone? Doesnt anyone feel for the kids getting left in the dust while the mommas chase unrealistic relationships that are not centered around raising the kids? Just sayin..sheesh

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Even if you do all the right things with your children it does NOT guarantee they will be with you for a lifetime....believe me, I have kids in their 20's that I'm estranged from...and no, not because of my husband being here.

And you can count me in on one of the women you know that's been with their husband longer than 5 years, HIT

Do you have more than one kid that is estranged from you? Is it estrangement from you not tolerating their behavior or their wanting the estrangement? You can overcome being estranged by owning what you did to hurt them or cause the estrangement and if its really just an isolated choice, you keep the doors open, you tell them you love them and then you can move past it.

Its not anything to gloss over .Its a horrible thing to either lose your child or be estranged from them. No relationship with a spouse can or should fill that open hold in your heart

Here is a great forum of other estranged parents of adult children where you can get support

Parents of Adult Estranged Children

[momof1 205]

Its not always the mans fault. If the woman has been struck with the non maternal, stupid stick, she has to carry the blame.. this isnt someone who petitioned someone from overseas but all the same, this throw your kids out the window for some guy who isnt even invested in the marriage isnt something thats just with overseas relationships....Its American too. But honestly, doesnt the estrangement of these kids bother anyone? Doesnt anyone feel for the kids getting left in the dust while the mommas chase unrealistic relationships that are not centered around raising the kids? Just sayin..sheesh

Hello pot...meet kettle

It may be helpful if you stop projecting the guilt you feel for your inadequacy resulting from your poor choice in a husband onto everyone here. And by the way, I don't get any happy lovey vibes from you. Stop being so bitter, take responsibility for your part in your situation and move on. For your good and for your children.

[Ban Hammer 13,399]

sigh.

[moroccanwife 11]

didn't it say "any advise [sic] would be helpful" in the first post? well, i gave my "advise" to go to a bloody counselor who is licensed and experienced in dealing with these kinds of family conflicts/rifts and adjustment issues. it's hardly rocket science. and yeah, beyond that the thread is absurd. it's a three ring circus, as these threads always become. unless we're to believe it's been a totally rad and awesome learning experience and sharing of ideas for you when kat called yr husband a "jerkoff" or shared her completely irrelevant story about knowing someone whose moroccan import husband turned out to be a POS child molester. that's the level of a lot of discourse here. but i'm supposed to be the one who is a big jerk here because i said yr situation warrants a whole lot more serious and thoughtful discussion with a professional rather than subjecting yrself to a big pile of crazy here. ok, sure.

ha ha put on ur big girl panties here and try to act like an adult. First of all I never called you crazy. You simply gave your opinion. However, I think I'm a pretty intelligent individual and if I thought my husband and son needed a shrink, that's what I would have done. However, I dont think this situation warrants that sort of attention yet. I was simply looking for advise from mature individuals. And if someone wants to share there experience of what he/she knows...so be it...what is it to you? If you don't like this sort of forum...why are you reading it? Sure there is a lot of drama here, but there is also a lot of helpful suggestions. If you have nothing nice to say...don't say anything. I know initiating a question usually leads to negative responses and a lot of drama...seems to me you are the one causing it. No need to post anything else here as I'm not interested in anything you have to say. When you have something useful or helpful to say...then feel free.