Married one year

[akdiver 3]

Looks like your wife's personality suits the American culture She is an achiever, goal-oriented, successful lady... Is it what you expected from Russian wife? Didn't you want her to stay at home and take care of the kids and not earning more than you do? (seems to me you may find yourself in this situation pretty soon )

I am asking since I don't know My situation is different - both my husband and I are originally Russian.

Well, we met in Cairo while we were both on vacation in Egypt (I was actually on my way back from climbing Kilimanjaro in Tanzania), we hit it off and ended up together. I didn't really have any expectations concerning a "Russian Wife" I guess.

I didn't even know about these stereotyped expectations until I came on here and read the rather bitter writings about "stuck up" American women and other such things. Frankly, I'm not sure where a lot of that comes from, but hey, people's experiences are their own. Same with the "Russian Wife expectations" I guess.

Honestly, I have no interest in the "typical Russian woman" that you describe, which is also described by most of the guys here. I don't want a wife, mother, and homemaker who expects me to take care of all her needs and be her daily protector. Who needs all that headache and responsibility? I also have nothing against feminism and the concept that a woman should be an equal partner in all things, and no desire to maintain control of any sort or otherwise "be in charge". That's all way too much work if you ask me.

At any rate, my wife got herself an advanced education, started her own travel agency in what I have to believe is a difficult business environment (putting it mildly), owned & managed that agency for five years, and traveled the world in the process. I didn't expect her to slow down, least of all for me. She had my respect and admiration for her accomplishments, but she would have lost my respect (and my interest in her) if she had told me that now all she wanted to do was get married and have kids - something even a high school dropout can do.

Not only do I "not mind" that my wife work, I expect her to work, and to work at least as hard as I do! Why should anyone get a "free ride" in life? And hey, if she makes more money than I do, so much the better! That would be just awesome. I currently have her beat three to one though, so she has a lot of ground to make up. But hey, if she does, then that would allow me to quit a job I don't like very much and take one that is much more interesting even though it pays a lot less. Sounds good to me!

At any rate, I met a nice girl in Egypt and she happened to be Russian. Didn't matter to me. She could have been Egyptian, Greek, English, Irish, Spanish, Polish, Canadian, or even American for all I care. No "Russian wife expectactions" were a part of my decision-making process, but different strokes for different folks, and to each their own. May we all find what we want most in life. (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

[russ 1]

I didn't even know about these stereotyped expectations until I came on here and read the rather bitter writings about "stuck up" American women and other such things. Frankly, I'm not sure where a lot of that comes from, but hey, people's experiences are their own. Same with the "Russian Wife expectations" I guess.

Honestly, I have no interest in the "typical Russian woman" that you describe, which is also described by most of the guys here.

I'd say I fall into the same camp as AK, but I met a nice girl in Chicago. We had a great two years together, and got to spend most of that time seeing each other all day, every day.

In the end, it didn't work out. I can't say that I have hard feelings, though it is certainly difficult being home and seeing all of her things without her here. It is very sad.

On topic, though - expections of a "Russian Wife" never really entered either of our minds. We met in the states, had mostly similar goals at first, and had a lot of fun together. Being young (both of us), we were more concerned with advancing careers, having fun, and knowing each other.

Advice from some older women I know - "do not consider marrying any women under 26." This advice now means a lot more to me. (Hell, I'm only 27). Well educated women in their early 20s can change their minds about what they want frequently. This is not entirely compatible with marriage.

[slim 1,514]

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Advice from some older women I know - "do not consider marrying any women under 26." This advice now means a lot more to me. (Hell, I'm only 27). Well educated women in their early 20s can change their minds about what they want frequently. This is not entirely compatible with marriage.

[obender 0]

ross,

sorry to hear about your filing for divorce... you were one of the very few people left here who were also active on VJ russian forum during the nervous times of our beginning of the journey. the worries and the woes of that time are still fresh and therefore it's sad for us indeed...

... and forget about that woman advice. she just wanted it all for herself B)

seriously, it depends on the person and never age (starting at say 20 years old).

AKDiver,

you were the other "big" one here (Satelitte being third, not necessarily counted in that order...) when we joined and we're happy for you!

well lets wish for more pleasant examples here...

obender

[timelena 0]

AKDiver,

Thanks for your reply!

May I ask you one more question? How would you feel if/when your wife makes more money than you do?

With all these equlity/emancipation/no discrimination issues I would expect that it does not matter.

Still, my Russian husband would not like it.

For instance, when we hike in the moountains, he would never say that he is tired and needs some rest. If I go, he would go too. He cannot show that he is weaker than me (even though he is about 1.5 times heavier than me, and he carries our backpack)

[John and Anna 0]

I'm home sick from work today, and bored - so here I am just for some general chit chat. (:

So, as of this past weekend, we have been married for one year. I think the year went by pretty fast myself. It's still hard to think of myself as married - I'm not sure why. Well anyway, I thought it might be useful to people to see some of the practical things we did this year. Maybe it can give some people a checklist as to things to do once their babes arrive. It's purely FYI, YMMV, IYDCTPI. (:

PAPERWORK

She has accumulated the following paperwork accomplishments during this year:

• State ID Card (married name)
  
• State Driver's license w/motorcycle endorsement (married name)
  
• Social Security Card (married name)
  
• Marriage Certificate (showing name change)
  
• Advance Parole document (married name, unused)
  
• EAD (married name, used to secure employment)
  
• Permanent Resident card (2-year conditional)
  
• Passport - Renew, name change, and registration. In progress at Russian consulate in Seattle (expect completion Sept '06).
  
• Certificate of completion - MSF Basic Rider's Course
  

All of that went pretty smoothly, except getting the name on her driver's license changed after we got married. They didn't want to take the official fully-certified marriage certificate as proof of name change, despite that's what their own regulations said they needed. After she got her PR card, she went back to the DMV and ended up getting it - after asking to see a supervisor. ###### morons.

FINANCIAL

She has accumulated the following financial accomplishments during this year:

• Opened individual checking & savings accounts in her married name
  
• Opened Roth IRA in her married name (and auto-depositing the yearly max $)
  
• Opened Home Depot credit card account (individual) in her married name
  
• Opened joint credit card account with me (married name)
  
• Opened joint checking & savings accouints with me (married name)
  
• Applied for and was approved for a new car loan (joint account)
  
• Completed a joint 2005 tax return (getting married shaved some $2K off my tax bill! Marriage penalty my ###!!)
  

All of that went pretty smoothly. The Roth IRA was easy, we did that right away. The bank wanted the marriage certificate first, so we delayed on that until it arrived. As for the car loan - now we're just waiting on the new 4-door Wrangler Rubicon we ordered to get a VIN so we can close the loan (:

EMPLOYMENT

She has accumulated the following employment accomplishments during this year:

• Got a full-time, full-benefits position at the local university making $30K/yr + benefits
  
• Got hired by the U.S. Post Office, but quit to take the university job
  
• Got several other job offers
  
• Got lots of interview opportunities
  

She had the univeristy job in place and started her first day of work only about 1 month after receiving her EAD card. It doesn't get much better than that. All in all, she arrived on July 17th and started working at the university on December 19th, almost six months to the day, and about three months after we got married. Her medical benefits are actually better and cheaper than mine, so we dropped mine for hers, saving some $2K/year in the process. In short, we made a lot more progress on this front than I had expected - which is way cool.

EDUCATIONAL

She has accumulated the following educational accomplishments during this year:

• Received (Russian-language) transcripts from both her universities
  
• Translated original transcripts and had them evaluated by U.S. evaluation service
  
• Completed two courses (six credits) of undergraduate work at local university
  
• Been admitted to a graduate program (M.S.) in global supply chain management (starts Fall '06)
  

It was slow getting the original transcripts, but other than that, things went OK, for the most part.

TRAVEL

She has accumulated the following travel accomplishments during this year:

• Arrived in Anchorage, Alaska as her POE (from Germany). This was nice.
  
• Spent about two weeks in Hawaii (getting married + honeymoon).
  
• Road trip through CA, AZ, UT, NV (Disneyland, Meteor Crater, Las Vegas, etc.)
  
• 7-day rafting trip on Grand Canyon
  
• 5-day trip to Washington D.C. area (tours of White House, Capitol Bldg, museums, etc.)
  
• Washington D.C. trip included visit with my parents, plus play at Kennedy Center
  
• 4-hour layover in Texas (DFW)
  

I think it's kind of cool that the first two states she went to were Alaska and Hawaii (: She had a great trip to D.C. for our anniversary, and I think she has already seen more of the U.S. than most Americans have. Overall, not bad for her first year - especially considering she lives in Alaska.

Besides all of that, we have remodeled the bedroom and built a deck in the backyard. He parents are coming for 2-week visit later this month, and things seem to be going well in general. No real nightmares here so far, with any kind of paperwork/logistics or relationship issues. All signs are positive and we hope to have another good year.

Best advice for forms of all kinds is to just do what they tell you to do, make sure you take the time to be complete and thorough with everything you do, and don't give anyone an easy excuse to deny you whatever it is you're asking from them. Good luck.

Cheers!

AKDiver

What a great post!

Thank you for taking the time!

[John and Anna 0]

AKDiver,

Thanks for your reply!

May I ask you one more question? How would you feel if/when your wife makes more money than you do?

With all these equality/emancipation/no discrimination issues I would expect that it does not matter.

Still, my Russian husband would not like it.

For instance, when we hike in the mountains, he would never say that he is tired and needs some rest. If I go, he would go too. He cannot show that he is weaker than me (even though he is about 1.5 times heavier than me, and he carries our backpack)

In the beginning my first wife (Italian-American) made more than me - she was also 5 years older. It did not make a difference till we divorced I was making about 33% more. It took 5 years ... sorry --- she wanted her cut and held out to get it. Lawyers just fueled the fire.

The things I have learned from that...

I want my wife to be happy in what she does(in order of importance [ to me]). Mother, housewife, job, etc...

I know now that making my SO happy makes me happy (by itself or by retribution [bad word]) it is purley selfish!

Tell her [show her] you love her every day

[akdiver 3]

May I ask you one more question? How would you feel if/when your wife makes more money than you do?

Well, like I said in my first response to you - nothing would make me happier! Hell, if she made more money than I do, we would be sitting very, very, pretty. Until of course, I quit my job and took a more interesting one because I would no longer have to take a high-paying job just for the money. (: Hell, if she would allow it, she could earn all the money and I would just stay home and work on the house, pursue my hobbies, and be a lot more choosy about the consulting jobs I take on. I would just take the ones I really wanted to work on, rather than anything that pays. As it stands now, I'm just a little #######. (:

In a related note, although I out earn her three to one in cash pay, she has better benefits than I do. Her health insurance is a lot better and cheaper than what is available where I work, so I dropped mine and got on hers instead.

For what it's worth, my mother always made more money than my father did, for as long as I can remember - so for me, it's just not an unusual thing or even an "event" of some sort.

In short, I have no problem with my wife making more money than I do. Now she just needs to go out and do it. (:

As for showing weakness, etc. - well, I know some guys are like that, but you know, I just don't have that much ego. I'm 36, out of shape, losing my hair, wear glasses, have broken one of my legs seven times, broke my other leg twice, broke both my arms, both my hands, broke my sternum, several fingers, and even a toe. This tired old body just doesn't have much room for an ego. As my good buddy once said, "A man has got to know his limitations." I know mine, and I know that some of them can be reached before the limitations of others. Life is too short to spend it trying to impress people. On our recent trip to the Grand Canyon, I can tell you that I was not shy at all about requiring rest breaks while we were hiking through that 100F heat they call "normal". (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

Advice from some older women I know - "do not consider marrying any women under 26." This advice now means a lot more to me. (Hell, I'm only 27). Well educated women in their early 20s can change their minds about what they want frequently. This is not entirely compatible with marriage.

My vote is for not allowing anyone under 30 to get married.

Of course, if it were up to me, no one under 25 would be allowed to drive, and use of the Internet would be strictly limited to those 21 and older.

But hey, that's just me.

Oh yeah - when my wife does something especially nice, such as bring me tea, or make a special dinner or something, she jokes, "I am good Russian Wife" and we have a laugh about it. (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

Edited September 15, 2006 by akdiver

[patricks 0]

Akdiver,

Actually, I'm jealous that you have all those resources to travel extensively, house etc. It must be nice and it makes things easier. I was teaching English in VN when we met, married and she got CR1 visa. We arrived in America with $4000 in my account, no car, nothing..........

No pity, I have a go-getter wife like yours, she works for the US Gov't Mon-Fri and now she's taking her nail tech exam to make more $$$ on the weekends doing nails and networking. She's learned everything quickly with few problems, I'm damn lucky and it scares me to think of when we first arrived.

Now, it costs $250+k for a cheap 2 BR Condo then a baby in 2007/08.

Enjoy your travels and let your wife be as successful as she wants to be! ........America is an easy country to be successful when you've been surviving in places like USSR and Vietnam, where it's much more difficult.

Good Luck

[russ 1]

Of course, if it were up to me, no one under 25 would be allowed to drive, and use of the Internet would be strictly limited to those 21 and older.

Cheers!

AKDiver

In my relatively short life, I have firmly come to believe that there is no age limit on stupidity.

[JenT 0]

In my relatively short life, I have firmly come to believe that there is no age limit on stupidity.

That's the most poignant comment I've read on this board today.

Well said.

Jen

[Chuckles 0]

I stumbled on this whole Russian/American thing by accident too. I wasn't 'looking' for a Russian woman and I certainly wasn't trying to find a homemaker who would stay pregnant in the kitchen. I really do hope Olga finds work she likes, and is as independant as she wants to be. I would gladly stay at home and support her career if it ever took off.

Anyway, I don't think anybody really fits those stereotypes here. The guys looking for 'homemaker slaves' in a Russian wife generally don't make it as far as marriage, or get scammed and slink away. I do get a chuckle reading some of those boards where men who are so tired of American women complaining about this or that. They seem to think they are going to find what they are looking for in Russia. I dunno, I haven't seen it all for sure, but Russian women seem like the least likely to want to be tied down like that

[akdiver 3]

In my relatively short life, I have firmly come to believe that there is no age limit on stupidity.

Oh, I quite agree. However, if we banned EVERYONE one driving, then how could FedEx get my goodies to me?

Cheers!

AKDiver

[John and Anna 0]

I stumbled on this whole Russian/American thing by accident too. I wasn't 'looking' for a Russian woman and I certainly wasn't trying to find a homemaker who would stay pregnant in the kitchen. I really do hope Olga finds work she likes, and is as independant as she wants to be. I would gladly stay at home and support her career if it ever took off.

Anyway, I don't think anybody really fits those stereotypes here. The guys looking for 'homemaker slaves' in a Russian wife generally don't make it as far as marriage, or get scammed and slink away. I do get a chuckle reading some of those boards where men who are so tired of American women complaining about this or that. They seem to think they are going to find what they are looking for in Russia. I dunno, I haven't seen it all for sure, but Russian women seem like the least likely to want to be tied down like that

Chuckles

Any report on the interview?

On the slave... I I have a cleaning service now and we intend to keep using them...

Anna wants to focus on english, driving, partime work, family etc

[Chuckles 0]

I stumbled on this whole Russian/American thing by accident too. I wasn't 'looking' for a Russian woman and I certainly wasn't trying to find a homemaker who would stay pregnant in the kitchen. I really do hope Olga finds work she likes, and is as independant as she wants to be. I would gladly stay at home and support her career if it ever took off.

Anyway, I don't think anybody really fits those stereotypes here. The guys looking for 'homemaker slaves' in a Russian wife generally don't make it as far as marriage, or get scammed and slink away. I do get a chuckle reading some of those boards where men who are so tired of American women complaining about this or that. They seem to think they are going to find what they are looking for in Russia. I dunno, I haven't seen it all for sure, but Russian women seem like the least likely to want to be tied down like that

Chuckles

Any report on the interview?

On the slave... I I have a cleaning service now and we intend to keep using them...

Anna wants to focus on english, driving, partime work, family etc

Yah, I wrote about the interview here http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=30721 If you have any questions, feel free to ask.