Is your life on hold?

[ktmmansgal 0]

I agree with bits and pieces of all these posts. Sometimes I just live me life as I did before (except for the dating part) I do things with friends, get together with my Sons and their Girlfriends. Clean the house, Go to work, travel, read books, basically do all the short term daily kindof things. But and that is a BIG "but" I really dont like to do any longer term planning out a couple months kindof thing, I hesitate everytime my planning might have to be changed due to it maybe falling on the week my hubby might be getting his visa === I really hate answering all the questions that social gatherings ensue --- It is bad enough with the work thing, I just tell them that he is working in another country and they just leave it at that --- So, the waiting for a normal life, where my hubby will get up and start the kettle for his tea and pour my cup of coffee to start the day == well that is what I am on hold for --- a real life with the one that I love --- no talking on the phone to keep in touch and spending the weekend days coordinating around the time we can get on the webcam to at least see eachohters face --- well enough, I think you all get the point ---

[caagirl 0]

My life is my Jatin and of course my LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST ALWAYS comes first.

I wake up at 5:45a.m. every morning so I can talk with my love until 8:30a.m. in which time my work day begins. THen at 5:00p.m. counting down every minute until my work day is over. By 10:30p.m. I am going to bed and in between 6-8p.m. he is eating breakfast and getting ready for work. On My thrusday and Saturday is our special nights. On thrusday we stayed up until 1:00a.m. and saturday we stayed up all night woohoooooo! However because we are trying to save money we talk through phone most the time now... (talking through phone through text messages) On thrusday at 11:30p.m. he comes on the internet and we get to talk until 1:00a.m. but, that is changing now too On saturday we used to talk all night through internet, but now around 12:00 midnight he comes on the internet . Soon though my darling will be here and our life can begin together but, for now my life feels totally uncompleted with out him beside me.. I miss him terribly 24/7. We have only gotten to talk three times over the phone:( and I miss him so much... in this whole time we been apart dying to be with him again...

Sincerly a fiancee in waiting,

Christina

[De & Al 0]

Waiting for this process to conclude so that our lives can move forward is torture. I'm alive but I'm not really living life because I'm incomplete without my beloved here with me. Does anyone else feel like their lives are on hold? If not, how are you feeling? How are you cooping with this situation?

You are notr alone, its not easy but it will soon be aver and you will be together fro ever!!

[neonmikey 0]

yea..my life is on hold,im just going through the motions for now..like breathing in and breathing out...but much faster when i see her on cam or hear her sweet voice on the phone..lol

[rebeccajo 14]

I'm co-dependant and it dont fuss me that I am.

That's an interesting admission Lorelle. I'm rather doubting that you are though or else you wouldn't 'admit' it! As far as I see, there's nothing wrong with admitting to needing that one true love in one's life to make them whole.

I thought about this thread as I began to deal with the feelings of missing my Baby. Some days, minutes, and even seconds are harder than others, I must admit. It’s not that my life is on hold… It’s that my life is incomplete...

You're pretty expressive for a guy. And a strong one too - to fess up to needing her.

[KarenCee 3]

I'm co-dependant and it dont fuss me that I am.

That's an interesting admission Lorelle. I'm rather doubting that you are though or else you wouldn't 'admit' it! As far as I see, there's nothing wrong with admitting to needing that one true love in one's life to make them whole.

I thought about this thread as I began to deal with the feelings of missing my Baby. Some days, minutes, and even seconds are harder than others, I must admit. It’s not that my life is on hold… It’s that my life is incomplete...

You're pretty expressive for a guy. And a strong one too - to fess up to needing her.

I am the same with Joel....co-dependant. It was a revelation for me to find this out about me, because I've prided myself on being able to stand on my own two feet. I've had to, being a single mom and all. I will say this though, my life was never on hold, but more like something was missing the whole time - Joel.

He completes me.

Edited September 10, 2006 by KarenCee

[Sheriff Uling 3]

You're pretty expressive for a guy. And a strong one too - to fess up to needing her.

I have always been expressive about the things that I don't like, but never really about affairs of the heart. My fiancée, bless her beautiful soul, has really showed me the pathway to true love and communicating that love, emotion, and passion. I have really opened up a lot from the moment we entered each others hearts. I miss her so much!!! I wish everyone an expedited reunion with their loved ones...

[JoelAndAnalyn 0]

Waiting for this process to conclude so that our lives can move forward is torture. I'm alive but I'm not really living life because I'm incomplete without my beloved here with me. Does anyone else feel like their lives are on hold? If not, how are you feeling? How are you cooping with this situation?

My life is not complete without my sweetheart with me. Every day is filled only with my longing to have her by my side. My life is not on hold but not much joy without her.

Edited September 11, 2006 by JoelAndAnalyn

[aussiewench 9]

I'm co-dependant and it dont fuss me that I am.

That's an interesting admission Lorelle. I'm rather doubting that you are though or else you wouldn't 'admit' it! As far as I see, there's nothing wrong with admitting to needing that one true love in one's life to make them whole.

I thought about this thread as I began to deal with the feelings of missing my Baby. Some days, minutes, and even seconds are harder than others, I must admit. It’s not that my life is on hold… It’s that my life is incomplete...

You're pretty expressive for a guy. And a strong one too - to fess up to needing her.

I am the same with Joel....co-dependant. It was a revelation for me to find this out about me, because I've prided myself on being able to stand on my own two feet. I've had to, being a single mom and all. I will say this though, my life was never on hold, but more like something was missing the whole time - Joel.

He completes me.

I have had many of the traits of co-dependancy since I was a child. I used to think of it as just being a diehard romantic and looking at things through rose colored glasses. I have never had an interest in standing on my own two feet and having a career etc. The relationship has been my goal for as long as I can remember. I have changed somewhat since meeting Dan and continue to do so as he wont let me get away with my co-dependent traits. Instead he sees my potential of who I really am and has helped and continues to help me grow. 46 and Im still growing lol Like I said though, it really doesnt fuss me admitting to it.....regardless of how much I do grow with Dan, I know that I always will still maintain many of my co-dependent traits.....they are not all harmful.....some old fashioned, but not harmful.

There are things from my childhood that because of some personality traits (shyness, over-sensitivity, etc) that amplified and set me on a road to co-dependency. Not anythng in my childhood that most would see as damaging, but they were to me. Talking to my mom about it and aknowledging what happened has helped me understand me a lot better. My mom is a wonderful lady and has always been the best mom anyone could have and she is my best friend and in no way is she to blame, nor my father whom I lost through cancer when I was 21. They were wonderful parents, but had no idea that something simple as treating myself and a younger sister (13 months younger then me) the same in terms of what we could or couldnt do, would be so harmful to me. Its hard to explain in writing here so I wont even attempt to, except to say that it affected everything in the way I perceived things.

Oh believe me, in many ways I am a very strong lady and I can get my dander up but overall I'm sedate and it takes a lot for me to say anything that even remotely could be perceived as being nasty or hurtful (not co-dependent traits, but they have fuelled the traits). I think you see that here on VJ as well.

Cheers everyone

Edited September 11, 2006 by aussiewench

[mrsushi66 0]

My lovelife is on hold but not other aspects of my life. If I were to put it on hold it would drive me insane. She feels the same way. She is very busy with her career and her family. We talked about this and how important that it is that we live our lives while we are apart to keep us in the moment and enjoying what we currently have instead of fretting over what we dont have. Once we are together I will feel tons better but I am enjoying the moment and anticipating our reunion.

Paul misses Anna

Edited September 11, 2006 by mrsushi66

[Sheriff Uling 3]

I have been using this thread to decompress. It’s been part of my outlet and I’m hoping that it’s been a great tool for others to share and get out the emotional strain this process can impose. Life for me is not as sweet without being able to come home and/or look across the way and share that experience with my Lady. Plus, I miss just being in her presence, and feeling the warmth of her touch. Not to mention, we have a blast together. Yeah, we talk, text, chat, and webcam all the time, but it’s just not the same. It won’t be long until she is here, but it’s been too long. She’s ready to come home, and I’m ready for her to come home.

Edited September 13, 2006 by Uling

[kirk and Jenny 0]

It is very difficult. Sitting on the deck and watching the river flow is just boring without her. Finding this forum was a great help. It makes the time go by faster.

[ijeme 0]

Our lives are in limbo too. We are energetic go getters with goals for professional certifications and private businesses. This immigration process brings so many stressful days it makes it mentally too difficult to focus on anything other than managing my day job and home. We have to even put moving into a new home on hold... argh!

Even vacationing is impacted, there are so many things I want to experience with my husband, i don't feel up to planning much outside of the town I am currently in. We are both missing out on a lot and we are not getting any younger.

To keep sane is visiting him every 3-4 months, talking on the phone ~ 3 hrs a day, and doing video chats but I agree that cyberspace is no replacement for physical presence. What helps me to cheer up when I am lonely is thinking of the wonderful time we will have trying to play catch up when he returns.

[Together4ever 1]

Waiting for this process to conclude so that our lives can move forward is torture. I'm alive but I'm not really living life because I'm incomplete without my beloved here with me. Does anyone else feel like their lives are on hold? If not, how are you feeling? How are you cooping with this situation?

I very much relate to your sentiments. Its bad enough slogging through 16+ months now of being separated and WAITING, but then you get to deal with all the judgements about your state of mind and how someone else thinks you could deal with things better, can't you just and visit, and blah blah blah. As a couple, we have learned to communicate much more effectively then we used to but when you are drowning in the yearning for the warm touch you miss so much, there is little solace in anything else.

We are almost 6 months now since his interview and I am finding that my depression has given way to boughts of misplaced anger and I frustrate very easily. However, on the plus side, I've buried myself in my work to such an extent that I was just hired from a contract worker to a regular full time employee with a glowing review. At least I've managed to impress someone.

Does anyone else have feelings of "its never going to happen?" regarding your SO getting their visa?

[bebop + rocksteady 0]

You know, I first replied to this thread saying that my life is completely on hold. But now, after thinking about it. I think I was inaccurate in that response.

I mean, I'm currently going through a job search, I'm planning our wedding, I babysit my nieces, I see my best friend, etc.

Is my life on hold? No.

Does my life completely revolve around Craig? Most definitely.

I'm looking to change jobs so WE can be in a place that's best for us (where we can both go back to school). I only see my friends and babysit and the such when it doesn't interfere with the limited time I talk to my baby. We plan our lives around each other as to have the most time possible to talk, but still exist.

All-in-all, I'm making it work.

Now, when we speak emotionally? Yes. I am completely and utterly on hold. I have a hard time getting excited or interested in anything when I'm not with Craig. I am naturally an easily-excitable person, but when we are apart, I'm dull and uninterested in anything happening. I find myself in this holding pattern that is just..mediorce. It's somewhere between depression and contentness. It's not good but it's not bad either. It's the emotional minimum until the next visit.

Cass (bebop the great)