PRE-NUP GOOD OR BAD IDEA?

[cherry75 0]

Hi everyone, im just very confuse so if anyone of you who have this i apreciate your opinion.

ok, i just got aproved last week for my fiancee visa but than now my fiance (boyfriend) discuss with me about having pre-nup ,that before we get married i have to agree and sign. and according to him that it written that If we got divorce i will get a pay out of 5thousand$ a year whatever year i stayed with him. and that i am not eligeble half of his assets which i undrestand. and he offer me $200 POCKET MONEY while i dont have earning and once im earning i got nothing.. i am working right now in singapore and im earning ok . im a bit worried that this matter wont do me any good. I really want to settle down with him but i feel that im not secured with his condition as i felt i am stranger to him. i dont know but i never encounter here in asia having this kind of agreement.. i appreciate if any one of you can give an opinion for this .Thank you..

[Blob18 111]

Hi everyone, im just very confuse so if anyone of you who have this i apreciate your opinion.

ok, i just got aproved last week for my fiancee visa but than now my fiance (boyfriend) discuss with me about having pre-nup ,that before we get married i have to agree and sign. and according to him that it written that If we got divorce i will get a pay out of 5thousand$ a year whatever year i stayed with him. and that i am not eligeble half of his assets which i undrestand. and he offer me $200 POCKET MONEY while i dont have earning and once im earning i got nothing.. i am working right now in singapore and im earning ok . im a bit worried that this matter wont do me any good. I really want to settle down with him but i feel that im not secured with his condition as i felt i am stranger to him. i dont know but i never encounter here in asia having this kind of agreement.. i appreciate if any one of you can give an opinion for this .Thank you..

To me pre-nups mean 1 of 2 things: Either A)He/She is really rich and wants to protect their assets or B) Person marrying the other doesn't trust them and thinks they are just after their money.

IMO (In my opinion) pre-nups are doen by the insecure. Either way, whatever the reason, it shows a lack of trust in you and the relationship because regardless of the reason, he has it in the back of his mind that a divorce could happen and he'd lose his $$$.

Just my 2 cents on it.

[Psalm139 5]

hmmmm..love is unconditional, no buts not if... please pray about it. you are not even married and he is thinking of divorce... pre nuptial agreements only shows that he doesnt trust you... A love without trust is not love at all.

[cherry75 0]

To me pre-nups mean 1 of 2 things: Either A)He/She is really rich and wants to protect their assets or B) Person marrying the other doesn't trust them and thinks they are just after their money.

IMO (In my opinion) pre-nups are doen by the insecure. Either way, whatever the reason, it shows a lack of trust in you and the relationship because regardless of the reason, he has it in the back of his mind that a divorce could happen and he'd lose his $$$.

Just my 2 cents on it.

Thank you for your opinion and yes thats how i feel that he dont trust me or our relationship thats why i ask him why marry if ur woried that we cant make it.i am earning $3,500 a month in singapore with free housing and food and i have saving like $50,000, i have my house in philippines which i already fully paid 3 years ago, i have invested some land and he knows that . and that make me feel bad ,and now i am confuse. i told him that if i after money i can do it here i dont need to travel half of the world. he's a teacher and i am not sure rich he is as i really didnt go tru what he have..im confuse..to go ahead or stop from here.. sorry that i pour my feelings in here i cant tell with my friend or relative about this..

[Blob18 111]

Thank you for your opinion and yes thats how i feel that he dont trust me or our relationship thats why i ask him why marry if ur woried that we cant make it.i am earning $3,500 a month in singapore with free housing and food and i have saving like $50,000, i have my house in philippines which i already fully paid 3 years ago, i have invested some land and he knows that . and that make me feel bad ,and now i am confuse. i told him that if i after money i can do it here i dont need to travel half of the world. he's a teacher and i am not sure rich he is as i really didnt go tru what he have..im confuse..to go ahead or stop from here.. sorry that i pour my feelings in here i cant tell with my friend or relative about this..

I can understand what you are going through. I personally can't tell you what to do as I haven't gone through the relationship. But I can say is do what you believe will benefit both of you in the long run. Try talking to him more about it and see why he wants it so bad. If he refuses to tell you why, then he has problems with trust and a marriage/relationship is built on trust and communication.

[DoneWaiting 15]

I agree with most of the comments mentioned above.. But if your fiancée[He is not your boyfriend anymore] is looking for you to sign an pre-maritalagreement, I will think his legal right, for which ever reason he mayhave.

Now, I will hope since you who is the one that has left everythingbehind [family, friends, work, etc, etc] to start a new life aside him has alsoa legal right to review and agree with the content in this agreement. I am notsaying you deserve or not half of his assets, but at least a way of gettingyour feet in the right place if somehow the marriage ends.

There are many ways of drawing a prenuptial.. If I was you, Iwill seek for legal consult, I think is proper..

[just my opinion]

[cherry75 0]

I agree with most of the comments mentioned above.. But if your fiancée[He is not your boyfriend anymore] is looking for you to sign an pre-maritalagreement, I will think his legal right, for which ever reason he mayhave.

Now, I will hope since you who is the one that has left everythingbehind [family, friends, work, etc, etc] to start a new life aside him has alsoa legal right to review and agree with the content in this agreement. I am notsaying you deserve or not half of his assets, but at least a way of gettingyour feet in the right place if somehow the marriage ends.

There are many ways of drawing a prenuptial.. If I was you, Iwill seek for legal consult, I think is proper..

[just my opinion]

Thank you guys for the advice and opinion and i will sort this out but right now really confuse..Yes you are i should consult to a legal adviser. Cheers!!!

[katiemanny 64]

A pre-nup is good for the person seeking it, and can be bad for the person signing it, wealthy individual usually seek a pre-nup before marriage because they might suspect they partner will try to get half of their assets in some way or another. But that doesnt mean there's no love in the relationship, it just protecting one's assets in case the marriage go sour.

I would suggest you consult with an Attorney that practice family law, see whats your option, and one thing you need to understand is refusing to sign a pre-nup might even prevent your fiance from marrying you as he might suspect that you really care about what he has and not for who he is.

Edited May 4, 2011 by katiemanny

[jalie 3]

If you're feeling insecure about prenuptial agreement then don't go for it. There is no logic in marrying a man who proposes something that is against your conviction.

I remember that day when I opened this topic to my then boyfriend (now my husband). As this prenup thing is practiced in America and he, being an american, I asked him what's his say about this subject matter. And as one of the posters here say that people do it out of mistrust, he too worded it the same way. I for one view it as being selfish and not in conformity with my christian belief regarding matrimony. He told me that IF I would want one (not him wanting) he'd prepare the stuff to be signed. Of course we never had one

Have you asked him WHY the prenup?

[pushbrk 13,031]

Open and frank discussion of such matters is critical. I usually don't comment on Pre-nuptual agreement threads.

If the situation is that the person wanting the agreement is thinking, "I really love my future spouse and have confidence in our relationship but I also understand that even in the best of situations, many couples divorce after a short time. If this happens, I want to treat this person fairly but do not want to lose half of everything I've worked for, in the event the marriage lasts only a short time." then the other party will want to carefully evaluate the actual agreement to see if they think it's fair, under the circumstances. If not, perhaps you suggest changes.

It's all highly unromantic and depending on a person's own frame of reference, they can be quite discouraged by such a development. At the same time, there are practical matters to consider in any plan to marry.

[Casprd 167]

He should have brought this up long before now. sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it to. He wants all the benefits of being married with very few of the risks. He may not be thinking all the way through also. A prenup doesn't negate the affidavit of support agreement he must sign with the government. I can understand wanting to protect himself because after all, marrying an immigrant is a risky step. We have all seen cases where the foreign spouse can "fake it" long enough to get here and get the conditions removed. At the same time I can understand your feelings as well (mine would be much the same). IMO, what he offers in the pre-nup is not very equitable considering you are giving up everything to come here.In a normal divorce you would get half the marital assets but this doesn't include what each of you brought in to the marriage so everything he owns now is still his. So propose your own pre-nup. Something that is such that he has some skin in the game so to speak. $5000 per year for every year together and $200 pocket money is nothing. It ammounts to about $600 a month for a few years. In most cities you can't live on that. If he is serious about marrying you and making it work then he will either negotiate a reasonable pre-nup or you will find out his true feelings. In either case, better to know now than later.

Edited May 4, 2011 by Casprd

[Tim/Mav 305]

Open and frank discussion of such matters is critical. I usually don't comment on Pre-nuptual agreement threads.

If the situation is that the person wanting the agreement is thinking, "I really love my future spouse and have confidence in our relationship but I also understand that even in the best of situations, many couples divorce after a short time. If this happens, I want to treat this person fairly but do not want to lose half of everything I've worked for, in the event the marriage lasts only a short time." then the other party will want to carefully evaluate the actual agreement to see if they think it's fair, under the circumstances. If not, perhaps you suggest changes.

It's all highly unromantic and depending on a person's own frame of reference, they can be quite discouraged by such a development. At the same time, there are practical matters to consider in any plan to marry.

I agree as Pushbrk stated: This is hard to comment on but he stated A Important Sentence to the Prenup. "The Parties will have to evaluate the agreements of the prenup before a signature"

Well, looking at that sentence to me that means: Your Attourney and his Attourney draw a agreed upon prenup that is acceptable to all parties involved.

That way, at the Wedding when you cut the Cake so to Speak. That you know and he knows "If we Choke" Were both Covered.

[Mikedmaster 1]

Pre-nups are not neccessarily about trust; but rather about the reality of life and a reflection of previous marital experiences. In your particular situation it appears that your finacial situation is such that a pre-nup would not really affect you as you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are financial astute. Furthermore, most pre-nups are useless and a waste of money; because most judges will rule on what is 'fair' vs to the letter of the pre-nup. In other words, if one came into a marriage with nothing but love (as do most Filipinas) and after 5 or 10 years of marriage there is a divorce and the pre-up essential stated that each individual would leave with what they came into the marriage with but for those 10 years that woman cooked, cleaned, supported and cared for the family and never worked a day in her life. Then the judge would over turn any pre-nup to afford this woman compensation valued at what is 'fair' for her her to live consistent with how she lived while married to her than husband. This is true for the man as well. Consequently, pre-nups are generally useless because justice will be served. In my oppinion, pre-nups have nothing to do with the lack of love or trust and should not be viewed that way-they useless anyway with a good lawyer (which he/she would have to pay for anyway if the other party has no money). Thank God for America.

[Dahlia 1]

Thank you guys for the advice and opinion and i will sort this out but right now really confuse..Yes you are i should consult to a legal adviser. Cheers!!!

Pren up is not a bad idea....there are so many men/women out there that got taken and left for nothing...when it comes to money greed comes with it. Marriage is like a contract when things does not work out then everything is lost. Your man is doing the right thing and for you too. Love has nothing to do with it....when a person works so hard and then taken away from him/her then i think it is a good idea....Trust has nothing to do with this. It is good for the both of you...trust me on this one. at least he is thinking of you about this issue.

[Tyeger87 10]

I would say that this warrants a frank and open discussion. You two need to sit down and discuss this and you need to get to the bottom of why he wants the prenup and why he chose those terms. Furthermore, you also need to look out for yourself as well as the relationship so you should also consult with an attorney to make sure the terms are as equitable as possible. I understand why you may feel that he does not trust you, but understand he would not be going through this process without love (it is a horrible process as we all know) and most likely he is trying to protect himself in the instance that things go sour (and you should do the same). No one can predict the future and as much as we are in love and enjoy the though of relationships lasting forever, the truth is alot don't and we need to be prepared for that as well. This is not to say that you should sign whatever he gives you just because. There are many things that can be put into a prenup, some people put in adultery clauses, others put in length of marriage clauses more equitable distribution of assets the longer the marriage lasts, he might be amenable to that IF he fears you leaving shortly with half of his assets. Its hard not to look at this as a direct attack on you and the trust in the relationship but its something that needs to be addressed calmly and rationally so when discussing it look at it as a fear issue rather than a trust issue. As much as we love someone we cannot predict what they will do and he could be scared, either way you need to find out why, discuss it, and protect yourself as well.

I wish you good luck