Desperate cry for HELP!

[ramones 0]

First of all, I am sorry to go into all the details, but I need to in order to tell you my story. I don't even know if it is appropiate to tell you my drama, but I am in such a desperate situation that I don't care anymore.. I don't know where to start, this will all be a ramble and I hope you can put it all together..I've been married for a year and a half with a person I thought I knew well. He is a US citizen, I am not, we had our interview last year in september. The night before the interview his phone was ringing off the hook and he turned it off, he told me it was people from work. I was stressed so I didn't pay attention to it. He is a manager, he works sometimes 16 hours a day. His mom and his ex live 2 hours from where we live. He had a baby with his ex 4 years ago, the baby died just a little bit after he was born and because of that his ex went crazy, literally, and they broke up. She kept harassing him even after we got married and then it all suddenly stopped, so I thought she came to her senses. Last month I found out I'm pregnant and everything changed in my life! We started making plans about everything! Yesterday he went on a hunting trip with his dad, I though oh well some time for myself.. This morning I was checking facebook and found out that his ex just gave birth to a child!!! It immediately came to my mind that it's his child! His phone is turned off and I cannot get in touch with him. And I am now starting to put two and two together.. the trips he made to his mom's house might have been to her house! I am going nuts in here, his dad's phone is off too, I can't call his mom because I'm not sure if this is true. You cannot imagine what I've been through these past hours.. and then it hit me! What is going to happen to our baby if we get a divorce? Am I going to be removed from US? I only have my conditional GC for 9 months now - 9 months since the interview when she was calling him like crazy, maybe that's when she found out about it. I cannot go back to my country now, with a baby, I don't have a house or a job there, I cannot raise him. And what if she put my husband as the father on her baby's birth certificate? The more I think of, the more it makes sense to me, I trusted him and now.. I don't know what to do, all I know is then when he comes back home he's gonna be sorry. Please don't judge me on this, on being blind,I am asking from you to help me with legal matters, get a divorce or wait until my baby is born? I only care about the baby's future now, thank you for listening to me, I am sorry if it's too much, I am still in shock

[Ontarkie 14,413]

I think you need to slow down, take a deep breath. You did not mention anything that points to him actually cheating on you, just how she called alot 9 months ago. If he was the father of her child I think she would be calling a lot more after she found out she was having a baby. Maybe she stopped calling cause she found another guy. Anyways how did your husband react to you being pregnant, how is your relationship together. Why are you instantly thinking the worse is there more then you posted?

[ramones 0]

I think you need to slow down, take a deep breath. You did not mention anything that points to him actually cheating on you, just how she called alot 9 months ago. If he was the father of her child I think she would be calling a lot more after she found out she was having a baby. Maybe she stopped calling cause she found another guy. Anyways how did your husband react to you being pregnant, how is your relationship together. Why are you instantly thinking the worse is there more then you posted?

I just saw a picture of the baby on facebook and the baby looks just like my husband and has his father's first name! I am going crazy, screaming in my house! I just think that maybe he didn't want anything to do with her anymore and now when the baby was supposed to be born he had to go on a trip where there's no phone coverage, when he gets home I will not be responsible for my actions.. our relationship is just fine, we had no problems except for her, but I can't say that anymore since he was obviously cheating on me. I am filing for divorce as soon as I get some answers from somebody about what can happen to me and my baby

[polar1979 4]

You need to be relax for now, DO NOT attack him when he's back, you have no crew if it's true or not yet, for now it's just only your paranoid. If he's back and he still loves you and hasn't changed, i think you should keep your mouth shut for now because you will need him to remove conditions on your green card soon. You are his legally wife now and having a baby with him too, so wait and see what happens, try to dig up the truth before you act anything, maybe quietly spy on him but Don't go crazy on him just yet. Good luck and keep us posted.

[polar1979 4]

Ok, if you divorce him, you will need to try to remove conditions on your 2-year green card right away after your divorce is finalized by filing the petition singlely with a waiver. You will need to show tons of proof that you entered the marriage in good faith and not for immigration benefit but it just didn't work out. I think you have a chance coz' you have his baby with you, that's a good proof, however, you still need the primary evidences too which are all the financial co-mingling evidences, lots of it.

And one of the evidences that will help you too is the evidence that he cheated on you, that will help your case too, so make sure you gather that before you show him that you know the truth and it would be impossible to gather those kind of evidences. So right now you should quietly find out the truth for sure, and try to collect as many co-financial evidences with both of your and his names on them as you can. Feel free to ask more questions anytime, everybody's here to help.

Edited May 4, 2011 by polar1979

[Ontarkie 14,413]

I'm sorry you are going through this, but a baby looking like your husband does not mean it's his, none of my kids looked like their father. As for the name that is strange unless his family has always been close to her, or is it a common name that she figured it would be ok. I know the timing really does look bad and if it is his child he should be ashamed of himself, and deserves what is coming. Call his mother and ask her point blank if they went on a trip if she is home and not at the hospital with them you should get some answers, Or if you could manage to stay calm you could mention to her how you saw the baby pic and you had no clue she was expecting and see how she reacts also. Find out just what she knows. As for the GC you can file to remove conditions on your own as long as you can show you entered the marriage in good faith once the divorce is final. But please try not to jump to conclusions by the way a baby looks. I do caution you to find out for sure what is going on before you file for divorce or tear your husband to shreds. I really wish you the best and hope he didn't screw up big time.

Edited May 4, 2011 by Ontarkie

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Calm down you aren't doing the baby any good. The birth certificate should be a matter of public record. You need to go and check to see who is named as the babies father on there

[tallcoolone 102]

I would access you situation, Chill out find out more information. Hire a detective to follow your husband for a couple of months.

Get you facts straight before you launch an attack.............

[pink_camaro 0]

I honestly can't help you with your conditional GC but let me tell you, the first thing you need to do is try to RELAX. I know it is easier said than done, but think about the little one inside your tummy. Thats your priority. Give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Do not, under any circumstances, attack him. Its not going to do you good at all. As of now, try to be nonchalant and be cautious at the same time. Good luck to you and your baby.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

Ok, if you divorce him, you will need to try to remove conditions on your 2-year green card right away after your divorce is finalized by filing the petition singlely with a waiver. You will need to show tons of proof that you entered the marriage in good faith and not for immigration benefit but it just didn't work out. I think you have a chance coz' you have his baby with you, that's a good proof, however, you still need the primary evidences too which are all the financial co-mingling evidences, lots of it.

And one of the evidences that will help you too is the evidence that he cheated on you, that will help your case too, so make sure you gather that before you show him that you know the truth and it would be impossible to gather those kind of evidences. So right now you should quietly find out the truth for sure, and try to collect as many co-financial evidences with both of your and his names on them as you can. Feel free to ask more questions anytime, everybody's here to help.

can you quit scaring her and giivng her wrong information?she doesnt need him to remove conditions,she can do it herself.

and proving that she entered the marriage in good faith is not harder than proving that her relationship is of good faith at the first interview.the baby doesnt prove anything,except they slept together.

she has no evidence that the husband cheated on her.jesus

OP,if it comes to light that your husband indeed has cheated on you,a DNA test would be really helpful,to prove that the ex's child is his.

i really suggest you keep your cool,for the sake of the child and your immigration process.explain things to him in a calm and civilized manner.if things get down to getting a divorce,you could really use a letter from him stating you entered the relaitonship in good faith.i suggest you speak to more informative members like pushbrk,gary and all ( imight have spelled the name wrong ) or jim. theycan help you

[jrmejia 31]

Don't jump into conclusion yet until you get concrete information. What if he was actually hunting? Just try to talk to him calmly.

Best of luck.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

First of all, I am sorry to go into all the details, but I need to in order to tell you my story. I don't even know if it is appropiate to tell you my drama, but I am in such a desperate situation that I don't care anymore.. I don't know where to start, this will all be a ramble and I hope you can put it all together..I've been married for a year and a half with a person I thought I knew well. He is a US citizen, I am not, we had our interview last year in september. The night before the interview his phone was ringing off the hook and he turned it off, he told me it was people from work. I was stressed so I didn't pay attention to it. He is a manager, he works sometimes 16 hours a day. His mom and his ex live 2 hours from where we live. He had a baby with his ex 4 years ago, the baby died just a little bit after he was born and because of that his ex went crazy, literally, and they broke up. She kept harassing him even after we got married and then it all suddenly stopped, so I thought she came to her senses. Last month I found out I'm pregnant and everything changed in my life! We started making plans about everything! Yesterday he went on a hunting trip with his dad, I though oh well some time for myself.. This morning I was checking facebook and found out that his ex just gave birth to a child!!! It immediately came to my mind that it's his child! His phone is turned off and I cannot get in touch with him. And I am now starting to put two and two together.. the trips he made to his mom's house might have been to her house! I am going nuts in here, his dad's phone is off too, I can't call his mom because I'm not sure if this is true. You cannot imagine what I've been through these past hours.. and then it hit me! What is going to happen to our baby if we get a divorce? Am I going to be removed from US? I only have my conditional GC for 9 months now - 9 months since the interview when she was calling him like crazy, maybe that's when she found out about it. I cannot go back to my country now, with a baby, I don't have a house or a job there, I cannot raise him. And what if she put my husband as the father on her baby's birth certificate? The more I think of, the more it makes sense to me, I trusted him and now.. I don't know what to do, all I know is then when he comes back home he's gonna be sorry. Please don't judge me on this, on being blind,I am asking from you to help me with legal matters, get a divorce or wait until my baby is born? I only care about the baby's future now, thank you for listening to me, I am sorry if it's too much, I am still in shock

facebook is a great thing isn't it?

[Darnell 8,479]

while he's out hunting, gather the evidence that you'll need to file the removal of conditions packet, yourself.

no, this is not evidence of cheating or ex-wife, but evidence that you two have a valid marriage. read the instructions on the forms, practice a bit, make copies of the things you need, then put it in a bank vault (go pay for that, btw)

then, later, if you need to leave quickly, at least you'll have the evidence pile that you need to file for ROC on your own, without further talking with 'that' husband.

divorce and roc are two seperate issues, mostly if you keep them disconnected you can stay sane.

i see no threat of deportation or going home, at this point.

Good Luck !

[Harsh_77 718]

can you quit scaring her and giivng her wrong information?she doesnt need him to remove conditions,she can do it herself.

and proving that she entered the marriage in good faith is not harder than proving that her relationship is of good faith at the first interview.the baby doesnt prove anything,except they slept together.

she has no evidence that the husband cheated on her.jesus

OP,if it comes to light that your husband indeed has cheated on you,a DNA test would be really helpful,to prove that the ex's child is his.

i really suggest you keep your cool,for the sake of the child and your immigration process.explain things to him in a calm and civilized manner.if things get down to getting a divorce,you could really use a letter from him stating you entered the relaitonship in good faith.i suggest you speak to more informative members like pushbrk,gary and all ( imight have spelled the name wrong ) or jim. theycan help you

Yep, I will go with the above response too, you dont need him to remove the condition.

If you can prove he cheated on you and you had entered marriage in good faith you can get a waiver and that happens all the time.

You might not be able to just get him to take the DNA test - so I am not sure how that would work yet you can collect the material evidence like phone records, parents name on child record etc.

Maintain a record of everything happening like hunting trip and child birth that are coincidental.....

[Canadian in GA 34]

I am sorry you are going though this, and I hope its not true, my first reaction was why not just call the mother? she is your mother in law- tell her that you are concered where he is and hopefully if she is a decent person, she will let you know. but also think, why would the fathers cell also be off? maybe he was telling you the truth, I don't think his cell phone would be off if his grand baby was born, don't ya think?

please keep us posted. when is he due to return?