Is there any chance for us?

[ManilatoSeattle 6]

OMG.. I don't really have the answer ... But my hearts goes out to you and your child! I am really sorry to hear that your child is suffering like this . I am a mother too and I feel for you... Good luck to both of you!

[robertavegas 0]

OMG.. I don't really have the answer ... But my hearts goes out to you and your child! I am really sorry to hear that your child is suffering like this . I am a mother too and I feel for you... Good luck to both of you!

Thank you ManilatoSeattle. You can't imagine how I feel. He was just crying again and my heart went into milion pieces when he said that he doesn't belong here.

I feel for all the kids who had to leave their country for one reason or other. Now I know first hand what the kids and their families had to go through or are still going through.

[Szilvia74 3]

He feels he doesn't belong there because it is such a different environment, language, people etc. He will adjust eventually, you just need to wait it out.

[Casprd 167]

There is no option for you and really not an option for your son as it sounds like there are no US citizen family members for him to live with. Unfortunately these are the consequences that you both have to deal with now. It is going to be a long tough road but kids adapt. You just have to focus on being the parent for him. Good luck to you.

[Boiler 45,489]

Sounds like he is a Tri National, pretty impressive for 7.

He can live in any of the 3 countries.

But I presume until he is old enough then he is limited by the countries you can and are able to live in. The US is not one of them.

When he is 21 he can petition you, the ban will be over by then.

[T & N 0]

you hang in there. give your son positive reinforcement. i too am trying to learn the language, and let me tell you, its taking alot of practice. we will be praying for you

[Dana-Mića 51]

I think the whole thing about Macedonian schools learning in 2nd grade what we learn here in 1st grade is bs and I am sorry if that is offending you but i am pretty sure the system is the same as in Serbia and I know for a fact that when I came here and they put me in 6th grade what ever I learned here in 6th I had learned over there in 4th grade.

As for language he will learn it and fast as long as he knows that there is no other option for him right now. When I came to the US at the age of 11 and a half instead of putting me in 5th grade they put me into 6th (in january so i all ready missed half the year). By June of the same year I spoke english almost fluently. When you are home with him refuse to speak English at least for a little while and you will see the difference. Children adjust fast.

Edited May 4, 2011 by Dana-Mića

[DasBoot 7]

The OP didn't quite say that what kids learn in 2nd grade their is the same as what they learn in 1st grade here. Here statement was more straight forward than that...

Reading the OP I thought when she said that 2nd grade corresponds to 1st grade she just meant in that in terms of chronology. For example, a first grader in the US will be age 6 years old, is a 2nd grader there the same age? Or 1 year older?

[Boiler 45,489]

The OP didn't quite say that what kids learn in 2nd grade their is the same as what they learn in 1st grade here. Here statement was more straight forward than that...

Reading the OP I thought when she said that 2nd grade corresponds to 1st grade she just meant in that in terms of chronology. For example, a first grader in the US will be age 6 years old, is a 2nd grader there the same age? Or 1 year older?

More likely 1 year younger.

[bubpce 6]

Dear Roberta,

My heart breaks for you and for your child because you go through all this on your own, but since you are forced into this situation, you are dealing with it the best way you know how to, and you should be proud. Its not easy to leave your home country and then come back after some period of time and simply adjust again. Things change, people change, so it can be hard to adapt. You have to try and understand your child because in a short amount of time he lost his father, the country he knew as his home, all his friends .... and now he is stuck in a country where everything is different. And that is hard for a small person like him, its a lot to deal with even for a grown up.

But if you can make him start looking at all this as a new adventure, he will meet new friends here, and he will learn the language. Ask around, there are private schools who teach macedonian both for grown ups and for kids. And i dont think they cost much. Start from there, cause once he learn the language the barrier will be down and he will be able to communicate with other kids, and then im sure he will make new friends.

I dont know where you currently live in Macedonia, but im sure every city has a private school where they teach macedonian.

For comfort, i have a neighbor, she moved to the states few years ago, and she lived there for all that time, she never came to visit, but last summer she came back here and she is staying with her mom and dad, just right next to our house. And her boy is about 5-6 years and he also had problems adjusting to the new surrounding and it took him a couple of months, but if you see him now, he is the happiest little person :-) He is constantly with his grandparents, and they take him around to play in the parks, or with other kids in the street where we live. He didnt understand much of the macedonian we speak as well, but now, he is doing it great. He is still adjusting to the food as well but now he is coming around to the part where he prefer some things that are more typical here then in the states.

Start your first step by teaching him the language, you have to break down that barrier because it is the biggest one. Sent him to language school and im sure everything will be fine. If you work on getting back the states, fine, but until that one happens, focus on the present and make the best of it. To see your child hurt is one of the hardest things for a mother to face but you cant let it break you, you have to be strong both for yourself and your child.

Call the schools, you can find their numbers in this link

http://zk.com.mk/

in the search engine write приватни часови (јазични) and it will give you results

Lift up your head, everything is going to be fine, you will see

Best of luck :-)

[robertavegas 0]

I think the whole thing about Macedonian schools learning in 2nd grade what we learn here in 1st grade is bs and I am sorry if that is offending you but i am pretty sure the system is the same as in Serbia and I know for a fact that when I came here and they put me in 6th grade what ever I learned here in 6th I had learned over there in 4th grade.

As for language he will learn it and fast as long as he knows that there is no other option for him right now. When I came to the US at the age of 11 and a half instead of putting me in 5th grade they put me into 6th (in january so i all ready missed half the year). By June of the same year I spoke english almost fluently. When you are home with him refuse to speak English at least for a little while and you will see the difference. Children adjust fast.

I don't know about the school system in Serbia but I know about the school system in the States and in Macedonia. The elementary school in Macedonia is 9 years now. It used to be 8 years. They changed that few years ago. When I said that 2nd grade here is equivalent with 1st grade in the U.S. I ment exactly that - what the kids are learning in 1st grade in the States, they are learning the same thing here in 2nd grade.

Lets take math for eg. addition and subtruction up to 20 is learned in 1st grade in the U.S. and in 2nd grade in Macedonia.

Language - in the U.S. they start learning the letters in kindergarten and they are already spelling and learning how to read in 1st grade; in Macedonia they are learning the letters and how to read in 2nd grade.

I used to voluntier at my son's school for two years back in the U.S. so I know what they learn in each grade.

My son is 8 years old actually. He will be 9 by the end of the year.

[Harsh_77 718]

Hi canadian_wife. Thank you for reading my post. To answer some of your questions.

No, I am not married to a US citizen and I don't have a job in the US.

We have been back since mid November 2010, about 5 1/2 months. No, I haven't gotten a tutor for my son simply because I can't afford one. I am still looking for a job myself and the chances of finding a job are very slim in this bad economy. Even when I start working I won't be able to afford a tutor. The father is not paying child support. I have been tutoring him myself though. I have BA in Macedonian language. My tutoring is not working for him. His resistance is too big. He doesn't want to learn the language. His teachers in school have the same problem. If someone doesn't want to learn something, no matter what you do and how hard you try, there won't be any success. On the other hand, he doesn't have problem making friends. He has made a lot of friends in these few months. You would think, since he is communicating with kids his age, that he will learn the language faster. But, contrary, kids his age already speak some English and they communicate with him in English. So, that is not helping either.

He is still very young he will pick it up in a year or, I can tell you from my personal experience. A family friend of my decided they wanted to move back to India for good and they had children born and bought up here, his son was almost 10 yrs old when they moved back.

First six months he had hard time with local language and would be afraid of crowded places (yes India is croweded..lol) he was upset over losing his friends here in US, his school and everything.

Now they have been in India for little 2 years and he does not want to come back to US, he has made friends and picked up local languages he likes it there.

So you will have to give him some time your move was a shock for him, you have to give him time to come out of the shock and once he makes friends and to communicate with them he would pick up local language automatically.

[Boiler 45,489]

I would agree with the above, we nearly moved to the US when I was that age. My Parents decided not to and one of the reasons was the impact on my Brother and myself.

I am sure we would have adapted given time.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

My son is 8 years old actually. He will be 9 by the end of the year.

I know you feel bad for him, and HE knows you feel bad for him and I'm sorry to say this but because he knows this he's being a little brat. He's hoping that if he cries and whinges enough that you'll cave and take him back. Unfortunately kids know that sometimes parents lie so you saying "we can't" he probably doesn't believe you so he's just waiting for you to eventually give him what he wants. He's 8 so he's getting smart enough to know how to play you so he's giving it a good go. He's being coddled too much at school as well. Sometimes kids are scared and you just need to drop them in the deep end for them to realise it's not as bad as they convinced themselves it was.

In the event is he depressed he'll need to see a counsellor or something. If he knows the counsellor is a safe place where he can tell them what's going on with him he might be able to fully express how he feels. The counsellor usually won't tell you what he's said but he will tell you whether he's going to be okay, or whether you need to do anything more, or give you ideas for dealing with it. It's apparent that you too should see a counsellor to deal with this guilt.

I would speak to his school about not coddling him. About treating him emotionally like other students. He needs to stop being favoured or given special treatment (if he is) otherwise he's going to keep milking it. Kids misbehave in their own countries, my brother when he was little tried running away from home when all it was was a tantrum and he expected mum to stop him. Instead she let him pack his pillowcase and let him walk to the end of our driveway before he stopped and turned. She told him he was welcome at home but he still wasn't getting his way on whatever it was he wanted. So he came home. It was a guilt technique by him and it didn't work so he didn't try it again. He's finding that something about his misbehaviour is working for him so you need to stop letting him think that.

As for schooling, it's not really a pissing match, the US schooling is better than some countries and worse than others. If anything the fact he's "redoing" the year should work better in his favour given the language issues because he knows the work, he just needs to make more of an effort. Tell him he's going to be kept back a year in school because his marks are down. Then he'll need to make new friends in his new year because he's not trying. He'll throw a tantrum, tell you he IS trying but doesn't belong there BUT you need to not cave. Tell him you're sorry he feels that way but this is his home now and if he wants help with the school work to just ask. Then walk away. Don't show that you're upset because then he'll know he's winning. It sounds cold but that's how it's going to have to work. You're going to have to show him you care about HIM but that you won't accept his little tantrums and he won't get his way, there IS no going back to the US.

Are there any fun activities you can take him to in the area? Rewards you can think of? I get food sent from Australia so maybe you could organise someone to send you something that he's used to from the US and he gets that "reward" for improving his language skills, or getting better grades or something. Tell him it's expensive (it is for me for shipping costs) so you can't just hand it out whenever but that he needs to earn it. That's an idea anyway. Bribes work wonders.

His bread and butter food situation I understand. It was hard for me when I first got here but I'm slowly finding things that I like. Are you able to get the food from his school and try it as well? Or not tell him it's from school and at least get him to try it. It's taken me almost 2 years but I can tolerate the bread here a bit better and just yesterday I found something else that I liked to eat that I'd previously written off. Remind him of when he was little he didn't want to eat X but now he loves and misses it and it will be the same here eventually he's just got to TRY. You'll be surprised how character building this whole thing will be. Eventually you'll see changes, 5 months is short, even a year for me and I was still struggling and the language barrier wasn't that huge.