Feeling alone

[fragola86 1]

Hello,

I have been in the United States for four years and can't really find anyone to go out with or be friends with. I have been trying to get a job for a while but had no luck, being in a small town in Montana doesn't really help either. Anyone in the same situation? Is there anyone in Montana?

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; Hi!!!

You should go to www.meetup.org I'm a big fan of that website!! You can find groups in every interest (dancing/food/cultures/etc, etc, etc).

I joined some groups, and every now and then they organize meetings and it's a good way to socialize and make friends.

What about joining a dance class? Like Salsa, Zumba or anything like that?

Ummmm, a gym (group lessons) is also a great way to meet other people!!

Edited May 2, 2011 by Channah&Aaron

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; and what about being a volunteer?

I volunteer at the Animal Rescue Legue, since I can't work yet. So, it keeps me busy and I meet people.

Maybe becoming a volunteer for some kind of organization will do you any good?

Good luck

[Brit Abroad 166]

To meet people who are likely to become friends, you need to meet them while doing something that you enjoy. Having shared interests helps with new people, it gives you a conversation opener and you can build from there.

Think about the things you enjoy doing, that are important to you and see what organisations/clubs in your general area support them.

Finding long term close friends isn't easy, but most of the time it involves one of you being a little extrovert and making social advances to the other.

[fragola86 1]

To meet people who are likely to become friends, you need to meet them while doing something that you enjoy. Having shared interests helps with new people, it gives you a conversation opener and you can build from there.

Think about the things you enjoy doing, that are important to you and see what organisations/clubs in your general area support them.

Finding long term close friends isn't easy, but most of the time it involves one of you being a little extrovert and making social advances to the other.

I thought about looking into volunteering, but other than that I really feel like I will never be able to adjust to this small town. I really would like to move but it is not easy.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I thought about looking into volunteering, but other than that I really feel like I will never be able to adjust to this small town. I really would like to move but it is not easy.

I'm with you on the small town. According to Wiki there were under 400 resident in the 2000 census in my little town... main issue is a lot of people are older seniors (which is good 'cause it makes for a quiet town) or high school kids who I obviously have nothing in common with.

Tony grew up so he has friends in town and sometimes I go with him to his friends house and his friends mother and I chat with her and sometimes his friends little brother (21 years old) is there too. That's rare though. Normally I talk to people online. I did meet a girl on VJ who lives in the area but she's about an hour away so I can't exactly visit her all the time. But we chat online a bit.

It's incredibly hard to adjust. For some people it's a little bit harder than others. That's not something against you or anyone else who's struggling but usually those people had a stronger home base and the sudden lack of their large family/friends is scary and they notice the lack of them more keenly.

I'm sorry you're having trouble and after four years it's not like you haven't tried and if you're just not feeling it maybe a move might be the only thing that helps make you happy. How does your spouse feel about that?

[tallcoolone 102]

Hello,

I have been in the United States for four years and can't really find anyone to go out with or be friends with. I have been trying to get a job for a while but had no luck, being in a small town in Montana doesn't really help either. Anyone in the same situation? Is there anyone in Montana?

Moving to a small town in the USA has to be a major nightmare for anyone coming to the USA.

I grew up in the suburbs and had lots of things to do, I drive thru all these small towns and they are look like places people go when they get ready to die.

[fragola86 1]

I'm with you on the small town. According to Wiki there were under 400 resident in the 2000 census in my little town... main issue is a lot of people are older seniors (which is good 'cause it makes for a quiet town) or high school kids who I obviously have nothing in common with.

Tony grew up so he has friends in town and sometimes I go with him to his friends house and his friends mother and I chat with her and sometimes his friends little brother (21 years old) is there too. That's rare though. Normally I talk to people online. I did meet a girl on VJ who lives in the area but she's about an hour away so I can't exactly visit her all the time. But we chat online a bit.

It's incredibly hard to adjust. For some people it's a little bit harder than others. That's not something against you or anyone else who's struggling but usually those people had a stronger home base and the sudden lack of their large family/friends is scary and they notice the lack of them more keenly.

I'm sorry you're having trouble and after four years it's not like you haven't tried and if you're just not feeling it maybe a move might be the only thing that helps make you happy. How does your spouse feel about that?

My husband doesn't want to move right now...he got a job here less than a year ago. I think he is open to move in the future but won't be to a big city. He likes the outdoors. We often argue about this because he sees that I am not happy here so he thinks I do not appreciate him enough. I don't really know what to do to meet people, I don't work or got to school so it is not easy. I went out with his colleagues' wives a couple of times but that's about it. I go for walks, visit a couple stores, read and things like that but after a while it can get very depressing when you don't really see a purpose in your life. I have applied to many different jobs but nothing. In Europe, even when you live in a small town, you still have many things around you, good public transportation and everything, but here in the States everything is so far away and isolated. Argh!

[Brownie07 7]

; Hi!!!

You should go to www.meetup.org I'm a big fan of that website!! You can find groups in every interest (dancing/food/cultures/etc, etc, etc).

I joined some groups, and every now and then they organize meetings and it's a good way to socialize and make friends.

What about joining a dance class? Like Salsa, Zumba or anything like that?

Ummmm, a gym (group lessons) is also a great way to meet other people!!

meetup.com is great! and was a God-send when I moved in to New York. It can be little intimidating to step but its so worth it. All best

[2Complicated 0]

Moving to a small town in the USA has to be a major nightmare for anyone coming to the USA.

I grew up in the suburbs and had lots of things to do, I drive thru all these small towns and they are look like places people go when they get ready to die.

haaaahhahaha. That made me laugh so much. hahaha. But really I agree.

[In a tizzy 7]

I know how you feel.

I am born deaf and have been deaf all my life. I do not hear a word, I do not hear music, I do not hear ANYTHING.... Yet, I've managed. I feel more lonelier being in a room full of hearing people chatting away with each other than I do with JUST one person holding my hand and walking down the avenue or sitting under a tree having a picnic.

I've read the posts on this site. Volunteering, being involved really helps. I put myself out there everyday and just putting smiles on children's faces makes a huge difference in my quiet little world.

Do not give up. Go out and do good things... you'll be amazed.

DeafEmily

[jrmejia 31]

Join a kayak club. You don't need a kayak. You can rent it on the day of the trips. Very nice experience.

[jalie 3]

... but after a while it can get very depressing when you don't really see a purpose in your life.

I can relate and I'm sorry for you having difficulties but I admire your tenacity. Four years? Wow! I'm only 5 months and I am beginning to explode. The city where I am may not be as small as where you are but I am more limited in moving around than you are. I can't go for a run because my hubby is afraid I maybe abducted. I can't go for a walk nor walk to the store nearby because people will mistake me for a #######. My hubby sez people who walk in this neighborhood are either pimps or prostitutes. When he goes to work he locks me inside (doors and windows have iron bars) for fear that some serial killer may come and get me. Some people from the school where he teaches Martial Arts tried to invite us to socialize but he is very picky in choosing whom shall we say yes. I don't drive and when I say I'd want to go shopping with that person (whom he knows)he always say, "no". It's no use for me signing up to these various meet-up groups as he will have no time bringing me to those meetings. I signed up though. I want to do volunteer jobs too but who's gonna be my driver?

I hope that by reading my story at least you have something to compare with. You are not alone. Cheer up. At least you know that your hubby has prospect in moving.

[fragola86 1]

... but after a while it can get very depressing when you don't really see a purpose in your life.

I can relate and I'm sorry for you having difficulties but I admire your tenacity. Four years? Wow! I'm only 5 months and I am beginning to explode. The city where I am may not be as small as where you are but I am more limited in moving around than you are. I can't go for a run because my hubby is afraid I maybe abducted. I can't go for a walk nor walk to the store nearby because people will mistake me for a #######. My hubby sez people who walk in this neighborhood are either pimps or prostitutes. When he goes to work he locks me inside (doors and windows have iron bars) for fear that some serial killer may come and get me. Some people from the school where he teaches Martial Arts tried to invite us to socialize but he is very picky in choosing whom shall we say yes. I don't drive and when I say I'd want to go shopping with that person (whom he knows)he always say, "no". It's no use for me signing up to these various meet-up groups as he will have no time bringing me to those meetings. I signed up though. I want to do volunteer jobs too but who's gonna be my driver?

I hope that by reading my story at least you have something to compare with. You are not alone. Cheer up. At least you know that your hubby has prospect in moving.

I kind of feel better already JK Thanks for sharing your story. Are you Italian too? It seems like your situation has more to do with your husband's fears than with the place where you are. Don't they have buses there? When we were in a bigger city ( in a state I dindn't really like though) I used to go stores by bus and it was not bad at all. Is it not possible for you to move, if not to another state, at least to a safer neighborhood? So what do you do all day long? just sit at home?

[jalie 3]

I kind of feel better already JK Thanks for sharing your story. Are you Italian too? It seems like your situation has more to do with your husband's fears than with the place where you are. Don't they have buses there? When we were in a bigger city ( in a state I dindn't really like though) I used to go stores by bus and it was not bad at all. Is it not possible for you to move, if not to another state, at least to a safer neighborhood? So what do you do all day long? just sit at home?

You're welcome! I am a Filipina but I lived in Italy for 21 good years. Buses here do not exist and moving is not in our agenda. My husband locks me in when he goes out but I have my set of keys so I can do gardening, clean the garage apartment or do yard work. I tried to carry a gun once just to satisfy him but it's heavy and inconvenient so I just keep a machete within arms reach when I'm outside. I can't sit the whole day. I remember when I was still in Italy where I also work on week ends and even Sundays as long as I'm paid double. When I'm inside, I cook, make pasta for lasagna and cannelloni. Pasta in Texas is very expensive so I make use of my time by doing it myself. I brought my pasta maker with me from Italy. My daughter and husband love Italian food and I busy myself by perfecting Italian recipes and also exploring Tex-Mex cuisine.

My husband is over protective and I understand him but I have lived in the most notorious part of Rome and Milan and I am still alive, thank God.