am I cheap?

[Steve&Fe 13]

Just a thought..if you really think you love her and can trust her..I know a American private detective here that'll get you all the verifying info you need for less than the cost of her underwear..pm me if interested...

[xxxwabbiexxx 70]

********************************************************************the post about a princess made you think right???????

my fiance treats my like a princess by bringing me chocolate home from work or an ice-cream, or a starbucks or simply just giving me a huge hug and looking in my eyes and saying he loves me, (cheesy but true) when we have the money to go shopping he'll buy me a top or some jeans, WHEN WE CAN AFFORD IT. These things make me feel like a princess NOT spending thousands of dollars. It will only get worse once she's with you.

I've said it before on previous post so have over 100 other posts that you've obviously ignored, MAN UP, GROW A PAIR AND CHUCK HER!!!!

I think we should all just leave this post now because he's not listening to us, the answer is SO clear but he's trying to make up excuse for her, like parents do for naught, spoilt children. ***********************************************************************************

One question the OP could answer for me if he reads this - does anyone of your family or friends know about what shes like?? and if so what do they say??? *************************************************

[Katie & Trev 3]

I think everyone else has pretty much said what I was going to.

I suggest you run. Fast. Do everything you can to stop her coming to America to stop her taking advantage of you further, because she WILL. She sounds like she doesn't love you and just loves your money. Call the embassy and NVC and tell them you -refuse- to marry this woman, if she already has the visa in her hand. Don't marry her, then she can't stay and take advantage of you!!!

You're being taken advantage of, and emotionally blackmailed, and in the long run, she -will- destroy you financially, and probably mentally too!

I know it's gonna' be hard for you to read this, and what everyone else has said, but if so many people here at VJ can see it, it's obvious that alarm bells are ringing - and they should be for you too.

Good luck with everything. You are NOT cheap, you sound like a really good, nice guy, who is being taken advantage of. Keep us updated.

[jrmejia 31]

Hi Guys,

I know I should not be posting this personal information about my relationship with my fiancee but I am getting a bit worried. Let me give you some details about the situation so that you can understand me. Okay?

First of all I am not a rich guy. I have mortgage, car's payment, etc to pay. I am the only person generating income in my house, hint, I live alone. I always tell her, listen Mary, I am not a rich guy. I am just a regular guy who works to pay bills and save very little. She does not registered that. What part of "I am not rich she does not understand" ?

Back to the topic:

"SHE ALWAYS CALL ME CHEAP. ALWAYS."

Break down:

trip #1.

I bought a package that included hotel and plane tickets. So my package was paid before going to the phi. I took in cash to the Phil.($3,500 dollars for a week) just to spend. And we spent it all. I don't carry money there. I let her carry it.

Total cost for 1 week: about $5,600 including the package.

Trip two:

Same thing....same amount spent in cash in 1 week. We spent it all.

Total cost for 1 week: about $5,300 including the package.

In between:

She wanted latest Blackberry, dslr camera, new laptop, money to pay her rent, money to shop, money to eat out,, etc. We spent $600 dollars for her kid birthday in the phil about $1,200 dollars for her birthday,. I know it is not a lot for some of you but for me it is. If the kid needs to go to Jolibee, I send $100 or so for her kid to go to jolibee not often though. But every now and then.

Sometimes when I need to send budget for her niece, who is going to college, and by mistake by sending 500 to 900 extra, (because of conversation mis-calculations error) I tell her give that extra to your kid for an ice cream or so, she accepts it as if I am sending the kid a penny.

She went back to the Phil. and I am supposed to budget for it. The total amount came to be roughly 154,000 PHP. I sent 152,000 pesos. Guess what? she called me cheap. I know we agreed that I am supposed to send 154,000 but 2,000 less that is like 50 dollars. Guys the problem is when I use the conversation rate, I always screw up with that. Either extra or less.

*Do not forget all the visa fees, medical, and so forth for Mary and her kid"

If I add up the total amount it is about: $25,0000 - $30,000 dollars in less than a year.

Conclusion:

Each time she asks me to send her something, If I don't send the right amount she calls me cheap and that she thinks our relationship will not work because we already have budget problem.

I already told her I can not spend money at this rate. I really can not afford this any more . Jobs are so hard these days. I am working today but we don't know what tomorrow will bring. At this rate my saving will be gone soon . I left out many many more details about.

Am I cheap from what I explained? am I doing correct thing by letting her know I am not a rich guy? I think it was the right thing to do. Well, sometimes I do give her a hard time before I send but it is not because I am cheap. It is because I can hardly continue spending like this I am not shy to say it and I told her just like that.

She has her visa on her hands to come to USA. I am so nerveouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!

Comments are welcome.

TO OP

I re-read your post few times and I believe some people are making the wrong conclusion. Your question is "ARE YOU CHEAP" the answer is no.

Now let me elaborate a bit more. I have the impression that you are older than her. Am I correct?

If your answer is yes my advice is, keep doing what you are doing but lessen the amount you are spending on her. I am not saying you should buy the world to her but at least give her some fun. Some of those girls need the attention you are giving her. I really really do not see anything wrong by treating her nice. (My opinion)

Keep telling her that you are not rich, if in the future she complains that you are no buying her gifts any more just tell her, listen Mary (that is her name right?), I kept on telling you that I was not rich but you never believed me. Now if you think she gets VERY moody and for one reason or another you really like her or really want to keep her? Do this, tell her you will find a second job just for her shopping. (I met a guy doing that. So do not be shy about it) Who knows maybe that will make her even happier because she will understand you really care for her and really want to make her as happy as you can.

TO REST

Guys, the guy came here asking if he is cheap or not, why do you need to make wrong assumption about that girl? Okay, there are some girls out there who do not like accepting gifts from guys. I applaud them and actually most guys like those girls.

Now on the other side of the coin, there are some very decent girls who are just them. They like to be glamorous and feel like they are little princess. Those like to be treated such. They like guys who are very tentative either with material things, love, respect, and so on.

---------

I just disagree with you guys heavily. You guys always jumping into conclusion. From my reading, you always look the dirty side. (I am saying that with respect, don't get offended please)

Back to the OP

Enjoy your princess dude or sir (depending on your age), they can be as fun as they can be.

My 2 cents.

[Steve&Fe 13]

TO OP

I re-read your post few times and I believe some people are making the wrong conclusion. Your question is "ARE YOU CHEAP" the answer is no.

Now let me elaborate a bit more. I have the impression that you are older than her. Am I correct?

If your answer is yes my advice is, keep doing what you are doing but lessen the amount you are spending on her. I am not saying you should buy the world to her but at least give her some fun. Some of those girls need the attention you are giving her. I really really do not see anything wrong by treating her nice. (My opinion)

Keep telling her that you are not rich, if in the future she complains that you are no buying her gifts any more just tell her, listen Mary (that is her name right?), I kept on telling you that I was not rich but you never believed me. Now if you think she gets VERY moody and for one reason or another you really like her or really want to keep her? Do this, tell her you will find a second job just for her shopping. (I met a guy doing that. So do not be shy about it) Who knows maybe that will make her even happier because she will understand you really care for her and really want to make her as happy as you can.

TO REST

Guys, the guy came here asking if he is cheap or not, why do you need to make wrong assumption about that girl? Okay, there are some girls out there who do not like accepting gifts from guys. I applaud them and actually most guys like those girls.

Now on the other side of the coin, there are some very decent girls who are just them. They like to be glamorous and feel like they are little princess. Those like to be treated such. They like guys who are very tentative either with material things, love, respect, and so on.

---------

I just disagree with you guys heavily. You guys always jumping into conclusion. From my reading, you always look the dirty side. (I am saying that with respect, don't get offended please)

Back to the OP

Enjoy your princess dude or sir (depending on your age), they can be as fun as they can be.

My 2 cents.

First off DUDE..most of the replies here are from Filipinas and I'm sure don't appreciate being called "guys"

Second off...What makes you think the guy is older and what does it matter? Are you implying 'the only reason a younger filipina would marry an older American is for his money???'

[jrmejia 31]

First off DUDE..most of the replies here are from Filipinas and I'm sure don't appreciate being called "guys"

Second off...What makes you think the guy is older and what does it matter? Are you implying 'the only reason a younger filipina would marry an older American is for his money???'

Again, you got it all wrong. I did not mean to offend any one and I apologize for using the word "guys". Guys is a general term that can be used for a group of people. (In school, teachers call the group of kids /boys/girls = guys)

You did not read my statement correctly. You are jumping into an attack mode. I let you go! I am not into that.

Take care.

Edited May 2, 2011 by jrmejia

[tallcoolone 102]

[Fandango 1,439]

No, I was referring to his defense against her actions. It's a syndrome where you take the side of the erring person and defend them. But I'm well aware of that lambing and tampo. I do that sometimes :rofl:

No, it's not stockholm syndrome, it's loneliness.

[angel7407 33]

TO OP

I re-read your post few times and I believe some people are making the wrong conclusion. Your question is "ARE YOU CHEAP" the answer is no.

Now let me elaborate a bit more. I have the impression that you are older than her. Am I correct?

If your answer is yes my advice is, keep doing what you are doing but lessen the amount you are spending on her. I am not saying you should buy the world to her but at least give her some fun. Some of those girls need the attention you are giving her. I really really do not see anything wrong by treating her nice. (My opinion)

Keep telling her that you are not rich, if in the future she complains that you are no buying her gifts any more just tell her, listen Mary (that is her name right?), I kept on telling you that I was not rich but you never believed me. Now if you think she gets VERY moody and for one reason or another you really like her or really want to keep her? Do this, tell her you will find a second job just for her shopping. (I met a guy doing that. So do not be shy about it) Who knows maybe that will make her even happier because she will understand you really care for her and really want to make her as happy as you can.

Poor you and very poor advice. A friend of mine married a Filipina that spends $4000-$5000 every month while she was still in PI. She always promise her that she will change, she will not spend money anymore, etc etc. She came here in the US, guess what??? She alone is spending $4000-$5000 every month and is always demanding money from the guy to send money home(take note: BIG AMOUNTS!) There goes the line: my brother needs this, my sister's baby needs that, my parents will have those, my other sister will need blah blah blah... never ending money money money. Forced(I may say MANIPULATED) the guy to buy her a very expensive watch(R...x for $4000...hehehe). Then all of a sudden went to an exPensive store and just bought a $2000 necklace! Not only that, will just withdraw money from their account(like 3K and if asked, oh, I needed to pay something...and this happened 3 times...just withdrew and the guy knew after.) In relation to your post, the guy has two very high paying jobs. But guess what???? He feels like a robot working sooooooo hard just to keep up with her spending and the money for Philippines. Too bad because he is like the OP, always makes excuses for her actions and always give her chances...and she always promise to not do it again. It's been almost 5 years since they married, PI and US situation is still the same. Poor, poor guy... Now he is complaining that he is overused, he feels sooooo tired having to work 80+ hours a week, and is sooooo confused. All the wife does is shop everyday...isn't it great???? And the most funny thing? He spent all those money while she was still in PI, but he did not even receive any card or gifts in the mail from her. When she was here, she spent all those money too, but never thoughtful during special occasions. So, where the money went? Well, just for her and her family back home. That is just the tip of the iceberg of their story. A lot of things going on, but poor guy he cannot let her go. He is suffering in so many ways emotionally, but he's too weak and has a very low self-esteem, same reasons: I wanted to make her happy. Here is the clue: TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!

To you Sir, your opinion is way out there. Instead of saving a person from more damage and stress, instead of saving a person from much more manipulation happening, you asked him to do it more??? And even asked him to get another job just to satisfy her whims??? Do you think it will not end up that this guy will not become a milking cow? Not only that, what will happen to this guy's personality? He will allow somebody to abuse or manipulate him in any way? So, tell me is that a good way to teach a person (to the OP and from the OP to the fiancée) to grow up and be mature? To work together for the benefit of their relationship? Not work as a job I mean, but to make the relationship out of any abuse form. If I have to ask a question, why is the guy writing that they are coming to US and he is so nervous? And take note, it's not only one "u" in nervous word that he put, but a looooooooot, meaning the feeling is very intense and he is very scared. Because what the woman is doing is very ok with this guy, then he will not write here and would not write that way. There are people who will just really allow somebody to "use" them emotionally, psychologically, mentally and especially financially.

TO REST

Guys, the guy came here asking if he is cheap or not, why do you need to make wrong assumption about that girl? Okay, there are some girls out there who do not like accepting gifts from guys. I applaud them and actually most guys like those girls.

Now on the other side of the coin, there are some very decent girls who are just them. They like to be glamorous and feel like they are little princess. Those like to be treated such. They like guys who are very tentative either with material things, love, respect, and so on.

---------

I just disagree with you guys heavily. You guys always jumping into conclusion. From my reading, you always look the dirty side. (I am saying that with respect, don't get offended please)

Back to the OP

Enjoy your princess dude or sir (depending on your age), they can be as fun as they can be.

My 2 cents.

[angel7407 33]

TO OP

I re-read your post few times and I believe some people are making the wrong conclusion. Your question is "ARE YOU CHEAP" the answer is no.

Now let me elaborate a bit more. I have the impression that you are older than her. Am I correct?

If your answer is yes my advice is, keep doing what you are doing but lessen the amount you are spending on her. I am not saying you should buy the world to her but at least give her some fun. Some of those girls need the attention you are giving her. I really really do not see anything wrong by treating her nice. (My opinion)

Keep telling her that you are not rich, if in the future she complains that you are no buying her gifts any more just tell her, listen Mary (that is her name right?), I kept on telling you that I was not rich but you never believed me. Now if you think she gets VERY moody and for one reason or another you really like her or really want to keep her? Do this, tell her you will find a second job just for her shopping. (I met a guy doing that. So do not be shy about it) Who knows maybe that will make her even happier because she will understand you really care for her and really want to make her as happy as you can.

Poor you and very poor advice. A friend of mine married a Filipina that spends $4000-$5000 every month while she was still in PI. She always promise her that she will change, she will not spend money anymore, etc etc. She came here in the US, guess what??? She alone is spending $4000-$5000 every month and is always demanding money from the guy to send money home(take note: BIG AMOUNTS!) There goes the line: my brother needs this, my sister's baby needs that, my parents will have those, my other sister will need blah blah blah... never ending money money money. Forced(I may say MANIPULATED) the guy to buy her a very expensive watch(R...x for $4000...hehehe). Then all of a sudden went to an exPensive store and just bought a $2000 necklace! Not only that, will just withdraw money from their account(like 3K and if asked, oh, I needed to pay something...and this happened 3 times...just withdrew and the guy knew after.) In relation to your post, the guy has two very high paying jobs. But guess what???? He feels like a robot working sooooooo hard just to keep up with her spending and the money for Philippines. Too bad because he is like the OP, always makes excuses for her actions and always give her chances...and she always promise to not do it again. It's been almost 5 years since they married, PI and US situation is still the same. Poor, poor guy... Now he is complaining that he is overused, he feels sooooo tired having to work 80+ hours a week, and is sooooo confused. All the wife does is shop everyday...isn't it great???? And the most funny thing? He spent all those money while she was still in PI, but he did not even receive any card or gifts in the mail from her. When she was here, she spent all those money too, but never thoughtful during special occasions. So, where the money went? Well, just for her and her family back home. That is just the tip of the iceberg of their story. A lot of things going on, but poor guy he cannot let her go. He is suffering in so many ways emotionally, but he's too weak and has a very low self-esteem, same reasons: I wanted to make her happy. Here is the clue: TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!

To you Sir, your opinion is way out there. Instead of saving a person from more damage and stress, instead of saving a person from much more manipulation happening, you asked him to do it more??? And even asked him to get another job just to satisfy her whims??? Do you think it will not end up that this guy will not become a milking cow? Not only that, what will happen to this guy's personality? He will allow somebody to abuse or manipulate him in any way? So, tell me is that a good way to teach a person (to the OP and from the OP to the fiancée) to grow up and be mature? To work together for the benefit of their relationship? Not work as a job I mean, but to make the relationship out of any abuse form. If I have to ask a question, why is the guy writing that they are coming to US and he is so nervous? And take note, it's not only one "u" in nervous word that he put, but a looooooooot, meaning the feeling is very intense and he is very scared. Because what the woman is doing is very ok with this guy, then he will not write here and would not write that way. There are people who will just really allow somebody to "use" them emotionally, psychologically, mentally and especially financially.

TO REST

Guys, the guy came here asking if he is cheap or not, why do you need to make wrong assumption about that girl? Okay, there are some girls out there who do not like accepting gifts from guys. I applaud them and actually most guys like those girls.

Now on the other side of the coin, there are some very decent girls who are just them. They like to be glamorous and feel like they are little princess. Those like to be treated such. They like guys who are very tentative either with material things, love, respect, and so on.

---------

I just disagree with you guys heavily. You guys always jumping into conclusion. From my reading, you always look the dirty side. (I am saying that with respect, don't get offended please)

Back to the OP

Enjoy your princess dude or sir (depending on your age), they can be as fun as they can be.

My 2 cents.

By the way, he is not treating her like a princess. He is tolerating her of her abusive ways. He is not teaching her lessons in life. In the end, he will be the one who will feel overused and taken advantage of. It is okay to give money and shower a woman with gifts, but when she never be satisfied even if he already give big amounts, then that is where the problem is.

[angel7407 33]

Poor you and very poor advice. A friend of mine married a Filipina that spends $4000-$5000 every month while she was still in PI. She always promise her that she will change, she will not spend money anymore, etc etc. She came here in the US, guess what??? She alone is spending $4000-$5000 every month and is always demanding money from the guy to send money home(take note: BIG AMOUNTS!) There goes the line: my brother needs this, my sister's baby needs that, my parents will have those, my other sister will need blah blah blah... never ending money money money. Forced(I may say MANIPULATED) the guy to buy her a very expensive watch(R...x for $4000...hehehe). Then all of a sudden went to an exPensive store and just bought a $2000 necklace! Not only that, will just withdraw money from their account(like 3K and if asked, oh, I needed to pay something...and this happened 3 times...just withdrew and the guy knew after.) In relation to your post, the guy has two very high paying jobs. But guess what???? He feels like a robot working sooooooo hard just to keep up with her spending and the money for Philippines. Too bad because he is like the OP, always makes excuses for her actions and always give her chances...and she always promise to not do it again. It's been almost 5 years since they married, PI and US situation is still the same. Poor, poor guy... Now he is complaining that he is overused, he feels sooooo tired having to work 80+ hours a week, and is sooooo confused. All the wife does is shop everyday...isn't it great???? And the most funny thing? He spent all those money while she was still in PI, but he did not even receive any card or gifts in the mail from her. When she was here, she spent all those money too, but never thoughtful during special occasions. So, where the money went? Well, just for her and her family back home. That is just the tip of the iceberg of their story. A lot of things going on, but poor guy he cannot let her go. He is suffering in so many ways emotionally, but he's too weak and has a very low self-esteem, same reasons: I wanted to make her happy. Here is the clue: TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!

To you Sir, your opinion is way out there. Instead of saving a person from more damage and stress, instead of saving a person from much more manipulation happening, you asked him to do it more??? And even asked him to get another job just to satisfy her whims??? Do you think it will not end up that this guy will not become a milking cow? Not only that, what will happen to this guy's personality? He will allow somebody to abuse or manipulate him in any way? So, tell me is that a good way to teach a person (to the OP and from the OP to the fiancée) to grow up and be mature? To work together for the benefit of their relationship? Not work as a job I mean, but to make the relationship out of any abuse form. If I have to ask a question, why is the guy writing that they are coming to US and he is so nervous? And take note, it's not only one "u" in nervous word that he put, but a looooooooot, meaning the feeling is very intense and he is very scared. Because what the woman is doing is very ok with this guy, then he will not write here and would not write that way. There are people who will just really allow somebody to "use" them emotionally, psychologically, mentally and especially financially.

THIS IS MY REPLY TO jrmeia's post. IT'S MESSED UP BECAUSE IM USING MY PHONE TO REPLY.

[Tim/Mav 305]

Wow, this post Scared the Shee_____et out me. I think now I'll ask Mav for a Monthly Allowance of $6.00.

The OP is to much In Love to any sense into him and thats the way it is.

Wish you good luck my man.

[John&Juvy 36]

Too Bad your not like Me, I am full of Confidence, I am very Good Looking and Woman find me irrestable..........

Woman Want Me and Men Want to be like Me

It's Good to be the King Of Philippines

LOL. Now you are the one that is joking right..... ?

[Purple Turtle 17]

Sorry but I have to totally disagree on this one.

If the OP did not want us to make any assumptions or conclusions about his girl, then I suggest he lessens shared information and just give, oh I don't know, a tamer situation? Not something that will make us feel like he's a fish nibbling on a bait casted by the girl. Given the situation, we extremely FELT bad for him. Just because he asked us if he's cheap or not doesn't mean we'll answer it with a Yes or No. Again, with the sitch that he gave, of course we'll give an advice/answer and back it up with the obvious reason why. If he's the type who's just waiting for someone to tell him what he just want to hear, then this isn't the perfect place for that, I'm afraid.

What is up with that 2nd job thing too? He's going to break his back just to fulfill her shopping appetite? Redonkulous!

TO OP

I re-read your post few times and I believe some people are making the wrong conclusion. Your question is "ARE YOU CHEAP" the answer is no.

Now let me elaborate a bit more. I have the impression that you are older than her. Am I correct?

If your answer is yes my advice is, keep doing what you are doing but lessen the amount you are spending on her. I am not saying you should buy the world to her but at least give her some fun. Some of those girls need the attention you are giving her. I really really do not see anything wrong by treating her nice. (My opinion)

Keep telling her that you are not rich, if in the future she complains that you are no buying her gifts any more just tell her, listen Mary (that is her name right?), I kept on telling you that I was not rich but you never believed me. Now if you think she gets VERY moody and for one reason or another you really like her or really want to keep her? Do this, tell her you will find a second job just for her shopping. (I met a guy doing that. So do not be shy about it) Who knows maybe that will make her even happier because she will understand you really care for her and really want to make her as happy as you can.

TO REST

Guys, the guy came here asking if he is cheap or not, why do you need to make wrong assumption about that girl? Okay, there are some girls out there who do not like accepting gifts from guys. I applaud them and actually most guys like those girls.

Now on the other side of the coin, there are some very decent girls who are just them. They like to be glamorous and feel like they are little princess. Those like to be treated such. They like guys who are very tentative either with material things, love, respect, and so on.

---------

I just disagree with you guys heavily. You guys always jumping into conclusion. From my reading, you always look the dirty side. (I am saying that with respect, don't get offended please)

Back to the OP

Enjoy your princess dude or sir (depending on your age), they can be as fun as they can be.

My 2 cents.

[sunandmoon 450]

which has us shaking our heads more in disbelief, the situation the OP is in or one piece of advice given to the OP...