am I cheap?

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

Hi Guys,

I know I should not be posting this personal information about my relationship with my fiancee but I am getting a bit worried. Let me give you some details about the situation so that you can understand me. Okay?

First of all I am not a rich guy. I have mortgage, car's payment, etc to pay. I am the only person generating income in my house, hint, I live alone. I always tell her, listen Mary, I am not a rich guy. I am just a regular guy who works to pay bills and save very little. She does not registered that. What part of "I am not rich she does not understand" ?

Back to the topic:

"SHE ALWAYS CALL ME CHEAP. ALWAYS."

Break down:

trip #1.

I bought a package that included hotel and plane tickets. So my package was paid before going to the phi. I took in cash to the Phil.($3,500 dollars for a week) just to spend. And we spent it all. I don't carry money there. I let her carry it.

Total cost for 1 week: about $5,600 including the package.

Trip two:

Same thing....same amount spent in cash in 1 week. We spent it all.

Total cost for 1 week: about $5,300 including the package.

In between:

She wanted latest Blackberry, dslr camera, new laptop, money to pay her rent, money to shop, money to eat out,, etc. We spent $600 dollars for her kid birthday in the phil about $1,200 dollars for her birthday,. I know it is not a lot for some of you but for me it is. If the kid needs to go to Jolibee, I send $100 or so for her kid to go to jolibee not often though. But every now and then.

Sometimes when I need to send budget for her niece, who is going to college, and by mistake by sending 500 to 900 extra, (because of conversation mis-calculations error) I tell her give that extra to your kid for an ice cream or so, she accepts it as if I am sending the kid a penny.

She went back to the Phil. and I am supposed to budget for it. The total amount came to be roughly 154,000 PHP. I sent 152,000 pesos. Guess what? she called me cheap. I know we agreed that I am supposed to send 154,000 but 2,000 less that is like 50 dollars. Guys the problem is when I use the conversation rate, I always screw up with that. Either extra or less.

*Do not forget all the visa fees, medical, and so forth for Mary and her kid"

If I add up the total amount it is about: $25,0000 - $30,000 dollars in less than a year.

Conclusion:

Each time she asks me to send her something, If I don't send the right amount she calls me cheap and that she thinks our relationship will not work because we already have budget problem.

I already told her I can not spend money at this rate. I really can not afford this any more . Jobs are so hard these days. I am working today but we don't know what tomorrow will bring. At this rate my saving will be gone soon . I left out many many more details about.

Am I cheap from what I explained? am I doing correct thing by letting her know I am not a rich guy? I think it was the right thing to do. Well, sometimes I do give her a hard time before I send but it is not because I am cheap. It is because I can hardly continue spending like this I am not shy to say it and I told her just like that.

She has her visa on her hands to come to USA. I am so nerveouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!

Comments are welcome.

This made me sad.

Why are you asking other people if you are cheap?

You obviously consider yourself to be cheap because you are buying a relationship with this woman.

What makes you think you aren't worth more than that?

[Mal and Meg 12]

Yeah i aggree with the above comment!

Id have a good think about it before she comes as you are going to need a fortune!

Disconnect your internet for a while and avoid her she is just using you!

She will get to America and bleed you dry of every penny you have and then leave

you once she has all she can get and then find some other sucker to be with!

[grumpymcdorky18 7]

wow that's superb spending of money! I think you need to get rid of her coz she's a gold digger and sorry to say it seems that she's wanna marry your money. I feel bad for her coz shes' one of the girls that gives Filipino a very bad reputation when it comes to money. Let me tell you a story that can enlighten you a bit.

My bf has the same situation as yours he works in a hotel and most of the time he's lucky to have a good tip. Most of the time his paycheck goes to bill and he only saves a few money. He kindda lives alone coz his brother doesn't give him money for the rent so mortgage, student loans, bills, insurances....it's all on his shoulder. I'm also from Philippines and I first went to US to visit my bf it's actually my own expense, not a single penny from him on my ticket coz I don't want him to think I'm taking ADVANTAGE of him (coz that's what some Americans think about Filipinos). I lived at his house and sometimes split the grocery with him....I'm not rich but I tried my best to save up some money for my trip. Then after me going home here in the Philippines, he went here to come visit me and meet my folks. I helped him find a good deal for like $1100 for the ticket and he stayed in our house. I know how tough his situation is with all his payable so I'm trying to be flexible with it. It's quite hard on my part since in our culture it should be the guy paying for it. So for his one-month trip here approximately we spent like $1000 and was able to go to 3 beaches including Boracay. For the Jollibee for her kid, man I tell you that's way too much! Jollibee only cost like a dollar and maximum of 4 bucks, $100 is probably like for a whole month of Jollibee if it's not that often. For her birthday $1,200 wow that's like two-way cost of ticket should've just booked a flight for her.

You're not cheap you're actually a generous person and I think she doesn't nor anybody has the right to call you that it's an insult. Sorry to tell you but I hate these kind of people coz for me if you wanna buy/have something you should work for it. Giving her a gift once in a while is okay but making you as her bank is not good.

I think that if she'll be coming there soon you just need to show her that you're tightening your belt with expenses, tell her how broke you've been coz of her luxuriousness. I'm not sure if she's working though coz the way I see it she's not. And I think it's also not your responsibility to send money to her family like her niece, she can make lame excuses just to dig out some money from you. I don't know buddy the decision will still be up to you if you still wanna be with her. You're not even together yet but you're already having financial problems with her what more in the future....something to think about.

[Peanuts 1]

Whats her job before you met her? I think you've been spoiling her thats why she become greedy. and its you're fault.

And sending money for her niece's tution? thats a no no no.

[xxxwabbiexxx 70]

What the ****!!!! who does this 'lady' think she is?????????????????????? I don't care where she's from, how she lives or anything you NEVER EVER ask for money from someone who isn't your family!!! I never ask my fiance for money, I've saved my own money and set aside monthy allowances until I get to the US and get a job!!!!! She's obviously one of these women who think that just because you're America, you're loaded, she needs to enter the real world, with a big hard bang!!!

Who paid her rent before you????? and why in Gods name are you paying for her kids birthday and sending money for her niece???????? Her niece is NOTHING to do with you!!!

You sound like a really, really nice guy but you have been mugged bit time!!!!!!!!!! For her to call you cheap after spending what you have is a joke!!! I'm going to say it she is an A+ B**CH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get rid now while you can! I think from everyone's reaction you know the right thing to do for youself, she will take every penny from you!!! What do your family think of her???? If you were my son, I would have shook some sense into you a long time ago!!!

Good Luck and God bless you!!!!!!!

[jameugiekaxavilon 25]

This is only my opinion as a woman, send her nothing! See her reaction, if she has a hard time with it then you know she's not worth it. Love comes from the heart, not the wallet.

[queenofharts 1]

I did not send that much. That is the total including the 2 trips plus the amount we have spent so far. But we have a good time when I visit her.

I was there for a month a i spent less then you did in a week. Rule number one if she asks you for money all they time not a good sign. My fiancee is coming here in 3 days and comes from a very poor family i help out with bills but she has never asked me for money i have always given. She is hardworking and hates that we have to help her family. I dont know man this girl doesnt seem like she cares about you but just about your money BE CAREFUL

[mamy81 4]

As a woman, i am sorry to say that this is unacceptable behaviour from your fiancee....looks like she wants you for the money.

[ThomKimQC 14]

I would suggest you reconsider your options because just by you posting this topic on VJ tells me you are not comfortable with the current state your relationship is in. Let's face it many of us have sent money to our ladies for extra support from time to time but like Tallcoolone said, nice ladies from Phils are way too shy to ask for money from you. My Kim never has once asked me for money let alone call me CHEAP. I do what I can for her so she is able to relax and not have to worry so much about finances. You have spent quite a small fortune already on your 2 trips to Phils and there is no way I spend $3500USD in one week!!!!!

[confusedasheck 21]

I assume she has a finace visa. I suggest that you don't marry her when she comes to the US. If you haven't bought her plane ticket, then don't buy one (or cancel it). File a motion to withdraw the petition and never speak to her again.

[Purple Turtle 17]

Gawd. She's the type of Filipina who gives the rest of us honest to goodness Filipina a very bad name.

Don't wait for her to break your bank and leave you spiraling down to total bankruptcy. Reading your post, it's like she's in a relationship with your bank account and your wallet.

[B_J 2,752]

First, let's review our vocabulary.

1. If you are giving somebody money or buying them things then you are "generous" not "cheap". You are very generous.

2. If somebody does not appreciate your generosity then they are "selfish" and "greedy". Is this who you want to be with?

Whether the girl from the Philippines is college educated, has kids, or is poor is irrelevant. Selfish and greedy can come from anywhere. Those are the people you should avoid.

And somebody said that good girls from the Philippines do not ask for money. That is very true. When my fiance and her family have a financial problem, it is incredibly difficult to get them to tell me about it and to find out how much would help them. I always get the same answer "don't worry, we'll be okay." You are simply being used for your money. What is going to happen when you run out?

If I were you, I'd be very very worried. She already has her visa in hand? There are plenty of women in the Philippines, and in other countries, who just want a loving relationship and don't care about money and appreciate generosity. You have a very serious problem.

And by the way, did you say you sent $100 for her and her kid to go to Jollibee? Really? That's insane.

You need to really think about what your future is going to be like. If things don't change, you need to run from this as fast as you can.

Best of luck.

[Purple Turtle 17]

Agreed 100 percent.

I re-read your post and can only conclude that she's manipulative. She likes to pull the guilt-trip card on you because she knows you'll feel bad about it afterwards. My sister's ex ALWAYS borrowed from her and if she wasn't able to lend him money, he'd throw a male version of a b***h fit and make her feel so bad. As a result, she acquired tons of debts that wasn't even her purchases. In the end, she was able to break free from this very, VERY toxic relationship and threw him back at the fricken curb where he belongs. It was a hard lesson, seriously, and hopefully you see the light and find someone who's not a gold digger.

First, let's review our vocabulary.

1. If you are giving somebody money or buying them things then you are "generous" not "cheap". You are very generous.

2. If somebody does not appreciate your generosity then they are "selfish" and "greedy". Is this who you want to be with?

Whether the girl from the Philippines is college educated, has kids, or is poor is irrelevant. Selfish and greedy can come from anywhere. Those are the people you should avoid.

And somebody said that good girls from the Philippines do not ask for money. That is very true. When my fiance and her family have a financial problem, it is incredibly difficult to get them to tell me about it and to find out how much would help them. I always get the same answer "don't worry, we'll be okay." You are simply being used for your money. What is going to happen when you run out?

If I were you, I'd be very very worried. She already has her visa in hand? There are plenty of women in the Philippines, and in other countries, who just want a loving relationship and don't care about money and appreciate generosity. You have a very serious problem.

And by the way, did you say you sent $100 for her and her kid to go to Jollibee? Really? That's insane.

You need to really think about what your future is going to be like. If things don't change, you need to run from this as fast as you can.

Best of luck.

[Richie Rich 70]

Just my two cents here -She seems to be using you as her ''Sugar Daddy''. Sorry to say , but I think she is playing you and taking you for a ride . Consider your options before she gets here . I know you know you love her, but I do not think that she loves you .As many said before , many decent pinay girls are shy to ask for money . Maybe she is ''americanised '' already before hitting the shores . I literally have to beg my fiancee to accept gifts and money from me ( she is college educated and have a good job) .You have your plate full already and your work cut out for you . All is not lost -think before you leap .Good luck .

[Mike's Lucy 14]

I don't think you're cheap. You are blinded or playing s_ _ _ _ d! How can you not know she is using you???? geee!!!