Cooking and difference in tastes

[Peikko 1,575]

Hello VJ community!

Here I am, back again, with a post that speaks of the challenge of adjusting to living a life together.

My Dominican fiance entered the US a little over a month ago. We are planning to marry next month (May 16, 2011!). Yet, there is a problem. Our tastes in food are SO VERY DIFFERENT!

I am a native of Mexico and, as such, some SPICE is natural, indeed, expected in cooking. Having said this, I have often said that "I am a shame of a Mexican" because compared to most other Mexicans I eat VERY little spice. So, I add a little spice to my food as I am cooking. I like to make a fish soup with some ground chili pepper garlic oil (actually a Thai product) and my fiance can hardly stand it. He likes the flavor of my soup, but really dislikes its hotness. One time, trying to be nicer, I used a really small amount of this ground chili pepper. To me, the soup was quite tasteless because I missed the hotness. For him, it was still too spicy...

Another problem with our cooking is the very different ways in which we make rice. As a Dominican, my fiance LOVES his rice and expects to eat it daily. In his own words, "Si no como arroz, siento que no he comido!" (If I don't eat rice, I feel as though I have not eaten!). However, I like to make my rice by using chopped garlic and onion, sauteeing it a bit first with olive oil before adding the rice... At a minimum. Sometimes, I also like to use a tomato base broth to cook my rice so that I have the tomato flavor in the rice. My fiance, on the other hand, makes a rice that is very pretty; fluffy and whole, yet tasteless! He does not add anything but oil and salt! No garlic! Onion! Tomato paste! Nothing!

I wonder if other couples have had problems adjusting to each other's cooking and tastes. I am looking for advice on this issue. Yes, I have cooked two different fish soup pots (one for him, one for me), but cooking two different things for just two people is also more difficult and time consuming...

Thank you for your advice and I look forward to a delicious discussion!

You could try cooking foods that are unfamiliar to both of you see if there are 'foreign' foods that you both like. Another way would be to make sauces separately to the rice for example and add it to your rice at the table. As with everything, it has to be a compromise, and because you both cook, that should be entirely possible to achieve.

[Nina~ 431]

You could try cooking foods that are unfamiliar to both of you see if there are 'foreign' foods that you both like. Another way would be to make sauces separately to the rice for example and add it to your rice at the table. As with everything, it has to be a compromise, and because you both cook, that should be entirely possible to achieve.

+1

Great advice. My BIL and FIL can not stand spicy food, on the other hand my MIL and husband love their food spicy. So my MIL always splits the food when she is done cooking and adds the chili to one half of it. She also keeps a batch of spicy salsa that she adds on her food. Siracha also comes in handy if you want your food more spicy.

You and your husband will sooner or later learn to compromise when it comes to food. Just give it some time.

When I first got married, I learned to cook my husband's favorite dishes from my MIL. I later experimented with different spices and modified her recipies to my taste. It worked out well for us because we both enjoy spicy food. However, we do have to compromise on other areas. My husband is a beef and potatos kinda guy.. whereas I grew up eating mostly seafood and very little beef. One weekend, we would grill some steaks and I would valiantly try to finish mine.. And the next weekend, my husband would stuggle through a batch of crawfish just to make me happy. There are things that he wont touch, like fish head, or crab, clams, and I dont force him either because I realize that seafood is an acquired taste. So we do compromise, but at the same time we each have our own likes and dislikes.

Also, my husband hates eating leftovers. He likes all his meals cooked fresh everyday. I quickly put an end to that because it is just not possible to cook every meal from scratch when we both work 8-10 hours a day. We did do take outs for a while, but he soon realized that he likes my cooking way better and is much healtier too.

[TBoneTX 45,536]

Two immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat. As they discuss their expectations of American culture, one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," his companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we should do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the first immigrant points to a hot-dog vendor, and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," he says. The vendor, only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."

One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, he turns to his friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Edited April 25, 2011 by TBoneTX

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Two immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat. As they discuss their expectations of American culture, one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," his companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we should do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the first immigrant points to a hot-dog vendor, and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," he says. The vendor, only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."

One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, he turns to his friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

LOL!

I do not know why, but this joke reminds me of a moment in the DR when my fiance and I were both enjoying some lechon (suckling pig). I have a picture where my fiance can be seen clearly enjoying eating the pig's snout! Yes, many foreigners indeed eat "strange" animal parts...

You could try cooking foods that are unfamiliar to both of you see if there are 'foreign' foods that you both like. Another way would be to make sauces separately to the rice for example and add it to your rice at the table. As with everything, it has to be a compromise, and because you both cook, that should be entirely possible to achieve.

This is a good idea! We both might be equally challenged by the "unfamiliar" pleasures of new foods!

[TBoneTX 45,536]

my fiance can be seen clearly enjoying eating the pig's snout! Yes, many foreigners indeed eat "strange" animal parts...

And, in South America: http://noqinecuador.blogspot.com/2006/04/cuy.html

I kept thinking, and mentioned more than a few times, "We don't eat our pets, no man!"

[luckytxn 2,264]

Just done tonight over here, si man.

Interesting that you mention Chinese food. At buffet restaurants (our favorite is called The Happy Pancreas, or some such), she takes FAR different stuff than do I, si man.

Mine does too. The one thing w ecan agree on if we both can't decide where to eat is Chinese buffets. The odd thing is that she usually east such small amounts but she hits a buffet and she can down as much as I.

[luckytxn 2,264]

I am lucky. My wife is an awesome cook and anything she makes is tasty to the point I eat until I am almost sick. She does know that I don't want ti eat fish heads though from when I was in Vietnam or even eye balls but most other things are fair game. (Just glad she does understand that eating dogs and cats here is not acceptable)

[tokyobelle 2]

i live in Japan where most food are served raw. i used to date somebody who's really picky! can't eat outside if it's not a Western restaurant. i can eat almost anything but i don't like eating fat, greasy food almost every week. it has to be a variety of them. and once in a while i crave for my filipino dishes (which are not so aesthetically pleasing).

my fiance loves to cook like me which is a plus. food really became a deal breaker for me so i asked him a lot about the food he does not like. good thing it's only a short list

[gelato 1]

Yeah my wife isn't here yet but we have talked quite a bit about food and tastes. She doesn't cook very much so it will be up to me to do the meals and I am getting recipes from her mom and sister. She does like the typical chinese style of boiled vegetables which I can't stand, but we both know this so we will accomodate each others tastes. She does also like shell fish which I can't stand, but I can learn how to cook these and just make something else for me

That's a very sweet gesture. I am sure she'd appreciate it.

[rlogan 2,036]

Too Funny, T-Bone

I have eaten dog many times in Laos and Philippines. Tasty. Horse in Siberia. Delicious. Big wormy bugs in Thailand. Those were so-so. I won't eat balut or that awful smelling shrimp paste.

I have to agree with T-Bone's advice too. This seems so simple. Cook plain rice and add the spices you want on just your own. Same with the stir-fry or whatever.

We are really compatible with food other than just a few things like the Balut and shrimp paste. When we eat at a Thai or Chinese food place and they ask us how hot we want it, we tell them that we want to be sent to the emergency room at the hospital. You try to kill us or we're going to be disappointed.

[K and L 27]

And yes I TOTALLY understand what he means when he says if he doesn't eat rice he doesn't feel like he ate. White rice, beans and meat is what we call the "bandera dominicana" and that's what we eat everyday religiously!!

Brazil is like that too!

Mexican food IS heavily spiced, si man. South American stuff (and, by your account and the grapevine) Central American stuff ain't, no man.

Go to Brazil some day - there's a Bahian spicy pepper sauce that you will love. (My husband, the Bahian, loathes spicy food, but his mom and I get along great that way. Hahaha.)

Because marriage = accommodation + flexibility + understanding, avoid thinking of accommodating two people's preferences as "double work." Rather, it's pleasantly "separate" or "parallel" at the same time that you're an unshakeable marital unit. (This is one time when 2 equals 1 -- two people, one unit.)

Try to make things separately. Cook the plain arroz first, serve him his, add your spices to yours afterwards, and you both chow down. If (for example) you're cooking chicken in the oven, use two smaller Pyrex dishes -- one for unadulterated pollo, for him; and one for, uh, adulterated pollo for you. (Did that come out right, huh man?)

That's pretty much what we do. He hates all things spicy, soupy, braised, seafood, and poultry. (Oh, the poor man, does NOT know what he's missing.)

So, we compromise.

I cut his steak in half so it cooks to well done in the time mine cooks to rare. We bought a mini rice cooker and a small slow cooker for his daily rice and beans and he takes care of those on the days he doesn't like the sides we'll be having or if he just wants to eat some rice/beans. (We both cook - one of us takes point and the other is the 'sous chef', so to speak.) When I feel like eating chicken or braised foods, I either make it palatable for him (as there are ways he will eat poultry - he loves my turkey burgers) or I make sure to have some leftover pork or beef in the fridge to serve him. We've found that he likes thicker soups just fine, and I'll just make my batches of thin soup to eat at lunch (which I'd do anyway, because I bring my lunch to work). And yes - when we eat chili, I make it far less spicy for him, and roast some chiles and add it to mine at the table.

It's even easier now that we can grill again. Toss a pork chop on for him, and chicken or fish for me. We both win, and it's the same amount of effort.

We're both happy and neither of us feel like we're being deprived.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

Chinese buffets, ftw!

I took my husband to a China Buffet the first time he came to the US. He had never been to such a thing before. Afterward he said "No wonder Americans are fat, everything tastes so good!".