Living with people you loathe

[Captain Oates 911]

Thank you for the mature responses. It's a rant, you can share your thoughts however you want, I was just saying that I wasn't asking for obvious options, and I specified why. I didn't mean for it to sound that way, if so, I apologize.

Because an option is obvious, that doesn't mean it's an easy option to take - ask any fatty who knows which option leads to losing 100 lbs

Mental toughness and discipline and planning and formulating stategies is essential to cope

with tough situations which will never go away because that is how life is.

[turveydrop 4]

This advice is from someone who doesn't know what I have coped with in life and is speaking therefore from a position of ignorance. They have no idea how I react and how my strategies have worked or not worked. They don't know anything about me and yet, in the style of the typical 'assuming' internet poster - they just go ahead and assume and judge and imagine they know me and my history - and then they post anyway.

These people are more dangerous to your tranquiliy than people who annoy and repulse you or who are your enemies, because they are insidious and worm their way in pretending to know you when they don't

And you didn't presume to know the original poster's situation and life experience, as well as my own, and speak from a position of ignorance? Let's practice what we preach.

[Captain Oates 911]

And you didn't presume to know the original poster's situation and life experience, as well as my own, and speak from a position of ignorance? Let's practice what we preach.

The original poster set out their circumstances very clearly so I had data on which to work

You had no data on me - didn't stop you judging me though

It is possible to set out a different strategy without taking a personal swipe at other posters who would handle it differently - eg your comment - 'condescending'

That is your inner thought, its nothing to do with the subject - and you don't need to share it. See what I mean about mental discipline ?

[turveydrop 4]

The original poster set out their circumstances very clearly so I had data on which to work

You had no data on me - didn't stop you judging me though

It is possible to set out a different strategy without taking a personal swipe at other posters who would handle it differently - eg your comment - 'condescending'

That is your inner thought, its nothing to do with the subject - and you don't need to share it. See what I mean about mental discipline ?

You used someone's question as an excuse to be pedantic, pretentious, and self-serving. "Grow up, welcome to life, learn to be mature?" The very definition of condescending. You clearly haven't risen above the minor drama of this comment thread, so you've already exposed yourself as a hypocrite. Good day.

[Captain Oates 911]

You used someone's question as an excuse to be pedantic, pretentious, and self-serving. "Grow up, welcome to life, learn to be mature?" The very definition of condescending. You clearly haven't risen above the minor drama of this comment thread, so you've already exposed yourself as a hypocrite. Good day.

A string of epithets...

so ... condescending, hypocrite etc

Who gave you permission to use these terms against other members who give alternative advice ?

You should start a thread saying 'can someone help me with my name calling problem'

Let the OP note that these people are in the woodwork all over and will be forever coming into your life and calling you names etc

I think this poster is exactly what I was describing in that there is no escape from them and they are all around us and always will be.

So when they come for you, venting their vitriol, calling names, being personal, developing coping strategies is the only way to deal with it

[Ban Hammer 13,622]

[Captain Oates 911]

Individual Sports & Recreations / Boxing)

a. a method of tiring out a boxing opponent by pretending to be trapped on the ropes while the opponent expends energy on punches that are blocked

b. (as modifier) rope-a-dope strategy

[coined by US boxer Muhammad Ali (born 1942)]

[TBoneTX 46,262]

Immerse yourself in your own plans for yourself and press forward with acquiring knowledge and wealth and ignore these things that are only annoying you because you chose to be interested in these things rather than turning away and canceling that thought

I see nothing wrong at all with this suggestion, and in fact it would be good food for thought for many people, si man.

[Captain Oates 911]

I see nothing wrong at all with this suggestion, and in fact it would be good food for thought for many people, si man.

Muy cierto Hombre

My ex mother in law suffered from depression and the quack told her every time she felt something depressing her spirits, she should say out loud 'Cancel, cancel negative thoughts'

She did and it helped but it was quite funny when she did it on a crowded bus

The OP doesn't sound depressed but it does sound like she is absorbing these negative inputs around her and then chewing on em.

Changing her love interest for another family doesn't work because all families are weird.

Changing one's love interest doesn't always work because you just swap one set of probs for a different set - still a dog with fleas - just different fleas

So I reckon we have to realise that we will be beset by unacceptable people and circumstances wherever we go and whatever we do and whoever we are with and whatever job we are in. There is NO escape from these inputs - it's life. So 'no use weeping forever', and we HAVE to find a coping strategy

The one I suggested works for me and for many others - back off, turn away and absorb yourself in your own business and don't dwell on it or get sucked into a setting and a situation.

It's a hot plan

[lbjr 0]

I'm not sure where all the hostility is coming from, but this is a rant for people in the same situation or have experienced something similar. It's not a place to put other members down, or have a battle.

There are a lot of others that are going through the same thing that I am, and have or is taking it day by day. It's tough, and it's not something to joke about. It's a life alternating situation and can potentially destroy a marriage. There are days where I can tough it out, ignore the problems and indulge myself in positive thoughts and know that this will end soon enough. Then, there are days where it's real tough and stressful, especially going through the immigration process, dealing with work stress and to top it off, deal with the immaturity from other members who find this entertaining.

I just want to thank the people that have contributed positively and the ones who sent me personal messages detailing their situation and experiences. Most don't talk about it and ignore it and have it bottle up. It's not healthy, nor a great feeling to have.

Future posters, please be considerate of others situations before posting ignorant, condescending comments.

Edited April 22, 2011 by lbjr

[웃 910]

Future posters, please be considerate of others situations before posting ignorant, condescending comments.

I would try to use Craigslist sublets.

How much could you possibly be paying? If it is in a decent location and the price isn't too bad it should be no problem to find a replacement for you and your husband....Is your husband on the mortgage?

I would take pictures and put a little ad up and see what kind of responses you get...The main problem is what happens when you get a 2nd mortgage and the sub-leaser moves out...And would you be approved for a second mortgage because now you have twice the debt load (you could always buy on land contract)...

Edited April 22, 2011 by Lord Infamous

[lbjr 0]

I would try to use Craigslist sublets.

How much could you possibly be paying? If it is in a decent location and the price isn't too bad it should be no problem to find a replacement for you and your husband....Is your husband on the mortgage?

I would take pictures and put a little ad up and see what kind of responses you get...The main problem is what happens when you get a 2nd mortgage and the sub-leaser moves out...And would you be approved for a second mortgage because now you have twice the debt load (you could always buy on land contract)...

Well, right now, all 3 owners are over paying the mortgage per month. It's not possible for my husband to pay less if we decide to move out, it'll cause some drama. My husband is definetly on the mortgage. We have discussed subleting the room, and you proposed a possible problem as well (the subleaser moving out before house sells, so we'd be stuck with 2nd mortgage), but these guys have known each other for 10 years +, and it's hard to find someone they can trust and live with. It just wouldn't be "fair" so to speak.

Also, my husband has an outstanding studen loan, the area we live in is a bit pricey, so no one is willing to pay the rent expected, and it's not that close to the city/schools. We do have future plans of selling this current place and getting our own home together, but it's definetly difficult to have all 3 parties "ready" at the same time. Oh well, hopefully this mess will be over soon, we're hoping to get out by the end of the year after we've saved up a bit and finish with the immigration process.

Thanks for the idea, perhaps we'll look into it again once we have saved up enough and confident taking up a second mortgage

[Captain Oates 911]

I'm not sure where all the hostility is coming from, but this is a rant for people in the same situation or have experienced something similar. It's not a place to put other members down, or have a battle.

There are a lot of others that are going through the same thing that I am, and have or is taking it day by day. It's tough, and it's not something to joke about. It's a life alternating situation and can potentially destroy a marriage. There are days where I can tough it out, ignore the problems and indulge myself in positive thoughts and know that this will end soon enough. Then, there are days where it's real tough and stressful, especially going through the immigration process, dealing with work stress and to top it off, deal with the immaturity from other members who find this entertaining.

I just want to thank the people that have contributed positively and the ones who sent me personal messages detailing their situation and experiences. Most don't talk about it and ignore it and have it bottle up. It's not healthy, nor a great feeling to have.

Future posters, please be considerate of others situations before posting ignorant, condescending comments.

I was going through all this before the moon landings in 1969

One of the most mature things you can do is learn from other people's experiences rather than re-inventing the wheel

I have always mixed with oldies as the same situations appear in every generation and you don't have to figure it out all by yourself like it's never happened to anyone and your solution has to be a brand new one that you invent

This is valuable advice but most young ones don't value the advice of people who have been there until they are about 50 - and then they say "I wish I had listened to my mother"

So I am glad you are getting PM's but I hope they are more practical suggestions than warm fuzzies. The post above was practical.

When an oldy tells someone how to sharpen a knife or whatever, a certain % of the population think it is condescending to be told what to do. The smarter ones hang on every word and learn something the easy way. I hope you follow the second path. The intake of all advice is always valuable - even when that advice that is discarded after consideration.

Good luck with it

[lbjr 0]

I was going through all this before the moon landings in 1969

One of the most mature things you can do is learn from other people's experiences rather than re-inventing the wheel

I have always mixed with oldies as the same situations appear in every generation and you don't have to figure it out all by yourself like it's never happened to anyone and your solution has to be a brand new one that you invent

This is valuable advice but most young ones don't value the advice of people who have been there until they are about 50 - and then they say "I wish I had listened to my mother"

So I am glad you are getting PM's but I hope they are more practical suggestions than warm fuzzies. The post above was practical.

When an oldy tells someone how to sharpen a knife or whatever, a certain % of the population think it is condescending to be told what to do. The smarter ones hang on every word and learn something the easy way. I hope you follow the second path. The intake of all advice is always valuable - even when that advice that is discarded after consideration.

Good luck with it

That's awesome, thanks. It doesn't matter what kind of PM's I am getting, they are taking time out of their day to PM me with their personal experiences and their own problems. I'm not here to judge or tell someone how to deal with something, even though you may have been through it all before the moon landing, every situation can/may be different from your own personal experience. And yes, the post above was very practical, and it was an option that we did look at - but I explained why it didn't work for us.

Anyway, thanks for your input

Edited April 22, 2011 by lbjr

[decocker 7,198]

As life goes on, death, cancer, unemployment, car crashes, republicans and christians and all sorts of horrible experiences will come to your door -

this is very true. and the last two are kinda funny..