Living with people you loathe

[lbjr 0]

I know this isn't way off topic for some VJ'ers. After you receive your visa, and then you're supposed to move in with your significant other and live happily ever after, or something close to it.

I wanted to rant about my husband's roommates and I'll go into detail here in a bit. There have been plenty of times where you end up sharing living space with people that are just filthy slobs during your college years and beyond sometimes. Well, you see, my husband bought a house with two other men that he knew since he started college. They have been living in the house together for about 5 years now. You can understand why I am bothered by this already. I don't believe that it's ideal to move in with your husband plus his two other roommates and actually experience "living together", if it's ideal or doesn't bother you, then good for you.

I don't particularly hate either men that he shares his home with, but I do hate one of the men's girlfriend. She's a twenty something year old bimbo who is just worthless and a real b*tch. I often feel like I am dealing with a high school kid when we communicate. I've had to ask her to clean up after herself a few times, and it did not go well. I don't think I have to ask a grown woman to clean up her mess, but what can you do when the parents obviously failed.

The bimbo's boyfriend confirms that she is not living with all of us, but she is just here A LOT. I'm not sure what the fine line is that separates the difference between living some place and being there a lot (without the boyfriend being here), and actually living there when you are there 24/7. She does not pitch in whatsoever, barely picks up after herself, and is rude as can be. I've been thinking about talking to her boyfriend about her behaviour and poor attitude...which makes me feel like I will be speaking to her father. The boyfriend is in denial and shocked the last time my husband spoke to him about his girlfriend. I'm not saying this guy is a real winner either, he doesn't skip a beat when it comes to dating one woman, and it overlapping with the next one.

Anyways, that's my partial rant before I got distracted with something else. Oh, did I mention...like mother, like daughter? The bimbo's mother is mooching off some guy, and the daughter seems to be following in her foot steps to the T

Edited April 21, 2011 by lbjr

[Jenn! 918]

Move out - problem solved!

[lbjr 0]

Move out - problem solved!

Not as easy as that sounds, we can't afford two mortgages right now.

Btw, not looking for obvious options.

Edited April 21, 2011 by lbjr

[TracyTN 237]

Ok - you tell us how to respond and we will.

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

kick her butt!

Edited April 21, 2011 by charles!

[TracyTN 237]

I don't mean to, but I was thinking along the same lines as Jenn - wondering why she maybe isn't moving out, and then she replied and bit Jenn's head off. We had no way to know why she couldn't move out so it was a legitimate point to raise (I thought).

Now I'm afraid to answer in any way that might incriminate me.

[Jenn! 918]

I don't mean to, but I was thinking along the same lines as Jenn - wondering why she maybe isn't moving out, and then she replied and bit Jenn's head off. We had no way to know why she couldn't move out so it was a legitimate point to raise (I thought).

Now I'm afraid to answer in any way that might incriminate me.

It's ok, I can take it. I haz teh interwebz thick skin. Roar!

[TracyTN 237]

[turveydrop 4]

If she's there 24/7, sleeping there, eating there, has clothes there...then she lives there. How does the other male roommate feel about it? If the three of you confront them--or perhaps, more diplomatically, have a household meeting and discuss things--maybe that would help. If she's really there that much, she should pay rent, or she shouldn't be there when he's not. But it's admittedly very difficult, since he's a co-owner. It's not like you can just vote someone out in that situation.

[Captain Oates 911]

You could concentrate on acquiring a mature outlook - you don't you don't have to get older so no worries there

What you have to ingest and absorb is the fact that YOU WILL be surrounded by people who could potential annoy you for the rest of your life

Even when you live with your special person in your rose covered cottage, there will be days when you are 'OFF' him and when you are at work or college or whatever, there WILL be very many people who you disapprove of, or could repulse you, if you were to think about it.

The fact is that your work colleagues and relatives and your relatives friends consist and always will consist, of people you don't like.

So you have to live with that. A few years in the women's army sharing with 100 women in a wooden hut would do you good and teach you, not tolerance, but how to ignore the negative inputs from those around you - even if they are intolerable.

So don't be long suffering - learn to switch off from negative inputs. It is much easier than learning to be tolerant.

Immerse yourself in your own plans for yourself and press forward with acquiring knowledge and wealth and ignore these things that are only annoying you because you chose to be interested in these things rather than turning away and canceling that thought

As life goes on, death, cancer, unemployment, car crashes, republicans and christians and all sorts of horrible experiences will come to your door - you have to be able to deal with it by not brooding on these things but shutting it all out like you would a cold January day

If you embrace the horrible aspects of life it will depress you and cause you to be forever trying to change your life in order to avoid all those things. Always on the run.

You can't.

Welcome to life - it won't get you down if you decide not to let the negative stuff be part of your life.

[Ontarkie 14,224]

Does everyone share the house stuff or is everyone on their own with food and dishes and stuff. Also you said your husband bought the house with 2 friends does that mean all 3 other are on the mortgage and financially tied to the house or is it just your husband and the other 2 just pay rent sorta thing. Cause depending on the situation your hands may be tied as to what you can do.

Anyways my idea would be gather all her stuff her mess and either be nice and throw it their bedroom, or the not so nice way and start throwing it in the trash since if its left out it must be garbage right. If she wants to act like a child then treat her like one.

Edited April 21, 2011 by Ontarkie

[turveydrop 4]

Do not throw anyone's things in the trash. If you start drama, you'll just make things worse, and it won't contribute to any constructive solution. As tempting as it is to act in anger, collect your thoughts and approach these people rationally. I would ignore the condescension on the part of certain commenters as well. I'm sure there are situations in which they would be pulling their hair out as well instead of just "rising above it" and being thankful and concentrating on self improvement and whatnot.

[Captain Oates 911]

Do not throw anyone's things in the trash. If you start drama, you'll just make things worse, and it won't contribute to any constructive solution. As tempting as it is to act in anger, collect your thoughts and approach these people rationally. I would ignore the condescension on the part of certain commenters as well. I'm sure there are situations in which they would be pulling their hair out as well instead of just "rising above it" and being thankful and concentrating on self improvement and whatnot.

This advice is from someone who doesn't know what I have coped with in life and is speaking therefore from a position of ignorance. They have no idea how I react and how my strategies have worked or not worked. They don't know anything about me and yet, in the style of the typical 'assuming' internet poster - they just go ahead and assume and judge and imagine they know me and my history - and then they post anyway.

These people are more dangerous to your tranquiliy than people who annoy and repulse you or who are your enemies, because they are insidious and worm their way in pretending to know you when they don't

[lbjr 0]

Do not throw anyone's things in the trash. If you start drama, you'll just make things worse, and it won't contribute to any constructive solution. As tempting as it is to act in anger, collect your thoughts and approach these people rationally. I would ignore the condescension on the part of certain commenters as well. I'm sure there are situations in which they would be pulling their hair out as well instead of just "rising above it" and being thankful and concentrating on self improvement and whatnot.

Thank you for the mature responses. It's a rant, you can share your thoughts however you want, I was just saying that I wasn't asking for obvious options, and I specified why. I didn't mean for it to sound that way, if so, I apologize.

[lbjr 0]

Does everyone share the house stuff or is everyone on their own with food and dishes and stuff. Also you said your husband bought the house with 2 friends does that mean all 3 other are on the mortgage and financially tied to the house or is it just your husband and the other 2 just pay rent sorta thing. Cause depending on the situation your hands may be tied as to what you can do.

Anyways my idea would be gather all her stuff her mess and either be nice and throw it their bedroom, or the not so nice way and start throwing it in the trash since if its left out it must be garbage right. If she wants to act like a child then treat her like one.

That's the tough part, the finance is split three ways, so it's hard to just "move out".

I haven't done anything malicious, nor do I want to stoop to her level as she has done to us. The other guy here doesn't like her, and tries to avoid her by going to work etc...I work from home, so it's much more difficult and I get out as much as possible. Essentially, my hands are tied at the moment until the market bounces back and can possibly put this house on the market, until then, just have to grin and bare it I guess...that's why I just needed to rant.