I wish I would have known...

[SF2007 48]

Hey!!! That's great news!!! And no, I wouldn't say a word about it!!! I would just take it -if it's offered -and wait until you can't take it anymore physically and tell them. But that's just me, might not be the most professional thing to do though... Good luck, when is the interview?

Thanks nickbits, and you're probably right, it seems like certain states must be a lot harder than others... I thought the area was alright when I was here on a visit, but I guess there's a HUGE difference between visiting and living somewhere...

Hey Vero,

It's weird to say but it brings me great comfort to read you. I am days away from my K1 interview, hopefully few weeks away from POE, and I have been expecting (read : dreading) all those things you mentioned about moving to the US.

I intend to work as soon as I'm done with AOS and I expect it to be hard. I do hope volunteering for non-profits will help me get some US work experience and will help build a network I can use later to find employment. I also have a recommendation letter from my employer.

I agree taking it a step at a time is the best bet we've got (just like this whole visa process)

[Jill & Jeff 3]

Hi everyone,

I've been debating whether or not I should post this, but really, nobody in my life really could understand me like all of you. You've all been through this immigration stuff, or are about to, and I guess some people might relate.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I am happy with my husband, and in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad I moved here so we could be together.

But...

Man, some days I hate it here!!! One of the main thing is that I've been looking for work since January, only had 5 possible interviews and 2 that were worth going for. I was very naive thinking that since I'm canadian, people wouldn't be prejudice, but I've come to the conclusion that people here are prejudice. I can understand that it would be a leap of faith for them to hire me since all my work experience has been in Quebec, a place that for some people here seems as far as Botswana (no harm intended). But I was hoping for a little more open-mindedness... I'm 27 years old, my savings are gone, and I don't have a job. I feel like the biggest loser. I would have such a great job back home! All my friends have either houses, families, nice cars, a LIFE basically... And here I am, at home, doing not much, trying the best I can to find work. Seems like the only thing lined up right now is making biscuits at Hardee's... I could have a job tomorrow, doing retail, but I've kept two jobs while going to school so I wouldn't have to EVER do retail again. Here I am though, back to square one!!! So frustrating!!! And it's not like I can talk to my family about it, because I'm sure that in the back of their mind, they're waiting for this to happen so they can tell me "told you so!" And I really don't blame them!

Second thing, Chris and I are living with his parents until we can buy a house. I don't see the point of renting something for 1000$ a month, when we could be saving money to buy our own place. Plus, we have a dog, and a lot of places don't accept dogs. His parents are great, and I can't say that enough. But at the same time, I want my OWN place. I don't want to have my life limited to a room, and feel like I can't really do what I want because it's not my house. It gets hard on us, and it affects several things of our married life (read between the lines...) But that's not gonna happen until I find a job!!! (catch 22, anyone?)

Also, I'm having a hard time dealing with some people here. I don't know if it's specific to the south, but people here are kind of ignorant (again, no harm intended, I'm venting here). The way women are treated here makes me furious! And some women make it worse for themselves!!! I feel like I moved back in time to 1984! And most people are pretty racist! And this f*cking mentality that because "I'm American" I'm entitled to cheap gasoline, and who cares about the environment anyways, let me throw my trash out of my car window... Oh and let me go to the TT bar for lunch because women are meant to be looked at and used and do my laundry and clean my house. I feel like I can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone without it going back to Jersey Shore after 5 minutes...

I miss home like crazy, miss my people... I don't really have any friends here that I met on my own... And some of Chris' friend's girlfriend worry to much about their nails and hair for me to give a cr*p... I wish someone would have told me how hard this was gonna be. I thought it'd be easy to adapt and find work... Turns out I should have saved enough money to pay my bills for like a year and a half! What an idiot I was!!!

Sorry again if I offended anyone, but I really don't know what to do or think at this point, was this a big mistake?

First off, I'm going to give you a great big hug. I can completely understand how you feel. Even with living in Virginia. I did my time in Virginia for about 10 years. I completely realize how bad it can get down there and I don't blame you for feeling the way that you do.

I'm going through a somewhat similar situation. I'm the USC and my husband is from Quebec. We live with my parents as well. It's not a bad situation, but I know the feeling of wanting to be out on your own. We have the room over the garage which is almost like a big studio apartment but it's also right next to the living room. My mom is an insomniac and a lot of times the freaking tv is blaring or if we want some "alone time" it gets difficult because they're basically right next door. I just want to get a house too. If I want to get up in the middle of the night and walk to the bathroom naked I don't have to worry about anyone else in the house.

It sucks at first, and I realize how frustrating it must be. But keep your head up. It'll work itself out. A lot of it is dislocation anxiety. It's somewhere new and might as well feel like Mars compared to Quebec. The people are different, the food is way different and it just isn't *home*.

All of these rants are the same ones I talk to about my husband all the time. I want a house, I want to get away from family and finally have our own life together. I want to start a family. And all of this stuff is on hold because Jeff still needs to find a job, I still need to finish my masters degree and a million other things. It's really overwhelming and sometimes if I just cuddle up with Jeff and get a little emo about it, it helps.

It's too bad you don't live closer because I'd grab you and take you out for a drink or some ice cream or even some shopping therapy. Just anything to have some good quality time with people who understand.

I realize someone on here said to get rid of the dog because it costs money. No offense, but pets really are part of the family. I have a diabetic cat that's pretty much cost me an arm and a leg but I wouldn't get rid of him for any reason whatsoever. That cat is one of the things that can make me feel better when I feel crappy and it's nice to have a furry snuggle bunny around too.

Keep your head up, it'll get better. <3

J-

[Flames9_RN 358]

I'll get rid of the wife before I get rid of my dog,lol Even thought the damn dog prefers her,lol

[Veronik 19]

I'll get rid of the wife before I get rid of my dog,lol Even thought the damn dog prefers her,lol

Thanks Jill & Jeff!

So how does someone go about volunteering? Do you just show up somewhere with a resume and explain that you'd like to offer your help? Never done it before, but right now, it might be my best option to get my foot in a school (I'm a licensed teacher)...

[SF2007 48]

Thanks Jill & Jeff!

So how does someone go about volunteering? Do you just show up somewhere with a resume and explain that you'd like to offer your help? Never done it before, but right now, it might be my best option to get my foot in a school (I'm a licensed teacher)...

In my area, there is a French language association. I offered to volunteer through their contactus@email and they replied very quickly. You might offer homework assistance or other skills you have. I feel it would be easier to find employment when people in your community would vouch for you and connect you with the ones hiring.

You might wanna try these websites :

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

http://www.volunteerusafoundation.org/

There is also most likely a community board at your local grocery store with a "Help Needed" section or some kind of community support group you could join.

Hope this works for you

[Veronik 19]

In my area, there is a French language association. I offered to volunteer through their contactus@email and they replied very quickly. You might offer homework assistance or other skills you have. I feel it would be easier to find employment when people in your community would vouch for you and connect you with the ones hiring.

You might wanna try these websites :

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

http://www.volunteerusafoundation.org/

There is also most likely a community board at your local grocery store with a "Help Needed" section or some kind of community support group you could join.

Hope this works for you

Thanks! I'll look into that!

[Flames9_RN 358]

craigslist has a volunteer section as well

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Phew - well...I don;t know where to start. Maybe with <<Big hugz>> first

Hugging done... you're in quite a situation right now. What I hear you saying is that everything has not lived up to your expectations, which is ok, life is a ####### and tends to be like that. However, adjusting expectations can bring some joy back in your life too, without as much pain as you'd think.

If the dog gives you enjoyment, I would not give that up. Every little thing that brings peace of mind is helpful to your well-being, if you can afford it. I didn't see you mention, but are you entitled to EI while you're looking for work? I hope you're takign advantage of that (sorry, I haven't read every post either).

I agree with the person who said you should take any decent job that you think you'd like - it WILL get you out of the house and give you something to get up for daily, and from what you've said, you want to feel like you're contributing to the family and bank account. Even the lowly retail job will do it - maybe you could try retail in a different type of shop- flower shop, grocery store, museum shop - whatever sounds fun, you know? It won't be permanent, but only you have to know that and continue looking for meaningfulwork.

I live in VA too - but North, close to DC. Yes people are racist here (goes all ways - there's always another group to pick on), but realistically you know they were back home too, admit it. Canadians especially love to pick on Native people, like it or not (can someone hum 'Everyone's a little bit racist' from Avenue Q please? ) Where you are may be more rural than you're used to perhaps (from what you've said, I would say Yes)? It sounds cliché, but you may have to force yourself to look for the good things until it starts coming naturally. I'd recommend a gratitude journal, works for some...kind of pi$$e$ me off though lol.

I have totally been there when you say you don't feel like you can talk to your family because they'll throw it back in your face...I felt a lot like that for a long time. America is not Canada no matter how you slice it. I thought I couldn't tell my friends or family, I thought I was disrespecting my husband and would make him feel bad, but t was VERY BAD to keep it bottled up. Your husband, hopefully knows how you feel, although he is probably bewildered wondering why this all isn't good enough (he grew up there, what's wrong??? , but he'll get it eventually.

So all this said - you need to look forward, you probably know that no amount of worrying, wishing or anything else will change the situation unless you do something about it. Action will give you a feeling of purpose and will be your best medicine.

Good luck and keping talking to us...we've all been there.

PS: nothing like a good set of nails girl...have you tried them, they're cheap down here. I didn't care for them much back in Canada, but I get a nice French 'squoval'..very nice for the office and I can;t bite them.

Hi everyone,

I've been debating whether or not I should post this, but really, nobody in my life really could understand me like all of you. You've all been through this immigration stuff, or are about to, and I guess some people might relate.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I am happy with my husband, and in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad I moved here so we could be together.

But...

Man, some days I hate it here!!! One of the main thing is that I've been looking for work since January, only had 5 possible interviews and 2 that were worth going for. I was very naive thinking that since I'm canadian, people wouldn't be prejudice, but I've come to the conclusion that people here are prejudice. I can understand that it would be a leap of faith for them to hire me since all my work experience has been in Quebec, a place that for some people here seems as far as Botswana (no harm intended). But I was hoping for a little more open-mindedness... I'm 27 years old, my savings are gone, and I don't have a job. I feel like the biggest loser. I would have such a great job back home! All my friends have either houses, families, nice cars, a LIFE basically... And here I am, at home, doing not much, trying the best I can to find work. Seems like the only thing lined up right now is making biscuits at Hardee's... I could have a job tomorrow, doing retail, but I've kept two jobs while going to school so I wouldn't have to EVER do retail again. Here I am though, back to square one!!! So frustrating!!! And it's not like I can talk to my family about it, because I'm sure that in the back of their mind, they're waiting for this to happen so they can tell me "told you so!" And I really don't blame them!

Second thing, Chris and I are living with his parents until we can buy a house. I don't see the point of renting something for 1000$ a month, when we could be saving money to buy our own place. Plus, we have a dog, and a lot of places don't accept dogs. His parents are great, and I can't say that enough. But at the same time, I want my OWN place. I don't want to have my life limited to a room, and feel like I can't really do what I want because it's not my house. It gets hard on us, and it affects several things of our married life (read between the lines...) But that's not gonna happen until I find a job!!! (catch 22, anyone?)

Also, I'm having a hard time dealing with some people here. I don't know if it's specific to the south, but people here are kind of ignorant (again, no harm intended, I'm venting here). The way women are treated here makes me furious! And some women make it worse for themselves!!! I feel like I moved back in time to 1984! And most people are pretty racist! And this f*cking mentality that because "I'm American" I'm entitled to cheap gasoline, and who cares about the environment anyways, let me throw my trash out of my car window... Oh and let me go to the TT bar for lunch because women are meant to be looked at and used and do my laundry and clean my house. I feel like I can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone without it going back to Jersey Shore after 5 minutes...

I miss home like crazy, miss my people... I don't really have any friends here that I met on my own... And some of Chris' friend's girlfriend worry to much about their nails and hair for me to give a cr*p... I wish someone would have told me how hard this was gonna be. I thought it'd be easy to adapt and find work... Turns out I should have saved enough money to pay my bills for like a year and a half! What an idiot I was!!!

Sorry again if I offended anyone, but I really don't know what to do or think at this point, was this a big mistake?

Edited April 13, 2011 by Udella&Wiz

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I can certainly understand how you're feeling Vero! My husband and I lived with his parents for the first 9 months and it wasn't exactly flowers and sunshine! It was hard having no privacy, and always having someone around to question our every move. We couldn't go anywhere without someone asking where we were going, and we couldn't go shopping and come home with bags without someone asking what we bought. It was ridiculously frustrating and intrusive.

In our case, I moved to the US 2 days after graduating college (literally) so savings didn't exist, just debt! It took us some time to sort things out and get on our feet. I think that takes everyone some time, no matter how prepared you think you are. I thought I had everything all planned and figured out, and that things would be easy, but it wasn't, not at all! The good news is that 2 years later, I can look back at that time and be thankful for all the things I was able to accomplish in such a short period of time. You'll get there- I guarantee it!

[Veronik 19]

Thanks everyone for your kind words of support. I feel somewhat better today, but I know it's still gonna be hard at times. I applied at Target yesterday, we'll see what happens. I'm going to try to branch out and apply at places I didn't want to and see if I can still find something monday-friday.

Thanks again everyone, at times you wonder what you would do without VJ and everyone on here.

[Moosker 7]

Someone once told me "it takes 2 years for a place to feel like home". I said, yeah sure. Then I move and honestly, at about the 2 year mark I started saying "hmm...I don't feel homesick as often...I can actually say, I don't MIND it here!" My parents had the same thing moving 1.5 hours from where I was born and raised. Took 2 years before they felt settled. Sucks, 2 years is a long time.

Good luck, keep us posted!

[Veronik 19]

Someone once told me "it takes 2 years for a place to feel like home". I said, yeah sure. Then I move and honestly, at about the 2 year mark I started saying "hmm...I don't feel homesick as often...I can actually say, I don't MIND it here!" My parents had the same thing moving 1.5 hours from where I was born and raised. Took 2 years before they felt settled. Sucks, 2 years is a long time.

Good luck, keep us posted!

[Veronik 19]

I wrote down all the places I've applied for a job so far, the numbers are quite depressing:

- Company Applications Filled: 19

- Newspaper adds replied to: 15

- Craig's List adds replied to: 25

[Inky 1,111]

We are in Nebraska,

It took me over a year to find a job, Applied all over up and down online and paper hand outs, In over 1 year I only got ONE interview. It was the job I got and took very quickly.

Not being able to find a job quickly put TONS of stress on our marriage and our relationship. Went over I think just about all negative emotions, anger, jealousy, hate, depression etc.

It was horrible.. now my job i got is not going to well.. more bad days than good. But i'm not about to give it up because it took forever to get the damn thing and our relationship is doing better ( so are the bills and payments ).

I thought the same thing tho.. I have an associates and figured it should be easy i'm just from Canada. But nope not even taco bell would give me an interview.

After almost 2 years I still have not made really any friends, everyone is just an acquaintance or a work friend. The only friend really that I have here in Nebraska since I moved here is my friend Minnew from VJ. Kind of lucked out that another Canadian around my age was marrying military on the same base and such that my husband is at!

We bought a house (thanks to VA loans) My health is doing MUCH better since we moved and I had the surgery and my mom travels here a lot to visit and hang out.

[Veronik 19]

We are in Nebraska,

It took me over a year to find a job, Applied all over up and down online and paper hand outs, In over 1 year I only got ONE interview. It was the job I got and took very quickly.

Not being able to find a job quickly put TONS of stress on our marriage and our relationship. Went over I think just about all negative emotions, anger, jealousy, hate, depression etc.

It was horrible.. now my job i got is not going to well.. more bad days than good. But i'm not about to give it up because it took forever to get the damn thing and our relationship is doing better ( so are the bills and payments ).

I thought the same thing tho.. I have an associates and figured it should be easy i'm just from Canada. But nope not even taco bell would give me an interview.

After almost 2 years I still have not made really any friends, everyone is just an acquaintance or a work friend. The only friend really that I have here in Nebraska since I moved here is my friend Minnew from VJ. Kind of lucked out that another Canadian around my age was marrying military on the same base and such that my husband is at!

We bought a house (thanks to VA loans) My health is doing MUCH better since we moved and I had the surgery and my mom travels here a lot to visit and hang out.

Nice, seems like you're ok after all... I guess in this economy, if I find something somewhat decent I should just keep it, right? Better than none...