I wish I would have known...

[Marilyn. 340]

Thanks, you're the best!

Gosh, I hear ya, my sister just had a baby last year, and my brother too (well, his girlfriend)... I feel like I'm missing all the important parts, like the first word, the first everything really...

oh yeah I miss my little nephew (brother's kid) too.. he is going to be 4 this year and I have only seen him twice

[Veronik 19]

Thanks SapphireDreams, that was actually very constructive... I like the idea of taking it a step at a time... When you put it down that way, it doesn't seem like such a burden...

[Krikit 1,164]

+1 to Sapphire. And I agree with her about getting an apartment. You can't put a cost on your sanity. Living in someone else's home will definitely have a negative impact on a couple. Well, I couldn't do it, that's for sure.

[Veronik 19]

Yeah I'm really thinking about that now... I'll definitely have a talk with Chris about it, and IF I find work one of these days, I guess we'd still be able to save money for a house...

[Kimbear 53]

Vero i've been in Chicago for a year now. do i love it? no, do i like it..a little. do i miss Canada? oh hell yes! do i have a job..nope. do i have friends..ehhh i have acquaintances..and i have Davids family. And most importantly I have David and my two dogs.

Since our K1 took so long as well as the green card etc, i blew most of my savings as well. We tried living with Davids parents when i first came here, but as you can attest, being confined to one room with little to no privacy doesn't quite work. I lasted 2 months before i felt like i was going to kill someone. David's father is of old school mentality where women do not know anything and should be resigned to the kitchen. He is not so bad now that I've had a year to work on him but it can be annoying. Anyway, we moved out, got an apartment close to Davids work that costs us almost 850/month and we still pay utilities. But it was the only place that would take our dogs. If i had to do it again, i would have tried to stay with the parents a bit longer, as living here is actually worse. way more stress annoyances and just terribad neighbours. I haven't had a good nights sleep in over 6 months.

Would i get rid of my dogs if it made it financially easier?? ** no. they cost me 60/month..that's it. i don't see that being expensive. And when David is at work they keep me company, give me an excuse to go out for walks and talk to the neighbours. They are my kids and we have been through hell the last 4 years together. As for jobs, well, some places are really hard to find one, and here where so many are jobless its even worse.

I don't think its a necessarily a thing of the south, as i find here in Chicago alot of people are ignorant and just don't give a flying **. Like the drivers here..grrr they are all morons lol. Even when i go out shopping i find people are sooo damn rude. Like others have said, you think Americans and Canadians are alot alike, even the countries, then you actually move and live here in the U.S.A. and you slowly find out how much of a difference it is. And after a while, even the little things ad up and you start to feel homesick, and you miss the simpler things like watching Hockey Night in Canada. And if your like me you will catch yourself constantly saying "but its not like that up in Canada" etc.

But what I'm trying to say is your not alone. We've all been there and are going though what your going through. does it get better? I believe it does, even if you are in a slump right now. Feeling the way you do, the way i have, the way others have, its 100% completely normal. Only a robot could adapt and not feel a thing. Keep in mind your emotions and your self being are still trying to adjust from an upside down roller coaster of a ride that is called immigration. Just make sure you keep the communication lines open with your husband, tell him how your feeling, ask him for support. You'd be surprised at how wonderful he can be and how much he can make you feel better.

[TheFantastics09 19]

Hi everyone,

I've been debating whether or not I should post this, but really, nobody in my life really could understand me like all of you. You've all been through this immigration stuff, or are about to, and I guess some people might relate.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I am happy with my husband, and in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad I moved here so we could be together.

But...

Man, some days I hate it here!!! One of the main thing is that I've been looking for work since January, only had 5 possible interviews and 2 that were worth going for. I was very naive thinking that since I'm canadian, people wouldn't be prejudice, but I've come to the conclusion that people here are prejudice. I can understand that it would be a leap of faith for them to hire me since all my work experience has been in Quebec, a place that for some people here seems as far as Botswana (no harm intended). But I was hoping for a little more open-mindedness... I'm 27 years old, my savings are gone, and I don't have a job. I feel like the biggest loser. I would have such a great job back home! All my friends have either houses, families, nice cars, a LIFE basically... And here I am, at home, doing not much, trying the best I can to find work. Seems like the only thing lined up right now is making biscuits at Hardee's... I could have a job tomorrow, doing retail, but I've kept two jobs while going to school so I wouldn't have to EVER do retail again. Here I am though, back to square one!!! So frustrating!!! And it's not like I can talk to my family about it, because I'm sure that in the back of their mind, they're waiting for this to happen so they can tell me "told you so!" And I really don't blame them!

Second thing, Chris and I are living with his parents until we can buy a house. I don't see the point of renting something for 1000$ a month, when we could be saving money to buy our own place. Plus, we have a dog, and a lot of places don't accept dogs. His parents are great, and I can't say that enough. But at the same time, I want my OWN place. I don't want to have my life limited to a room, and feel like I can't really do what I want because it's not my house. It gets hard on us, and it affects several things of our married life (read between the lines...) But that's not gonna happen until I find a job!!! (catch 22, anyone?)

Also, I'm having a hard time dealing with some people here. I don't know if it's specific to the south, but people here are kind of ignorant (again, no harm intended, I'm venting here). The way women are treated here makes me furious! And some women make it worse for themselves!!! I feel like I moved back in time to 1984! And most people are pretty racist! And this f*cking mentality that because "I'm American" I'm entitled to cheap gasoline, and who cares about the environment anyways, let me throw my trash out of my car window... Oh and let me go to the TT bar for lunch because women are meant to be looked at and used and do my laundry and clean my house. I feel like I can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone without it going back to Jersey Shore after 5 minutes...

I miss home like crazy, miss my people... I don't really have any friends here that I met on my own... And some of Chris' friend's girlfriend worry to much about their nails and hair for me to give a cr*p... I wish someone would have told me how hard this was gonna be. I thought it'd be easy to adapt and find work... Turns out I should have saved enough money to pay my bills for like a year and a half! What an idiot I was!!!

Sorry again if I offended anyone, but I really don't know what to do or think at this point, was this a big mistake?

All I can say is *hugs*. I definitely know what you are talking about and feeling (all the things you mentioned are huge concerns of mine), and I haven't even crossed the border yet!

Stay strong, and know that you are not alone .

[Veronik 19]

I completely agree with you Kimbear, I'm gonna quit smoking before I ever get rid of my dog! He's the only thing that keeps me positive during the day. He's staying!

I talk to Chris about it, but I feel like I sound like a broken record... And he works hard at a job that doesn't pay that great, and sometimes I feel bad whining that I don't have one or that I miss home when he's trying so hard to make me happy. I am happy, I guess I could be happier considering everything...

Thanks everyone, your posts have given me more perspective on the whole situation. I see now that I'm not alone, which I seriously thought I was. I thought it was just here that was so hard job wise, now I see that there's tons of us out there.

One thing that keeps us staying at the in-laws is that in 2009, Chris' brother passed away very unexpectedly. They are a pretty close family, and when I was up in Canada waiting for the K-1, we were very worried that his dad was turning into an alcoholic. His mom was working in DC at the time, so there was nobody here at the house. Since I've been back -and his mom also was transferred back here- things have been better on the family front. I guess I would feel bad if we were to move into an apartment... I don't know, that's probably just in my head though...

[Sweetcheeksss 91]

For me personally, I miss Canada sometimes, I miss my family and the close friends I had up there. But,if I do start to feel homesick I sit somewhere quiet and let all those feelings of helplessness, frustration, sadness, anger and loneliness that I *USED* to have while waiting for my visa to be processed come back. I think about all the times I used to cry and cry because I knew my husband was going somewhere fun, or he was doing a family get together that I couldn't go to or his military buddies were having a family bbq that all the wives were invited to, but that I couldn't attend because I was stuck in Canada. I used to REALLY find myself resenting my husband for having fun while I was stuck in Canada, the days and days I'd cry on the phone to him because it seemed like the wait was never going to be over. Even right to the very end of my immigration journey, I was so filled with anxiety and sadness because I thought for sure I wasn't going to make it to the US before he deployed.

After letting myself feel ALL those feelings again, I remind myself how indescribably happy I felt when I finally got my passport back with that damn visa inside.

I guess for me, my happiness and relief at FINALLY being here with my husband (after a year of fighting tooth and nail to actually GET here) makes any feelings of homesickness and sadness bearable.

Oh and I agree, I could NEVER give up my dog, she's my best companion since my hubby's been gone on his deployment (he won't be back until next year).

Take care of yourself and don't feel bad because you miss Canada, just don't let those feelings take over your life.

[Ontarkie 14,218]

/Hugs Vero, I still have a hard time here and its almost 3 years. The job search for me has been a total bust. I applied with everyone literally. I had 1 interview and was offered the job at Kroger, but my back(previous injury) could not take it. Since then I have not even had one interview, and I tried every type of job I could think of my husband and I both think it is cause I'm not a citizen. Most of the applications even retail ones ask that, not just if you are authorized to work here. Now that I'm pregnant I haven't bothered to look for anything, I have thought about babysitting but the way ppl are here I think it would drive me nuts.

I'm in Arkansas right in the centre of it all and I do not see the southern hospitality everyone talks about. I have met a few ppl through family and they feel its so much more friendly here then where they used to live, but I guess it all depends on where you come from. Racism is very strong here too and my husbands family is very well aware I won't put up with that talk in this house. If you asked me last year if I want to leave and go back to Canada I would of said yes in a heart beat, now I'm a bit less jumpy at leaving since my older 2, (one is in College and the other is going to start this fall) they have more opportunities for their schooling without having to go far vs us being back in Sault Ste Marie where they would have nothing. Things will get better have fun as much as you can, we tend to go out alot, walks dollar theater(I love that place) little things make me happy, find what makes you happy and do it.

[nickbits 43]

Hang in there.

My wife doesn't have a job yet either but she hasn't been looking . I've had some health issues so it made more sense for her to stay home with me but she will looking very soon. However, we're not too sure what her prospects are, the schooling requirements are different in the US and she might have to finish her degree to get a comparable job. (She's a medical lab technologist and has a college diploma only).

I do think the south is very different than the north but i have no personal expeience with that, but your findings seem inline with my expecations. I think most of your issues are not with the US in gerneral but just the neighborhood you live in. Some of the things you mentioned I found when I in Ontario and not here. The "blue states" especially California seem to be more like Canada. Cali & Ontario seem to be very close with many of their laws, so I can only assume the residents have similar mentality.

[Canadiandggal 49]

Ok guys so I got a interview with Mcdonalds Yay lol (not thrilled but hey money is money for now)

Now should I tell them I am pregnant? or do I wait?

I am almost positive I will not get the job anyways... Read rant from first page lol but im curious what would yall do?

Edited April 13, 2011 by Canadiandggal

[decocker 7,198]

Ok guys so I got a interview with Mcdonalds Yay lol (not thrilled but hey money is money for now)

Now should I tell them I am pregnant? or do I wait?

I am almost positive I will not get the job anyways... Read rant from first page lol but im curious what would yall do?

i wouldn't let them know until i was hired and already working. they'll look at you as a liability and also assume that you'll be difficult. it's none of their business anyway.

good luck : )!

[Moosker 7]

Definitely keep the lines of communications open. When I was homesick, I would be really cranky, and my husband would ask what's wrong, and I'd snap. After a good boo-hoo I realized I was just missing home and that it wasn't his fault. So I made it a point of saying, I just really miss home today....and it helped me. He'd ask if I wanted to go for a walk, go shopping (must be pretty cranky for him to want to shop with me!), go out for dinner, or start planning a trip home. I'm so thankful for his support and putting up with me super b*tchy ways in the beginning. Good advice from before, focus on one thing at a time. Just a thought, have you had someone look over your resume? (I've now been doing that as a side job for friends family) That's what helped me, sometimes people can see things you can't. A close friend of mine beefed up my resume and it helped me score a great job. We got a small dog when we first got married too, she was my little friend, took her everywhere with me. If you can give up other expenses, do that before getting rid of your dog. I think over time, you'll be shocked but you'll look back and say "wow, I can't believe I was that miserable then..." I wish you all the best!

i wouldn't let them know until i was hired and already working. they'll look at you as a liability and also assume that you'll be difficult. it's none of their business anyway.

good luck : )!

Ditto. Unless you're as big as a house (which I'm sure you're not!) It's currently none of their business, legally they can't ask you either!

Yay for work! And yay for yummy fries!

[Veronik 19]

Ok guys so I got a interview with Mcdonalds Yay lol (not thrilled but hey money is money for now)

Now should I tell them I am pregnant? or do I wait?

I am almost positive I will not get the job anyways... Read rant from first page lol but im curious what would yall do?

Hey!!! That's great news!!! And no, I wouldn't say a word about it!!! I would just take it -if it's offered -and wait until you can't take it anymore physically and tell them. But that's just me, might not be the most professional thing to do though... Good luck, when is the interview?

Thanks nickbits, and you're probably right, it seems like certain states must be a lot harder than others... I thought the area was alright when I was here on a visit, but I guess there's a HUGE difference between visiting and living somewhere...

Edited April 13, 2011 by Vero and Chris

[Canadiandggal 49]

Hey!!! That's great news!!! And no, I wouldn't say a word about it!!! I would just take it -if it's offered -and wait until you can't take it anymore physically and tell them. But that's just me, might not be the most professional thing to do though... Good luck, when is the interview?

Thanks nickbits, and you're probably right, it seems like certain states must be a lot harder than others... I thought the area was alright when I was here on a visit, but I guess there's a HUGE difference between visiting and living somewhere...

Interview is on tuesday... I am not being too negative about it but I do find it doubtful that I will actually get it.

No I do not look like a house just yet lol but I am showing a belly so i will suck er in and wear a nice dress shirt that doesn't show the belly